A/N: Hey all! Here's a new story for you guys. It's about JJ and Hotch (of course) and it takes place during the episode JJ from season 6. The idea is from Fanatical Writer who wanted to see this written but didn't have the time. So, I just wanted to thank her for letting me adopt the idea, hope it's what you had in mind. This should be a two-shot, maybe a three-shot, and it will become rated M in the next chapter.
With all that said, on with the show. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Chapter 1:
JJ knew it was coming. It was inevitable. So, after taking down the crime scene photos and information set up in the conference room she wasn't surprised to hear his footsteps from behind her.
"When do I leave?" she asked resignedly.
She knew she had to leave the team, leave him. That battle was over before it'd even begun. For now, she'd put all her energy into not breaking down over the thought of not being close to him every day. Later, she'd focus herself and redirect that energy into fighting to come back. That war was ongoing.
"The end of the week," she heard his regretful voice say.
Shock overwhelmed her as she turned around to see that his expression matched his tone. "What?"
"They wanted you to start tomorrow," he informed her.
She continued to stare at him incredulously. Was it her imagination or was he avoiding eye contact?
"No, I… I can't… I need to train someone," she stuttered out, grasping at anything to extend her connection to this man in front of her.
They'd become close. Close enough for her to break up with Will a month before. Nothing had happened between her and Hotch, per se, but her feelings, alone, for the stoic man had been enough for her to re-think and eventually end her relationship with the father of her child. But in her mind she'd always believed the attraction went both ways.
"I'm not replacing you," he said, voice sad, eyes still not meeting hers.
She so wished he'd look her in the eye. As it were, she had no idea where they stood. JJ was afraid that this might be their moment of no return.
"No, Hotch," she protested, as he started to close the distance between them. She shook her head. "You can't take this on yourself. Your hands are full."
"We'll figure it out," he assured, stopping three feet away from her. Three feet too far, in her opinion. "I'm hoping I can get you back."
And there it was, a brief moment of eye contact, of connection. The words were comforting alone, but to see them reflected back in his eyes was heart-warming. To know that he hoped to have her by his side once again, well…
And then the distance was back. "Strauss wanted you to fill this out."
He handed her a sheaf of papers, paper clipped together. She looked at them in shock. "Exit… interview? Are you kidding me?" she asked in annoyance, but not with him, with Strauss.
"She's big on procedure," he said, eyes still downcast.
Words were failing her. Her heart was breaking. Why couldn't they see they were breaking their family up? Why couldn't they see they were breaking them up?
"Just be honest," he attempted to give her advice, but she could tell he was struggling to say something to give her some measure of comfort. She could see this was hard on him too. "I was hoping I could do something about this…"
She gave him a sympathetic look. She hated this. She could tell he felt horrible. He so did not need this. He did not need one more thing to worry and stress over. She wished she could take this away if only for the reason of his peace of mind. All she wanted to do was make him happy. And now, inadvertently, she was doing the complete opposite.
"… and I'm sorry I couldn't."
"I know," was all she could think of to say.
A moment of silence passed between them. They glanced into each other's eyes, unsaid words passing between them. Admiration. Friendship. Regret. Each of them looked away when the moment seemed to intensify and the feelings threatened to overwhelm. But, oh how JJ wanted him to know how much she wanted him, how much she craved him…
She looked out the window, spotting her friends down in the bull-pen. The thought of telling them, stilled her rapidly beating heart.
"How am I supposed to tell them I'm leaving when I don't want to go?"
"The brass is really, really good at taking power away. Makes them feel like they're in charge."
She looked up at him, giving him an ironic, small smile. "That sounds like a profile."
He returned her look with a brief, tiny smile of his own. "You're going to be much better off than any of us, you know that," he tried to placate.
She appreciated the attempt. But it was his next words that melted her heart.
"I'll miss you," he finished, though the thin line of is lips that formed told her that maybe that's not all he wanted to say.
Say more, say more, say more, she chanted in her mind.
But when he reached across the distance only to offer her an impersonal handshake she was sorely disappointed.
She watched his retreating back, heart breaking, moment passed.
Hotch opened his fridge, looking for a bottle of beer. God, he just needed to forget the past 48 hours. He needed to forget how awful it felt to find out that someone else wanted JJ. He needed to forget how powerless he was to stop her being taken away. And he definitely needed to forget their last encounter and how it felt too much like a good-bye for his comfort.
