In Between The Lines

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/n: You should probably have read Take My Hand and At least the first chapter of We'll Make It to really grasp what is going on here.

Enjoy!

I know this feeling; the terrible feeling that something was wrong. I had let myself hope. I had let him hope that things would be different this time.

The knock on the door is loud and quick. He has no reason to knock as we share this bedroom. I understand though. I have missed my last class. And we both know the only reason I would miss a single class. I don't answer him. I can't find my voice. He opens the door gently and shuts it behind him as he walks in.

I am a curled up mess on the floor. My resolve hadn't even lasted to the bed. He lifts me with ease and places me gently on the bed.

"Ginny." It's barely a whisper.

"No more." My voice is weak and cracks.

"No more." He agrees kneeling down to look me in the eyes. His are filled with tears and soon they are spilling over like mine.

Together we cry.

We cry all that night.

And we cry as we tell our families.

And we cry as we spend an afternoon at the healer's office.

I throw the third little plastic stick across the bathroom. It hits the wall and breaks. All of the pieces fall to the floor with the rest. My eyes burn from hot tears and Azlyn's face mirrors mine. I'm losing my mind. This is my fourth pregnancy. And yet I have no children.

"We are so damn careful and yet here we are in this position for a second time since Hogwarts." I cry. I resist the urge to throw the candle next to me into the mirror but just barely.

"Maybe this time is different." Azlyn gives me a small smile but she knows better.

"That is what you said last time. And I'm pretty sure I lost the baby two days later." I can hear the apartment door open and shut. Draco is home.

"I'm going to get going. I have a date with Harry tonight. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Azlyn wipes her tears away and stands. She slips out of the bathroom and a moment later I hear Draco's muffled voice saying something before the front door closes again.

And then he is on his knees in front of me. I fall into his arms. I'm sick of this. And I know I can't keep going through this.

"Draco" I whisper.

"I know, love, I know" He kisses the top of my head before pulling me to my feet. "You go rest I'll call the Healer."

Any other couple would be celebrating right now. Not us. I hate this. He hates this. So there are no smiles in our apartment that night. He makes an appointment for me to see the Healer and we eat dinner in silence before going to sleep.

The next morning I see the healer before going to class. I've heard what he tells me before. Nothing is wrong. My first healer was wrong and the second was incompetent. He promises me that everything will be fine and in eight months I'll get a baby. It sounds so good and he is so sure that I find it hard to not believe him.

And when a week passes, the hope begins. We tell our family and we celebrate. I feel terrible, but it's a good sign. And every time I feel like throwing up is like a small victory for us.

Then it all comes crumbling down.

I'm at school during one of the classes I don't share with my fiancé when the cramps hit. I excuse myself from class and quickly apparate home. When I see the blood, I do finally throw the candle at the mirror. It shatters into hundreds of pieces before I finally just lose it and the sobs come.

It's over. I'm done.

"Pansy's pregnant." I drop my school books on the kitchen table in our small apartment.

"I know, Blaise told me." He is walking on eggshells. I could sense it. It has only been about six weeks since the miscarriage.

"I'm happy for her." I take a step closer to him and he stands from his seat at the table.

"But?" He takes a step towards me in return.

"It hurts." I crash into his chest and let the tears fall.

"I know."

"So, are you going to tell us why we all had to have lunch today?" Azlyn smiles at Pansy.

"Yes, because you know how much I hate to have lunch with my two best friends." I roll my eyes at them and for a moment we all laugh. We barely have time for each other anymore.

"Well, I figured you two would want to be the first to hear my news." She smiles.

"Well you're already married so that's definitely not it." Azlyn looks uncertain. Unless she is leaving Blaise, there is only one other piece of news we would all be getting together to hear. And for me, this is painful.

"I'm pregnant" She seems almost afraid to smile over what should be good news.

There is a long pause in which both of them look at me afraid of my reaction.

"That's wonderful, Pansy. Does Blaise know?" I force the best fake smile I have across my face. I will be happy for her even if it kills me.

"Yes, of course" She sighs in relief over my apparent joy and we all spend the next half an hour chattering excitedly about it.

But by the time my day ends and I head home to see Draco, I've lost all ability to find even a fake happiness.

"It's a boy!" Blaise smiles triumphantly and I plaster on my happy face.

"Congratulations" He smiles and listens intently as his best friend describes the tiny infant we can hear wailing even though Pansy's room is down the hall.

