Rachel would always remember the exact moment it happened, how could she forget? You never forget the moment that your heart splits in two and any chance that you ever had, even if slim before hand, had disappeared.
It was a luminous morning in New York City, the sky was of a cloudless sapphire, and the city below was sundrenched and booming. Rachel had woken early, and was milling around the apartment building in a small summer dress, and crimson fluffy socks, when she was alerted to the post filling through her creaky letterbox. She wandered over, flicking through the usual bland white envelopes, her eyes barley skim reading the letters that lay upon them, until she came to a gold envelope, with handwriting in a delicate silver, large loops and twirls with each single letter. Her fingers brushed over the smooth paper, her mind curious, it looked like a letter, or an invite, but from whom? The brunette slipped a single digit under the fold of the envelope, easing it open, before sliding out a white card that lay inside. Without even reading the whole thing, her stomach dropped, her heart ached and her eyes stung. Finn was getting married, she should have seen it coming, she really, really should of. As if this wasn't already too much, right there, in blood curling silver, his wife to be, and the bane of her existence: Quinn Fabray.
Rachel's train came to a sudden stop, breaking her from her troubling daydreams, she was in a place she knew too well, the empty streets, the all American houses, it was Lima train station, Rachel Berry was home.
After a quick stop to her old house, to let her Dad's now she had arrived safely, Rachel had to almost run out of the house, promising her Dad's she'd return before she left for New York. Sighing, she hopped in to her old car, and began driving a little outside of town, surprised she hadn't broken down in to tears on the way there, Rachel mentally patted herself on the back, as she watched the emerald hills roll by, before stopping at a empty crossroad. She knew exactly where she was, and she knew exactly how to get to Quinn's aunt's house, but she couldn't bring herself to move, heaving through corrupted lungs, she was too afraid, she hadn't seen Finn since the last Glee reunion, it had been over a year ago, and it still haunted her. Quinn's playful slapping of his toned arms, as she laughed hysterically at another one of his jokes, making Rachel's blood boil, as she stood there her eyes damp with dismay. Of course, it wasn't that in itself that haunted her, it was the way, that no matter what, Finn would always been staring right at her, in a way that burned her soul, an inescapable gaze, that was invisible to all, except them. It was the same look he had given her the last night of the reunion, when Rachel had decided to set off early, tired of the constant pain she was always putting herself through. As she sat in her car with blurry eyes, and pounding head, and a heart fit to bust out of her tiny ribcage, she could sense she wasn't alone. It was a single tall figure, masked in the velvet darkness night that even when plastered with rain; she knew like the back of her hand, it was Finn. She looked up at him silently; as he could only react the same just eyes of sorrow, guilt, pain? The lovers shared little words, just instinct, and guilty looks. At the end of it all, he ended staying the night in Rachel's hotel room, and he left her guilty in the early hours of the morning, assuming she wasn't awake, but she was and for the next two hours she spent sobbing herself back to sleep, her arms wrapped around the pillow he had laid on, as she soaked in his sent.
"Rachel?" In the time she had been thinking of a vivid past, a familiar car had pulled up alongside her, in the previously deserted country lane. "Kurt," The brunette squealed, masking her longing for false happiness. Rachel was sure this wedding would be torture, but was still glad to see her four best friends, greeting Blaine, Santana and Tina all in a similar fashion. "Berry." Santana smiled, clambering out of the window of Blaine's four by four, and through the open window of Rachel's small car. The Latino hugged Rachel from where she sat, half of Rachel's knee, half on the car window. "This occasion calls for a drink, or two," With a bright smile, Santana turned back to her party. "We'll race you."
"I'd prefer it if you showed me back to New York." Rachel sighed, before revving the engine of her mini and wheeling towards a large country mansion, the only thing that was heard over her engine was Rachel's triumphant laugh. Parking with a sharp turn in to the drive, Rachel pushed her way out of the car with Santana in pursuit, the brunettes laughing in sync at the distant car racing towards them, a highly amused Blaine at the wheel. "Ladies!" Rachel turned towards the distant voice, with guilty eyes, taking in a deep breath, and preparing herself for another acting challenge. Santana rushed towards the blonde, as Rachel awkwardly looked on "Q." The Latino beamed, tightly embracing her best friend.
"Quinn." Rachel laughed falsely, also approaching Quinn for a hug, and proceeding to lie about how much she's missed the blonde, and how excited she was, even joining in on the multiple group hugs, once Blaine, Tina and Kurt had joined them. It was without a doubt, Rachel was a fantastic actress. Inside, she was angry, alone, lost, hurting, on the outside she was blissful, and excited, and no one suspected a thing, it was only for a few weeks, then she could return to her lonely life in the big city, it would be easy, right?
Wrong. Whilst she idly conversed with Tina, she hadn't noticed, but it was the moment she had feared and spent many nights wide awake, simply picturing this moment, she knew it was coming, it was in the giant smiles from Kurt and Blaine, Tina and Santana rushing towards the house, it was Finn, it was doomsday, and there was no way out of it. She gazed at him longingly, her heart in tatters, as he hugged Quinn tightly. Before the group could notice her, she slipped in to the group, following them in to the house, passing by Finn with a simple look, so not to blow her cover.
Arriving in a low roofed bedroom, that was to be her home for the next few weeks, Rachel paced slowly, practising her speech for the rehearsal diner, but for the first time in her life, Rachel Berry was lost for words.
"Are you okay?" Tina asked, as Rachel entered the small bathroom were the two girls, and Santana were dressing themselves, for the diner later that evening. "I'm fine, why does everyone keep asking me that?" The brunette sighed in reply. "When was the last time you saw him?" Santana asked, watching Rachel intently. "Saw who?" Rachel looked at Santana puzzlingly, as she pulled her dress on over her underwear.
"Cut the bullshit, Rae, when was the last time you spoke to Finn?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? You dated the man for four years-"
"Five." Tina quickly interjected, before shying away again.
"We spoke, before the engagement, that's all." Rachel replied, hoping that neither of them knew more than they should.
"Are you ready?" Santana asked, with a nod from both Tina and Rachel, the three girls set out in to the evening, and out across the many acres of land surrounding the house. It had become more than torture, everywhere she turned was a constant reminder of the burden she would be faced with. Rachel was to stand on front of people who trusted her, loved her, and tell them she thought Quinn and Finn deserved each other, that she couldn't be happier for them, how could she when she felt too broken to function. Passing through all the pleasantries, of smiling gracefully at Quinn and Finn's relatives, she finally truly understood Santana, this really did call for some alcohol, at least until she could wash away her loneliness.
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