To Everything, There is a Season – Falling
"A time to kill, a time to heal; a time to break down, a time to build up…" – Ecclesiastes 3.3, The Holy Bible
Chapter One
From the coffee table, Adam studied the young woman sitting on the hearth across from him. It was hard to believe she'd once been nothing more to him than the little sister of his best friend. Now, twenty years later, he wondered how life would have been had Shiloh Isabella Whitney stayed on the stagecoach leaving town on the first leg of her trip to Europe instead of climbing out to tell him, in the middle of the busiest street in Virginia City, that his feelings mattered to her. Later that same day, she told him she wanted him to be a part of the decision that would define her future…and maybe his.
Now, she still wore a far-away look, seemingly trying to comprehend what her actions meant.
"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered.
She closed her eyes and smiled when she opened them. "I know you think I came home from Boston for my family; because they worked so hard to build the ranch. And maybe that was true in the beginning. But the truth is, I enjoy working with my horses. I love the Sierra. This is my home, and I don't want to leave it. Besides that, the ranch is a legacy that I want to leave my children and their children. If I were to give it up and sing, what would I have to leave them…a name…a story...certainly nothing tangible?"
"But you enjoy performing. Edwin was right…you come alive when you're on a stage. You love it."
"Singing is a two-edged sword. When it's all said and done, it leaves me a wreck."
"That's just inexperience. The more you perform, the easier it will be."
"Do you want me to leave? It seems to me you're trying to talk me into it. And don't try to tell me what you want doesn't matter."
Adam thought for a moment. It had taken her best friend, Annie Walters, their mutual friend, Edwin Booth, and a reluctant push on his part to get her to perform one more time in San Francisco. She had said she didn't want to sing when she came home from college, but after her performance in San Francisco, she was faced, for the second time, with a decision to perform in Europe. He had the one piece of information that would make her decision easy, but he didn't want to be the catalyst for her missing a chance of a lifetime. He had shared that information with Edwin, and seeing how distraught she was at leaving, he told her before the stagecoach had gotten out of town.
He took her hands in his. "I don't think it has to be one or the other." She looked back doubtfully. "Shiloh, there's an opera house opening right here in Virginia City, remember? There are three in San Francisco, and there are theaters in Sacramento, Carson City, Denver City, Arizona City and Salt Lake. You don't have to go far to perform. And you can always come home to the ranch."
"Adam, I don't know. I don't care about fame or notoriety. I just enjoy composing, and then hearing the finished piece…and singing. I enjoy the ranch just as much. It's nice to have a place to come home to."
Adam adjusted his legs as they sat across from each other and leaned toward her, taking her face in his hands. "We'll figure it out," he said softly as he raised her face to his, kissing her tenderly.
"And what about this?" she whispered, looking into his eyes.
"What? This?" he asked, kissing her again.
Blushing, she said simply, "Yes, that."
He sat back, searching her eyes. "Does this bother you?"
She met his eyes with hers. "It's not that. I…just…." Unable to finish, she lowered her eyes.
He realized she still had some things to work out where he was concerned. What he didn't know was where her hesitation was coming from. Was it still their past…her brother, Micah…her parents? Was it Will Stewart, the senator from back East who had been her fiancé? Was she afraid she'd lose the independence her education afforded her? Or was it just that she still had some big decisions to make and maybe this was too much at the moment. "Shiloh, this doesn't have to be a decision. Why don't we just see where this goes on its own?"
At that moment, Hoss and Joe came noisily through the door. "There she is," said Joe. "The lady that stopped the stagecoach in the middle of town."
Adam turned to Joe, chuckling, then turned back and winked at Shiloh. "What are you talking about?"
"Shiloh is Virginia City's favorite subject," said Hoss. "And it's not just 'cause of the stagecoach. Take a look at the newspaper," he said, handing the paper to Adam.
Adam unfolded it, and then looked over the top of it at Shiloh, crooking his jaw and furrowing his brow. "I thought you said you didn't pose for a photograph while you were in San Francisco."
Shiloh sat upright. "I didn't," she said, grabbing the paper. "Of all the low-down, sneaky…this is the last note I sang." She pulled the paper close to her eyes. "Someone must have been sitting up front in the middle, sketching."
"Well, there's no doubt that's you," said Adam.
She slumped. "Hoss, how bad is it?"
"This is the second edition today. Everyone's buying 'em."
Shiloh buried her chin in her chest and put her hands on her head. "So much for no notoriety."
"It's not as bad as it sounds," said Adam, trying to comfort her.
"Isn't it? All of Virginia City knows who I am now."
Feeling sorry for her, Hoss walked to the hearth and sat beside her. "Adam's right. You ain't got nothin' to worry about. Now come on. Supper's ready," he said, smiling.
Shiloh sat quietly during dinner while the Cartwrights discussed their day and their plans for tomorrow. She didn't really listen, lost in her own thoughts, wondering how Adam and she had gotten so close when they had started so far apart. She hated him in her youth, blaming him for the death of her brother. She resented him when she came home from college to a ranch that her father had left in trust for her when he died; a trust with Adam and his father as trustees, a trust that gave Adam authority over her.
Now, as she watched him all through dinner, she wondered if she was really ready to trust him…with everything.