Falling in
By Moments of Insanity
Date : 14 Feb 2001
Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me. Sailor moon belongs toNaoko-sensei, Back at One belongs to Brian Mcknight. There! Don't you just feel sorry for me? I own nothing except the story line. Man I'm so poor.
Ah. My dear editors. Ice and Cerulean. Can't do without you guys.
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Year 1998
'Juuban High school has always been a prestigious school in this district.' The principal's monotonous voice droned on through the microphone, 'It is your honor and your duty to uphold this reputation.'
I stifled a yawn, even as I tried to pay attention to the speech about honor, responsibility, and so on. It was the first day of our high school life, something that was supposed to be a special and memorable event in our life, but I assure you that this principal was sure making it one of the more boring days in my life.
I looked around and smiled understandingly at the rest of the girls. Makoto yawned, and she didn't even bother to cover her mouth to hide her boredom. Minako's head was already drooping, showing that she was on the verge of sleeping. And of course, Usagi was already sleeping. Her head resting on Minako's shoulder, snoring softly. Reluctantly I reverted my ever-shrinking attention to the monotonous voice of the principal.
'Besides the increase of numbers at the arrival our new students, I am glad to announce that there are two extra teachers who will be teaching history and physics respectively: Miyaki Kunzite and Miyaki Nephrite.'
Those names yanked me out of daydreaming and left my mouth gaping open, I mean, who wouldn't if they heard the names of their enemies who were trying to kill them? And yes, who were also supposed to be moondusted, but heck! There they were, standing there next to the principal as if it was the most natural thing on earth. Kunzite's platinum hair was tied back to a ponytail; his face was still as stern as ever. Similar to Kunzite, Nephrite's brown locks were tied back, and he had that gentle smile that had gotten Naru head over heels with him. Both of them were wearing neat black suits that enhanced their physique, and if we hadn't been in an assembly, I'm sure there would have been a chorus of 'Ohhhs' and 'ahhs' from the school female population.
Next to me, Makoto was in the same state as I was, however, her hands Covered Minako's mouth, as she tried to dampen the scream emitted from the latter girl's mouth. Quick thinking, I thought approvingly. Unfortunately there was still the now-awakened Usagi, whose mouth was not only open, but she was also the only one that stood up like a sore thumb and pointed at them, screaming:
'NANI!? WHY THE HELL ARE THESE NEG'
Her scream was immediately silenced by a knock from Makoto, as all three of us jumped over her, covering her mouth to stop her from saying anymore. But the damage was already done. The hall was dead silence; everyone's eyes were on us. I could literally feel my blood pumping into my face as the whole school's attention turned to focus on the four of us. I suddenly desperately wished for the ground to swallow us up as Minako sheepishly offered a very lame excuse: ' um...I guess she just had woken up from a nightmare hehehe.' Large sweat drops appeared on the heads of our fellow students, and a very angry principal looked menacingly at us as he whispered furiously to the teacher beside him.
Yes. I could see that this was going to be a long day.
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If Rei knew what happened, I'm sure she'd demand that this day should be named. Wondering why? Well, it's not everyday that I get into trouble, much less going into a detention. Sigh.
After our sensei decided that she had wasted enough saliva on us, she finally let us sit down and continue with the more serious things. Like seat allocation and textbook distribution. And then in came Jadeite and Zoicite. Nope I was not surprise. Who would be after the scene at the assembly?
'Because of application problems, these two students are late in coming to school, and they are assigned to this class. I'm sure you will make them feel welcome. Do you want to introduce yourself?'
Jadeite naturally volunteered. 'My name is Miyaki Jadeite, and this is Miyaki Zoisite. Don't be surprise to find our last name is the same as your new physic and history teachers. Reason? We're brothers. Not that I want to be Zoisite's brother,' he said as he flashed a cheeky grin at Zoisite's way, who in response scowled menacingly. 'By the way, no jokes about our name, because that's our deceased parents decision, well, anything more to add? Zoisite.'
'Nope, basically it covers most of the stuff,' Zoisite replied.
'Oh. That's sad, I was hoping that you will remind me of something so I could talk more,' Jadeite slightly pouted.
'To be honest, I really don't want to hear you babble for another two hours.' Zoisite rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.
'Hey!'
Did I tell you that throughout this conversation, the eyes of female population in the class had stars shining through them? And did I mention that there were a lot of ohh's and ahh's?
I rolled my eyes in despair. Let me rephrase, this would be one long year.
