This one goes out to all the SonAmy fans out there. I wrote these yiffins especially for you, so hurry up and take your dick out already.

If you read past this point, you fucking deserve it.

"Are you drinking beer through a straw?"

"Maybe," she says, blowing bubbles in her carbonated alcoholic goodness. "Why do you ask?"

"Because it looks like you're drinking beer through a straw."

"Well. I kinda am."

"No. Is that a real thing? That's not a real thing."

"It's as real as my tits," she says chewing on the straw in the corner of her mouth.

"Not a real thing," I say. "So, uh. You come here often?"

"You actually just said that. Is this working for you? Is this what you say to girls at bars?"

"You're a girl, and I just said it to you. I, uh, think. Anyway, I'm just curious. You don't have to be a cunt about it."

"Oooo, I have one of those."

"Prove it. Show me the goods."

"That comes at the price of a drink, baby."

She's like a sloppy blowjob. Sexy in kind of a nasty way. The way she wears that low-cut shirt to turn the heads of both genders. Tits big enough to make the men drool and the women jealous.
My kind of cumdumpster.

I order the cheapest beer on the menu and slide it her way, eyebrow lifting as I smile coyly at her.

"So. My place or yours?"

"Pfft. I'm not fucking you."

Frown. "I just bought you a drink."

"Yes," she says, slurping the last of her first beer through the straw, taking it out and dropping it in the glass I just bought her. "And I'm about to drink it. Thanks. ^_^"

"Bitch."

"What was that?"

"I have a huge cock, you know. It's like a red-bull can."

"That's nice," she says, flatly. "Keep it away from me."

"Bitch," I mutter under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Would you like another drink?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk and lower my standards so you have a shot at fucking me?"

"Uhm. Yes."

She shrugs. "Whatevs."

"Coming right up," I say, smiling. "Right before I stuff my cock in your ass..."

"What was that second part?"

"Uh. Coming right up?"

"You said that twice?"

"Why, yes. Yes I did."

"You are so fucking weird," she states, rolling her eyes. "No wonder you don't get laid."

It's. Hard. To. Keep. Smiling. When. I. Want. To. Strangle. This. Fucking. Bitch.

Walk over to the other side of the bar, where the bartended is wiping the inside of a glass with a dirty rag.

"I'd like another beer, please. Cheapest one you've got."

"You really know how to impress a lady," he scoffs.

"Shut up and do your job. Who asked you anyway?"

"I did. I asked me. Is that okay with you?"

"No. It isn't. Just poor the fucking beer, pillow biter. Like you know anything about getting women with dicks in your mouth all the time."

"How would I be able to work a bar and talk to you with a dick in my mouth?"

"I dunno. You must be very talented."

He narrows his eyes. "You're cut off."

"I haven't had anything to drink, dickface. It's not even for me. Pour the fucking beer, you."

He sighs, and finally does so. I reach into my pocket and pull out a pill, dropping it into the liquid, watching it dissolve.

"What's that?" the bartender asks.

"It's vitamins. Mind your business."

"You don't plan on dateraping that poor hedgehog, do you?"

"Of course not. I just want her to be healthy."

"Than why are you buying her beer...?"

"You think too much for a retard, you know that? Look at the Tv over there. Pretty lights and colors. Harrbl, right? Gleeb."

"Huh?" he says, turning his head towards the television. He zones out, his eyes dilating and drool running down his chin.

"Fucking idiot," I say, picking the glass up and walking back over to the girl.

She's finishing her last beer up as I sit next to her, sitting the drink down within her reach.

"Did I see you put something in my drink?"

"Nah, but I did notice you checking out my bulge," I say, winking. "Mama like what mama see?"

"Ugh," she says, relocating the straw to the new beer. "I was NOT checking out your bulge."

"You were looking at my junk and you know it. Looking at my junk and licking your lips, like some kind of depraved crackhead. It's okay. I have that effect on most people."

"You are so fucking stupid," she says, sipping her beer through the black straw. "This tastes funny. You sure you didn't put something in this?"

"Nope."

"No, you're not sure, or no, you didn't?"

"Say, what's your name, anyway?"

"Rose. Amy Rose."

"I'm Sonic," I say, extending my hand/ "Nice to meet'cha."

She eyes it warily. "I don't know where that thing's been."

"Where your mouth's gonna be," I mutter, dropping my arm to my side and turning back to the bar.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing," I tell her, smiling with my eyes closed. "Finished with your drink yet?"

"Just about," she says.

Rub my hands together, menacingly as her glass drains.

"I need to pee," she says, getting up.

"Hurry up," I say.

"Are you still here?"

"Well, I'm certainly not over there."

"Stupid," she says, turning towards the restroom. She stumbles, falling off balance and tumbling over.

"Woah, miss!" some cat at the bar says, stepping in. "Are you alright?"

"She's fine," I say, cutting him off and grabbing her by the underarms. "Come on, honey, I'm taking you home."

"I dun even know you," she mumbles, her head lolling around limply on her shoulders. "You're icky."

"Shhhh. You're drunk." I turn to look at him. "She's drunk. Leave her alone. I don't want you to see her like this."

He stares at me blankly. "Whatever you say, mister."

Drag her away, towards the back door. Push it open with my shoulder blades, holding her steady as she flails around in a drugged stupor, pulling her into the alleyway.
Drop her down to her knees, holding her up by the quills on top of her head.

"Alright, slut. Gimme yer yiffins."

"Hm?" Her eyes half closed, she looks up at me as I unzip my pants with my free hand. "What? N-mmmghhhfff!"

She's cut off by me. Cramming my cock into her slack jaw.

"Use your tongue. Do it."

"Mmmppphhh!"

She weakly tries to bite down, but I see this coming in pull out.

"NO TEETH."

"Fuck you," she says. "I'll bite the goddamn thing off."

"Wrong answer," I say, letting go of her and swinging my foot back before bringing it forward and kicking her right in the face, causing her head to bounce off the brick wall behind her. Blood drips from her mouth as I grab her by the quills and kick her again, knocking her teeth to the back of the throat.
She chokes and sputters. I'm getting harder.

Force myself between her lips again, and to the back of her throat, packing her loose choppers into her tonsils. She gags and tries to pull away.

"Mmmm, yeah. Work that tongue."

"MMMMMMMMMMM!"

Her screaming causing her velvet mouth to vibrate around my cock as I fuck her face. Like a fun tickle.
I keep this up for a good few minutes before pulling out again and faceplanting her into the concrete below.

"CQC, bitch."

Gagging and sputtering, she pukes up a pile of bloody teeth mixed with beer, struggling to her hands and knees.
Get on my knees behind her, lifting her skirt and pulling her panties down. Push her face down into the mess she made by the back of her head as I stuff my bloody cock into her puckering asshole.

Mmmm. Buttsex.

"AH! AH! AH! UCK! UCK!"

"Yeah," I say. "Nnngh. You like it, don't you, slut?"

"Sawwwp," she begs, toothlessly. "Peease saawwwp."

"You should have given me your yiffins when you had the chance," I moan, thrusting into her, tearing her insides apart with my massive, throbbing member.
Up in them guts.

I pull myself out, and get up, fondling myself. Boot her in the taint, knocking her flat on her stomach.
Walk around her, still jerking off. Bring my foot up as high as I can, and stomp on her melon one, two, three times until she's a twitching, quivering, silent mess of blood and broken.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," I bellow, working my hard dick. "I GET LAID!"

Then I nut on her.