Loveless

by SethNightlord

In a world where everyone has a perfect match, Roxas is alone and the clock is ticking as Axel tries to convince Roxas that true love is indeed for everyone. RoxasXAxel

Loveless

By : Sethnightlord

Chapter 1 - Month 1

On average, one suicide occurs every 17 minutes.

I woke up tired even though I could've sworn I'd just slept my life away. I've been thinking like that a lot lately and I'm not sure if it should scare me or not. I almost feel like I should sleep for a thousand years and maybe when I wake up, I'll finally find my match and we'll live together just like all the other pairs. Happily ever after and all that shit.

I can hope because at the age of nineteen, my chance of finding my match has diminished to near zero. My friends still tell me not to worry because I still have time and there are billions of people in the world. Other times I know I'm one of the Loveless. A Loveless is a person without their partner, usually because their love was killed. But occasionally, you'll hear rumors about the Loveless that never had love to begin with.

But that can't be true because from birth every ring is created with its identical pair and given to two children that are fated to fall in love for forever. It almost sounds like a fairy tale, but it burns like fuck when you don't have your other half. It's like you're truly missing a part of yourself and your heart aches everyday. It's almost enough to want to sleep your life away.

It's been nineteen long, miserable, loveless years and I think I gave up on my match sometime between 10th and 11th grade, when everyone around me had their fated partner. They said I'd find my love one day, but years later I'm still miserably alone and I feel like a social outcast. I'm the dejected orphan looking in at a family eating Christmas dinner together. It makes me sick.

They say I'm bitter and ill-fated. And they all say it's because I'm a Loveless.

And I can't deny it.

Everyday, my life is the same meaningless routine. I wake up feeling miserable and go to class, come home, do my homework and go to sleep feeling miserable. It's a vicious cycle. Yes, I know, eventually I won't be able to take it anymore. Whether it's two weeks from now or twenty years in the future, but I'll never make it and my friends know it--hell I know it, we all know what happens when you don't find your match. They watch me like a hawk these days, especially because Valentine's day is coming up. My least favorite day of the year. It fucking kills when you see couples hand in and hand, your own hand burns with a chill only outdone by your frozen heart. I've learned to live with it, if I don't it'll consume me and I'll never find my match.

I've searched for years now on the internet and even hired a private investigator once to find my match, nothing. My ring is one of a kind, unique and I hate it. Not a single ring even slightly resembles it. A crown, a golden crown. So simple and so elegant. I wear it around my neck along with a heart charm I found on the ground one day. I thought it would be good luck, but instead it must be cursed. But I can't find it in me to throw it away.

So I cling to the necklace just as I cling to life and to the little bit of hope I have left.

But time is so short. If I don't find my match by the time I'm twenty, my body will decay to dust. Only a few months left of this. I can't wait.

I can't decide if it's the last dredges of her youth fermenting in a pool or the sticky scent of a French perfume meant to drown out the stench of nicotine, that fills the bus with such a scent of rot and decay and frankly I don't care. After fifteen minutes of suffocating in a soup of this woman's life, I was ready to vomit.

Sitting on this bus should be one of the deepest pits in Dante's Inferno. Her stench fills my nostrils and smothers my thoughts like a blanket of drug-induced stupor. I stew quietly, but everyone knows I won't be able to keep it together for much longer.

It's cruel when one possesses the knowledge that they are truly pitied.

If I stay here, I'll surely go insane. No human being could ever survive this.

I want to shout at them to stop, but their pity only feeds my addictive tragedy like so many pills.

This is such a tragedy.

I stare at my ring finger and the place where my heart should be simmers slowly. Instinctively I grasp the delicate chain around my neck, as if I fear that some how, since I last touched it five seconds ago, it'll be gone. My ring revolves around my every waking thought and with it, that dull pain that makes my teeth ache.

All around me I see gold flash as happy couples share intimate moments and I hate them for it. I stare at everyone alone on the bus, examining their fingers closely.

Not a single match.

There has never been. So I don't know why I even bother anymore. Maybe because deep down, I'm an optimist who can't let their only chance at happiness slip away. The ring I was given at birth has seemingly damned me to a bitter life of which death would be a pleasant escape.

Tomorrow, my least favorite day of the year, is creeping up on me like inevitable doom. My friends watch me like hawks. Sora won't let me out of his sight to even go to the bathroom, his affection almost touches my heart but the smoldering looks of lust Riku shoots his way every five seconds makes me retch, and reminds me why I hate this holiday so much.

