Yay, a BK fic! Honestly, this is total crack. Also, I wanted to see some medical stuff in this section and MOAR GELDOBLAME. I love that guy! And- this is the best part, kiddies, listen closely- Emperor Geldoblame + McPercio + Lava equals Crispy, Homestyle Emperor Tentacular -- in other words, a believable, medical..uh, ish...reason for him to lose some fecking weight. :D
Alright, so, this is crack. And AUish. So. Um.
BEWARE, FOOLISH MORTALS, LEST YE FEEL THE WRATH OF MALPERCIO. 8D
(Wow, I'm a dork.)
Warnings: gore, language, occasionally suggestive stuff, Geldoblame, OCs (if you're squeamish about them, I guess), medical crap, and completely and utterly AU (yet slightly believable) crack. XD
--
This was positively the worst pain. Icy, yet it burned so much. Limbs twisted, stretched, clawed at the surface as skin caught fire and burned away, layer by layer crackling into the lava. Barely able to hear over his own howling screams and her sing-song laughter as lava ate away at his skin, that was what he decided. Nothing compared to this.
As his mutilated skin slowly began to whither away, he was barely aware of the excruciating pain- and only of the sound of the gunshots and that horrible maiden's laughter.
--
As the sergeant squinted through the heat waves of the Lava Caves, he scowled. They had sent him to look for the Emperor and he had immediately refused. Truth be told, although it seemed childish, the Emperor actually frightened him to an extent. How could one not be at least a bit scared with someone at least three times their size in the vicinity?
Caro squinted again and scowled as he delved further into the Caves. He hated the heat with a burning passion.
Wait...what in all hells was that? Caro examined an impossibly large pool of crimson blood soaking into the floor of the caves, and he whirled around, now morbidly terrified of what could be hiding in this damned and forsaken cave. He heard a steady dripping, macabre and slow above him. He looked up, mouth agape, and tasted a mouthful of bitter, coppery blood, dripping from the stalactites- now dripping from his mouth, as well- and he smelled the bitter stench of death and corpses. He swore he felt something-- someone? -- grab at his ankle.
He screamed- and someone answered- a low howl, the bellow of a wounded animal, it seemed.
Caro dropped to the bloodstained ground, shaking and hurriedly wiping his mouth in horror and haste. He slipped in the blood and he fell, legs splayed painfully, to the edge of the ground, inches away from the bubbling lava, as well as the twisted, screaming face and agonized, mutilated body-- one tentacle-like appendage where an arm should be flailing pitifully as it's owner howled again-- of none other than Emperor Geldoblame. The grotesque appendage slapped at Caro's face as an overheated, meaty hand gripped at his hair.
The man in the lava hissed a plea at him and Caro shakily (albeit disbelievingly and obediently, as if in a horrible, horrible dream), pulled his emperor's ruined body from the lava. He, still shaking, reached into his deck, searching hurridly for some kind of healing magnus.
Anything to make him stop screaming.
--
They'd rushed Geldoblame into the hospital as soon as Caro returned to Mintaka, and then to the emergency room (Caro had been lead away and quickly treated for minor burns and trauma in the meanwhile). The doctors had been frantically yelling orders at each other and trying to restrain the emperor, who was screaming in pure agony and through bloody tears all the while, body quaking and muscles straining as they tried to operate. One of them shoved a woman out of the way, tossing her an oxygen mask and pointing to Geldoblame. Her lips twitched behind her surgical mask, itching to chew them out for pushing her away from her own job, but instead she just settled for trying to force an oxygen mask over the emperor's mouth. His body gave a horrible jump, back arching high into the air, and one of the other surgeons shouted over then din, "His lung just collapsed!" (Meanwhile, a young nurse choked back vomit as an arc of blood spurted onto her clothes; she slumped against the wall, hurriedly trying to rub it off.)
The female surgeon, still dueling with the oxygen mask, stared at her superior quickly, only temporarily disengaging herself from her battle with the oxygen mask. She leaped back as she felt Geldoblame's teeth sink into her hand.
"This bastard bit me!" She howled, waving the threatened appendage incredulously.
"Shut up Ba'nee; just make sure he can breathe!" One of the other female surgeons shouted at her, waving one hand disdainfully. Grudgingly, Ba'nee went back to the oxygen mask. Slamming the heel of her rubber-gloved hand against Geldoblame's painted forehead, she forced the mask over his mouth and held it there until he stopped struggling with her, closing his eyes part way in exhaustion.
"What am I supposed to do now?" Ba'nee yelled to the other woman. She looked up at Ba'nee and shouted back,"Help us keep him down, and keep the mask on!"
Ba'nee pressed one hand into his right shoulder, feeling the bone beneath his skin all too well as she tried to keep his body still. With the other hand, she held the oxygen mask on the lower half of his face.
