Author note: This started off as a weak attempt to get through an entire fic without making fun of either Locke or Celes. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I even gave Locke the lead role.
However, it wasn't long before my sense of humour kicked in. Damn that sense of humour.
Anyhoo. I don't own any FF characters. The concept of 007 is not mine either. I'm just twisting them both together for my own Servant of Darkness means. Heh heh.
Enjoy! Cookies to those who review (as always) Empty tins of horrible black stuff to those who don't.
The night was cold and bitter; snow falling all around the three figures as they crept between the dark shadows. Not a sound was to be heard, even when one of the figures tripped over a rogue snowflake.
They continued through the darkened landscape that was Narshe; the coal mines city. It did not take them long to reach the mines themselves; any guards quickly silenced by a knife across the throat.
They finally made it to the chmaber deep inside the mines; the one where the mythical esper was being hidden. The three figures watched the being for a moment, before one of them let out a low whistle.
'Wow. It's reeeeally pretty...' His observation was rewarded by a slap around the head from the second figure.
'Shut up, fool,' he hissed. 'We're supposed to be sneaking around here! Last thing we need is for you to alert the darned authorities,'
The screen went black for a moment, centering on the second figure. A heartless assassin, currently working for the Empire of Evil (EOE) and being driven nuts by his incompetant assistants.
Default name: Shadow.
The first figure tilted his head to one side.
'Oh yeah. Sorry, Shadow...' Shadow rolled his eyes and whacked the first figure again.
'Shut UP, Wedge,' The third figure stirred.
'Sir? Didn't you wanted us to be quiet, sir?' Shadow turned to the third figure; eyes blazing.
'Yes, Vicks. I did. It does not help when you two keep on TALKING!' His voice echoed off the thick walls of the cavern, causing Shadow to drop his head into his hands.
'Look...' he started, his calm tone covering the sheer anger he felt about this job. The supreme ruler knew that he could handle this alone. Why in Goddess' name did he send these two idiots along as well?
'Lets just get this over with and get out,' Vicks and Wedge nodded gormlessly and all three began to advance on the frozen esper.
'What are we doing again, sir?' Wedge muttered after a moment. Shadow just restrained himself from strangling the dopey soldier. The supreme ruler had warned him not to kill anymore of his minions.
'We are taking this esper back to the EOE, where the supreme ruler can figure out how to use it against the foolish governments who rule this world!' he hissed, feeling that large vein on his head begin to throb.
'Not this time, Shhadow,' a voice cried from behind them.
Closet alcoholic, and world crossword champion. A suave spy turned secret agent; working for the Narshe government on the most deadly of missions.
Default name: Cole. Locke Cole. 007 and a half
Shadow, and his incompetant floozies turned to see Locke Cole - secret agent extraordinaire - stood with a martini in one hand and his gun in the other. His white dinner jacket had a streak of chilli sauce on it, and he smelt distinctly of second hand vodka. Obviously, he had been caught on his day off.
'My dear Ssshadow,' Locke started, in a somewhat slurred voice. 'I thought you knew better than to come messhing with Narsshe'sh government again,' Shadow stood upright and scowled angrily.
'Cole!' he hissed. 'You won't survive again, this time, you spy!' Locke's eyes narrowed.
'It's SHECRET AGENT, you anti-shocial bad guy, you,' Shadow shrugged.
'Same difference. Get him, boys!'
Vicks and Wedge started to walk forwards menacingly; weapons of choice drawn. Locke watched them advance, through slightly blurred eyes.
'I shee... Two on one, eh? I can take you two on, with my martini tied behind my back!' He gently placed his drink down on the floor before putting up his fists.
'Have at you!' He closed his eyes and swung.
His fist never connected. It never needed to. I told you Vicks and Wedge were incompetant, didn't I? Wedge swung his katana around his head, accidentally lopping Vicks' ear off. The other soldier let out a howl of pain, and dropped his axe on his toe.
'AAAAAAAGH!' Vicks screamed. Wedge, who didn't know what was going on anymore, screamed as well, grabbing his head with his hands like he'd been shot or something. Shadow rolled his eyes, and muttered something to himself as he readied to push the frozen esper out of the cavern.
Seconds later, there was a flash of red, and all three villains found themselves in a heap at the bottom of the esper. Locke opened his eyes gingerly, and smiled triumphantly.
'Hah-HAH! That'll teach you to try and pick a fight with me!' He leapt back as something tapped him on the shoulder.
