A/N: 1st Rent Fan fic: planning on having a lot of little one shot type things with each character and a different thought on a different subject, please R&R and give me suggestions and or comments! Thanks.
Mark and Dying
Have you ever felt so far gone that it might be better to just to let go? Mark often asked himself questions like that when he was alone, and just for that purpose he hardly ever let himself be in his own skin. He tired to document the lives of others, before the people whom he truly cared about were gone. He didn't ask to be put in a world were he was the only one who didn't have to be living everyday like his last. Mark knew he could wake up tomorrow and be fine and it gave him a sense of utter urgency and dread to know his friends could never experience that feeling again.
So he devoted himself to them, he' done it for so long it seemed logical, and he wasn't trying to convince himself anymore, and only because he already had, the he would have plenty of time to live while everyone else; Roger, Mimi Collins, would only have time to be gone.
When he and Maureen were dating he'd tried to talk to her about being the only people who didn't have AIDS. She would just smile and say 'Pookie, no one is going anywhere, we're all okay, so just calm down…" then she would give him a kiss and he'd loose his train of though. But Mark always hoped that one day he could be in a relationship where he could be open and talk about the deep stuff. He hoped one day he could stop his life for just a moment and manage to tell the world how he felt, instead of dedicating his life to letting others tell him their feelings. And every once in a while, although the feeling came and left, leaving him with only a shred of evidence it was even there, Mark Cohen wished he was dying too, because maybe it would help him live.