A/N – Just a really short piece since I simply cannot write the story that should go with this poem. The poem is by TE Lawrence and it is the dedication in his book 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom"
To S.A.
Ianto Jones stood in what passed for the kitchen area of the hub watching the coffee stream out of the maker into the mug. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before letting it out. This week had been rough. At one point or another each member of the team had narrowly skirted death. Jack had died on several occasions.
Today had been quiet, thank god. Jack had seemed distant all day and had holed himself up in his office. To the others he appeared to be catching up on paperwork, but Ianto had caught him several times quickly stowing items in his desk drawers when the younger man brought in coffee. Ianto knew that times like this week often brought on a touch of melancholy for Jack. It was a blatant reminder of how fragile his team was. So Ianto had let him brood until the others had gone home.
Picking up the two full mugs, he turned and headed across the empty hub. He took care not to tread too softly in order to announce his presence to Jack. Ianto paused in the open doorway. The office was dark except for the small desk lamp. Jack sat at the desk intently reading something. Ianto started at the look of utter sorrow on the captain's face. He wanted to rush in and embrace the older man, but couldn't bring himself to cross the threshold. Despite their close relationship, whatever Jack's thoughts right now were something Ianto wasn't meant to share. So he stood there watching this silent emotional breakdown.
Apparently sensing Ianto's presence, Jack suddenly looked up. He slipped whatever he had been reading under some papers on his desk and slapped on a huge grin.
"Ianto, I was just thinking about you. And oh yeah, you brought coffee. "
Ianto stepped into the office, wondering if indeed, Jack had been thinking about him with such emotion. He placed both mugs on the desk and sat down across from the captain. Jack picked up his own blue and white striped mug and took a sip before making what can only be described as an orgasmic groan.
"God that's good. I don't know what I'd do without your coffee, Ianto" Jack said. His eyes closed in pure bliss.
Then as if realizing what he had said Jack opened his eyes and a cloud crossed his face. The two men stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Both thinking the same thing, and as always, leaving it unsaid between them.
Jack was able to shake the gloom first. He suddenly stood up and tapped Ianto on the shoulder before running out of the office. "You're it! "
Ianto smiled and began counting very loudly. "One… two… three…"
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
It had been a day or two of quietness and the team were catching up on paperwork. Jack had gone off on one of his "breaks" – probably up on a roof somewhere. Ianto was going through the mass of paperwork on Jack's desk, sorting into more manageable piles. He came across a yellowed page. It looked like what Jack had been reading the other night. Ianto looked up to see if the captain was returning before focusing on the paper. As soon as he started reading, he knew Jack had indeed been thinking of him with such sadness that night.
"To S.A
I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands
and write my will across the sky in stars,
To earn you Freedom, the seven pillared worthy house,
that your eyes might be shining for me
When we came.
Death seemed my servant on the road, till we were near
and saw you were waiting:
When you smiled, and in sorrowful envy he outran me
and took you apart:
Into his quietness.
Love, the way-weary, groped to your body, our brief wage
ours for the moment
Before earth's soft hand explored your shape, and the blind
worms grew fat upon
Your substance.
Men prayed me that I set our work, the inviolate house,
as a memory of you.
But for fit monument I shattered it, unfinished: and now
the little things creep out to patch themselves hovels
in the marred shadow
Of your gift.
-TE Lawrence"
Remembering Jack's reaction to these words, Ianto smiled sadly. He tucked the page into the top drawer of the desk and continued sorting the files.
End.
A/N – Upon my first reading of this poem, my thoughts turned to CoE. But I just could not write about that. It's sad enough. I needed there to be some hope.
Questions, comments, etc. are always welcomed.