Kairi and Tidus sit quietly watching me, but secretly they're touching each other and thinking we can't see. Namine has left already. It's almost like some kind of power overcomes people around this time of the year, it almost seems to invite people, like me, to kill themselves.

It took me a little while but finally I convinced everyone that I was alright, there was no need to worry about me now, there never was before. My friends might know me too well, but I'm a natural-born liar. I left with them thinking that I actually was going out to see someone. I lied. I was just going to stew in my own misery in my dorm room. I couldn't stand another minute in their love-drenched presence.

I walked to my dorm on the campus and almost froze my fingers off when I tried to pull out my ID to open the doors. One would think that such a frigid body as mine wouldn't feel the cold. A smiling couple rushed past me, eager to face the cold because they were together. A chill ran down my spine and I pulled my winter coat tighter. I walked slowly up the ancient stairs, none of the dorms had elevators, the buildings' foundations were too old. The stairs creaked and moaned as the wind accosted the outside of the building.

The stairways were always the coldest, there was no heat and they were on the outskirts of the building. But I didn't mind, I took comfort in the fact that something was colder than myself. I walked passed stained glass windows that were too dark to show even my reflection. Outside it began to snow.

Regretfully, I exited the stairway and went out onto my floor. The centuries-old building smelled like hundreds of lives gone past. If you stood still long enough, you could imagine you heard them talking.

I pulled my key out of my pants pocket and fumbled with it before slotting it into the keyhole. It turned easily, like liquid in my hands. I opened the door and wasn't surprised to see the room dark, only life partners room together. So it is only fitting that my dorm be empty. I sat on the edge of a naked bed, my head too heavy to do anything but hang from my neck. I didn't bother to turn on the lights.

My cell phone vibrated and I pulled it out, only glancing at it, a text from an unknown person. Now that sparked my interest. I didn't have many friends because people were afraid to be near me, they thought my lack of love might rub off on them. So it was a rare occurrence when anyone I didn't know tried to contact me. What could I say, my interest was piqued.

I reached out to it hesitantly, hoping that it wasn't a cruel message meant to cut me to the bone. I used to invite messages like that, but now as my twentieth birthday looms closer and closer, I invite pity. The old bullies I used to have can't bring themselves to beat a creature as battered as myself. I flipped open the phone and read the text message, not knowing what to expect.

Open your door.

That was all it said in black, block letters. I stared at it motionlessly. I was ready to write it off as a mistake, a message meant for someone else, when I heard a rustling at the door. There was someone out there. I stood up hesitantly, truly hoping there was someone out there, my head ran through hundreds of different scenarios but my heart told me one. My match was out there. They'd found me, somehow. My head tried to tell my traitorous heart that it was too late for a Loveless like myself.

I unlocked the door and twisted the handle, my hands shaking. I opened the door and stared out at the murky darkness seeing nothing. My heart dropped three floors and I was about to close the door when I looked down.

There was a box. I looked around but there was no one there and I took the box into my room. I flipped a light on and tore the box open like my life depended on it. Inside was a dead, wilted rose and my heart sank. What better way to symbolize a Loveless? I dropped the rose on the bed and threw the box onto the floor, screaming my frustration out at it. I thought this would be it, I thought it was my match.

I started shaking uncontrollably and I had the strongest urge to do something violent when my cell phone vibrated again. I flipped it open and was ready for more fuel for the fire raging inside me. I read it quickly.

Open your door.

I threw the door open, reaching it in less than a step and left my room. I went a few feet in either direction but there was no one there and I growled deep in my throat. I was about to head back in when I saw something in front of my doorway.

Hesitantly I went over and picked it up. I'm not quite sure what I expected it to be. But I didn't expect a Burger King crown. I stared at it confused for a few minutes before I realized what it meant. It was my ring. My ring was a crown, so why was there a Burger King crown at my door?

I picked it up and ran my hands over it. There was nothing else there. You'd think I'd want to spend my last few days living my life to the fullest or regretting it or some shit, but instead, here I am trying to figure out what some crazy stalker is trying to tell me.

I didn't want to think that maybe this was someone trying to tell me they had my ring, that would be too fantastical. Too Disney-ish. It was probably just a prank, but I carried that crown in, clutching it to my heart and day dreaming like a hormonal teenage girl. I pulled my cell phone out and stared at it, willing it to vibrate and when it did my heart jumped into my throat. I flipped it open.

