OK guys, this is my first ever Eastenders / Christian/Syed fic, so please be nice!!
It's starting point is from yesterday's (23rd Feb) episode, after that embrace at the Masala Unit.
I've rated it M for possible steamy scenes in later chapters, as I have already indicated some sex in this chapter.
Please take a moment to tell me what you think of it!!

xoxoxo


Christian POV:

As I headed home after the episode at the Unit, I was already missing him. That closeness that I had had with Syed had been sorely missed, and now that we had finally touched again, my body was screaming out for more. I felt closer to him than I had been in months, and I had some hope that we could work things out. I wasn't so stupid as to suppose that he'd leave his wife for me, but it was a step forward. At least he was talking to me again. And the way he had defended me against Zainab...well, it made my chest swell with love for him. He was willing to disrespect his own mother to protect me...

I stopped my thoughts in their tracks. I knew that if I let myself get carried away like this, then it would only hurt me later on. I had been kidding myself when I thought that, over time, I would stop loving Syed. I knew, deep down, that there would never be anyone to rival him. No one would even come close. After the wedding, I had went out on the pull, not the least bit surprised to find that I wasn't remotely attracted to a single gay, straight or bi man in the whole of the East End. From the day we had had our first kiss, my heart would always belong to Syed.

It was strange that, as I walked into my flat, it felt empty. It had been absent from any trace of Syed, or any other company, for months, and yet, I felt as though it was only yesterday that we had laid in bed together after making love to one another. I shook my head, laughing slightly to myself. I was Christian, for God's sake! I didn't fall like this, not for everyone. But, because I couldn't even lie to myself anymore, I didn't believe it for a second. The moment that he had walked into my life, everything had changed. My life finally had a purpose, had a meaning. Syed had literally turned my world upside down, and I was left with nothing. All because of his faith, his religion...his mother. I was left to watch him attempt to play happy families with Amira, knowing deep down that it would never work out. I knew that, one day, whether it be in a year from now, or ten years down the line, Syed's little secret would finally be out. And it killed me to know that it may not be my arms that Syed would finally run into. He would move away, start a new life, all memory of me and our time together forgotten. He would fall in love with another man, while I would be left here forever nursing a broken heart. It really was a cruel twist of fate that I had to fall for a man who would go to any lengths to hide his true sexuality and pretend to be happy with a wife.

Syed POV:

The way that Christian had held me in the Unit had felt so...so right. I had never realised before how much more relaxed my body was around him. I could feel it, each of my muscles slowly starting to relax, save for one part of my body. It was different to when I held Amira. I knew that I did that more out of show and habit than out of love. I had already admitted to myself that I wasn't in love with Amira. Yes, I could see that she was a beautiful young woman that any straight man would be lucky to have. The only problem was, I wasn't a straight man. I had finally come to terms with it. And, had my mother allowed it, I probably would have shouted it from the rooftops.

But my mother hadn't allowed it. She had forced me to marry Amira, despite my pleas for her to love and respect her son no matter what. My mother knew that I was gay; she had finally admitted it to herself. But she would not allow me to bring that sort of shame upon my family. So she had made me continue with the sham of a wedding, and my sham of a honeymoon, all in the good name of our family.

As I lay in bed, my wife lying beside me, I started to think of how different my life could have turned out. If I had had the courage to stand up to my mother, to stand up to my religion, my faith, I could have been truly happy. Now, I was forced to live this lie day after day, night after night, only being able to force myself to make love to my wife by pretending that it was Christian. Despite what I had told him in the Vic, I had only been able to consummate my marriage while thinking of him. It was only ever going to be thoughts of him that would let me get through this marriage.

I sighed to myself as I heard Amira stir in her sleep, finally coming out of unconsciousness. As she trailed her hand lightly down my stomach, I knew where my mind was going to be for the next hour or so. I was already back there, as soon as our lips met. I was back in Christian's flat.