This is my first songfic, and I thought that this was the perfect song to describe Bella during New Moon and her friend feelings for Jacob. Read the lyrics too, they go great! K, hope you like it!

(Bella POV)

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

I walked along La Push's beach with Jacob faithfully at my side. I knew he wanted more than just friendship out of what we had, but I also knew that he knew that I could never give him that. We walked along quietly, and I was trying really hard to think about nothing but that wasn't going very well. I could feel the ghost of the hole trying to rip my chest open again. I panicked. I was always here for a reason—and that reason was forbidden to think about. And here I was, walking silently with my best friend at my side, trying to block out the painful memories.

"Bella?"

I was so grateful when Jacob finally broke the silence. I was afraid that a few more minutes of it and I would break down. I did not want to do that in front of Jacob. He was the only one who didn't think I was crazy…yet. That could all change with the slightest name…

"Yeah Jake?" I asked, my voice dripping with fake happiness. I would give anything to know that the happiness was real. Too bad.

Jake scowled and grumbled something.

"What?" I asked, eager to keep the silence from coming back. Jacob looked at me and something twinkled in his eyes. Something that I didn't want, something I absolutely wasn't ready for. I averted my eyes, not wanting to face this. Apparently Jake saw this too, because he was quiet for a minute.

"Never mind." He said sadly. I refused to look at him. I know he wanted more to us than just being best friends, but I wasn't ready for anything. And I doubt I ever would be. Not good. As soon as I started thinking things like that the hole got bigger, and I even made a little whimpering noise this time. Jacob looked at me with alarm. "Bella are you alright?"

I waved off his helping hand, "I'm fine," I mumbled, pushing ahead of him. Jake caught me by the hand and hugged me, but that just made the hole worse. I loved Jake. I did. Just not in that way. In the best friend way. In the brotherly way. In the way that he'd always been there for me. But I'd never love him like Edwa—.

I cringed and fell to my knees and out of Jacobs grasp. He didn't know what to do. He was obviously confused, and as I crunched up into a ball, I thought, Well, there it goes. The one friend who thought I was fully sane.

"Bella," here it comes, "Bella why can't you talk to me?" he begged, sitting down beside me and trying again to take me into his arms. I hadn't realized that I'd begun to cry. I pushed his arms away and ignored the pained look in his eyes.

"I can Jake. I just can't talk about this." I couldn't believe he was bringing this up. My heart gave a little leap of nervousness when his eyes and features darkened.

"They're not coming back you know. So why can't we be together?"

His words stung deeper than he could ever realize, and my peaceful crying turned very quickly into blubbering, then slowly progressed to wailing. My angel…

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

"How dare you," I told him once I'd calmed down a little more. I stood and glared at my friend. He should have known how much that hurt. I began to leave and Jacob caught me by the arm. Silent tears still rolled down my cheeks, and I turned my face so that he wouldn't see how much his words had actually hurt me. I needed the small trace of hope I'd been dangling from, and Jacob had the scissors.

"Bella," he said, his voice was softer now. He spoke my name with a silent apology leaking from it. I'd heard it loud and clear. Why couldn't I just be a normal person? Oh yeah, because my ex-boyfriend was a vampire, and my best friend was a werewolf. Now I remember. Jacob sighed, "I'm sorry Bella it's just, this is hard for me."

I paused from my angry march and stared back at my best friend. He looked confused and hurt. I felt bad, but I couldn't. There was just no way…

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

I went back and looped my arm through his, smiling. He smiled too, which immediately cheered me up.

"Jake, you're my best friend," I told him, emphasizing the word 'friend', "No one can replace you." This seemed to reassure him. When he started stroking my hand, though, I took my arm back, sighing apologetically in the process. We walked a little ways longer. It was funny, how even though things got awkward every now and then it could still be totally peaceful with Jake. Of course, there were those times—

"Bella I can't do this anymore."

—Like right now for instance.

I sighed and reluctantly turned around again. Jake had stopped and he was sitting on the old roots that sprang up through the sand. This was where…

They were called the cold ones…

My heart was wrenched out of my chest—or so I thought. As it turned out, I'd just fallen over and hit my chest on a rock. That would bruise tomorrow. Or tonight, with my luck. I squeezed my arms over my chest tight to keep the hole from reopening. It had been embarrassing enough when Jake had seen it before. And though it was almost unbearable, I made my way and sat over by my friend.

He slung an arm over my shoulders, and when he saw that I was about to shrug it off, his grip tightened, "Bella, please." His voice was a whisper, and although I was slightly uncomfortable, I didn't move. Actually, being with Jake made the worst of the hole go away. It was like it patched itself up…


You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

We sat there together for a little while, and though he was silent he said all that he wanted to within those few moments. I knew exactly what he was thinking, and I felt bad that I could never and would never share those thoughts with him. Jacob knew that too. I could tell by the defeated twinkle in his eyes. I felt my face flush under his stare and that got a giggle out of him. I laughed too.

"So I need to turn red to get you to be happy now?" I joked. Jacob laughed and nodded.

"Or you could just be with me."

