Gaz slowly groaned as he woke. His back was stiff and he could feel aching in his joints. His surroundings seemed unfamiliar to him. It looked like… he was in a cave?
The memories were coming back to him now. He remembered escaping from Zakhaev's missile silo and the bridge being shot. He could faintly remember an image: a man in a brown suit aiming what looked like a gun at him. It seemed to blurry but he could only assume it was Zakhaev.
So why was he here? What happened?
"Price must have figured something out," Gaz thought to himself as he sat up.
That was when he heard a voice from nearby. It was a man, speaking in some other language he did not recognize. He noticed the large figure stepping into the cave through the bright-lit entrance.
As the man came into view, Gaz started to realize something very weird. The man was wearing very simple clothes, and displayed what looked like scraggly hair and a thick beard. He was armed only with a bow and a spear.
If Gaz didn't know better he'd assume it was a caveman.
The man spoke again. He said something Gaz didn't recognize. Only two words seemed to stand out: "Udam" and "Izila." He did not sound too keen on either one.
"I'm not Udam or Izila," Gaz muttered. He paused, realizing this man probably had no idea what he was saying. He placed his hands on his chest. "I'm Gaz."
"Gaz," the man replied. He placed one hand on his chest. "Takkar."
Takkar approached, staring at Gaz. He was clearly confused about his very modern attire.
"Can you tell me where I am?" Gaz asked.
Takkar probably did not know the words, but he may have had an idea what Gaz was trying to ask. He turned to the exit and made his way outside the cave.
Gaz followed reluctantly, still confused about his situation.
He stopped at the mouth of the cave. In front of him was a village, made up of men and women in similar clothes to Takkar's. The few buildings were crudely designed, built only as small huts with simple frames. Beyond the village was a vast landscape. Gaz could faintly see fields and mountains.
Takkar extended a hand. "Oros," he said.
"Oros?" Gaz asked. "Where exactly is that?"
Takkar placed his hand on his chest. "Wenja."
"Wenja? That's what you are? Okay."
Gaz's attention was quickly turned toward a peculiar figure. He was seated enthusiastically at the campfire, clearly excited about whatever he was doing. He was easily distinguished by his leopard-print bandana.
It was what was in the man's hand that got Gaz's attention. It looked like a submachine gun. This man was very carefully examining it. By "carefully" he was recklessly waving it around and playing with every component he could find.
Gaz quickly ran towards the man, grabbing the gun and pulling it out of his hands.
The man quickly turned angry. He uttered a series of angry shouts at Gaz.
"Okay, calm down," Gaz finally muttered. Takkar approached and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Gaz"
The man eagerly stood and pointed to himself.
"Urki, Urki!"
Urki sounded like he had a southern accent, which seemed weird in his language. He started shouting something enthusiastic. He kept throwing around one word: "Patash" which seemed to mean he'd figured something out.
He then shouted something at Takkar. It sounded like a request.
Takkar placed a hand on Gaz's shoulder. He said one word, which seemed to mean "come."
A couple hours later, Gaz arrived back in the village with Takkar. They had gathered a ton of resources that left him wondering how they were able to carry so much. Four large round-ish rocks, a bunch of wood, a few animal skins, and a turtle shell. It was amazing that Takkar could carry all this. Gaz had no idea how he was doing it.
They dropped the materials in front of Urki, who eagerly applauded as he saw them delivered. After an enthusiastic ramble, Urki immediately began sifting through the different resources.
Before Gaz could do much more, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see a tall man staring at him half-menacingly. He was wearing what looked like a wolf's skull on his head and holding a staff.
"Gaz," the man muttered. "Tensay."
"I'm guessing that's your name."
Tensay grabbed Gaz by the arm and dragged him toward one of the huts. As Gaz was pulled inside, he quickly noticed a fire in the center. Tensay released his grip and approached it.
Whatever Tensay was saying, he seemed passionate.
Gaz then started to become uneasy as he saw Tensay pick up what appeared to be a skull containing an unsavoury fluid. Even more repulsively Tensay seemed to be adding eyeballs to his concoction.
As a member of the SAS Gaz had seen some messed up stuff in his time, but not like this.
Even more disconcerting was when Tensay held up the skull in front of him, inches away from Gaz's mouth.
"I don't think I should be drinking that," Gaz muttered.
Tensay muttered something. Gaz got the sense he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Before anything more could happen, Tensay had grabbed Gaz by the shoulder and shoved the skull into his mouth. Gaz could taste the disgusting drink and feel the eyeballs rolling down his throat.
