Solitude (re-write)
By Dawning beauty
Disclaimer: not mine. Don't sue. Or kill me; that would be bad too…
EPOV
The dust swirled around me as I huddled in a corner of the attic that had been my home for several years now. At least it seemed like years. Had it only been weeks? The darkness enveloping me was a metaphor of my long-dormant heart: cold and empty.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd hunted, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered any more, I was once again alone in the world. I was my own undoing, but leaving was my only option. I could never go back. Not now, not ever. I had promised to never haunt her life again, bring my black demons into it. I would honor that promise. She deserved a life, and I was no life for her; for anyone.
I buried my head in my hands as memories threatened to overpower me. When I looked up again, I was in the meadow. It seemed so real…just like the day I brought her here. I remembered that day. She was so warm, so trusting. She knew my secret, yet she did not flee. She tamed the monster in me. But it wasn't enough. I was too much of a danger to her. Despite what she may have thought, she couldn't live so close to me. I relished in the idea: her forever by my side, warm, soft, angelic. But, the omnipresent monster within me lurked underneath all of my love for her, waiting anxiously for the single second when my control would slip. It would be enough, and I would lose her forever. It wasn't worth it. She was far too important to me to indulge in selfish desires when her life could be the price. But how I wished that could be different. Suddenly, Bella appeared by my side. I knew I was delusional, probably from putting off hunting for so long, but I was too far gone to care. "Bella," I breathed. She smiled, but then her smile turned mocking, and she started to fade.
"Where are you going?" I cried out in desperation. I wasn't ready to let go of her yet, even if she wasn't real.
"You left me," she said in a harsh tone, but it was still beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful. "so now I'm leaving you. Goodbye Edward. Forever."
And with that the vision faded and I was back in the attic.
Why did I have to exist? All I've ever done was harm people. I killed to live; surely I wasn't made for good. I had hurt Carlisle and Esme when I left years before to "embrace my true self" and hunt people, and now my leaving had hurt them again. But most of all, I had hurt Bella. My Bella. No. She was not mine any more. I had forced myself to revoke all claims on her. It had nearly killed me, but I had done it.
No, leaving was my only option. I rested my head on my knees and succumbed to the agony.
Oh look! A little purple button! I think you need to click it and see what happens…