Never Let Me Go.
Short oneshot. Castiel POV, directly after the Leviathans escape his vessel. Title and lyrics are from a song by Florence and the Machine. I'm a big fan of FATM and this song just reminded me of Cas the moment I heard it. Angst alert! Implied Destiel. Songfic. Please R&R. On a much more positive note-welcome back Misha! Can't wait to see 7:17. :)
'Looking up from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea.
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under...'
He is alone in this vessel now, in every sense of the word. No Jimmy, no souls-and no Leviathans. They have escaped, and Castiel, now-former Angel of Thursday, has unleashed these fearsome beasts on the world. On his friends.
He is not sure if it's the guilt that's weighing his limbs down, or the force of the water, but there is a strange peace in the murky depths of this lake. He is not drowning, he still feels no need for oxygen, but he cannot move. Cannot stir at all.
He is so tired now.
'...And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral where you cannot breathe.
No need to pray, no need to speak,
Now I am under all...'
Dean. Sam. Bobby. The names flit through his mind, and there is agony in his own soul, bitter knowledge that he has betrayed them, that he has hurt them, that he has failed them. But knowing that he has failed Dean is especially devastating.
Love is not a sin. It's just that angels are supposed to obey orders, be stoic, impenetrable, emotionless creatures. But if Dean Winchester has taught him anything, it's how to feel. And he has come to love the Righteous Man. In ways he never imagined possible.
And now, it is too late to tell him. He only hopes that Dean will hold onto his memory...
Reply to:
'...And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head,
Never let me go,
Never let me go...
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me.
In the crushes of heaven, for a sinner like me,
But the arms of the ocean delivered me...'
He prays to his Father, the very Father he sinfully impersonated while on his soul-induced power trip. Prays for forgiveness, for understanding, neither of which he expects or feels he deserves. He is sinking deeper and deeper, and oblivion is beckoning now.
And for the first time in his long millennia of existence, Castiel realizes what it truly means to fall...
'...And it's over, and I'm going under,
But I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in...
And the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,
And all this devotion, I never knew at all.
In the crushes of heaven, for a sinner released,
But the arms of the ocean delivered me...'
I was on a bit of a downer-I suffer from depression-when I wrote this, as is obvious, lol. I'm sorry it's so short, but I hope you review anyway. Thank you!