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This is a direct sequel to my fic "Rubber Traits." It would be very unwise to read this without reading Rubber Traits first, since this builds in that arc.
The title of this fic comes from the Why? song "By Torpedo or Crohn's" off of the album "Alopecia." The song itself has nothing to do with this fic. I chose it because I'm continuing with a plot arc i which all the other stories are named after Why? songs and it sounds like a play on the phrase "come hell or high water."
The main focus of this story is not Yoruichi and Soifon's relationship, but how the rest of the worlds, particularly their families, react to it. You could consider this a more in-depth version of "Family Matters." It will not be nearly as long as "Rubber Traits" either, probably only reaching half it's length.
I've posted this on my profile, but please, do not leave lengthy, in-depth, anonymous review. It's not that I don't want to hear what you have to say, it's that the fact that they are anonymous makes me unable to respond to them.
Soifon walked down the open hall of the Second Division towards her quarters. The sun was beginning its descent below the horizon while the men of the Onmitsukido changed from training to patrol and from patrol to training.
Sliding to shoji to her quarters open, Soifon was almost immediately tackled by a very happy and very naked Yoruichi.
"Finally, your back!" Yoruichi wrapped her arms around Soifon's neck and kissed her. Soifon could feel the cold metal of Yoruichi's bracelets, once the rings she wore in her hair, on her skin. Since Soifon gave them to her some three years ago, Soifon had only seen her without them in bed. Even when she came to her as a cat, she would wear them around her feline neck and tack them off before she transformed.
Yoruichi ran a hand up Soifon's neck, feeling the bow that was tied around it. Shortly after Soifon gave Yoruichi her rings, Yoruichi gave her the bow that she wore when she was a Captain. She thought it was only fair. Now they each had something that belonged to the other.
Yoruichi's hand found its way Soifon's hair. It was the perfect thickness. There was enough of it so that if felt substantial trough her fingers, but not so much that it became a tangled thicket if left unattended, like her's. Yoruichi convinced Soifon to grow her hair out, so she now wore it in a style similar to over a century ago; straight and falling a little above the shoulders, though now her bangs were cut in a manner that framed her features in a more flattering manner.
The hand that wasn't massaging Soifon's scalp began to roam the rest of her. She had stopped taking her apatite stimulants, on Unohana's order, and she had lost some weight as a result. However, having finally managed to overcome her anorexia, she was able to maintain healthy eating patterns and weight.
"Hey," Soifon smiled after she broke the kiss, her eyes never falling below Yoruichi's. "You know I keep some extra clothes around for you."
"Ugh!" Yoruichi through her head back and trudged off the Soifon's closet. Yoruichi occasionally came as a human and left as a cat, so instead of returning the discarded clothes, Soifon laundered them and kept them for just such an occasion.
"I really don't get you." Yoruichi said as she exited the closet, pulling her top down. "You come home from a long, hard day at work and there is a beautiful, naked woman waiting for you, begging you to make love to her, and the first thing you do is tell her to get dressed." She put her hands on her hips.
"Just because I'm here doesn't mean my work is done." Soifon replied. "I still have some paperwork to do. Then there's dinner…"
"Soi!" Yoruichi whined and stamped her foot. "It's been sooo long!"
"Yoruichi," Soifon whispered and pulled her in, kissing her fiercely, exploring her mouth with her tongue. Yoruichi moaned loudly and pulled Soifon closer to her. Suddenly, without warning, Soifon broke the kiss.
"Then what's a few more hours?" Soifon tapped Yoruichi's cheek lightly before sitting down behind her desk. Defeated, Yoruichi fell back on to the love seat with a disappointed sigh.
The fact that Soifon was able to wield the power of sex over Yoruichi never ceased to amuse and amaze her. In the beginning of the sexual component of their relationship, they had sex often. Once Soifon rejoined the Gotie 13, frequency of such incidents fell sharply, with nearly a month, sometimes two, in between.
Soifon blamed work, but the reality was that it was all her doing. It was her way of preserving passion in the bedroom. If they made love too often they ran the risk of growing bored with one another. Too infrequently and Soifon ran the risk of Yoruichi going elsewhere for satisfaction. Soifon felt that she had found the perfect balance.
