Title: The Logic of Risk Taking
Author: Chocolatequeen
Rating: Er. PG? I don't know, I haven't written it yet!
Disclaimer: Enterprise is owned by rich people, I am not rich, therefore I
do not own Enterprise. How's that for logic, T'Pol?
Archiving: Just ask, and make sure you send me a link.
Summary: After First Flight, Archer and T'Pol both ponder the logic found
in taking risks. There will be 3 parts, the first two are both stream of
consciousness POV's, the third will include dialogue.
Chapter 1: Nothing Ventured.
T'Pol paced the limited confines of her quarters. Never before had she felt closed in here, but tonight she felt a deep desire for wide open spaces to run through, to run from her own whirling thoughts. "No," she contradicted herself. "My thoughts do not 'whirl.' A Vulcan is always in control of her mind and emotions." Thinking about what she had just said, she came to a halt in the middle of her room. "If I am always in control, then why am I pacing?"
The answer came easily: to control your thoughts, you must first understand them. T'Pol acknowledged to herself that she did not completely understand everything in her mind at the moment. "Then I must apply the rules of logic to them so they become clear," she muttered decisively. "When did this unsettling confusion begin?"
Once she returned to logic, her reasoning abilities came to the fore. "It is this human fascination with risk taking that I cannot comprehend. First Captain Archer told me the story of his colleague who had taken risks that would have been unheard of on Vulcan and certainly not approved of by the High Command. Risks are not logical, because their very nature inhibits your ability to ascertain the outcome. It is no wonder the advisory council disapproved of Earth's venture into deep space if everything was based on taking risks."
She stopped and pondered for a bit-had the end results validated the risks taken however? Reluctantly, she was forced to admit that they had. "Humans seem to judge success by how many risks are taken. Captain Robinson told Captain Archer that he would never get into deep space without being willing to take some risks. That is contrary to everything I have ever been taught, and yet in the two years I have been on Enterprise, I have seen the benefits it can give. Certainly we would not be here today if both of those men and Commander Tucker as well had followed the more logical path advocated by the Vulcan advisors.
"But that was not the only risk we spoke of today. I informed the captain from the start that the likelihood of finding a dark matter nebula was slim, but he still insisted on allocating time and crew people on the chance that it would be there. And even though he was weighted down by the death of his friend, he still remained hopeful that we would find it. I countered his optimism with logic, reminding him that even optimism cannot alter the laws of physics. It did not seem to work."
Here she paused her thoughts, almost smiling wryly as she remembered what had happened directly after that. Instead of giving up his notions of finding something which likely did not exist, he took slight engine trouble as a sign that it did. Abruptly, any traces of the slight smile disappeared as she recalled his comment when she had told him it was likely just a malfunction. "Have a little faith, T'Pol," she murmured to herself.
"That was where I began to sense the conversation change in tone. He was talking about his friend, and about the dark matter, but suddenly it seemed like he was talking about something else as well." She frowned for a moment, wondering if that was true. It was certainly common enough for people to use the same phrase to mean several different things at once, but was she just imagining things? If she wasn't, then what was he trying to say?
Her mind tackled that question with an unequalled tenacity. "I told him that the shuttle's slight engine trouble and turbulence most likely did not point to. point to what? To the nebula obviously, but if he was speaking in code then the nebula must represent something. Something larger perhaps, something no one is certain is possible? Then what I told him was that little things should not be taken as a sign that something more significant exists. His response indicated his belief that all those small things could point to something more."
The first question was answered, but instead of settling the issue it simply raised yet another set of questions. "I have known since I met him that he takes little things seriously. 'Following his gut,' I believe he calls it. Why was this time different? Where did this conversation go that none of the others have?"
Here her logic began to fail her, because on the surface the answer was nowhere. All they had talked about were the risks involved in warp trials and the long shot that they might find dark matter. It was the nuances of the conversation that made it different, and logic is useless in discerning underlying meanings behind words; it only succeeds in explaining what is tangible.
She was able to pinpoint the comment that had changed everything however- "We're not going to get anywhere without taking some risks.' Why should that have affected me? It was obvious he was referring directly to the dark matter and possibly indirectly to Star Fleet as a whole. I am familiar with his philosophy 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.' If it is nothing new, then why should it affect me in a new way? This reaction is not logical."
