Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the dog sleeping a few feet to my left. And this computer.

How To Say I Love You

"Can I ask you a question?"

Lying in the dark, just the two of us with no one else around to distract me, had brought a lot of thoughts to the front of my mind.

"Of course."

As cliché as it seemed, there was a swell of emotions pressing against my ribs. I didn't know how to say what I was feeling. I felt light, heavy, buoyant, like I was sinking, overwhelmed, happy, heartbroken… I just felt.

"Do you know how amazing you are?"

Her eyebrows shot up for a microsecond before settling lower than they had started. I could see that she was about to wave off the very idea. I moved quickly, scooting just a little bit closer.

"You are. Amazing. In so many ways. Your hair. I love your hair. And your smile - it makes me want to smile. Because if I smile, you usually smile, too, and... honestly. Your smile. I just… your smile, y'know?"

I tried to make the truth show in my eyes. I'd never understood before about eyes being the window to someone's soul, but I wanted to try to help her believe me. I tried to be expressive and open, to be available to her.

"I'm not-"

"You are. I know I can't make you see what I see, but can you try? I… it's heartbreaking that you don't see yourself the way I do. You're so gorgeous."

I felt a bit shy to be laying all these thoughts out in the open for her, but suddenly it seemed like my entire purpose was to get her to realize how much I cared about her. How deeply I felt about her.

"You do this thing - it's hard to explain. You make me want to be happy. It's not easy for me to be happy. Somehow, though, in all the jumbled mess inside of me, the things you do and the way you make me feel are crystal clear."

I felt like maybe I was messing this confession up. I knew I wasn't the most emotionally available person to walk the Earth, but I felt like I was going to burst with the pressure of it all if I didn't get it out.

"I'm not doing this justice."

I paused for a minute. I tried to gather my thoughts.

"I love you. In so many ways. All the way. It's overwhelming and it turns me into an inarticulate fool. That seems inadequate. Three words to try to convey this humongous… thing. But there it is."

She was still staring into my eyes when I finally stopped rambling. I felt like I'd failed to get my point across, and I was worried that I'd never have another chance to make it known.

And then she reached over and tucked a stray chunk of hair behind my ear. I hadn't even noticed that it'd sprung free of its restraints. She blinked slowly, then closed her eyes and just breathed. I fought the urge to speak, to tell her that it was okay if she didn't know what to say.

I looked away in an effort to get a handle on my emotions. When I looked back, she was staring at me. My jaw clenched of its own volition. I let myself search her eyes for a brief moment. I tried to read her, to see if she had actually understood what I was saying, hoping to all the Gods ever thought to exist that she'd found a place inside of her that could believe my words.

"I love you, too."

It startled me. She'd said it so softly that I almost asked her to repeat it. I felt a slow smile work its way across my mouth and up to my eyes. And then she smiled and the corners of her eyes crinkled and her nose scrunched up just a little bit and I loved her all over again. And suddenly I was home.

Home. That's the word I'd been searching for.

"You're what home feels like. Does that make sense?"

She just nodded.

"Good."