Ships In The Night

Fayana

So, I heard the song, and i just had to write this. Enjoy. Review, and constructive criticism is welcome.

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She screamed in frustration. Not caring about the tears pouring from her eyes. Holding on to the feel of them cold and wet on her cheeks. At least she felt something, that in itself was a rarity recently.

"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry i have no idea what I'm feeling apart from the pain that comes with all this. It hurts Diana, it hurts so fucking bad. Just having to see you two together, acting like i don't mean shit to you. I can't do this anymore"

Flashbacks of the last hour hit her hard. She found herself shaking as she attempted to light her third cigarette of the past ten minutes. Growling in frustration she eventually lit it, and took a long harsh drag.

She was wrapped up in an old blanket, just sat in the back of the old Chevy truck she had always wanted.

"Just tell me what you want Faye. Please, you think i can just break up with him that easily? I've been with him since we were fourteen years old. You can't do this right now. This is all so new and confusing and i don't know what to fucking think. Please, don't leave."

She let out a bitter laugh as she felt a fresh flood of tears fill her eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was fun, something born of a late night magic practice. A way to relieve the tension they had both felt.

But no, there's no such thing as simple anymore. Everything has to mean something and the only thing anyone seems to feel anymore is pain.

"I don't fucking know Diana. I'm asking you to give me a reason to stay."

She was never this girl, and she hated it. She didn't do all the relationship shit, and she sure as hell didn't stay for the morning after. But one girl changed all that. She took another long pull, letting the smoke burn her lungs before shakily exhaling.

She looked out at the view the mountain she was up provided. This was her favourite place. The place she could come to think and be at peace and no one used to be able to fucking ruin that. She hated this feeling, it filled her with dread and sorrow, and it made her chest physically hurt.

Deep down Faye knew Diana would never leave Adam for her, but that didn't stop the girl from dreaming. Hoping one day she would be able to call Diana hers, to be able to put her arm round her in public, to be able to kiss her and not care if someone might catch them.

"Don't cry sweetie, please, just tell me how to make it better"

"If you have to ask, then i really don't know what I'm still doing here. Goodbye Diana."

Faye knew she was being reckless. Driving with half a bottle of rum in her system wasn't unusual for her, but it was never accompanied by the overwhelming anger she could feel burning through her. She had made it to the top of her hill. She could almost see the whole of chance harbor from where she sat, letting the cool air cut through her. Watching the distant lights flicker, she needed to find warmth and she once again placed the smoke in her mouth before deeply inhaling.

Her senses were dulled by more than just the drink. She was completely and utterly emotionally exhausted, just trying to fumble through the grey matter that was her mind. She hears another car pull up next to hers and internally sighs, knowing that she only told one other person about this place and that she really wasn't up for a repeat of earlier. She reaches for the bottle that lays beside her and takes a big drink of the bacardi.

She becomes aware of someone slowly walking up to her, but refuses to turn around from where she is, instead staring intently at the valley below her. When she feels the person pull the cigarette from her hand and take a deep drag themselves she shovels the pack from her pocket, offering the unwelcome presence one. Once she feels them remove one she gives flicks the flint on her lighter, offering the flame to them.

After she hears them inhale the smoke she removes her hand, and places it firmly back by her side, holding the bottle with a vice grip. She once again lifts said bottle to her lips, taking another long pull before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"What are you doing here Diana?" Her own voice sounds alien to her, she has never sounded so fragile before in her life. It scares her, but it doesn't come as too much of a shock.

"I needed to know you were okay" Faye allowed herself to smile at the reply, before turning to finally face the cause of all her problems.

"Well, I'm just fine and dandy, as you can fucking see" She replies spitefully, a fake grin plastered on her face.

She watches as Diana moves past to sit next to her in the back of the truck and reaches for the bottle.

"Rum Faye? You hate Rum, especially this kind" Faye smiles at the question, before bitterly replying.

"Yeh, well I guess even in the tortured state I find myself in, I'm still thinking of you and your favourites"

Diana shifts uncomfortably besides her "Faye, I'm so so-"

"Don't. Diana just don't. I don't think i can take anymore rejection tonight"

"Im trying here Faye, okay. I just don't know what to do anymore. This has all got so fucked up, so fast. I have all these feelings, that i don't fucking know what to do with. And i can't look at you without wanting to cry, and hit you and fuck you and just scream all at the same time"

Faye can feel Diana shaking next to her, and reaches for her hand, wrapping their fingers together. Watching her close her eyes and raise her cigarette to her lips. She exhales the smoke in little rings, and Faye can't help but smile at the girls party trick. She was so proud when she had finally learnt how to do it.

The girls just sit there in silence for god knows how long. Finding both comfort and pain in each others presence.

"I think I'm going to finish things with Adam"

The sentence comes out of the blue, and Faye can't help her eyes widening. She refuses the get her hopes up. Already knowing what disappointment feels like and not wanting to return to that any time soon.

"Im sorry" They both knows its a lie. Faye isn't sorry about anything to do with Adam.

"You're a liar." She can feel Diana smiling sadly beside her. "It needs to be done. It isn't fair to any of us. I'm not saying I'm going to be ready for everything after we're done. But it's a start isn't it?"

Faye can hear how hopeful Diana is and smiles slowly.

"Yeh, i guess it is"

Faye turns her head towards her slowly, and lightly pecks her cheek. Waiting there for much longer than necessary, just savoring everything that is Diana Meade.

Maybe it's not going to end how they hope, maybe it wont be what they think it will. Maybe it's all going to be an even fucking bigger mess than it already is. But it's something, and right now, Faye would give her life for just the smallest chance at being with Diana.

She knows that their love isn't written in the stars. And that is was all started by a mistake, but if it means that they might be able to have something. Then Faye will fight for it for the end of her days. Fuck Adam.

She was going to make Diana hers if it killed her. Maybe it actually will.