Open you door.

I threw the door open and searched the floor for someone. I checked all the doors but there wasn't a sound coming from any of them. It was 11:30 at night and most of the students had gone out with their loves to celebrate Valentine's Day. The floor was darkened and nothing stirred. But I checked the stairwells just in case, I went to the north stairwell and opened the door, in the murky darkness I could see nothing and my breath hung like a cloud around my face. I retreated away from the cold back into my room, not bothering to check the southern stairwell, I wouldn't be able to see anything anyway. Besides how could a person go from his room to the stairwell in seconds without even making a noise? It was impossible.

How could I hear no sound in such an old building? Now that I think about it, it is terribly silent tonight, too quiet for such an old house. I shivered and sat slowly on my bed.

My phone vibrated.

You forgot something.

I opened the door, looking around and realized there was another piece of paper fluttering at the foot of my door. I glanced warily around me but nothing stirred, nothing so much as breathed. I bent down and picked up the piece of paper and retreated back into my room, locking the door behind me. My shaking fingers unfolded the paper clumsily and I had to take a few deep breathes to get my body back under control. On the paper was a clumsy scrawl of writing. The lines were harsh and sharp, written by someone impatient and with a quick hand. Barely legible, it said;

Meet me at the lake at midnight.

My watch read five minutes to midnight and I knew that it was now or never. I could leave and most likely walk into a trap set by idiots afraid of a Loveless and end my days in a haze of stupidity or I could be walking into the arms of my future. It wasn't a decision to be made hastily but even before I tried to think it through, I knew what my decision was. I was going.

Maybe I would get the shit beat out of me or maybe this could--for once -- end well for me, the underdog. But I wasn't the 1980 US hockey team, I wasn't the underdog, I was the Loveless.

I grabbed my cell phone, card key and pulled on a heavy winter jacket. I slipped on gray gloves and took a quick look at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed from excitement for the first time in a long time. It was like a flashback to better times and I was instantly happier. I rushed out the door, barely remembering to close it behind me and I took the steps down two at a time. I landed funny on the last stair and felt my ankle start to cave. I grabbed the railing and stepped forward gingerly. There was pain, but not enough to slow me down.

Strangely, the campus was empty. It was like the whole college was a giant sleeping beast. In the distance, out of the corner of my eye, I could see shadows flitting in and out of the streetlight. Every time I moved my head to get a clearer glimpse, I would see nothing. And then, it started snowing.

Lightly at first. But it grew to a steady pace.

I looked up at the sky and fat snowflakes fell on my eyelashes, coating them white, when they melted it gave me the illusion of tears. The sky was so dark and black that I felt comfortable knowing there was something out there more depressed than myself. Even though I told myself I didn't care if I hurt or died, I came upon the lake all too quickly and shivered from sudden fear. I could smell my fear, it stank like the fear of an animal knowing it was about to die—a miserable smell for a miserable feeling. A glance at my watch told me I had less than thirty seconds until midnight.

20 seconds.

10 seconds.

5 seconds.

1 second.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day to me.

It was so cold I could see my breath and after standing silently for a minute, I was ready to leave, my heart was already shattered into pieces, why grind them to dust?

I turned the corner of the science building and paused to look at the lake below me. It was heavily iced over and there were faint marks from where kids had been ice-skating earlier. And there underneath a streetlight was a person. From the distance I couldn't tell gender, height--anything. It was like just seeing a figure and knowing it was human.

I slowed my steps, suddenly remembering that this could be very dangerous for a person in my position. But it was too late, my feet were moving forward, driven by my heart not my head.

And then I saw him.

I thought to myself, not him. But honestly, it couldn't be anyone else. Axel had gone to my high school and moved away halfway through sophomore year and to this day people are still talking about him. Axel Grey had an ever-changing reputation, maybe he was a party-boy, maybe he was an addict, all I remember is that he never had a partner. He never wore his ring either.

Looking at him, my heart raced. Could it be him? Did he have my matching ring? Probably not, but my heart doesn't obey my head that well.

He was bathed in light that poured out of streetlight, one of the only lights near the lake. I was so utterly aware of the danger, my skin and hair crackled with it, like it was lightening. Like fear and danger were something tangible. Red hair glittered like flames under yellow artificial light and his body was wickedly lean, like a greyhound or a whippet. In that moment of oblivion, I could say that I'd seen beauty; pure and simple beauty.

