Spare Time
Jazz, Ironhyde, Ratchet and Bee are waiting for Sam and Optimus to get back from a meeting with the humans.
They get bored, and find out what happens when Autobots sniff too much petrol. Gets a bit cracky at the end.
They had been here all afternoon standing around doing nothing and Ironhyde wasn't the most patient bot at the best of times. He would rather get some shooting practice done.
Worse than just the boredom was the heat.
The sun's rays weren't actually harmful to any of them but spending all day standing around in 40 degree heat covered in polysynthetic metal alloys was uncomfortable, to say the least.
He and Bumblebee had even started playing a game to pass the time 'paper, scissors, rock' he called it. One of the many earth games Bumblebee had acquired from spending most of his time among human teenagers during what they called a spring break.
Spring break, he mused.
This particular point had given Ironhyde a lot to wrap his head around. If these humans are so eager to finish their educational training then it was unproductive to take an extended break every time their planet rotated around their sun. They even had celebrations to commemorate certain points in their planets orbit.
What, were they concerned that their planets orbit would decay. That maybe it wouldn't make it the whole way around next year. Weird.
He sighed and slouched further into the truck that he was sitting against. He could sit here and debate the strange customs of these beings for an entire Vorn and still be confused. They would be so much more efficient if they simply had a better chain of command.
He'd said this to Lennox repeatedly, but he also seemed to think that it was appropriate to cease work for months and stay at their dwelling doing nothing. It was just strange.
He looked around his surroundings as he continued to muse, they had found this station through careful mapping of the surrounding areas. Optimus had ordered the construction a new base to accommodate for the anticipated arrival of more autobots.
This area seemed a likely candidate, it was isolated, large and seemed to be even Ratchet proof. It also had superb internet connection coverage for its location.
To get to this location they had been scouting places for weeks so far this place was the best candidate, all they needed was Optimus's affirmation before they let Ratchet loose on renovations.
Who'd have thought that a mechanic/medic would have a flare for interior design…he always thought that was Jazz's thing.
It was a good task, as tasks go, without the constant threat of Megatron's forces they spent nearly most of their time doing what he liked to call 'undercover work' this simply meant that they stayed as cars most of the time chauffeuring around their small charges.
It felt good to be out of the Lennox's garage anyway, to stretch his real legs.
Broken out of his revere by a summons from bumblebee over his internal intercom, he stood up and scanned the area for his little yellow friend.
He found him relaxing in much the same way he had been, in a small alcove that appeared to be an old refuelling station of some sort.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jazz's feet hanging over the eves of the roofing, obviously the heat didn't bother him.
"What is it bumblebee?" Ironhyde said in a clipped voice.
"How long have we been here now?" Bee asked innocently.
"Six Hours, thirty eight minutes and seven seconds" came a lethargic response from above them.
He and Bee both looked up at the Lieutenant but Jazz obviously had no more intention of adding anything further.
This in itself was unusual as the sharp witted officer never usually missed an excuse to talk, apparently his circuits were not the only ones on edge due to the high amounts of inactivity.
Ironhyde looked back to Bee as he started to speak again.
"Right, and the whole time we've been here have we even given this place a thorough search?"
Yet again it wasn't Ironhyde who answered but Ratchet, drawn over to their position by the prospect of movement, or any sort of activity.
"I've done a thorough sweep of the base utilising my sensors and Jazz found no indication of any threats on infrared."
"Yeah. The amount of intel we have on this place we could make a slaggin hologram!" said Jazz now leaning over the edge to join the conversation.
"Yeah, but have we actually gotten up and physically explored the area, you know wandered around." Bumblebee asked.
There was silence from the group as they all gave bumblebee various sceptical looks.
"Do you want me to examine you're mental processors?" Ratchet asked moodily.
"I think he's been hanging around those teenagers too long" Ironhyde suggested.
"Yeah, 3 Megs short of a Gigabyte! We've already done a perimeter sweep of the area." added Jazz.
"Why do you ask?" Ratchet inquired, crossing his arms.
Shrugging bee just replied "Why not?"
Jazz and Ratchet just looked at each other.
"What do you wanna check out?" Ironhyde asked interest peaked. He would be up for anything that didn't involve sitting around doing nothing.
