DISCLAIMER: I claim no ownership to SPN. I don't think anyone would appreciate if I did.
AN: A somewhat short (poorly written) introspective on Dean and Cas in purgatory.
Intangible
I pray to you - hoping you showed. And you always did, without fail. But it was always me that fail you. I blame you for everything that went wrong. A simple - I am sorry - is always too difficult to say to you. I am selfish and unforgiving.
-Dean Winchester
It was always you - I would follow and laid my life for. It was always you I held so high above anything else. And at time, it would hurt so unbearably so - because you were too focused, too blind to see the sacrifices I have made to keep you whole, too keep your world okay. When you left, everything that kept me sane all but disappeared along with you. So I reached out for whatever was closest - And it appeared that I was wrong to do so in your eyes.
-Castiel
I am sorry – It is dark here. But only in the dead of night would you ever hear it so. I am a coward – because here in this place, you were still lost somewhere inside yourself. I am sorry – I am sorry – because I would never truly admit how wrong I am if you were to fully understand the meaning laced behind each words – I love you.
-Dean Winchester
And this time around, it was you who grip me tight. I held onto you, afraid that you may leave me. Soon, I fear that I will be alone with every monster to devour what is left of me. Every touches stolen, every kisses rushed, every last words uttered, I will hold onto them as if they were real. They're all that will be left of you here. There is no one on the other side that would save me. You are loved. You are missed. I am sorry – you will let go and this time around God will not save me. My brothers and sisters will not reach out for me – they are unforgiving as you are. I will no longer be able to hear their voices. I will no longer be able to hear their laughers and songs. But most of all, I will no longer be able to hear you. And that – that is what I will miss most of all.
-Castiel
You let go – And I would never understand why. You allowed the darkness to enclose around you, standing there simply with an empty smile. You were supposed to fight – You were to suppose to hold on. We were in this together. But you knew me better than I would ever hope to understand you. This story was never about us – it was always about Sam and me – And you were never truly a factor that shaped the lives of the Winchester. So you let go. Like all the times before – I failed you. I can no longer claim to recapture the deep blue of your eyes. All that were said and all that were done will be left here with you. Did you think I would be happier, better, without you? Did you believe that all that was that was said were words of a desperate man looking for salvation before death? Maybe I was in the wrong. Maybe I did not make myself clear – I am not sure if I can imagine this life without you.
-Dean Winchester
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AN: OMG, you made it to the very short ending of this very poorly written story of mine. A-mazing. But in all honesty, thanks for reading. This was very hastily written and lacking in proper grammar and mechanic skills. I don't think I will ever master the English language.