Mistake.
That's the first word that slides into her mind when the insistent sun presses against her eyelids, forcing her awake.
She's bare, naked, exposed— vulnerable.
The sheets are soft against her even softer, pampered skin, yet she doesn't focus on this. Instead her gray eyes are caught on the sleeping figure next to her. His mouth is parted slightly; soft snores are pulled from his lips. His ashy blond hair seems more gold in the light streaming in from his window, and with a jolt she recalls last night.
Running to his house, craving a night of uninterrupted sleep in the arms of someone that understands.
Stepping inside, noting the length of his blond curls.
Distractedly pushing the curls from his face.
Becoming trapped in the dark look in his normally bright blue eyes when her fingers lingered on his cheek.
Then leaning in, pressing her mouth to his to feel that thing again, like she felt in the cave— that unnamable thing that assured her she was safe.
The rest of the night blurs in her thoughts, and she flushes as she remembers every detail with startling clarity.
She can't stay here. She can't stay to face Peeta and his expectant gaze, his face bright with hope that last night meant something important— sure, it was her first, but she sought comfort, escape, not love.
She still does not want his love.
So she quietly slips from his bed, pulls on her clothes, and is gone by the time the sun fully reaches the sky.
It's better this way, Katniss tells herself as she walks back to her house. It's better that it is just one time, completely meaningless, because attachment leads to love which leads to marriage and kids and she's never wanted all of that; she can't have all of that with the threat of the Capitol and President Snow looming over her…
Just as she reaches her porch she glances to the house next door, Haymitch's house. He's sitting on his porch stairs, a half-empty liquor bottle resting between his feet on the steps. An empty one is on its side next to him, and she can't make out his expression.
He shakes his head, though, and as he lifts the bottle to his lips she can imagine his gray eyes shrewdly narrowed at her, disappointment and disgust and pride visible. Tears suddenly clot her eyes as she pushes open her front door, and she promises to never look back, to never go back to Peeta's bed and abuse his love, steal comfort under false words—
But somehow she knows she'll find her way between his sheets and in his arms again anyway.
A/N: Well hello there! Long time, eh?
Ahem, this is the promised one-shot collection from Katniss' POV on certain chapters of Like Crazy, so I advise you— if you haven't already— to check out Like Crazy! Also, not to be pushy or anything, but maybe you could check out Alius Casus, too? Haha, anyway, I hope you enjoy!
-O
P.S. Um. This corresponds with chapter one of Like Crazy, in case you wanted to know.