For Soifon, whose life had almost centered around self-denial for the longest time, the change was totally bearable. While she would like to have Yoruichi in her bed more often, she was capable of doing without. Yoruichi, to whom sex was still relatively new, was not faring so well. Not only was the lack of physical intimacy driving her insane, but Soifon ahd also discovered the art of teasing. And she was merciless.
Whenever they did have sex, however, Soifon made sure to make it well worth both their whiles.
This led to another oddity about Yoruichi that ran contrary to everything about her. The usually strong, confident, woman that was Yoruichi Shihoin was not the tiger everyone thought she was in the bedroom. Although she could get quite loud, she was almost completely submissive. The few instances she had tried to assert herself, she had been easily subdued by a few well placed pinches in licks.
Not that Soifon minded. She loved bringing her pleasure and Yoruichi never complained.
Soifon looked at the woman who lay sprawled out over her sofa and couldn't help but feel a pang of the surreal. She has been with Yoruichi for ten years straight and there were no signs of stopping. They were happy and stable. They quarreled of the most trivial things, which was a good thing since it meant that there was nothing more pressing to argue about.
After finishing her paperwork for the evening, Soifon made them both dinner. They ate it on the table Yoruichi bought for her after she got tired of eating of the sofa. It was one of the many creature comforts Yoruichi provided Soifon with after spending more time in her once spartan quarters.
"So…" Yoruichi stood in front of the sink, rubbing her arm awkwardly. Soifon cooked, she cleaned.
"So…" Soifon replied.
"What do you want to do now?" Yoruichi asked with an even mixture of eagerness and nervousness. No matter how many time they did this, the time right before sex was always awkward for Yoruichi. Soifon hopped that never went away. It was a chink in the woman's normally impenetrable armor that brought her down to the level of mere mortals, and that was incredibly attractive to her.
Soifon didn't answer the question. She simply got up from the table and lead Yoruichi back to her bed, laying her down gently on the mat.
Yoruichi liked having sex at Soifon's better than at the Shoten. Her bed wasn't nearly as comfortable, but she didn't have to worry about anyone overhearing them here.
A solid black butterfly fluttered down from the sky and landed on the shoulder of Tessai, who was sweeping the front porch of Urahara Shoten.
"Who's it from?" Urahara poked his head out of the doorframe after sensing the hell butterfly's presence.
"It's from Ukitake." Tessai answered after the faux insect finished relaying its message. "He would like to see you, me, and Yoruichi at our convenience."
"Really?" Urahara asked. "He say why?" It obviously wasn't an urgent matter.
"No." Tessai resumed sweeping. "Merely that he has some matters he would like to discuss with us when we are able."
"When do you want to go?" Urahara asked.
"Today is already almost over." Tessai looked at the setting sun. "Perhaps tomorrow."
"Tomorrow it is then." Urahara agreed.
"Shouldn't you discuss this with Yoruichi first?" Tessai asked.
"Nah," Urahara waved with his fan. "Chances are she'll be heading in that direction already anyways."
Yoruichi, Urahara, and Tessai were led back to Ukitake's office by Sasikibe. While Soifon had informed them that he was now the Captain-Commander, it was still odd seeing him behind that desk rather than Yamamoto.
"Hello everyone." Ukitake greeted them happily. "I'm glad you could come here so soon."
"You said you wanted to discuss something with us?" Tessai asked.
"Yes," Ukitake took his seat. "It has come to my attention that you," he looked at Yoruichi, "have been spending quite a lot of time here recently."
"Is that a problem?" Yoruichi answered confrontationally, ready to defend her actions.
"Not at all," Ukitake raised his hands. "I simply wish to save you, all of you, some trouble."
"I've asked all of you to come here so that I can tell you personally that I have dropped the charges that were brought against you over a century ago." Ukitake watched the face's that he expected to show relief display confusion.
"I thought those had already been dropped." Urahara replied. "Why else would Yamamoto rely on us so much?"
"It's true. When the truth behind you actions came into light, the charges were forgotten. However, due to all that was happening, Yamamoto never got around to filing the correct paperwork." Ukitake Smiled sheepishly.
"Well then, thank you." Yoruichi acknowledge the large symbolic gesture.
"Now then, with that taken care of, we can get to why I really asked you to come." Ukitake sat up while the three in front of him took notice.
