Be Sure
Chapter 1
Be sure
All my life I asked myself two questions, 'Why do I fall in love with every girl that shows me the least bit attention?' and 'How will I know when I really fall in love?' These two things governed not only my life, but also my entire existence. Until I met Raven and found out who she really was and what she wanted and needed and why she wanted it. But I'm still having doubts about if she's the one or not.
I found Raven during her morning routine; I loved everything about her including this. The way she poured the water into her favorite grey cup, the way she would let the finished product sit for exactly two minutes and forty eight seconds, and her grace and care with everything. Nothing was out of place or disorganized when she went somewhere else. She would never do something like that, something like me; she would never "leave a trail" as she had said to me in the past.
"Hey." I greeted her casually as she had noticed me when she turned to go to the couch; I assumed she hadn't heard me come in.
"Hey." She replied in her usual monotone. She sat down beside me on the couch and an usual awkward silence hung in the air as if she wanted to say something to me. "I've been thinking, have you been feeling okay lately?" She asked suddenly. I was taken aback just a little by her question; after all she could be kind when she wanted to.
"I'm not sure what you mean Rae." I asked feeling stupid. But at that moment I thought I saw something in her eyes, it was that same look Terra always used to give me, that look that made me feel like I was sleeping on a cloud.
"Well…" she began. "I've noticed how you've been looking at me whenever you run into me." I then saw a smile form on her face. I froze and didn't know how to react, I had been found out.
http://ca. can you be sure?" I began solemnly as I hung my head.
"Why can't you just go with what you feel, why does everything have to be about whether what your feeling is real or not?" Raven question half-heartedly as if she was hurt by what I had said. I didn't know what to tell her.
"That's just it Rae." I got up off the couch and turned away from her and crossed my arms, as I suddenly felt very angry with her for not understanding what I meant. 'She's supposed to be in tune with everyone but she can't understand one of life's simplest emotions, how is that possible! How can she be so stupid?' I yelled at myself. "I don't know if what I feel is real or not." I told her.
"You can't do that to me!" Raven yelled as got off the couch and spun me around suddenly so I would look at her, a window broke behind us as I grabbed her firmly by shoulders and looked into her eyes.
"Why are you making this about you!" I screamed in her face and shook her still holding onto her arms, I could feel my face flush with blood and become red, as I got angrier.
"About me, how can I make this about me, it's never about me and always about you and I hate it, it's not fair!" Suddenly I felt like the biggest and most selfish jerk in the world. I just took a deep breath and hugged her.
I spoke softly now, not trying to win the fight or anything. "Your so right." I ran my fingers through her hair, 'it's soft, even after all this and all the things I love about her are still there.' I thought. We broke off the hug and sat down on the couch.
"I'm sorry." I told her. She didn't turn her head but spoke kindly to her mug on the coffee table. "It's okay I was just angry with you because I thought you were only thinking of yourself, but you just didn't want me to get hurt." She laughed at the irony of the fight that ended as it had started, on the couch.
Then a realization struck me like a derailed train. 'This is what love is, just going with whatever you feel for a person, recklessly but at the same time everything stops and for that brief moment that you feel love or are mad at the person, your still being passionate towards that person. And that is the thing that always brings you back to what you love about them.'
"Well say something!" Raven shouted impatiently. I just turned my head and smiled. "I love your hair color." She just raised an eyebrow at me. "What does that have to do with anything?" She said with that 'your weird' look on her face.
"And I love the way your cloak falls around you, decorating anywhere you sit." I said not taking a breath as I finished.
"And the way you try and hide how beautiful you are." I said pushing the strands of hair behind her ear that were covering half her face.
She just forced my hands down at my sides and held them there, and slowly leaned in and kissed me. She broke off after a minute and whispered. "You talk too much." Now it was my turn to kiss her, and I could see it in those eyes, those big beautiful indigo eyes that you could stare into for the rest of your life, her hands entwined mine... and I knew from that day on that I would love her forever and never leave her.