I did it for the buzz. I did it for the power. I did it for the intoxication. If you've never been there then you've never felt it, the heady thrill of having someone's life in your hands, knowing that your own life hangs in the balance.
The politics, they could be learned, the art behind the violence likewise. All he wanted was the desire, and the desire festered beneath the surface of my mind just waiting for an outlet. The smell of blood as the light ebbed from someone's eyes, and the knowledge that I was the last person that they would ever see, that their last thoughts would be of me. To have the power to know my commands would be followed without question, with no thought other than to do as I said. To see the terror in their eyes as they fell before me, begging and pleading. Power. Beauty. Destruction.
And the fear in myself, there was plenty of that and I relished it. I came to basque in the sting of the Cruciatus, to crave the fear of death to keep every experience that bit more exciting, never knowing when my last moments would come. Risk raised my adrenaline a notch higher as the power flooded my senses, heightening the experience, pushing the high to never before achieved heights.
The sheer cruelty shocked me at first, but soon I came round to my lord's way of thinking. Why hold back when there were no consequences save those given by him? Why hold back when all that held me in check was the word of my lord, not of the society I lived in? I lost all control in my addiction to the power of our lord. I gave him everything, my morality and my qualms. There was nothing left holding me to my humanity and I didn't care. The buzz and the power surging through me was all I desired.
And when death came to me in the pursuit of the power and the destruction that I craved I welcomed it with open arms. After all, it had been the kindest mistress that I had ever served and my only companion over these many years of carnage and blood. I was more than happy to finally succumb to her.