I hate this place. And all I want to do is run. But I can't. In two weeks' time, I'll be working here. And I'll be forced to let go of the pain and jealously or be consumed by it again. No, it's time to let go.

I stand and mentally give myself a slap to get it together. Then I follow my friend's to go and congratulate my friend's on their new baby.

"It's six in the morning Azlyn, this had better be important." I yawn into the phone as Draco sits up next to me to see who is calling so early.

"Pansy's in labor. I figured you would want to know. They are already headed to St. Mungo's. See you there!" The line goes dead immediately after she is done speaking and within five minutes both Draco and I are dresses and getting ready to leave.

"Ginny" Draco stops me before we leave. "Are you sure you want to go? Pansy already told you she understands if this is too hard for us."

"Draco, I start work soon. I have to get past the pain so I can do my job. I'm fine." I smile but it wavers and he knows.

"No you're not" He whispers pulling me into his arms. I let a few stray tears fall down my face while I am in the comfort of his arms. "And I'm not either."

"You said this couldn't happen. You put her on the best birth control money can buy!" His voice is angry and I feel bad for Healer Smith who looks like he may pass out. This will probably be the last time we come to his office. I want to be sympathetic but after all this is his fault.

"I know. It shouldn't have happened. It must be her heritage. The Weasley family is known for being extremely fertile. For all we know, this pregnancy may be viable. You should, perhaps, calm down a bit and have some hope. She hasn't had a miscarriage." The healer is visibly shaking and at this point is saying whatever he can think of to get us to leave.

"Yet" He snarls taking my hand and leading me out of the office slamming the door behind him.

"You were, perhaps, a bit over the top in there." I whisper as we step out into the chilly afternoon. January had been especially cold this year.

"I'm sorry. I want to believe. I want it to be different this time. But then again I'm afraid to hope. I'm afraid of letting myself believe again." He wraps an arm around my waist protectively. Across the street an elderly couple smiles at us. I hope we can be like them someday; still madly in love after decades together.

"I know. We'll just have to wait and see. I guess I should find a new healer now." I smile up at him. We both know what waiting and seeing will bring. It's just the inevitable coming round again. "Let's not tell anyone this time."

"Alright love." He kisses the top of my head and we make the short walk back to our flat together.

"So how was your day?" Draco asks as we sit down at the table to eat dinner.

"It was alright. But I did have to recommend another healer to someone today."

"Oh, were they high risk? I know that is Calvin's specialty." He looks curious as he finishes cooking some pasta dish that I can't remember the name of.

"No, she is family so I can't be her healer." That catches all of his attention and he completely turns to face me.

"Who is?"

"Hermione" There is no smile or excitement over being an aunt. I wish I felt happy for her. But I don't.

"Oh Gin, how far along is she?" He turns off the stove and takes a seat across from me. In my head I begin to do math trying to remember when she said her last period was. As I'm working it out in my head, I realize something so much worse than Hermione being pregnant.

I jump out of my seat and bolt for our bedroom. I know I have now scared my fiancé half to death as he comes running after me.

"Ginny? What is it?" He looks at me like I have grown a second head and I don't know what to say.

"Go finish dinner; I uh just really have to." I motion towards the restroom and he takes the hint well enough and obeys what I am asking.

Three minutes is all it takes for me to once again be seriously considering throwing something at the mirror. But I realize Draco has removed the candle from the room. It is probably a good idea.

I walk into the kitchen. Draco is already sitting at the table with our food but my appetite is long gone. I sit quietly and pass the little plastic stick to him. It takes a moment before he realizes what it means. But no sadness crosses his face. He is angry. He stands so quickly that he knocks over the tiny table and the food all goes crashing to the ground. He doesn't care. He just storms out of the room, then the apartment with the door slamming behind him.

I wave my wand to clean up the mess and then silently walk back to our bedroom. I fall onto the bed and sob. I'm on birth control. The best there is. I never skip any and we are always careful. How the hell did this happen?

It takes nearly half an hour before Draco returns. He kicks off his shoes and climbs up next to my crying figure wrapping me up in his arms.

"I'm sorry" He whispers into my hair and I curl up closer to him. "I already called Healer Smith. I may have scared him a bit. He wants to see us in the morning. Are all the other prenatal healers morons?" I can tell by his voice that he is crying too.

"Just once, I want something good to happen to us. Just once"

"I know love, I know."

I throw the vase and it hits the wall and shatters. I slide down until I'm all curled up in a ball. He walks through the door and spots the mess.

