Aya walked back from the little plot of land that was destined to be Ken's
resting place for all eternity , and tried to quench the bitter agony
welling up in his heart .
Slowly , with the frailness of an old man , he opened the door to his car and sank into the seat . He turned the ignition and the engine , sputtering , came to life .
Aya drove through the streets .
It was quiet .
The world was mourning the loss of its most beautiful creature and the solitude was one of agony .
Aya laid his head against the rest , his eye barely on the road . It didn't matter anyway ... Ken was dead . Gone . Lost ...
Nothing matters anymore , nothing but the pain . Mauve eyes stared , unseeing .
That silent biting misery that tears at your heart and gnaws your gut .
The wind whipped across his face like an angry whiplash ; physically hurting .
Everything in this whole fucking world is twisted .
Everything that ever showed beauty and light died or was killed off .
Why is God so damn unfair ?
Why did He take the only things that matter .
Did He enjoy human pain ?
Was He some kind of sadist who reveled in men's agony ?
Maybe He was just selfish .
Maybe God was just selfish .
Maybe He wanted everything beautiful for Himself --- and he took Ken .
After all , He created everything for his pleasure ; what did one person's pain matter to Him ?
The car swerved and the right side rolled on the gravel , Aya didn't care .
Maybe God was going to show some pity and take him away as well ... and he'd be happy . Maybe for one moment , he'd have the opportunity to see Ken ; wherever he is and he'd spend a whole eternity burning in hell just for that one moment .
The car cruised to a bumpy halt .
Hell ...
Hell reminded him of the moment Ken shouted his name amidst the burning inferno
- and he hadn't done anything to save him . Nothing .
Aya was useless bastard .
He should have run in
He should have tried to save Ken from his nightmare .
But he didn't .
Maybe he was just as selfish as God ...
Maybe he deserved to burn in hell for all eternity .
He had just watched as Ken shouted his name .
Aya ... help me ...
A red-breasted cardinal fluttered on a tree branch and started to sing a mournful ballad .
Maybe it was one of God ... and pain ...
Or maybe it was one of love ... and of redemption ...
The hollow tunes echoed in his heart .
Aya buried his head in his hands as tears began to fall down pale wintry cheeks . Like a stream freezing as it trickles down the mountainside .
It was the first time he had ever cried in earnest .
Aya ... help me ...
" I love you Ken ... save ... me ... please ..."
And it began to rain . The king of rain that was perfect to complement the mortal agony on earth .
Maybe God knew how to love after all .
- - -
R_M : This is the first installation of the string of one-shots I'm planning to make post-Confused Identity timeline . I think it's inappropriate that I made Aya the first one since most people will be looking forwards to his point of view about this whole damned tragedy , but ... well , I couldn't resist .
I was sad writing this , really , I felt for him (O_o);;;; however weird that sounds . But that didn't mean that this angsty one-shot turned out well .
Did it ?
Let me know .
Arigatou and review .
Slowly , with the frailness of an old man , he opened the door to his car and sank into the seat . He turned the ignition and the engine , sputtering , came to life .
Aya drove through the streets .
It was quiet .
The world was mourning the loss of its most beautiful creature and the solitude was one of agony .
Aya laid his head against the rest , his eye barely on the road . It didn't matter anyway ... Ken was dead . Gone . Lost ...
Nothing matters anymore , nothing but the pain . Mauve eyes stared , unseeing .
That silent biting misery that tears at your heart and gnaws your gut .
The wind whipped across his face like an angry whiplash ; physically hurting .
Everything in this whole fucking world is twisted .
Everything that ever showed beauty and light died or was killed off .
Why is God so damn unfair ?
Why did He take the only things that matter .
Did He enjoy human pain ?
Was He some kind of sadist who reveled in men's agony ?
Maybe He was just selfish .
Maybe God was just selfish .
Maybe He wanted everything beautiful for Himself --- and he took Ken .
After all , He created everything for his pleasure ; what did one person's pain matter to Him ?
The car swerved and the right side rolled on the gravel , Aya didn't care .
Maybe God was going to show some pity and take him away as well ... and he'd be happy . Maybe for one moment , he'd have the opportunity to see Ken ; wherever he is and he'd spend a whole eternity burning in hell just for that one moment .
The car cruised to a bumpy halt .
Hell ...
Hell reminded him of the moment Ken shouted his name amidst the burning inferno
- and he hadn't done anything to save him . Nothing .
Aya was useless bastard .
He should have run in
He should have tried to save Ken from his nightmare .
But he didn't .
Maybe he was just as selfish as God ...
Maybe he deserved to burn in hell for all eternity .
He had just watched as Ken shouted his name .
Aya ... help me ...
A red-breasted cardinal fluttered on a tree branch and started to sing a mournful ballad .
Maybe it was one of God ... and pain ...
Or maybe it was one of love ... and of redemption ...
The hollow tunes echoed in his heart .
Aya buried his head in his hands as tears began to fall down pale wintry cheeks . Like a stream freezing as it trickles down the mountainside .
It was the first time he had ever cried in earnest .
Aya ... help me ...
" I love you Ken ... save ... me ... please ..."
And it began to rain . The king of rain that was perfect to complement the mortal agony on earth .
Maybe God knew how to love after all .
- - -
R_M : This is the first installation of the string of one-shots I'm planning to make post-Confused Identity timeline . I think it's inappropriate that I made Aya the first one since most people will be looking forwards to his point of view about this whole damned tragedy , but ... well , I couldn't resist .
I was sad writing this , really , I felt for him (O_o);;;; however weird that sounds . But that didn't mean that this angsty one-shot turned out well .
Did it ?
Let me know .
Arigatou and review .