He looked up and I knew he saw me. I wanted to turn on my heel, but now I was in way too deep.

He smirked when I got close enough to him that he could see the nervous expression on my face. Lately I'd learned never to let anyone see when you're afraid--it's a sign of weakness. I grit my teeth and scowled at him which only made him smirk harder. Oh, it was Axel alright. It couldn't be anyone but that troublemaking jackass. And from the looks of him, he decided his new prey should be that loser Roxas.

"Look, Grey. I honestly don't know what your problem is, but I wish you would stop trying to piss me off." I snapped at him, fed up by the class prankster. "What are you doing here anyway, this is a closed campus."

He pushed himself off of the streetlight he'd been leaning on and stepped closer to me. I refused to back up and stood my ground looking him in the eye even as I realized that he towered over me. He bent down to look me eye to eye and I gasped when I saw what a brilliant green his eyes were. They were like nothing I'd ever seen and complimented his pale skin so well that he looked inhuman.

"Hey, Hey… so feisty…" He winked at me and tapped me on the nose, making sure to step out of reach afterwards. "Why wouldn't I be here, I am enrolled here you know."

I folded my arms over my chest. "Well I haven't seen you around…"

"Just transferred in beautiful."

I flushed bright red and bared my teeth at him. "So what's the deal with all the stalking?"

"Stalking?" He asked, pretending to be innocent. He spread his hands out in front of him. "Who me? What's a few notes left under doors to a couple of old friends?"

"Grey, we were never friends."

"I'm hurt that you feel that way Roxy!"

"Don't call me that!" He vexed me to no end. "And tell me what the fuck you really want!"

Axel shook his head and 'tsked' a few times, enough for me to let out an angry sigh. "Roxy, my friend, you need to just chillax. Can't I just show up and ask to hang out with an old classmate?"

I crossed my arms. "Get to the point Grey."

"I think you know why I'm here." He smirked.

"Oh I do, do I?" I was getting more and more worried the longer I stood there.

He stepped forward and reached a hand down the front of my jacket to pull out my ring, which hung on its chain. "Hey!" I sputtered.

He stared at the ring like it held the answers to every unanswerable question. And maybe for Axel, it did. I could see the cold ring reflected in his eyes and suddenly without warning he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. My eyes widened and I allowed myself to be enveloped in the warmth of his lips, I'd never been kissed before. And it was like there was something electric between us, I didn't want the moment to end. In my heart I knew I'd found him, that match I'd been searching for all my life. Then my eyes snapped open and I pushed Axel away.

"W-what the hell was that?" I yelled, trying to catch my breath and reign in my traitorous heart.

"Haven't you ever heard of a kiss before?" He laughed at his own sense of humor.

I stamped my foot, "Don't you have a partner waiting for you or something? I don't have time to deal with you right now!" I was trying to get him to leave, but deep down I knew I was just searching for answers.

"Nope."

"What--no you're not leaving?" I asked, looking at him with incredulity. I was confused.

"You look so cute when you pout." He said deep in his throat and he smiled at me, looking at me like I was something to eat.

"Huh?" I squeaked out.

He took a step closer to me so that our bodies were touching which each rushed breath I took. I tilted my head back so that I could look up into his face. All the breath left me and I longed to lean into him, to align our bodies so close that it felt like we would become one. I'd dreamed of moments like this.

"I don't have a match to my ring-- at least I didn't before I came here." He was breathless too and there was a look of something feral about his face.

"Show me your ring." I said, my voice a whisper.

He reached into the front pocket of his skinny jeans and my breath caught in my throat as I looked down at the ring he offered me in the palm of his hand.

I shook my head and looked away, refusing to allow him to see the tears in my eyes.

"What's the matter?" he asked, his voice full of surprise.

"It's not a match." I replied.

"What?"

"You heard me it's not a match. Now get away from me you pervert!" With that I turned around and stormed away, back to my dorm, my head reeling, feeling like I'd cut my own heart out.

I woke up the next morning and felt almost sick to my stomach. Had it all been a dream? No, the notes and the crown on my floor told me it wasn't. In a haze of my own misery I got dressed and ready for my Biology class. I put my Nikes on and turned the lights out before I left, wishing I could stay hidden in the darkness for the rest of my life.

It wasn't a match.