Locke's sidekick; mysterious, deadly, master of diguise and great at putting up with his slightly inept friend.
Default name: Gogo
'Darnit, Gogo! Don't do that!' Locke cried; hand on his heart. Gogo waved a hand in a gesture of apology. Locke nodded, ignoring the three villains, who were currently heading out of the cavern door with the esper in tow.
'How did ya get in here without being sheen?' Gogo held a finger up and turned his back to the secret agent. Moments later, he turned back, and was amazingly disguised as a snowflake. Locke clapped a couple of times.
'Bravo, old boy! Fooled 'em all again!' Gogo transformed back into his usual self, and took a bow.
'Shee that, Shhadow?' Locke said, turning to the esper. Or where the esper used to be.
'What the...? HEY!' Gogo shook his head and patted Locke on the shoulder. Locke let out a sigh and they both began to walk out of the mines.
'I can't believe they got away and took the eshper...' Locke muttered, slurping down the rest of his martini. Gogo nodded sympathetically. 'I mean, they got away from me... Me! Cole, Locke Cole. How dare they?' Gogo shrugged, wondering why on earth Locke had been wandering the streets of Narshe at such a time.
'We need to find out what'sh going on, Gogo, old friend,' Locke went on. Gogo rolled his eyes. Always "we".
'And we have to shtop it! I won't let Shhadow get away again!'
A continent away, a shadowy figure sat; hidden within the comforts of his dimly lit room. He was waiting for the reports from his top assassin, and his slightly less successful soldiers, to come in.
'They should have the esper by now, sir,' a female voice said, in a slight monotone. The slave crown that glinted atop her head robbed her of all conscious thought and fashion sense. She was wearing the green and red EOE uniform, which clashed quite horrifically with her green hair.
A half-esper, half-human, forced to work for the EOE against her own wishes. A would-be seductive temptress, if she wasn't so confused about love.
Default name: Terra
A tall, blond man stood a few feet away from Terra. His uniform was the same ghastly uniform as the half-esper, and it clashed just as badly with his hair. His blue eyes looked sorrowfully off to the left as he let out a truly deep sigh. Yes, he was a soldier, but he hated to see people hurt.
'Yes, sir. If we're lucky, no-one will have been hurt...'
An excellent soldier - too kind for his own good - following anyone who gives him orders. A bit of a momma's boy, really.
Default name: Leo
'I know that, you pinheads...' The shadowy figure clicked his fingers. A small hamster scampered across the floor, only pausing to hiss at Leo before jumping into the figure's lap. The hamster was a disturbing colour; bright red with a tiny little blue feather sticking out of the top of it's head. It wore tiny, iddy-biddy robes; the same colour as the general EOE uniform. She gave off an air of sheer disdain for all except her master as she curled into a ball on his lap.
Hamster assassin, and all around psychotic pet.
Default name: Hamka
The shadowy figure began to stroke the small pet in his lap, and leaned forwards into the light; grinning evilly.
'Those idiots won't get away so easily this time. Once I have that esper, nothing will stand a chance against me and my Empire of Evil. Uwhee hee hee!!' I think you all know who that is, but we have to have the black screen thing anyway.
Would-be destroyer of the world, leader of the Empire of Evil, owner of copyrightable laughter, maker of great dips and hater of good guys.
Default name: Kefka
Leo let himself sigh slightly. Such losses to mankind would occur if Kefka's plan went ahead. But what terrors would occur if Kefka became angry? He swallowed deeply. Such a thing was not worth thinking about.
'Do you think the Narshe government will give in to your demands, sir?' Kefka waved a hand.
'Course they will! What fools would dare stand against my ultra-secret weapon?' Leo nodded.
'An excellent point, sir. However, this all depends on Shadow's capability to obtain the esper. If he fails, then more lives will be lost...' Kefka rolled his eyes.
'Stop being so infernally annoying, Leo. Of course he'll get the esper... He'd better,'
Just outside of Narshe, Shadow, Vicks and Wedge were trying to hide the obviously stolen esper.
'Why didn't the supreme ruler give us a truck?' Vicks was complaining as Shadow had to bite his lip.
'Because this had to be a top secret operation. Driving a huge truck into the mine's of Narshe is not very secret, is it?' A look of realisation crossed Vicks' face.
'Oh yeah,' Shadow held a growl and concentrated on getting the esper out of plain sight before day break. Then he would be able to get in contact with the supreme ruler and have a nice, long rant about those two idiots.
