I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or any of the storylines... blah blah blah…though sometimes I give them whole new personalities. Hope it's okay. Enjoy!

Harry Potter and the Secret Society…Order of the Phoenix.

It was a beautiful summer day, Harry Potter sat on a swing singing a combination of "Where is the Love?" and "Emo kid", which turned out sounding rather ghastly. In the distance, Dudley and his gang are tormenting the little kids on the playground by taking over the monkey bars, breaking the tire swing(because of their weight) and stealing candy from five year olds.

Harry: Whats up Big D?

Dudley: Wassup homie?

Harry: Stealing candy from another five year old?
Dudley: Well ya, cuz mum is a month late on mah allowance and I'm friggin starvin.

Harry: Pfft that's rich.

Dudley(proudly): That's nothing, me and mah gang stole money from a couple ten year olds and bought some…candy disks…you know CDs.

Gang member #1: You mean compact disks.

Dudley: Did I say you could talk?

Gang member #1: Sorry sir, In Dudley we trust.

Harry: Wow you're pathetic.

Dudley: Your face is pathetic. At least I'm not scared of my pillow.

Harry: I'm not scared of my pillow.

Dudley: What are you doing then? Making out with it? It sounds like it from what I hear. You moaning in your sleep.

Harry(standing up and pointing his wand): SHUT UP!

Gang Member #2: Cool a stick.

Harry(looks up at the sky): Wow look how dark it's getting..and cold and dark figures..uh oh.

(Enter dementors)

Dementor 1: Uh I think we took a wrong turn.

Dementor 2(to Dudley): Scuse me, do you know the way back to Azcaban

Dementor 1(flying towards Harry): Hey look it's Harry Potter…can I have your autograph?
Dudley(freaking out): Ahhh somethings attacking me! It's sucking out my soul!! Mommy!! Help!! Ahh I'm gonna die!!!(screams like alittle girl)

Harry(casting a patronis): Expecto Patronum!!! Take that!! Hiya!!!

Dementor 1(flying away): Ahhh, I was just asking for directions. Why does this always happen?

Dementor 2(flying away): Wheeeee!

Harry( rushing to Dudley): Dudley! Big D! Stupid, wake up!

Dudley(extremely loopy): Duh

(enter Mrs Figg)

Harry: Uh oh Hey Mrs Figg..we were just uh…holding a fight club..yeah yeah.

Tyler Durden: 1st rule of fight club you do NOT talk about fight club

Harry(pushing him away): Yeah yeah.

Mrs Figg: Oh for goodness sake I know you were attacked by dementors. Come on, lets get him home and don't put away your wand, they may come back.

Harry: How'd you know?

Mrs. Figg: First of all, there are no fight clubs in Surrey..trust me I know. Secondly, Dumbledore sent me to watch over you.

Harry: You mean babysit me?

Mrs. Figg: Nyeah…sort of. You're lucky I came and not another muggle. You could have been kicked out of Hogwarts. I was set here to make sure you don't get in any trouble. I can't afford to be going to magical court and representing you. I have far to many things going on.

Harry: Yeah right, like the ministry would care that I casted a stupid little patronus. Come on there is no way in our worlds combined that it will happen.

(Privet Drive, Harry was just sent a letter from the ministy in which he is not asked to go to court, but scolded in a very harsh manner)

Harry(holding his head): I can't believe I got in trouble with the ministry.

Vernon: Heh, and you'll be in far more trouble when we get back. We are leaving now and when we come back you're in for it. I wont even bother locking he door cuz no one will even come for you. You better be here when we get back. We're leaving now.

Harry: Take your time.(hears the door slam) There's no way anyone is coming for me. I didn't even get a bloody letter from my friends. Some friends they are.

(Day dreams for a while until he hears a big thump and the door falls over)

Voice: For god sakes Tonks..

Female voice: It wasn't my fault.

Voice: Yes it was, you had to trip when casting the spell.

Female voice(overly dramatic): Well you put far to much pressure on me. You think being clumsy is easily. Its NOT(sniff)

Harry(stands up as dark figures approach him): I have a wand and I'm not afraid to use it.

(The lights turn on, there in Harry's room are Moody and four other people that he hasn't seen before. His eyes automaticly fall on Tonks)
Tonks: Whoa..Hel-lo.

Harry(looking her over and smoothing his hair): Whats up, I'm Harry!

Moody: That's enough Nymphadora! (Harry chuckles)

Tonks(hair turning bright red): Don't call me Nymphadora!!!! I swear to Merlin, the next person that calls me that is going down. (turns to Harry) Stop laughing.

Harry: Damn girl, I like you with red hair.

Tonks: hehe thanks.

Harry(shakes improper thoughts off): Damn these teenage hormones.

Moody: Whelp Harry, we should better get out of here.

Harry(jumps off his bed); You're busting me out? I so did not expect that.

Tonks: Yeah sure you didn't.(trips over Harry's broom) You might need that.

(They go outside and line up)

Harry: I'm so glad that all my stuff is convieniantly not here, so then I won't have to cart it along.

Moody: Everyone line up.

Harry: Where are we heading to? Diagon Alley? Hogwarts? The Leaky Cauldron? Another Quiddich tourney? (looks at Tonks) Your place?

Tonks(chuckles): In your dreams.

Harry(mutters under his breath): Shut down.

Tonk: We're going to headquarters.

Moody: Not here Nymphadora.

Tonks(punching him): DON'T CALL ME NYMPHADORA!(turns to Harry, whose laughing and elbows him)

Harry(holding his arm): Oww you hit me in the arm. What the crap was that for?
Tonks: For laughing at me.

Kingsley(to Moody): Told ya pal that girl is vicious.