For a moment, she watched the other doctor's hands. There was at least seven in the room, but only two were actually treating the Emperor's burns; the others were all restraining him and he bucked and struggled. I twas obvious he was delerious; he didn't know what was going on or who was touching him and cutting him or even why-- all he knew was that he was in pain, and he didn't like it.
His burns were first degree, grizzly and grotesque, taking up most of the left side of body; the lava he had been apparently dunked in had eaten most of the fat on his body away; even some skin and muscle tissue, to an extent. The skin showing on his right side- the skin that hadn't been very badly burnt, that is- was pinkish in hue; raw, unbelievably painful, and decidedly disgusting to the touch- even with gloves on, as they made it emit a nasty squelch, resulting in Geldoblame howling in agony. His left arm was the worst, however: it was- seemingly- partially a tentacle; covered with rubbery skin and scales that were ripping off as the arm transformed, backtracking and attempting to return to how it should have been, while oozing copious amounts of blood. It smelled rank, like a burning corpse. The nurse in the corner choked again when it emitted a drip of rotten ink.
Geldoblame screamed into the oxygen mask and arched his back again, toes curling, and Ba'nee's right hand flew from the mask to his chest to hold him down. The mask slipped off his lower face as he howled once more, and Ba'nee removed her left hand from his shoulder to reach for it, but she couldn't catch it in time. It hit the linoleum tiled floor of the emergency room at the same time as Geldoblame gave a loud hacking cough and blood spattered Ba'nee's face.
She would have screamed (or at least attempted to wipe all the damn blood off), but now her only thought was of retrieving the mask. She ducked under the operation table quickly and groped for it as the other doctor's yells got louder (and she heard her own name much more often). Her hand closed around it, and she sprang back up just as Geldoblame's breathing became more ragged and haggard. She held the mask over his mouth, and, this time, he didn't struggle, but breathed deeply, sucking in the sweet, uncontaminated air; utterly dependant on it, almost like a baby with a bottle. She looked up, and one of the other surgeon's glares caught her eyes. She looked back down quickly, and focused on nothing but keeping the Emperor breathing.
His dark eyes were rolling and roving in their sockets now, branching veins bursting and snapping like defective spiderwebs, and it made Ba'nee dizzy to look at them. She blinked and looked quickly over the rest of his face; his nose had a large gash across the bridge, and was presumably broken, and his left cheek was burnt rather badly, but no where near as badly as his chest or stomach. His lips were painted red with hot, sticky blood, which was currently...filling his oxygen mask!
Ba'nee pulled the mask off his the lower half of Geldoblame's face with a loud, wet smack as his nearly boiling blood unstuck from the plastic, and grabbed a towel, with which to wipe the blood off his face with. Once the blood had stopped oozing temporarily, Ba'nee replaced the mask and got to work.
--
About forty-five minutes later, the surgery was done, and Geldoblame had been placed in a secure ward. He was currently being looked after by the lead doctor Eizich Paine, accompanied by two nurses.
"Hey," a woman called to Ba'nee, offering her a tentative wave and a weak smile,"That was some shit, huh? Who would have thought that 'His Magnificence' could get much uglier. Did you see the tentacle?"
Ba'nee laughed tiredly at this, replying,"Hey, hey, that thing was pretty magnificent in itself. What happened to him?"
The other woman grinned, "Maybe the Lord of the Lava Caves got to him," she suggested, grinning wider. Ba'nee smiled, remembering her favorite childhood fairytale. (Legend, really, but enough of that.)
"In any case," the girl continued, "Paine is some wild kind of bitchin' pissed. You pulled a hell of a stunt with Lord Geldoblame's O2, Mattie."
Ba'nee groaned.
"Fuck.He's out to get me, I know it!" She hissed vehemently.
"No--"
"Yes he is. You know it just as well as I do, Kayte. He's a contemptuous bastard...and it doesn't help us one bit that we're full-out Azhani. I wouldn't have it any other way, but...you know what? Fuck him--"
"Shh!" Kayte hissed, "Do you want to get fired? Listen, if the man wants to bitch, let him and don't lose your temper or you're screwed."
Ba'nee sighed as she attempted to scrub the dried blood off her cheek with a paper towel in the sink's basin. "That doesn't bolster my spirits, Kayte."
"Yeah, well, be good, or you'll get dunked in to Ocean for sure. It's like, what-- two feet away now?"
Ba'nee heaved another sigh. "I'll try to 'be good.' But no promises," She growled.
Kayte smirked. "atta' girl!" And with that, she left Ba'nee to the grueling task of rubbing Emperor Geldoblame's blood out of her hair.