'He'd better be paying me well for this...'
However, it wasn't long before my sense of humour kicked in. Damn that sense of humour.
Anyhoo. I don't own any FF characters. The concept of 007 is not mine either. I'm just twisting them both together for my own Servant of Darkness means. Heh heh.
Enjoy! Cookies to those who review (as always) Empty tins of horrible black stuff to those who don't.
The night was cold and bitter; snow falling all around the three figures as they crept between the dark shadows. Not a sound was to be heard, even when one of the figures tripped over a rogue snowflake.
They continued through the darkened landscape that was Narshe; the coal mines city. It did not take them long to reach the mines themselves; any guards quickly silenced by a knife across the throat.
They finally made it to the chmaber deep inside the mines; the one where the mythical esper was being hidden. The three figures watched the being for a moment, before one of them let out a low whistle.
'Wow. It's reeeeally pretty...' His observation was rewarded by a slap around the head from the second figure.
'Shut up, fool,' he hissed. 'We're supposed to be sneaking around here! Last thing we need is for you to alert the darned authorities,'
The screen went black for a moment, centering on the second figure. A heartless assassin, currently working for the Empire of Evil (EOE) and being driven nuts by his incompetant assistants.
Default name: Shadow.
The first figure tilted his head to one side.
'Oh yeah. Sorry, Shadow...' Shadow rolled his eyes and whacked the first figure again.
'Shut UP, Wedge,' The third figure stirred.
'Sir? Didn't you wanted us to be quiet, sir?' Shadow turned to the third figure; eyes blazing.
'Yes, Vicks. I did. It does not help when you two keep on TALKING!' His voice echoed off the thick walls of the cavern, causing Shadow to drop his head into his hands.
'Look...' he started, his calm tone covering the sheer anger he felt about this job. The supreme ruler knew that he could handle this alone. Why in Goddess' name did he send these two idiots along as well?
'Lets just get this over with and get out,' Vicks and Wedge nodded gormlessly and all three began to advance on the frozen esper.
'What are we doing again, sir?' Wedge muttered after a moment. Shadow just restrained himself from strangling the dopey soldier. The supreme ruler had warned him not to kill anymore of his minions.
'We are taking this esper back to the EOE, where the supreme ruler can figure out how to use it against the foolish governments who rule this world!' he hissed, feeling that large vein on his head begin to throb.
'Not this time, Shhadow,' a voice cried from behind them.
Closet alcoholic, and world crossword champion. A suave spy turned secret agent; working for the Narshe government on the most deadly of missions.
Default name: Cole. Locke Cole. 007 and a half
Shadow, and his incompetant floozies turned to see Locke Cole - secret agent extraordinaire - stood with a martini in one hand and his gun in the other. His white dinner jacket had a streak of chilli sauce on it, and he smelt distinctly of second hand vodka. Obviously, he had been caught on his day off.
'My dear Ssshadow,' Locke started, in a somewhat slurred voice. 'I thought you knew better than to come messhing with Narsshe'sh government again,' Shadow stood upright and scowled angrily.
'Cole!' he hissed. 'You won't survive again, this time, you spy!' Locke's eyes narrowed.
'It's SHECRET AGENT, you anti-shocial bad guy, you,' Shadow shrugged.
'Same difference. Get him, boys!'
Vicks and Wedge started to walk forwards menacingly; weapons of choice drawn. Locke watched them advance, through slightly blurred eyes.
'I shee... Two on one, eh? I can take you two on, with my martini tied behind my back!' He gently placed his drink down on the floor before putting up his fists.
'Have at you!' He closed his eyes and swung.
His fist never connected. It never needed to. I told you Vicks and Wedge were incompetant, didn't I? Wedge swung his katana around his head, accidentally lopping Vicks' ear off. The other soldier let out a howl of pain, and dropped his axe on his toe.
'AAAAAAAGH!' Vicks screamed. Wedge, who didn't know what was going on anymore, screamed as well, grabbing his head with his hands like he'd been shot or something. Shadow rolled his eyes, and muttered something to himself as he readied to push the frozen esper out of the cavern.
Seconds later, there was a flash of red, and all three villains found themselves in a heap at the bottom of the esper. Locke opened his eyes gingerly, and smiled triumphantly.
'Hah-HAH! That'll teach you to try and pick a fight with me!' He leapt back as something tapped him on the shoulder.
Locke's sidekick; mysterious, deadly, master of diguise and great at putting up with his slightly inept friend.
