I own nothing.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die.
-Lewis Caroll

here's to you, the queen of hearts

Alice fell down the rabbit hole.

She's five years old when she stands in a line with seven other girls, all vying for the same spot in a clothing commercial. Their mothers all stand patiently behind, whispering 'you're the prettiest girl of them all.' Tawni's proud, because her mother is the Queen. (Portlyn's mother is only the Rook).

There's always the silent promise that if she makes it, she'll be Queen someday. Because right now, she's perfect.

Ten years later, Tawni still stands in line with seven other girls and her mother is still Queen. But now, she whispers in Tawni's ear, 'you're not good enough, you'll never make it across the board; you'll never be Queen.' (And Tawni realizes that she was never perfect).

Tawni's had enough. It's not fun anymore, and she wants out, but her manager and mother says Pawn to E4 and she is forced to comply.

Alice fell down the rabbit hole. She met Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

She's seventeen when she joins So Random. It's her, Zora and Grady and Nico.

She likes it, because Nico and Grady tell her she's beautiful and they're so boyish and stupid that she can control them. She's never allowed to be Queen of her own life, so she becomes Queen of the studio.

Alice fell down the rabbit hole. She met the White Queen.

Her relationship with her mother never amounts to anything. But until she turns eighteen, they are stuck together. For better, or for worse. (But always worse, Tawni thinks)

At about her eighth birthday, Tawni realizes, her mother stopped raising a child and started creating a product. Tawni screams silently at her from her pink canopied bed but never does she say anything out loud, because if she did, she would have no one. A stage mother has to be better than nothing, she thinks.

Alice fell down the rabbit hole. She met Humpty Dumpty.

So Random is one step forward on the pristine glass chessboard that is her life, but when Sonny arrives she sees the opposing Knight in line to knock her out.

Her mother tells her, 'You were supposed to be the beautiful one, how could you have let another girl join the show?' (She's never enough, so it's off with her head).

But she meets Sonny, and what they end up with is not an agreement (or Sonny would be gone) but the Knight goes for another Pawn and Tawni is safe for now.

She's stuck, though. She stops moving forwards. (Sonny is so fragile and innocent and Tawni can't help but feel a little bit jealous of her).

Alice fell down the rabbit hole.

The pawn never makes it across the board. A Bishop takes her out, and the promise that she would be Queen one day becomes Sonny's because Hollywood's had enough of Tawni Hart. And she's had enough of Hollywood, because for her it was just a whirlwind of chipped nail polish and broken smiles and knowing that it might be all she'll ever have.

Her mother is furious, but in making one last attempt to be a mom and protect her daughter she puts her side of the board in jeopardy.

Checkmate.

So much for Wonderland.

I apologize for all the inaccuracies in the Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass references. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

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