"With the charges against you now officially dropped, you are now all eligible for re-entry into the Gotie 13." Ukitake meet their eyes. "With the exception of the Kido Corps," he motioned to Tessai, "I cannot offer you your old positions back. However, there are still two vacant Captain positions that desperately need filling." He looked at them hopefully. "So, what do you say?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your generous offer." Tessai bowed.
"Thanks, but no thanks." Urahara answered.
"Absolutely." All eyes fell on Yoruichi. "Could you excuse us for a moment?" Without waiting for an answerer, Yoruichi grabbed the two men the arm and drug them to a far corner of the office.
"What the hell?" Yoruichi asked in an angry whisper. "The whole reason we were exiled in the first place has been resolved, why don't you two want to go back?"
"Being my own boss has really worked out for me." Urahara answered. "I get to set my own hours, work at my own pace…" Urahara continued to list the benefits.
"I too have come to enjoy my stewardship of the shop." Tessai answered. "Besides, without me, what will happen to Ururu and Jinta?"
"Hey!' Urahara sounded hurt. "What's that's supposed to mean?"
"No offense, but you're not exactly the ideal parent." Tessai scoffed.
"Shhh!" Yoruichi cut them off. "Kiuske, you would still be your own boss for the most part. He's offering us Captain positions."
"Ehhh." Urahara cringed. "I never really liked being a Captain. I was never really good at it either. You remember all the times you yelled at me for not acting Captainy enough." Yoruichi frowned. She had need to set him straight more often than she should have. "The only reason I stayed was because of all the recourse that were opened up to me."
"But you would get those resources again." Yoruichi pleaded.
"I've had a century to collect everything I need at the Shoten." Urahara replied.
"But Kiuske, we've always been a team." Yoruichi reasoned. "It's always been 'Urahara and Yoruichi' for as long as I can remember."
"First off, it was 'Yoruichi and Urahara.' You always got top billing, and rightly so." Urahara paused to collect his thoughts. "Second, we can't stay attached at the hip forever. This was bound to happen eventually."
"I guess you're right." Yoruichi nodded.
"You're a natural leader and teacher," Urahara unfolded his fan. "I'm merely an honest, handsome, perverted businessman." Yoruichi slapped the fan away from his face before they walked back over to Ukitake.
"So, what will it be?" Ukitake asked hopefully.
"Our decisions stand." Urahara answered for them.
"Very well." Ukitake responded, slightly disappointed. "Well then that is all I have for you." Ukitake motioned to the door. "Please, feel free to reconsider."
"Promise me you'll come visit every once in a while." Urahara turned to Yoruichi.
"Of course," Yoruichi smirked. "Who else is going to stop you from blowing yourself up?"
"Between you and Tessai," Urahara shook his head. "I'll never get do some of my more dangerous experiments." Urahara waved to Yoruichi before exiting.
"Please, take a seat." Ukitake offered a chair. It was the only new addition to Yamamoto's old office. During his tenure, all guests were forced to stand.
"There are currently two Divisions without a captain; the Third and the Fifth." Ukitake started shuffling papers on his desks, looking for the correct forms.
"Only two?" Yoruichi asked. "Who filled the others?"
"Hisagi Shuhei finally achieved bankai and took over the Ninth. Renji Abari took the taishu and is now in command of the Thirteenth." Ukitake replied.
"Renji?" Yoruichi looked at him quizzically.
"He met all the requirements and we need those spots filled." Ukitake answered, reading the disapproval on her face. He didn't add that remaining the de facto Captain of the Thirteenth while holding the Captain-Commander position put twice as much stress on him.
"So, between the Third and the Fifth, which one needs a leader more?" Yoruichi asked.
"The Fifth, most certainly." Ukitake answered. "They are currently without a Captain of Lieutenant." Upon hearing of Aizen's death rather than his capture, as she had been promised, Hinamori lashed out against the medics how were tending to her at the time, wounding one and critically injuring another. It was this incident, not Soifon's, that lead Yamamoto to take a hard line attitude toward perceived mental instability.
"Then the Fifth it is then." Yoruichi decided, standing up.
"Calm down." Ukitake smiled. "It's not that easy, unfortunately. We still have to reinstate you. I've called the Captains for a meeting. They should start arriving shortly. Hopefully, we can get you reinstated without incident." Ukitake poured out some tea. "Please, have some tea and relax while we wait."