Within seconds his vision started to blur and Gaz collapsed
Gaz woke up with a headache, remembering only a very bizarre hallucination involving an owl and trying to shoot the moon.
Tenasy enthusiastically approached Gaz and pulled him to his feet. Tensay was saying something that he appeared to think was a good thing. Whatever he'd fed Gaz Tensay seemed to think it worked.
Tensay finally motioned for Gaz to leave the tent. Gaz breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out, hoping that was the only time he'd ever have to drink eyeballs.
Urki seemed to be very excited, as evidenced by his shouting. As Gaz approached he started to see what his peculiar friend was busy with. Urki had assembled a crude wooden frame with four cone-like rocks fastened to the bottom using rope. Animal skins had been draped over in a crude form of cover. At the top was a tortoise shell, with a poorly-strung bow in front of it.
Urki pushed the shell aside and poked his head out the top. He seemed very proud of his invention.
Gaz realized it was probably the most ineffective tank he had ever seen in his life. Urki seemed to think otherwise.
Takkar approached, looking at the new invention in awe.
Urki enthusiastically started shouting for Takkar to come, pointing to the back of the tank. Takkar followed his instructions, moving to the back and placing his hands on the crude frame. Takkar looked at Gaz.
"Here goes nothing," Gaz muttered as he approached the tank, placing his hands on it and pushing as hard as he could.
The tank seemed to barely move. Urki climbed out of the opening on top, and stood proudly. The wheels were not exactly rotating. It seemed to move little more than a few inches.
Suddenly Gaz heard the sound of wood splintering. One of the wooden boards broke under Urki's foot, leaving him to fall into the tank. The rest of the frame started to crack. Within seconds it fell on top of Urki, leaving him trapped under a pile of wood and animal skins.
Gaz ran towards the ruined tank. Amazingly, he could hear Urki groaning in pain underneath. Somehow Urki was still alive.
"That went about as well as could be expected," Gaz muttered.
Takkar approached Gaz and placed a hand on his shoulder. He muttered something in his peculiar language. That word came up again: "Udam."
"Udam? What exactly are they?"
Takkar muttered something else.
A woman approached them. She was slightly shorter than Takkar and had most of her head shaved except the very back, which fell behind her shoulders. More questionable was the neckless she was wearing that appeared to be decorated with severed ears. Takkar pointed toward her and said "Sayla."
"Okay…" Gaz muttered.
Sayla said something to him about the Udam, and Ull. She held up her necklace for Gaz to see.
"You want me to bring back Ull's ear?" Gaz muttered. "Charming."
Sayla handed Gaz something that looked like it was wrapped up in a yellow leaf. After checking to make sure it was not another ear, Gaz slid it into his pocket.
"Okay, so where do I find these Udam?"
Gaz took a deep breath as he stood at the mouth of the cave. His MP5 was in hand, and he was ready to enter.
No sooner had he stepped in than a green plume of mist emerged from the floor. Gaz backed up and reached for the package he'd been given.
"That must be what this is for," he muttered. He placed the package in his mouth before reaching for his gas mask and sliding it over his face.
As he made his way into the cave, Gaz could see more plumes of green mist. He could hear a few voices from nearby.
Gaz reached for a flashbang in his pocket and pulled it out. He approached the bend in the cave and tossed the flashbang.
There was a quick flash before Gaz stepped forward. A small group of cavemen, who looked like humans except squat and much wider. Some of them were armed with large clubs.
They were all blinded and tried to make sense of what was happening.
Gaz fired a few quick shots. One by one each of the cavemen collapsed to the ground. He made his way forward.
After a few more caves were cleared, Gaz reached a large open chamber, on the ceiling of which was several gigantic icicles.
He quickly went prone and made his way inside, watching from his position on a small ledge.
A very large figure was in the center of the cave, conveniently under one of the icicles. His lower jaw was heavily scarred and a huge fur collar was wrapped around his neck. On his chest he wore what looked like a crude ballistic vest, except made out of bone.
"That must be Ull," Gaz muttered. "I wonder if I can shoot down that icicle."
Gaz aimed his MP5 towards the icicle and fired a few bursts. It shook slightly and seemed to be coming loose. Suddenly it fell and landed right no top of Ull before shattering.
Only, when the debris cleared, Gaz realized that somehow Ull was still alive. He looked badly hurt but somehow he was alive.