Moody: Anyways, time for take off..5…4…3..2…1(nothing happens, Moody shakes his broom) I thought I just got this thing charged. Alright lets try it again…BLAST OFF!!!(they all shoot off into the sky)

(They fly blatantly through the skies of London in a V shape)

Harry: Say can't the muggles see us?

E. Vance: No, they think we're just geese or something.

(They fly over a boat where a red head lady is standing on the rail with a hot guy standing behind her)
Rose: I'm flying Jack.

Jack: Yeah..(to himself) I'm so gonna get laid tonight.

Rose(looks up at the flying people) What's that?
Jack(lets go of her causing her to fall over the rail): What's what? Uh oh.

Harry(flying next to Tonks): Whats up baby?

Tonks: Not too much.

Harry: Nice night huh?

Tonks: Yeah..you might wanna..

(Harry nearly crashes into a boat, ending up flipping upside down, then regained control)

Tonks(whinces): …watch out for that boat there.

Harry: So whats headquarters?
Tonks(teasing voice): You'll see.

(A few minites later, the group lands in front of a apartment complex)

Harry: What the..

E. Vance: You'll see.

Moody: Open seasame…(nothing happens) Shit, I know I have the password somewhere(fumbles through pockets)

Kingsley: Uh Moody, you have to tap the ground with your stick.

Moody: No I don't..that doesn't do anything.

Kingsley: Try it.

Moody: I don't see why you want me to do something that stupid(taps the ground and the apartments moves creating the door of headquarters) I knew that. Well in you go.

Harry: That was cool (goes in) alright.(runs into a semi pretty woman with black hair, pale complexion and wearing far to tight of a dress)

Woman: You're such a sore loser! You're so weak, can't even admit that he lost to his dear cousin.

Sirius (appearing in the doorway): You're crazy Bella, you know that.

Bella: Yeah duh I've been locked in azcaban for who knows how many years.

Sirius(shoves her into a wall): Yeah that's right, you're lucky that they let you out on Thursday nights. It was afterall MY idea.

Bella: Yea..I would hate to miss kicking your ass at Wizards Poker..which I am naturally good at. See pure bloods are the best!

Harry(whisphering to Tonks): Whose she?
Tonks(glowering at her): My crazy aunt Bellatrix…I can't believe he invites a death eater to our headquarters.

Bella: Well thanks cuz that was fun and all. I have to go back to prison..they're teaching baking. I can make pies now…meat pies.

Sirius: That's great Bella..whelp have fun in Azcaban.

Bella: I will, see you at our next Poker night. (smiling happily, then waves to Harry and the rest of the Order) Hi, someday I'm gonna kill you all…have a nice day!(skips off in her twisted childish way humming "Have alittle Priest")

Tonks: Glad she's gone, so want me to show you the guest room.

Harry: Heck yes.

Moody: You can't our meeting is starting.

Tonks: Oh right, well see you round (winking at him, then tripping) Dammit, curse this clumsiness.

Lupin(from inside the room): Hi Tonks. I saved you a seat.

Tonks(scowls, then fakes a smile): Thanks.

Mrs Weasley: HARRY! (embraces him) Good to see you. Bit peeky, but that'll be cured soon. I have a five course meal for all of us..but I burnt the roast so you'll have to eat after the meeting. The rest of the kids are upstairs..you'll find them from all the noise they're making. And don't mind Kreacher…he's a very grumpy house elf.

Harry: Er..thanks.

(Goes upstairs and sees Kreacher, dressed in a business suit and carrying a book)

Harry(deciding to be annoying): Hi little guy.

Kreacher(sarcastic): Oh this guy is hilarious.

Harry: Does Dumbledore know you're here?
Kreacher(sarcastic): Can't you see me laughing. Listen pal, I'm the most successful house elf of our society. I wrote hundreds of childrens books and get more action in day then you will in your entire life. So wipe that goofy smile of your face before I take you you down.

Harry: Seesh okay.(goes upstairs and opens the door)

Hermione(hugging him): Harry, thank god you're here.

Harry(pushes her away) Hey…what the heck is up with you guys..I never got one letter from you all summer.

Hermione: We're sorry.

Ron: We were given strict instructions to not send you any letter and not mention anything about this.

Hermione: That's the first and second rule.

Harry: Oh-kay..so what is this place?
Ron: Headquarters.

Harry: I knew that. Headquarters of what?
Ron: The secret society known as(lowers voice) the order of the Phoenix.

Hermione: Ron, you can't tell, oh no we're gonna be in so much trouble.

Harry: Go on..whats the Order of the Phoenix.

Ron: Its dumbledores army…you see really werid things are going on and even though you-know-who is not back or anything. Dumbledore thought it be good for them to have a meeting just in case anything may happen.

Harry: Well I friggin saw him kill Cedrick

Hermione: But the ministry does not believe you, therefore what you saw pretty much means nothing.

Harry(sarcasticly): Gee..thanks Hermione.

Hermione: Well I do believe you…if that counts…it's just that no one else does.

Ron: Speak for yourself.

(Fred and George appear)

Fred: We believe you too!

Harry: Thanks.

(Ginny comes out of nowhere)

Ginny: Hi Harry, what do you say that we go and spy on the meeting downstairs.

Ron: Mkay..lets use my extendable ear made of cat nip.

Crookshanks: Sweet those are the best kinds.

(They spy and of course Crookshanks attacks the extendable ear and enjoys eating every bit of it. Soon after, the kids are called down to eat with the rest of the order.)

That's it for chapter one!! Hope you all enjoyed it! Chapter two will be posted either tomorrow or next week…depending on how bored I am at work! You can review, but please be gentle…this is my first fanfic and my mind has been tremendously influenced by caffiene thus causing werid thoughts to take over. So, yeah, I'm gonna get more tea and see you all in chapter two