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I assured you that after that incident in the assembly hall, we immediately became the most well known group in the school. But actually there was also another reason for the intense attention from the rest of the school population. Jadeite and Zoisite. Well also Minako and Usagi. The female population's attention was of course on the two Generals who were always with us, while the male population's attention was fixed on the latter pair. And oh yes, that had caused a certain jealous boyfriend to come out and practically yell a challenge to the rest of the male population. That was quite funny when all the sudden adoration vanished and left Usagi pouting slightly.
I recall after the first day of school, we held an urgent senshi meeting at Rei's temple and confronted the Generals. I did the energy scans, and Rei threw wards at them, we even considered to pull a Sailor moon's attack on them, but they survived and seem to no longer contain any Negaverse power. Rei wasn't too happy about it, which I suspected had, something to do with Jadeite, who was drooling over her all throughout the meeting. She finally grudgingly accepted the fact, although she did threaten to moondust them if they showed any 'evil signs,' despite Usagi's attempts to convince her everything was fine. And me? I was happy with the computer reading, and all I had wanted to do was to get back to my cozy room and continue with my studies.
After that meeting, we 'naturally' became 'friends'. Notice the inverted commas? Well, 'naturally' because Minako and Makoto wanted to 'keep an eye on them,' but if you ask me, they were trying to pry information about Nephrite-sensei and Kunzite-sensei. And Jadeite hung around, because he wanted information about our raven-haired friend; he was like a lovesick puppy ever since he set his eyes on her. By that time, I think the signs of love-at-first-sight were so obvious between most of the Generals and senshi that it was hard not to suspect destiny of interfering again. At least other than me. I swear I have to ask Setsuna-san about this one day.
Life carried on normally, except the unexpected effect of the popularity of the Generals. Fan clubs, to say the least, sprung up as the female population divided to support their beloved idols-the Generals, while the sport clubs used all sorts of tricks to get the two younger Generals to join their club. For we found out that Jadeite, despite of his silly and flirtatious behaviors, was skilled in kendo and Zoisite, in archery, charmed many students with his gentleman ways, shy smiles yet nonchalant attitude. Another effect was the increasingly frequency of seat changes or class changes, like once a girl complained she couldn't see from the back so that she could move to the front and sit next to Jadeite-san. It was comical and sad I suppose, when you knew that at least one of them was out of bounds; for his mind was already occupied by a certain raven-haired girl, and that no matter how hard that poor girl tries, no feelings will be return. Even the teachers turned a blind eye on this phenomenon, the long hair and such. Who wouldn't, when the average grades in History and Physics suddenly improved as many girls fought to become Kunzite-sensei and Nephrite-sensei's favorite student?
Oh well, I digress, life in school was great, everything so peaceful and orderly, just like before I became a sailor senshi. Um? Let me rephrase, everything was peaceful except the occasional wail from Usagi, who for some reason or another, must fail her tests once a month. Oh just to be fair, her grades did improve, it was much better than what she got when I first met her. Makoto and Minako's grades were also coming out fine, now if only I could get them to have a study schedule instead of those cram sessions sigh. And the Generals? Jadeite-san wasn't as dumb as he posed to be, while Zoisite? Well, it wasn't normal for a sensei to use Usagi as a role model in a test. In fact it was just not possible, but somehow that did happen after one of the tests when the sensei threatened 'Miyaki, if you don't put in more effort into these tests, I would be forced to bring this matter to your older brothers.' She continued exasperatedly, 'If Tsukino Usagi can get above an average, then anyone can!'
I barely registered Usagi muttering, 'I resent that,' as my eyes were fixed on him, and he muttered a suitable excuse and hidden from the view of the teacher, a smirk formed on his lips. I was surprised, for as the strategist of the four Generals, I expected more, and his response to the teacher's lecture was unexpected, but this was forgotten soon, as this was only a small interlude in the life of a high school student.
At least this interlude was forgotten until the term exam.
For me, things carried on naturally until the term exam. Actually to be exact, the day when the results were posted. As usual there were hustles and buzzing activities before the board, with the occasional squeal of happiness or groan of despair. Usagi cheered to find that she had passed while Minako was attempting murder on Usagi for beating her, and Makoto frowned slightly to find her ranking had dropped before she shrugged it off and joined in teasing Usagi.
I searched for my name on the board and was satisfied to find my name on the top of the list what I hadn't expected was to find Zoisite's name next to mine. That bugged me. It was had been a long time since I shared first place with anyone. Besides, it was more than 'bug', it was like an unsaid challenge to me, and it stirred my inborn desire to be the best, to beat him. This incident opened my senses toward him, and for the first time, I actually 'realized' his being, well not really realized, but became sensitive to all that was happening around him.
I realized, intuitively, that this competition would last for a long time, at least for the rest of my high school life, probably for the rest of my life.