"No" His voice is sad. I know why. We had agreed to not be hopeful. We had agreed to not believe. And then weeks began to pass. And yet nothing happened. Then today, at ten weeks, the bleeding started. I was at work so I just asked a friend to do a quick exam. And my fears are confirmed.

"We knew" I cry and he crosses the room to come sit next to me. "We knew and yet when it didn't happen after a little while we just." It wasn't even a full sentence or thought. But he knew what I was getting at.

"Now what do we do?" He asks. I lean into his chest and close my eyes.

"I don't know"

I left work as soon as Calvin confirmed my miscarriage. How stupid had I been? It's never different. Each time the healer tells me to have some hope; that the time before means nothing. That they are better than the healer I've seen before them. I can't do this. Right now I want to die. I want to curl up in a ball and die. I'm also angry. I'm so angry at myself for picturing a baby. I'm angry at all the stupid healers. I'm angry at everything. And then I notice the empty vase sitting next to me on the coffee table.

I wake up much later in the night while and untangle myself from Draco. On top of the dresser is the photo album with all the pictures from Hogwarts in it. I pick it up and as quietly as possible settle back into bed before flipping to a specific page. Draco and I are wrapped up in each other's arms. Azlyn took the picture just moments after I agreed to marry him. That was the happiest day of my life in the last few years. And soon I would be marring him. So it was time to put this broken part of my life behind me. I know what has to be done now.

"I don't see why you are so angry!" I shout.

"Why? You are taking away our ability to ever have children! Why wouldn't I be angry?" He slams his fist down on the counter and I cringe.

"I didn't take that away from you. Bickman took that from us. Or do you not remember? How many more times do you want me to go through this? How many more times do you want to go through this?" I don't understand how he can't understand.

"We just need to prevent it for now. Maybe in a few years there will be a treatment or something. Please, I don't think this is the right thing to do now." He is begging now. But I know better than he does. I work in this field. There will never be a way to fix what was done to me and I explain this to him. But he just stands there and I'm sure he is shaking in anger.

"I've made up my mind. I am going to go through with this. I just wish you could support me." I plead my case one last time before turning and going to our bedroom.

I wait for him to follow me.

I wait for a long time. But he doesn't come.

I wait until I am exhausted and then I fall asleep alone.

"I can't believe you want to get fixed." Draco looks at me with anger. I've never seen him so angry with me.

"We are getting married soon. I want to be done with this. You know how broken I am. I can't do this anymore. And getting fixed is not the technical term for it. You know that." I try to keep my voice even. Yelling is not going to get my point across any better.

"This is ridiculous Ginny. I can't believe you didn't even tell me you were thinking about it. You just decided without me. I'm your fiancé. We are supposed to make decisions together."

"Don't go there Draco Malfoy. You've made plenty of decisions without me." He is being ridiculous.

"This is different. This is our family!"

"Forgive me, love" He whispers. We are sitting on a bench in the park.

"I have already forgiven you about a thousand times." I say. He had already apologized for our fight several times since that night.

"I know. It's just that our wedding is in a week and I don't want us to have any unresolved issues." He holds my hand in his and I lay my head down on his shoulders.

"Nothing is unresolved. In a week we will be married and five days after that is the procedure." We never really talk about it. We hadn't really discussed it since we had made up and then spoken to the healer to make the arrangements. And I knew he wasn't going to talk about it now.

"Alright then." He kissed the top of my head. "Are you ready for our wedding?"

"I feel like I've been waiting a lifetime to be Mrs. Draco Malfoy."

"I know the feeling, love"

"Ginny" Draco steps into our bedroom and sits down on our bed. He is still in his clothes from the day before and it looks as if he didn't sleep at all.

I sit up and I know I look terrible. Without a word I throw my arms around him and snuggle into his chest.

"I don't like it when we fight." I sigh.

"I am so sorry, love. I know this is what you have to do. And while I still don't like it. I am supposed to be your biggest supporter so I will be here for you, no matter what."

"I'm sorry too. I wish there was another way. But there isn't and I'm ready to get on with our lives. Maybe we can adopt like Charlie and Anna. It will all be okay. It has to be."

We sit in each other's arms for a few moments before I pull away and smile up at my soon-to-be husband.

"We both really need a shower. And you know how much I hate being alone." I wink at him as I untangle myself form him and begin to walk towards the bathroom. I wait a moment before turning to face him. "So are you joining me or not."

He does.