by Amai (shadowseeker16@yahoo.com)
Author's Note: Wai! I did a Kensuke. Well...kind of. Okay, maybe this isn't as cute as some are, but it's very angsty for my Daisuke *sobs* and as much as I love it, I feel for Daisuke- poor guy. Well, anyway, this fic deals with death/shounen ai material. If you don't like it, then please do not flame me for it. Just don't read it. And flames with be laughed at. And hard, hehe...and tell me if you want me to write a sequel, I just might! Depends. Anyways...enough of my blabbering, on to the fic-!
February 13th, 3:25 PM-
I'm standing next to the open window. It's raining, and I'm getting cold and wet. But I don't care. What's there to care about? I wonder...
It's going to be Valentines' Day tomorrow. I hate Valentine's Day....it was one of the true times I was seriously alone. And that's my biggest fear, being alone.
Heh...aren't I supposed to hold the crest of courage? Then why don't I have the courage it so proudly shines? Why? Maybe. Maybe...maybe...it's wrong. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not needed.
I wonder....if I killed myself would it even matter to anyone? Would they care? They say that committing suicide is selfish to the ones that love you. But..but..what if there were no ones that loved you? Would it still be selfish, would it still take something from the world?
Maybe. Maybe, I should just end it now. But, even if I killed myself, would it end the pain? The pain of knowing that I love someone with all the love that I couldn't have, and knowing that there's no way in hell that they person would love me back?
No, I'm not talking about Hikari.
She can have TK, I'm happy for them, actually. I gave up on her a while ago. Maybe. Maybe I wasn't even in love with her in the first place. Maybe, it was just a shield to hide my true feelings. To hide that...I was different. But, he wouldn't understand that.
Yes, he.
I don't know if it's the fact that it's a he that I love, or if it's because that he is our enemy that kills me. Eats me internally. Why does it hurt this much? It shouldn't. I shouldn't be feeling this. Maybe. Maybe, it's because I want to give him the love I can't have...because that's the extent of the love that I feel when I look into his violet eyes. An enigma to my ignorant being.
It wouldn't take that long to end it all...really, it wouldn't.
Maybe. Maybe...I should do it.
But then, I see chibimon. Sleeping. I realize...that even if he's the only one that loves me, it changes it all. It changes the suicide to a selfish act...he lives for my happiness. I..I couldn't do that to him.
He wants me to be happy.
But I'm only happy when I'm with the one I love. Maybe...that means, if I could be happy being with him, I should go see him..should I?
The others would hate me for it. But, they would hate me for everything I did. Maybe. Maybe, they'd be even happy if I left for the other side. Yes, happy. Just...let him accept me, please let him accept me...it's all I can wish for. Chibimon would understand if I left for him. He told me so. Maybe.
Not maybe. I'm sure now. I'm going. And if he accepts me, all I can say is that, it was nice knowing the other side...
I'm writing a note right now, to tell them whoever cares that I'm gone. They won't understand...at least, most of them. I look over at my sleeping friend. Don't worry, even if I'm not accepted, I'll come back to you. I promise. Like I said, even with one person, suicide is selfish.
God, I hope my first crest comes through.
I'm coming, Ken Ichijouji.
To be continued....? You decide.
Onegai, R/R! And tell me if you want a sequal or not ^^