--
"So you're serious. Actually serious?"
"Yes, I am."
"No joke?"
"None whatsoever, stone-cutter."
"You're sure. None?"
"None."
"I'm not doing this. I'm not."
"I'll fire you. You know I will."
"But I'm a surgeon,I'm not gonna be the emperor's goddamn nurse!" Ba'nee exclaimed, fuming,
"If you don't quiet down, I'll fire you anyway. You're lucky that you're even working, Azhani," Eizich Paine snickered.
"I hate you. Do you know that, you insufferable fuc-" Ba'nee began, before Eizich deftly cut her off.
"I love you, too, Ms. Mategro. Now- go give the emperor a sponge bath."
"No. No way!" Ba'nee yelped, choking deep in the back of her throat and waved her hands in front of her face, purpling very slightly,"No, no, no; no way in the lowest levels of hell."
Eizich chuckled, "I was joking. But enough of this useless chatter...I have thing to do that don't involve you, Mategro. So, if you don't get to room 116 in two minutes, I won't hesitate to-"
"Yeah, 'fire me', I know. Buh-bye." With that, Ba'nee spun on her heel, executed a well-practiced eye roll, and started off toward room one-hundred-sixteen-- now more commonly known as the emperor's private ward.
--
Ba'nee carefully pushed the door to room 116 open and slid inside. Geldoblame was resting on his back, hands folded peacefully over his bare, now painfully thin, stomach. He looked almost emaciated compared to his former stature. Ba'nee examined him carefully, wondering if he had really been sleeping or not. He was barely moving, save for the slow rise and fall of his chest, so after a bit, Ba'nee assumed that it was safe to assume that he was sleeping.
She stepped forward, brushing a strand of hair off of her forehead, and crossed the room to his hospital bed. He moaned softly when she came near and Ba'nee hesitated, just slightly, to move closer for just a moment. She leaned back and observed him again before sitting next to the bed quietly. She observed the burns again, almost unable to tear her eyes from them. The ones on his face weren't that bad, but his chest and stomach had really gotten the brunt of it. She assumed he must have been able to stay away from the lava for a bit, because otherwise he'd undoubtedly be dead.
Ba'nee just couldn't help but to feel compassionate for the man. No body deserved this.
It's a wonder he can sleep with all the pain he must be going through, she mused, Even if he is a frea,k a cradle-robber and a gigantic ass to boot...I can't help but feel bad for the sucker.
Ba'nee stared at the burns again, still unable to help herself (she had never treated burns this bad before- of course minor sunburns, this was Alfard, after all, but never, everlava burns. Most avoided the Lava Caves with vigor). The skin was beginning to flake off in places, exposing the raw, pinkish skin beneath. It gleamed with a thin sheen of sweat. Ba'nee leaned forward, examining it a bit closer, pushing her glasses back on the bridge of her nose.
Suddenly, Geldoblame's eyes snapped open, and he jumped back, his body heaving itself against the wall with a loud, sticky thud. His head lolled back for a moment as he attempted to catch his breath. Ba'nee jumped out of her chair, knocking it over with a clatter, and pressed one hand to the middle of his chest, directly over his heart. It was beating very quickly, only slowing just a bit as he attempted to breath normally. For a moment, Ba'nee felt rather guilty that she may have been the one that scared him, but disregarded it as she removed her hand cautiously from his chest. "Hey," she whispered, "it's alright. You're fine, okay?" as she turned around to pick up her overturned chair.
Geldoblame appeared not to have heard her. He was still breathing very fast, and his breaths were ragged. He took in a great gulp of air and clutched at the stitch of his chest, eyes shut tight, mouth moving at an alarming pace, but quite silently. His lips split and bled and he continued to rant silently. Ba'nee spun around to look at him, a dropping the chair again in her haste-- and her eyes widened. She leaned closer to him, speaking quietly, asking if he was alright; trying to calm him down as if he were a young, helpless child. It was not working, to say the very least.
He was gasping for breath now, his sweaty chest positively heaving. Ba'nee hissed in frustration; she wasn't by any means a nurse, but a surgeon, and hence had little a clue as to what to do in this situation. She spun around and frantically searched for the right pill, shot, anything to make this stop.
She heard a loud, rasping scream behind her and whirled around, fingers closing over a shot of morphine. She was face-to-face with Geldoblame. He stopped moving for a moment, and then scrabbled and clawed at her shoulders, whispering, his eyes wide and out of focus,"Malpercio!"
--
Holy buckets! This was pretty long for a first chapter! 8D Anyway, more to come soon, as I thoroughly plan on finishing this! Reviews will be very appreciated.
(Also, no, the oxygen masks don't haves straps in Alfard. XD No, it's not just me being lazy, I sware.)