That thought haunted me throughout the rest of my morning and during lunch. I couldn't get away from it. It was like a puppy, hopelessly devoted to an owner that it won't give a second of peace.

His ring was beautiful.

And it wasn't my match. I looked like mine, but it wasn't. Mine was pure platinum and his was black, blacker than night. It had the crown though. The crown was there. Maybe I was wrong. But every ring was perfectly identical to its match. His ring was different from mine. Suddenly, I wasn't very hungry and I dumped my half-eaten lunch on the conveyer belt before running out of the cafeteria to be twenty minutes early for my Chemistry class.

When I got to my class, I was so early, the teacher wasn't even there. I checked my watch and decided the best way to calm myself down was to work on the homework for Biology. I pulled out my laptop and quickly started researching my paper on genetic mutation in prehistoric bacteria cells.

Sadly, that horridly boring and nerdy work occupied my attention so completely, that I was completely oblivious to the fact that the classroom door had opened and that someone had walked in and sat down behind me. That is, I was oblivious until someone tapped me on the shoulder.

Surprised, I turned around quickly and my jaw dropped when I saw red hair.

"What--huh? What are you…" I stumbled over my words and he lifted a finger to my lips.

"You're not very good with the whole speaking thing are you Roxy? That's ok, luckily for you I am very eloquent! And now about those rings--"

I interrupted him, "I have nothing more to say to you about the rings, yours doesn't match mine and nothing can change that. So please, leave me alone."

"No! You felt what I felt when we kissed! You must have felt it! It was so incredible. Look Roxas, I don't know about you, but I know we're meant to be. No ultimate power would give us such a connection and then rip us apart like that." He grabbed my hands and kissed my fingers. A warmth started in the tips that rushed to every inch of my body and left me tingling.

But some how I found the power to drag my hand away from his and it felt like all the warmth was sucked out of me in that instance. "If we were meant to be," I said simply, "We'd have matching rings." With that the conversation ended, as the teacher came in with a few students on her feet.

However, the look on his face told me our conversation wasn't done. But I couldn't talk to him anymore--it hurt too much. It felt like I'd been betrayed because as much as I hated to admit it, I'd felt that spark too. And we all know that only true love leaves a feeling like that.

I left class five minutes early, claiming that I was having stomach pains and went down to the nurse. As I walked to the door I could feel his eyes boring holes into my back. I risked a glance over my shoulder to check and gasped when shocking green eyes met mine.

But I couldn't take it, I threw the door open and ran out so that he wouldn't notice the tears welling up in my eyes. There were a few students milling around randomly but I raced out of the building, not caring what others thought of me. I had to get out of there or… I didn't know but I knew I had to leave. I let my feet lead me down the gravel path to the lake.

There was a dusting of snow on the ground from last night that got into my shoes but I didn't care. I left the gravel path, cutting across the grass. I didn't stop running until I was on a far boundary of the school grounds. I collapsed underneath an ancient oak tree that seemed to be sheltering me with its dead limbs. The desperate look of the tree was what final sent me over the edge. Tears tumbled from my eyes and I brushed them away angrily.

I should be used to the pain by now, but it hurt. Axel wasn't my match, no matter how right it felt. Nothing could change that. He would never be my match and I'd just have to live with it. No one can ever romantically love someone who wasn't their match, so why did I feel this way right now? I barely knew him but my heart ached now that I was away from him. It was like I'd been stabbed in the heart repeatedly and left out in the open to feel the eternal cold burn of my wounds. It was a fate I wouldn't wish even on the guys who make fun of me for being Loveless.

Loveless.

I couldn't help but think bitterly when I heard that word or even thought about it. That one word, it summed up my whole life. People knew me as the Loveless, but that wasn't me. I wasn't loveless. But I am. I have no match and fate is mocking me by giving Axel a ring so similar to mine.

I gazed down at my ring and ripped it savagely off my neck, feeling the chain bite into the flesh of my neck. The heart I kept on it for good luck mocked me as it shined in the sunlight. I held the ring, the heart and the broken chain in my hand before snarling and throwing it as far away as I could.

Fuck it.

I'll be loveless forever.

End Chapter 1

2 Months to go.

Seth - My first multi chapter story… interesting, probably my only one too! It'll only be three chapters (I hope). I don't want it to drag on. This story is an inspirational mix of Loveless and Only the Ring Finger Knows. It's a twist on both, because the main character doesn't have a match, he's matchless or is he? Please read and Review!