And now they knew he was here.
He grabbed a grenade and threw it at the Udam. Several of Ull's followers were killed in the blast, but the man himself was still standing.
"How is this even possible?" Gaz muttered. He watched as Ull approached and fired several rounds from his MP5. They seemed to hurt Ull but didn't knock him down. Then Gaz heard his weapon click. His weapon was empty.
He quickly searched his pockets, no more magazines. Ull was coming close, armed with a very large club that looked like it would kill Gaz in one stroke.
All he had left was a single flashbang. He threw it at Ull, who stopped in his tracks as he felt the impact of its blinding flash and deafening bang.
Gaz ran, but Ull was close behind. More Udam warriors were coming too. He had to figure something out quickly.
He reached for his combat knife, the one weapon he still had. An Udam Warrior charged toward him, spear in hand.
That gave Gaz an idea…
Gaz ducked under the warrior's arm and stabbed him in the chest. He grabbed the spear and aimed it toward Ull. But that wouldn't be enough, he needed to do something else…
That was when he noticed the fires that had been used to light the cave. He had an idea…
Gaz quickly ducked under the stroke of an Udam Warrior's club as he approached the fire, and thrust his spear into it. His weapon now ignited, Gaz tossed it at Ull.
Success. Ull stopped for a moment and staggered. The burn damaged seemed significant.
Gaz watched as Ull staggered closer. He needed another plan and fast. That was when he noticed another icicle hanging over Ull, and it didn't look stable.
He only had one shot at this. Gaz grabbed a rock and threw it as hard as he could. It hit the icicle, and started to crack it. Suddenly the whole thing came down on top of Ull.
He didn't look so tough now. Ull could barely stand. Gaz approached him, knife in hand, ready to finish the job.
Gaz ran his knife into Ull several times, finally stabbing him in the neck before the large man fell to the ground. Gaz paused to catch his breath.
"Just another day at the office," he muttered.
As Gaz stumbled back into the Wenja village, he found himself greeted by an overjoyed population. Though he was tired, and his modern clothes were starting to fall apart, Gaz could see that the Wenja appreciated his efforts.
Urki was the first one to notice. He was sitting at a fire when he looked up and saw Gaz. Even more confusing was that Urki had apparently managed a perfect recovery from his earlier mishap. How was that even possible?
Urki started calling the other Wenja, who gathered around Gaz in excitement. Sayla suddenly pushed through the crowd, holding up her necklace again.
"No, I did not get Ull's ear," Gaz muttered.
Sayla turned away, somewhat disappointed.
Tensay approached, a great big smile on his face. He shouted something that sounded like he considered it positive.
Takkar approached and placed a hand on Gaz's shoulder.
"Wenja," he said.
"I guess I am one, now," Gaz muttered.
Tensay led Gaz toward what looked like a small totem covered in dung. He grabbed Gaz's hand and forced him to put it on the feces.
Tensay then shouted something that sounded optimistic. He pulled out a skull containing yet another sickening fluid.
"I don't know that's-" Gaz muttered.
Before he could do anything, Tensay had grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved the drink down Gaz's throat.
The last thing he remembered was collapsing on the ground.
When Gaz opened his eyes, he realized he was lying on a bed.
"About time you woke up?" A young woman's voice said. "I would have had to sleep on the floor."
He looked around. Gaz was apparently inside the living quarters of a large boat. A young woman was seated at a desk on the other side of the room from him. She was dressed in clothes that looked somewhat elegant, or at least had at one point been elegant. She had short dark hair and wore a golden scarf around her neck.
"Oh," he muttered. "I had the strangest dream. I need to get to a phone."
"A phone?" the young woman replied. "What's a phone?"
"Wait, what?" Gaz muttered. "You've never heard of a telephone? Where am I? Who are you?"
"You don't know who I am?"
"No,"
"Emily Kaldwin, former Empress? People are looking for me everywhere."
"Empress… of what?"
Emily groaned. "I guess you have some catching up to do…"
"Gaz."
"Gaz. A witch named Delilah stole the throne and we're trying to stop her. You're aboard the Dreadful Whale and we're just outside Karnaca."
"Karnaca… where's that?"
Emily looked at Gaz, confused at his apparent cluelessness.
"Look, we need all the allies we can get. Now I'd suggest you get something to eat because tomorrow we're going into the Clockwork Manner."
"Um… okay," Gaz muttered as he sat up. He took a deep breath.
"Here I go again," he said.