Even the stern reprimand she tried to give herself couldn't stop her progression of thought however. "It was new, so there must be a reason. Nothing in the universe happens without cause. I suppose I should first determine who he was referring to when he said we needed to take a risk."
The only logical answer instantly presented itself. "He was talking about us, in the shuttle, taking a chance that we might find the dark matter. However, that does not answer my question. If that was all he was talking about, it should not have affected me. But if I heard 'we' and chose to apply the phrase to something else."
Her mind tried to shut down that train of thought. "It would not be logical for me to read something personal into that comment," she insisted. No matter how hard she argued against it though, there it was. "And then I heard the rest of the conversation though that filter." She had seen her human crewmates do that-apply a meaning not intended based on what they were thinking about. Part of her was appalled that she had picked up such an illogical trait, but she was also aware that, to turn a phrase, 'It takes two to tango.'
When she had first heard that idiom, the meaning had escaped her until someone explained that a tango was a dance where two partners performed very intricate steps, weaving their feet and bodies together in such a way that it becomes nearly impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. In other words, one person cannot complicate matters by themselves. They need a partner to complete the dance.
That meant that although she had attributed a different meaning to his words, it was only logical to believe he might have wanted her to do so. "Somehow, when he said we need to be willing to take risks, I applied it to our personal situation," she realized, also consciously admitting for one of the first times that there was a personal situation. "And then I continued to do that for the rest of the conversation. Every comment he made about the benefits in taking risks I turned around and measured our situation against it."
Knowing what had happened made the next logical step clear, but it did not make it easy. Staring at the door, T'Pol weighed the risks of asking him what risks he was willing to take against the safety of remaining ignorant. She bristled slightly at that word though-she had heard the phrase 'Ignorance is bliss' and had categorized it as a foolish human thought. How could the absence of knowledge be a good thing? The only way to grow is to learn and assimilate new information, even if it challenges everything you had been taught.
That resolved, she opened the door to her quarters and stepped into the corridor, walking towards Archer's cabin with a purpose she had never known. But as sure as she was that she was doing the right thing, she was still glad the passageways were empty. This was a difficult enough mission without others wondering why she was standing outside the captain's cabin at 1:30. Wrapping herself in her determination, she pressed the chime.
Chapter 1: Nothing Ventured.
T'Pol paced the limited confines of her quarters. Never before had she felt closed in here, but tonight she felt a deep desire for wide open spaces to run through, to run from her own whirling thoughts. "No," she contradicted herself. "My thoughts do not 'whirl.' A Vulcan is always in control of her mind and emotions." Thinking about what she had just said, she came to a halt in the middle of her room. "If I am always in control, then why am I pacing?"
The answer came easily: to control your thoughts, you must first understand them. T'Pol acknowledged to herself that she did not completely understand everything in her mind at the moment. "Then I must apply the rules of logic to them so they become clear," she muttered decisively. "When did this unsettling confusion begin?"
Once she returned to logic, her reasoning abilities came to the fore. "It is this human fascination with risk taking that I cannot comprehend. First Captain Archer told me the story of his colleague who had taken risks that would have been unheard of on Vulcan and certainly not approved of by the High Command. Risks are not logical, because their very nature inhibits your ability to ascertain the outcome. It is no wonder the advisory council disapproved of Earth's venture into deep space if everything was based on taking risks."
She stopped and pondered for a bit-had the end results validated the risks taken however? Reluctantly, she was forced to admit that they had. "Humans seem to judge success by how many risks are taken. Captain Robinson told Captain Archer that he would never get into deep space without being willing to take some risks. That is contrary to everything I have ever been taught, and yet in the two years I have been on Enterprise, I have seen the benefits it can give. Certainly we would not be here today if both of those men and Commander Tucker as well had followed the more logical path advocated by the Vulcan advisors.
"But that was not the only risk we spoke of today. I informed the captain from the start that the likelihood of finding a dark matter nebula was slim, but he still insisted on allocating time and crew people on the chance that it would be there. And even though he was weighted down by the death of his friend, he still remained hopeful that we would find it. I countered his optimism with logic, reminding him that even optimism cannot alter the laws of physics. It did not seem to work."