He grabbed his beer and made his way through the small, empty house he'd recently bought. He'd bought it at Jessica's insistence that an apartment building was no place to raise a little boy.
Jack was currently at Jessica's, having a sleepover with his cousins. As he sat down in his living room, he was glad Jack wasn't around to witness the mood he was in. All he wanted to do was drink his beer and sulk over the fact that today may have been the last time he'd ever work with JJ. That today may have been his last chance to make that connection he'd felt with her an actual reality.
He'd been feeling something for her for a while now. He thought after she'd shared what had happened to her sister and how things would get better for him after Hailey had died that it was just camaraderie. But as the days went by and they continued to work closely, side by side, he knew it was more than just friendship he felt for the pretty blonde. JJ, he was finding out, was something special.
In any case, though she hadn't told him, he was quite aware of the fact that she'd ended things with Will. His heart told him he now had his chance, that she'd created this chance for the two of them. But his brain was the stubborn one. Always listing the possibilities of why his heart was wrong. In the end his brain won when it asked his heart one question: Do you really want to get hurt again?
And that's what his inaction really came down to: fear. Fear that she would reject him. Fear that she would accept him. Fear that he'd build something with her and that it would all be taken away from him again, one way or another. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to live with himself, if he ever had her and then lost her. It was just easier to pretend not to see the bond they'd formed. So, he'd let it go for now, but he would still fight to get her back on the team, because one thing that was for certain was that she was a part of that family. She just wouldn't be a part of his family.
He let out a troubled sigh. Reaching for the remote, he was ready for a few hours of mindless television. But just as he grabbed the remote the doorbell rang.
Hotch looked out his front window. It was pouring rain. Who could be out in this? he thought to himself. He considered not getting it. Sure that if it was important they would have called first. But when instead of the door ringing again he heard a fist pounding on the door, followed by his name being called by an unmistakable voice, he quickly got up to answer it.
The door swung open and there, on his doorstep, was a very soaked looking JJ.
Her hair hung in thick wet strands, some plastered to her face with the damp. Her thick eyelashes, framing her azure eyes, had tiny water droplets that sparkled in the remaining rays of daylight. Her lips, parted slightly, were the reddest he'd ever seen them. She was breathing hard, as if she'd run all the way over. His eyes skimmed the rest of her, a white button up, collared shirt clung to her curves in an indecent manner. He tried to look away from where the shirt clung to the curves of her breasts, as they rose and fell with every pant of her breath. Her black pants also clung to her. Hotch concluded that maybe she had run all the way in the rain.
His eyes shot up to hers when she began to speak.
"A handshake, Hotch," she said incredulously. "I work with you for six years and all you can give me is a handshake?"
He could hear the hurt in her voice, the pain at his forced distance. He had never wanted to hurt her; he'd thought he'd avoided it by not saying or doing more. It seemed that he'd been wrong.
"JJ," he replied, voice soft. "We were at work. Anything else… it would have been inappropriate…"
His eyes dropped from her sad, accusing blue eyes only to land on that damned shirt, molded to her chest.
There was a moment of long silence. He was sure she was about to turn around and walk right out of his life forever.
"Well…" she trailed off, voice husky sounding, with a hint of amusement.
He looked up, she wasn't smiling, but that hint of amusement twinkled in her eyes. He realized that she must have caught him staring at her chest. Embarrassed, he wanted to apologize, but the next thing he knew she was stepping towards him. Hotch took a step back, hoping to keep that distance between them, not sure what would happen if it were to disappear.
When her hands reached up to press against his chest, his heart began to race.
"JJ," he croaked out, "What are you doing?"
Her hands still on his chest, moving in small circles now, she took another step towards him. This time he didn't move; he was frozen in place, not sure what was going to happen next.
When she leaned up on her toe to come close to meeting his gaze head on, he could see directly into those eyes. And those eyes told him exactly what she was doing even before she said her next words.
"… We're not at work, right now…"
And then she was kissing him, and everything seemed to melt away. All there was, all he knew was JJ.
I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. And I hope you all will tell me what you think, reviews are greatly appreciated.
Just wanted to say thanks again to Fanatical Writer for the use of her great idea, hope it's what you expected.