"My sensors showed a container full of oil right near that truck you were sitting against earlier, Ironhyde.
I just wanted to go check it out. It's no big deal."
"Be my guest, just don't go gettin yourself blown up or nothin." warned Jazz as he sprawled back on the roof again.
Minutes later Bumblebee and Ironhyde were wandering around what appeared to be the truck stop.
"None of these trucks are functional" lamented ironhyde "even by Ratchet standards"
Bee sighed and popped his head above the hood of the jeep he had been checking out, the tyres on this thing were impressive.
"That's not the point!"
"What is the point then?" Ironhyde asked
"I'm bored! And why should we sit around being bored all day when we haven't even explored this place.
If you ask me I think we rely too much on our scanners. You know, there are things here that our scanners can't identify."
"…Like what?" Ironhyde responded eventually, giving him a blank look.
"Like…" Bumblebee searched his internal processors for something "Like…I don't know, smells, tastes, textures"
"Has Sam been putting ideas in your head again" Ironhyde said narrowing his optics at the smaller bot.
"Maybe" Bumblebee said as he ducked below the rim of the next truck to hide the guilty look on his face.
"And its not like we can't smell, Ratchet has probably the best olfactory sensors of any Cybertronian." a slightly indignant tone creeping into his voice capacitor.
"Yeah but you have admit it is an interesting point! How do we know what we are missing out on, if all we do is scan every fraggin thing we see!?!" Bumblebee burst out in a very uncharacteristic way.
He didn't mean to sound so moody, but this point had been bothering him all day.
Without the do or die attitude of the war to occupy him anymore bumblebee found himself thinking about things a lot.
His constant contact with Sam and his human values had aroused many questions he had never even thought of before. He seemed to contemplate them endlessly nowadays and sometimes he got the impression that his fellow Autobots were not as intrigued by them as he was.
In fact he got the distinct impression that most of the time they just wanted him to shut up.
He peeked around the side of the semi-trailer he had been examining, to see Ironhyde leaning against the cab of another semi apparently snooping around some barrels, deep in thought.
At least he wasn't the only one who had been thinking too much lately.
During the short silence Ironhyde moved over to check out some barrels a short distance away.
"This is strange?" Ironhyde mumbled, mostly to himself.
It was then that he was shocked out of his own little world by Ratchet answering his rhetorical question, again.
"Hmm…petroleum. Mostly used in the lubrication of earth's mechanical vehicles."
He hadn't noticed Ratchet come up behind him.
"I can see that for myself but why is it left here." He said "My records say that this station has been abandoned since 1993." Ironhyde said with an edge of irritation in his voice.
Thinking about what Bumblebee had said he turned to the barrel and popped the lid off easily with a flick of his wrist. The smell that immediately assaulted his sensors was not as repulsive as he expected.
"…Huh" he said to himself again, mildly suprised "Must be premium unleaded"
"Ironhyde are you trying to inhale petrol fumes?" Came Ratchets response to his action.
"Just trying to see what it would feel like to have a head the size of yours!" Ironhyde quickly retorted. He was too hot and uncomfortable to put up with Ratchets' perfectionist tendencies today.
That and he really hated being snuck up on.
"Has Bee been putting ideas in your head again?"
Wait, that sentence sounded familiar… "Ha!" How did he do that?!
"By Prime! you're distracted today! What is with you?" Ratchet asked ignoring the hostile comment from earlier, for Ironhyde that was practically hello!
"Hmrph! Have you ever noticed how…good, this stuff smells?" Ironhyde said nicely avoiding the question.
Ratchets response was a raised eyebrow. Hmm maybe it wasn't as subtle as he originally thought.
"It's petrololeum, Ironhyde. 3% benzene with an alkene content upto…" Ratchet began.
Ironhyde cut him off before he could finish. By pouring the barrel of oil straight onto Ratchets head.
Coughing, spluttering and oozing with brown goop. All Ratchet seemed to be able to do was gape.
The next thing he knew Ironhyde was leaning against the cab of the nearest truck laughing.
Suddenly recovering from his surprise Ratchet decided to retaliate. He may be the team medic but that didn't mean he was a pacifist.
Initializing his saw blades he turned to the next barrel, quickly cut the top off and flung the contents at Ironhyde.