Default name: Gogo
'Darnit, Gogo! Don't do that!' Locke cried; hand on his heart. Gogo waved a hand in a gesture of apology. Locke nodded, ignoring the three villains, who were currently heading out of the cavern door with the esper in tow.
'How did ya get in here without being sheen?' Gogo held a finger up and turned his back to the secret agent. Moments later, he turned back, and was amazingly disguised as a snowflake. Locke clapped a couple of times.
'Bravo, old boy! Fooled 'em all again!' Gogo transformed back into his usual self, and took a bow.
'Shee that, Shhadow?' Locke said, turning to the esper. Or where the esper used to be.
'What the...? HEY!' Gogo shook his head and patted Locke on the shoulder. Locke let out a sigh and they both began to walk out of the mines.
'I can't believe they got away and took the eshper...' Locke muttered, slurping down the rest of his martini. Gogo nodded sympathetically. 'I mean, they got away from me... Me! Cole, Locke Cole. How dare they?' Gogo shrugged, wondering why on earth Locke had been wandering the streets of Narshe at such a time.
'We need to find out what'sh going on, Gogo, old friend,' Locke went on. Gogo rolled his eyes. Always "we".
'And we have to shtop it! I won't let Shhadow get away again!'
A continent away, a shadowy figure sat; hidden within the comforts of his dimly lit room. He was waiting for the reports from his top assassin, and his slightly less successful soldiers, to come in.
'They should have the esper by now, sir,' a female voice said, in a slight monotone. The slave crown that glinted atop her head robbed her of all conscious thought and fashion sense. She was wearing the green and red EOE uniform, which clashed quite horrifically with her green hair.
A half-esper, half-human, forced to work for the EOE against her own wishes. A would-be seductive temptress, if she wasn't so confused about love.
Default name: Terra
A tall, blond man stood a few feet away from Terra. His uniform was the same ghastly uniform as the half-esper, and it clashed just as badly with his hair. His blue eyes looked sorrowfully off to the left as he let out a truly deep sigh. Yes, he was a soldier, but he hated to see people hurt.
'Yes, sir. If we're lucky, no-one will have been hurt...'
An excellent soldier - too kind for his own good - following anyone who gives him orders. A bit of a momma's boy, really.
Default name: Leo
'I know that, you pinheads...' The shadowy figure clicked his fingers. A small hamster scampered across the floor, only pausing to hiss at Leo before jumping into the figure's lap. The hamster was a disturbing colour; bright red with a tiny little blue feather sticking out of the top of it's head. It wore tiny, iddy-biddy robes; the same colour as the general EOE uniform. She gave off an air of sheer disdain for all except her master as she curled into a ball on his lap.
Hamster assassin, and all around psychotic pet.
Default name: Hamka
The shadowy figure began to stroke the small pet in his lap, and leaned forwards into the light; grinning evilly.
'Those idiots won't get away so easily this time. Once I have that esper, nothing will stand a chance against me and my Empire of Evil. Uwhee hee hee!!' I think you all know who that is, but we have to have the black screen thing anyway.
Would-be destroyer of the world, leader of the Empire of Evil, owner of copyrightable laughter, maker of great dips and hater of good guys.
Default name: Kefka
Leo let himself sigh slightly. Such losses to mankind would occur if Kefka's plan went ahead. But what terrors would occur if Kefka became angry? He swallowed deeply. Such a thing was not worth thinking about.
'Do you think the Narshe government will give in to your demands, sir?' Kefka waved a hand.
'Course they will! What fools would dare stand against my ultra-secret weapon?' Leo nodded.
'An excellent point, sir. However, this all depends on Shadow's capability to obtain the esper. If he fails, then more lives will be lost...' Kefka rolled his eyes.
'Stop being so infernally annoying, Leo. Of course he'll get the esper... He'd better,'
Just outside of Narshe, Shadow, Vicks and Wedge were trying to hide the obviously stolen esper.
'Why didn't the supreme ruler give us a truck?' Vicks was complaining as Shadow had to bite his lip.
'Because this had to be a top secret operation. Driving a huge truck into the mine's of Narshe is not very secret, is it?' A look of realisation crossed Vicks' face.
'Oh yeah,' Shadow held a growl and concentrated on getting the esper out of plain sight before day break. Then he would be able to get in contact with the supreme ruler and have a nice, long rant about those two idiots.
'He'd better be paying me well for this...'