Here she paused her thoughts, almost smiling wryly as she remembered what had happened directly after that. Instead of giving up his notions of finding something which likely did not exist, he took slight engine trouble as a sign that it did. Abruptly, any traces of the slight smile disappeared as she recalled his comment when she had told him it was likely just a malfunction. "Have a little faith, T'Pol," she murmured to herself.
"That was where I began to sense the conversation change in tone. He was talking about his friend, and about the dark matter, but suddenly it seemed like he was talking about something else as well." She frowned for a moment, wondering if that was true. It was certainly common enough for people to use the same phrase to mean several different things at once, but was she just imagining things? If she wasn't, then what was he trying to say?
Her mind tackled that question with an unequalled tenacity. "I told him that the shuttle's slight engine trouble and turbulence most likely did not point to. point to what? To the nebula obviously, but if he was speaking in code then the nebula must represent something. Something larger perhaps, something no one is certain is possible? Then what I told him was that little things should not be taken as a sign that something more significant exists. His response indicated his belief that all those small things could point to something more."
The first question was answered, but instead of settling the issue it simply raised yet another set of questions. "I have known since I met him that he takes little things seriously. 'Following his gut,' I believe he calls it. Why was this time different? Where did this conversation go that none of the others have?"
Here her logic began to fail her, because on the surface the answer was nowhere. All they had talked about were the risks involved in warp trials and the long shot that they might find dark matter. It was the nuances of the conversation that made it different, and logic is useless in discerning underlying meanings behind words; it only succeeds in explaining what is tangible.
She was able to pinpoint the comment that had changed everything however- "We're not going to get anywhere without taking some risks.' Why should that have affected me? It was obvious he was referring directly to the dark matter and possibly indirectly to Star Fleet as a whole. I am familiar with his philosophy 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.' If it is nothing new, then why should it affect me in a new way? This reaction is not logical."
Even the stern reprimand she tried to give herself couldn't stop her progression of thought however. "It was new, so there must be a reason. Nothing in the universe happens without cause. I suppose I should first determine who he was referring to when he said we needed to take a risk."
The only logical answer instantly presented itself. "He was talking about us, in the shuttle, taking a chance that we might find the dark matter. However, that does not answer my question. If that was all he was talking about, it should not have affected me. But if I heard 'we' and chose to apply the phrase to something else."
Her mind tried to shut down that train of thought. "It would not be logical for me to read something personal into that comment," she insisted. No matter how hard she argued against it though, there it was. "And then I heard the rest of the conversation though that filter." She had seen her human crewmates do that-apply a meaning not intended based on what they were thinking about. Part of her was appalled that she had picked up such an illogical trait, but she was also aware that, to turn a phrase, 'It takes two to tango.'
When she had first heard that idiom, the meaning had escaped her until someone explained that a tango was a dance where two partners performed very intricate steps, weaving their feet and bodies together in such a way that it becomes nearly impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. In other words, one person cannot complicate matters by themselves. They need a partner to complete the dance.
That meant that although she had attributed a different meaning to his words, it was only logical to believe he might have wanted her to do so. "Somehow, when he said we need to be willing to take risks, I applied it to our personal situation," she realized, also consciously admitting for one of the first times that there was a personal situation. "And then I continued to do that for the rest of the conversation. Every comment he made about the benefits in taking risks I turned around and measured our situation against it."
Knowing what had happened made the next logical step clear, but it did not make it easy. Staring at the door, T'Pol weighed the risks of asking him what risks he was willing to take against the safety of remaining ignorant. She bristled slightly at that word though-she had heard the phrase 'Ignorance is bliss' and had categorized it as a foolish human thought. How could the absence of knowledge be a good thing? The only way to grow is to learn and assimilate new information, even if it challenges everything you had been taught.
That resolved, she opened the door to her quarters and stepped into the corridor, walking towards Archer's cabin with a purpose she had never known. But as sure as she was that she was doing the right thing, she was still glad the passageways were empty. This was a difficult enough mission without others wondering why she was standing outside the captain's cabin at 1:30. Wrapping herself in her determination, she pressed the chime.