It was then that Ratchet noticed the smell of the oil. Ironhyde was right it was nice. Even more alluring the more you smelt of it.
Why would you not want to smell it, it was sweet, smooth and downright satisfying.
"Hey, where do you think your going!?" Ratchet called after Ironhyde as he ran off to inform bumblebee of their marvellous discovery.
Ratchet having decided that this was something that was just too good to share gave chase.
Meanwhile, lounging around on the roof of the pump station Jazz was still bored out of his central processor.
He liked this spot on the roof.
It was right next to a sign, which had different numbers written up and down it in large letters. It was quite large and therefore partially protected him from the sun, but the best thing about it was the light breeze that occasionally wafted past his receptors.
Right on the edge of his sensors he could just hear bumblebee laughing at something, followed by a loud thump. Oh well at least they had something to occupy themselves with.
Tucking his arms behind his head he began to think about this world that fate had provided them with.
It was so Green.
Plants as far as his optics could see. They used to have plants on Cybertron but they were all destroyed by the growth of their civilisation and the all consuming war.
As far as cultures go though, this one was pretty damn groovy.
The whole planet had apparently decided to take a couple of months off of their occupations, just because.
It was brilliant! Never before had he seen such a unified stand against productivity.
Just to see the way these humans worked together, the way they interacted to form communities. They used simple machinery to accomplish construction of the most complicated of architecture.
It was fascinating.
It was at that moment he was startled out of his processors as an SUV sized car went soaring across the empty lot and crashed into the large, numbered sign.
Sitting up and glancing over at the source of the problem, he frowned. He sighed when he saw three of the most efficient soldiers on all of Cybertron covered in brown sludge.
Standing up on the roof he went to get a closer look. Maybe there's a logical reason for…for Bumblebee to have a drum of oil wedged on his head?!…
As he got closer along the roof of the main building he saw the reason bumblebee was still wrestling with the awkward container.
Ironhyde, who was standing next to him, had one hand on the top of the drum preventing Bee from removing it. While with the other hand he was holding up a piece of the car that went flying past earlier as cover.
It appeared he was trying to stop Ratchet from spraying him with the petroleum hose he had connected to his secondary weapon, so that it now sprayed the volatile substance.
That's it. He thought airily. They've finally lost their processing cogs!!
Jazz just stood there for a couple of minutes assessing the situation…Maybe my optical modulators need adjusting. He hoped.
He decided to take control of the crazy situation. Walking up to the edge of the roof he called loudly
"Alright bots! Optimus is gonna be here any minute. Why don't we all move over there near that pump and have a good wash down?" Jazz instructed coming up along the top of one of the semi trailers.
"What is with you and heights?" Ironhyde asked a very tired looking Jazz.
"He likes to be tall, it makes him feel important" Bumblebee said thoughtfully.
"Hey! I AM important!" Jazz says reproachfully.
"Yeah, but not tall!" Ratchet said
Bee and Ironhyde started snickering.
"Yeah? like to see you sit on a building with half the style I do!"
Ironhyde bursts out laughing "Then he'd have to be like 8 feet tall!" Everyone, but Jazz, burst out laughing. This was getting ridiculous!
"No! Half the style, not size. You Daftbot!!" Ratchet gasps between fits of laughter
"Yeah half the style would be Bee!" Ironhyde responded.
Thankfully Bumblebee didn't seem to notice this insult as he had just fallen off of the truck he had been sitting on.
"Alright I'm thinking we should settle this argument before it gets out of hand…I'm all right and your all wrong." Jazz sighed, as they all burst into giggles again, and put his face in his hand.
Hahaha! "Briliant!" Ironhyde managed to say as they all burst into hysterics again.
"Yeah! You can stay!" stammered Bee
"Yay for me?!" Jazz stated sarcastically, waving his hands slightly. Very confused.
"Hahaha! He did it again!!" Ratchet almost screamed.
"Oh look! Something shiny!!" Jazz almost yelled over the din. Pointing in the direction of the water pump.
Jumping up and stumbling over to the pump they all began to, wobbly, search for the vanishing shiny object.
"…I can't believe that worked" Jazz muttered, then sighed as he stared after them "Optimus is gonna have my head"