~Breakeven~
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
He had come to understand that being alive was a relative term, he was still and alive and his body was breathing, but he wasn't living.
Tyler had never had much faith in God, but when first his dad died, then his uncle and then his mom, he lost the little belief he had, and yet he was praying for the first time since he had been to service as a kid.
I've got time, but she's got freedom…
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
He hadn't realized his mistake until it was too late and he knew there was no going back, she had told him that before he took that step out the door and it didn't matter how much he hoped they were just words spoken in hurt and anger, but he knew that this time she really did mean it.
He had been so preoccupied with his own vendetta that he hadn't even considered the consequences of his actions, and when it all had come crashing down on him and his plan failed, he wanted to take everything back.
Tyler had shown up on her dorm intending to beg for her forgiveness, but when he saw her he suddenly understood that she had moved on, that she had already suffered through the broken heart so many times because of him that her heart was already mending itself and he had no place in it anymore, not like before at least.
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
No word in existence could explain the betrayal and fury he felt when Caroline one day left everything and everyone behind to go be with him…Klaus. Naturally he had followed her to stop her, to bring her back by force if necessary, but when he saw them together and saw the genuine happy smile on her face, a smile she had never really given him, he stopped and retreated back into the shadows, only watching from afar.
He kept watching them for days, and every day he saw that same happy smile, that bubbly Caroline she hadn't been since she was human had returned and it was all because of Klaus, something that hurt him almost more than seeing her with him, all of the days she smiled like that were some of the worst days of his life.
It took some time before he understood how Klaus could make her so happy, when he had never been able to, but when he did he felt nothing but guilt and shame.
The difference between him and Klaus, was that no matter what happened or what threats waited around the corner, one thing never failed; Klaus always put Caroline first no matter what, something Tyler had never been able to do.
While I'm wide awake, she has no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven… even… no
He was a masochist he realized, he kept torturing him day after day when he watched Klaus and Caroline together. Klaus and Caroline dancing at a ball, Klaus and Caroline holding hands while walking, Klaus and Caroline kissing, Caroline sleeping in Klaus's arms.
All of that was hell for him to watch, he used to be the one to dance with her at balls, he used to be the one to hold her hand and he was the one who used to kiss her, the one she fell asleep in his arms, but what bothered him the most was probably how she could sleep so easily, in the arms of the monster she slept better than she had ever done before and Tyler couldn't get any sleep at all.
Once again it became obvious that she was fine because her heart wasn't breaking anymore, she had found someone to love who loved her back fiercely, while Tyler was going through his very first heartbreak and it was an uneven and painful one.
So what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay
And, I'm falling to pieces, yeah, I'm falling to pieces.
He had confronted her one night when she was by herself, he had asked her how she could do this to him, how she could choose Klaus over him and she had looked at him with sad eyes before placing her soft hand on his cheek, caressing it tenderly.
"You chose for me" she whispered and pulled back, walking away from him, and all he could do was to stand there and watch her go, because he knew she was right and there were nothing he could say or do to change that.
She had always been the rational and smart one of them, she had helped him true his transitioning and been there every step of the way, even when he became a hybrid she stuck by him, and at some point he had started taking her for granted. He hadn't understood before it was too late, how much he really needed her and now that she was gone he was falling apart.
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
It pained him whenever he would overhear conversations on the street, people saying everything happened for a reason, even bad things, because he could see no reason in this unnecessary pain he had brought on himself, and even when Matt had tried to cheer him up it hadn't worked because right now his heart was nothing but a big hole with a flood of blood rushing through it, or at least so it felt.
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't break even, even, no…
She had moved on, she was over him and she had started a new life for herself, a good life, a better life, a safe one. He had watched her go from heartbroken to happier than she had ever been in a matter of months, and while he was still morning their relationship, she had found someone new to share her incredible love with and Tyler would never have it again.
Now all he felt towards Caroline was an unexplainable amount of guilt because now he knew for himself what she had gone through over and over again whenever he left. She was stronger than he had ever given her credit for; she had survived three major heartbreaks while he was struggling with surviving the first one.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay,
And, I'm falling to pieces, yeah, I'm falling to pieces.
"You'll be fine Tyler, I'm sure the girl for you is out there somewhere" she had smiled at him with real hope and for her sake he had smiled back. He didn't believe her for a minute, but he had caused her so much pain during their time together, she had been the only good thing in his life and he had pushed her away, he owed her to be happy.
He put on a brave face; smiled, laughed, talked whenever they spent time together, they had become no more than two old friends these days and he would do what he could to make her happy.
But at the end of the day when it was only him behind closed doors, he would almost wither away and he fell apart more and more by the minute.
Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Klaus loved her, that much he was sure of, yet he found it hard to believe that he loved her more than Tyler, but it didn't matter who loved her most because they both loved her, she had captured both of their hearts but felt nothing of the pain Tyler suffered and Klaus would suffer if she ever left him.
The memory of Caroline carrying her pink suitcase to the car and placing it in the trunk before leaving for New Orleans was still fresh inside Tyler's mind, and even though she was the one who truly left, it was his fault for not choosing right.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains,
Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name.
How was it that while he was struggling to survive each day, she was having the best days of her life, how was it fair that she so easily forgot her love for him and he just couldn't seem to let go of her no matter how hard he tried. He had tried unsuccessfully to make sense of things that didn't make any sense and all it did was bring upon him the true nature of things; how Caroline didn't love him anymore, how she didn't even miss him a little bit, she had found her one true love and it wasn't him, it never had been.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time, while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath just to feel his lungs fill with air, and then he turned his face upwards and gave a silent prayer, not to get her back, but to help him survive and get over it. It would take time he realized, to get over her and what they used to be, it would take time to get back to who he once was, it would take time before he became free like her, and time was the one thing he had these days.
His heart was far from healed, but it was getting there and he was learning how to cope with everything, he was starting to feel normal again, at least just a little bit.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay
(Oh, glad you're okay now)
And I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad you're okay)
And I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
She had always been the best part of him, when people introduced their girlfriends or boyfriends as their better halves, it wasn't just something they said, at least not for him, Caroline was the better half of him and now she wasn't even his anymore. He had a hard time figuring out what to do with his life in the future, now that she wasn't a part of it anymore it seemed just about impossible.
He tried to tell her he was fine when she asked him how he was doing one day when they met, but his words got stuck in his throat and nothing came out. She could see he wasn't doing okay and did what she always did, she tried to cheer him up but he only felt worse when he saw there wasn't even a hint of anything then friendly feelings for him left in her. She was over him for good this time and there was nothing he could do about it.
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no