A/N: Okay, so...there is a page on facebook called 'fucking peasants omg' and I was basically drunk and thought this would be a hilarious idea. Woke up the next morning, had 2,000 words and it wasn't actually that bad (for drunk writing at least), so, against all better judgement, I went ahead with it.
I originally uploaded it on my account I use for Rps I want to turn into fanfics, but it did kinda well over there, so I'm deleting it from that account and uploading it here.
The original character was England, as he seemed more suited for a nobleman role, but I didn't see a way to fit his tsundere personality into this character, and Prussia, but I think he would be more focused on being awesome than peasants, so I decided to go with Poland instead.
Warning: there will probably be major historical inaccuracy, major OOCyness (possible PolXLiet if I decide to continue this)

...xXx...

Feliks crossed his legs and sighed in boredom as he looked out across the land from his carriage. His father told him he needed to go out and observe the people they governed so that he would become a better lord when the time came, but they hadn't even reached the farms and he was already bored.

The surrounding area was completely flat on both sides of the bumpy road, with fields stretching out for miles and various animals grazing. His father said that it was almost harvest time, and they needed to perform some stupid ritual to bless the land, but he didn't really care about that.

"Now, son, I know this may be hard for you to understand, but - " He blocked his father out as the first sign of people came into view.
They were lined up in rows, dressed in the most boring colours and hacking away at the corn like total psychos. "That's, like, an actual fucking peasant, oh my God." He couldn't believe how grubby they were - totally covered in mud and whatever. Did they not, like, bathe or something? It was totally gross.

Each field they passed revealed more and peasants. There were hundreds of them. It was like the land had an endless supply of peasants or something.

"Lol, look at that fucking peasant toiling in those fields for my turnips. He wishes he had this much swag."

"Feliks!" Toris, his tutor, glared at him from the other side of the carriage. Toris had this stupid theory that peasants were actually people too, and demanded some kind of respect. Feliks had laughed at that. As if peasants actually had feelings.

They had stopped in the square of a local town; a tiny place build from what looked like crappy bricks and hay. Apart the local well, that wasn't even a fountain or anything, and the stocks, the entire square was just cobbles, boarded off by either houses or shops. His father stood outside the carriage, addressing the local peasants while Feliks and Toris sat inside, waiting for him to finish.

Feliks stared out the right side of the carriage, bored already and waiting for his father, when he saw a leper approaching the carriage. "Please." He rasped, his arms outstretched. Almost all his fingers had fallen off, his skin was rotting away and he gave off a foul stench. "Help me." Feliks wrinkled his nose from the carriage window above, glad that he was too high (and that the leper didn't have enough fingers left) for the leper to reach him.

"Oh my God, what the fuck? Gross. Leper, don't get your germs on me, ew. Why the fuck would you approach a nobleman like myself?"
Toris just sighed and slid the red velvet curtain over the window, blocking out the leper. Feliks looked out the other side of the carriage to where his father was talking to a horde of the peasants. He stared at them, feeling grossed out as they stared back at him with their dead eyes. It was almost like they weren't even alive. You fucking peasants, I could be home watching the jester right now.

His father finally stopped addressing the people and pulled him from the carriage, clapping him on the shoulder with his big, beefy hands. "Come on, son. Now the real fun begins." He chuckled before leading them out of the square.

...xXx...

Feliks didn't even know where they were going, but, going by Toris's fidgeting and his obvious discomfort, it probably wasn't somewhere nice.
Feliks didn't catch the name of the place, but it looked like a common peasant squalor, with only four windows, a thatched roof and a tiny door that was barely big enough for his father's fat ass to squeeze through.

They burst through the front door, his father shouting "I come with coin in my purse to purchase coital satisfaction." with one hand firmly on his sons shoulder, and another clutching a large bag of money.

"Oh my God, dad, you are, like, totally embarrassing me." The place was horrible and dark, with only small, almost burnt out candles on the walls lighting the place. There were loads of table, and loads of customers, and loads of women walking around the place, either talking to men or serving food. There was some one-toothed freak in the corner playing the piano and the whole placed reeked of stale sweat and grime.

"Greetings." A chubby dark lady with a massive mole on her chin sidled up to them as their father sat them down at an empty table.
"Get some clothes fucking peasant, oh my God." Feliks said, scowling at how she only wore a thin strip of fabric across her chest and her hips.
"Now son, don't complain. She's a whore."

She wrapped her arm around his fathers shoulders and chuckled. "He's a cute one, isn't he?"

"Keep smiling wretched wench. We shall see how comedic it is when you are peddling your downstairs to the fucking lepers."

"Oh my." Her smile vanished immediately, and before he could say anything else, Toris dragged him off to another table.

"Feliks. I told you can't talk like that."

"God, Toris, stop being such a fucking peasant."

Toris just sighed as another woman came up to their table. "Hello," She purred, running her hand along the back of Toris's chair. "Can I get you anything?" Toris flushed bright red and started stuttering. "Don't worry." Her voice sounded like she had something stuck in her throat (probably a penis.) "Take your time." She came and stood behind Feliks, setting a hand on his shoulder and causing him to flinch.
"Ew, oh my god, gross. Don't rub your gross leper germs on your Lord." Toris paled as the woman scowled.

"We're fine for now, thank you." Toris said quietly, keeping his eyes on the table as she lifted what little skirts she had and flounced off.
He looked around the place, frowning and realise that all these people, were actually peasants.

"Wow, fucking peasants, oh my God." He said as loudly as possible, so everyone could hear him. "This Lord sees you lazy serfs playing cards and sharing an ale. Get the fuck out this brothel and get back to harvesting or the gallows for you."

"Feliks!" Toris actually shouted at him, making Feliks grin widely. Toris never spoke up or acted out and it was hilarious seeing him apologising to the entire bar and offering to buy them all drinks like he was in the wrong.

After half an hour of apologising to everyone, Toris finally joined Feliks again at the table. His father had already disappeared with the mole woman from before.

"Toris, this is boring." He whined the moment he sat down. "Let's go."

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as he lead the way back to the door. Feliks pretended he didn't see the glares coming fro everyone in the room.

Fucking peasants, oh my God.