Why did he always have to ruin it with a line like that? These awkward little side winders he kept throwing at me, and I felt my face flush deeper. I shrugged and looked away, shaking my head. The hole was coming back, and this time Jake couldn't do anything. This hole was his fault; he couldn't fill it in. Especially if he kept up with these little more-than-friends comments.

"You know I can't," I told him simply, still looking out over the rolling sea. Something about the water today was on edge, angry, unsure—exactly how I felt at this moment. Jake stood and put his hands into sad fists.

"Why not Bella? Why can't we just be together? Our friendship is falling apart, can't you see that?"

I looked at him. I had sensed that there was—tension between us, but I hadn't realized that he'd thought it was too much for me.

"No it's not Jake," I said softly, desperately. I couldn't lose my best friend. I just couldn't. I'd be nothing. And here I was, pushing him away. But away from something that I didn't want. Was that bad?

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

I stood up, attempting to comfort him but he didn't want to be comforted. I could see it in his eyes; he wanted to be with me. And I was so, so selfish that I couldn't be with him. There was no way that I would be able to give Jacob all of my heart, and it was unfair of me to claim him as my own. Jake deserved a girl who'll treat him right, and love him in a way that I can't. In a way that I've already loved.

The hole came back, sending me to my knees again. I just curled up into a ball, not caring anymore if Jake thought I was insane. He didn't deserve me as a friend anyway. I was using him to comfort my own heartache, and even though I loved Jake, he couldn't keep trying to give his heart to me. I refused to take it.

"Jacob," I said stiffly, standing awkwardly as I scrunched my arms tightly over the hole. This time, it didn't help. I grimaced and winced but continued. He needed to hear this, and damn it, he would, even if it killed me. Jacob watched me carefully, "When the…when the Cullens," someone just rip my heart out, "left, I was…still am an empty shell." I glanced up at Jake to make sure he was still paying attention. His eyes were on me wearily. "I'm not going to be able to get out of this, this zombie like state. I want you to remain my friend, and I love you as a deep friend, but I'll never be able to love anyone that way again. And I'm going to be stuck like this. Unless he…" I wouldn't say his name as I paused to make sure I was still somewhat in control of the hole. "Unless he comes back."

I watched Jacob carefully, wanting to make sure that he was ok. When he nodded, I took a deep breath. I looked down.

"They're not coming back Jake," I whispered, not sure if he'd heard my words, "I'm not coming back, Jake." I met his gaze again, "I…" It was hard to talk, "I wasn't good for him. And his sister knew that. That's why she…didn't like me. They're gone, Jacob, and I'm gone too." When it was clear I had his full attention, I walked up to him and hugged him cautiously. He slowly hugged me back.

"I don't want to lose your friendship," I continued softly, "But that's all we can ever be. Friends."

Finally, I felt him nod against the top of my head. I looked up and smiled sadly.

"I'll come back tomorrow, alright? No motorcycles or anything, scouts honor." I crossed my heart and winked. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. With a nod from Jake, I reluctantly turned around and began to head back for my truck. This little explanation was going to cost me tonight. A tear already had escaped my eye and was making its way down my cheek. I wiped it away and prepared myself for tonight. The hole was definitely getting bigger…


Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

(Jacob POV)

I stood there on the beach, my hands in my pockets, watching as Bella walked away from me. What she'd said hit a nerve. She couldn't be with me because the blood sucker had ripped her heart out. It made me angry.

I waited until I saw her get into her truck. She put it into reverse and threw the senior citizen into drive. She smiled sadly at me and waved out the window. I returned the wave and watched until she disappeared from sight.

At least she needed me for now. What was Edward thinking? I couldn't understand it. And even though she'd just explained everything, I couldn't help but let my heart reach out to her a tiny bit.

Pack meeting, now!

Sam's voice rang in my head and I growled. I didn't want him snooping around in my head at this moment! These were personal thoughts. Oh well, it's not like they mattered very much now anyway. I just wish that she'd see that I would never do that to her. Never…

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

I carefully removed my clothes and shoes so that when I phased they wouldn't be torn to shreds. Billy was running out of things to give us as it was, and I didn't want to risk losing every piece of clothing that I had!

Alone now, no thoughts echoing in my head except for my own, I allowed them to wander over Bella. I couldn't understand what was going on in her head…

And I don't know why…

If she'd just let herself open up to me a little more. Maybe I could help her through this. When she was talking about them, it looked like someone was strangling her. It sounded like someone was strangling her. I wanted so much to be with her…

Why…

This was completely her decision now though. I'd already made mine.

As I let myself phase I almost hit two trees and a bush. Bella's sad expression and closed voice kept popping into my head, distracting me.

Edward, you've made a huge mistake.

I'm going to try to get Bella to open up to me. To be with me. But it doesn't look good and I don't want to push her anymore. I wish she could trust me more. I wish she could see the real me, and let me know the real her…

I don't know…

Sooooo, what did you think? I personally love the song and think it goes along GREAT with New Moon…And this story. Um, the song is Everything You Want, by Vertical Horizon. I'm sorry if Jacob sounded a little weird. I've never done a different POV other than Bella, so REVIEWS PLEASE:O)

Falling Rose Petals