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Time passed on quickly, and soon it was 10 days from Christmas. There was another get-together session at the Crown with Jadeite and Zoisite. To be exact, it was another 'info-exchange' session between Minako, Makoto and Jadeite. We tagged along, because Zoisite was another info database that Minako insisted that they looked at, and Makoto persisted that I should take a break from my competition with Zoisite.
Obviously, my nose was stuck in a book (I hate that saying, but unfortunately it portrays the truth), barely registering what they were gossiping about.
Somehow their talk had wandered off to the Ball on Christmas day.
I had wondered when they would come to it; after all, it was the Biggest thing (next to Valentines Day and the school fair) in the school year. It was very rare for the school to hold such large events as a ball. It was a tradition that the last waltz of this ball should be for lovers, many people used this occasion to express their adoration to their love, and to end the evening romantically. Basically it was the big thing between girls, and already there were many speculations on whom the Generals would dance with.
Anyway, let me continue. Jadeite was asking if Rei would go to the ball. Unfortunately, Minako bluntly dumped his hope into the bin with a curt 'no', and continued saying longingly? I really want to ask Kunzite-sensei, but I suppose that's not really proper.'
'It would be the scandal of the year,' Zoisite joked, 'do you know how strict the school is about these issues? Especially with our conservative principal.'
'So will you ask Nephrite? Makoto-chan,' Jadeite asked.
'No, I guess not,' she answered wistfully.
'Well! Don't feel sad. Since Rei-chan is not coming, I guess I'll have to practice my 'flirting' skill on my dear classmates.' He said jokingly, 'do you want to be my first partner?'
'Don't be such a baka,' Makoto snorted as Jadeite put on his customary mock pout. 'What about you? Zoisite-kun, who will you ask?'
That question was like a slap on my face, as that question was equivalent to asking 'who do you like?'
Much to my annoyance, my attention was fully fixed on his answer. I couldn't suppress my curiosity and, surprisingly, hope, even though I was chanting in my head Okay Ami, look interested in the book, look interested in the book. Look really interested in the book But suddenly that book had lost its original magical touch that had drawn me to it; it had became dull.
I tried to squash that feeling of longing, and reasoned my interest in him will end in a short time, and my interest in him is because he's fascinating. It has nothing to do with love? Oh by Mercury, where did that word came from?
All my senses became keen; my adrenaline level soared sky high, as I finished that thought abruptly, unwilling to dive into its meaning. The seconds seemed to slow to eternity, the room seemed to silence in anticipation to his answer. Unconsciously I held my breath. Hai, I wouldn't have been surprised if they asked me what had happened to my ears, because I was straining so hard to hear that I thought my ears had grown.
'That's a secret,' he finally drawled out, the message short and to the point, cheeky with suppressed laughter. He looked very amused at Jadeite and Makoto, who were ganging upon him, hands stretched out outstretched as if to strangle him. It was so him.
My shoulders slumped with despair, obviously he already liked someone; I didn't expect that it would affect me. I shouldn't have feel hurt, at least, not that much. I was annoyed at the person who had captured his attention, I had thought rather selfishly that he should not like anyone until I had him all figured out, apparently that was not the case. sigh
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Ever since that meeting, nothing went right for me. I had become overly sensitive to all that was happening around him. The girls who had crushes on him, the games he had won, who had he talked to, his gestures, his mannerism, his little quirks, his voice... everything about him. And everything about him was like little rare gems to me, which I stored away in my memory. Sometime I would think that with all the attention that I gave to him, my interest would soon diminish, and everything would return to what was before, but that never happened. And by Mercury, am I peeved at his effect on my life. However, the most annoying thing was that everywhere I went, he seemed to be there as well. And even my thought-to-be safe haven: the Library was not a safe convent from him.
The size of the school library was modest, to say the least, it was a place where most students would avoid; a perfect hiding place for me. The library was a place for me to sit and think, to indulge in a reading session and to do my studying. I loved books, the smell of them, the texture of the paper, and most, I enjoyed walking down the aisle, skimming along the bookshelf and randomly picking out books to scan. If one could fall in love with books, the perfect example would be me.
However, that was History ever since he came.
The books no longer held the attraction they did before, whenever I scanned along the bookshelf for a book, my eyes just lost their focus, and I just spaced out, as images of him continued to play at the back of my mind. Sigh Looking at him had became an addiction.
Am I in love?
'Ami-chan!'
Startled, I whirled around and saw Minako and Makoto walking towards me. 'I knew we can find you here. We need your help desperately,' Makoto said.
I raised an eyebrow quizzically as Minako continued with a sheepish grin, 'Do you remember we are going to have a History and Physic test soon? Well, we kinda need help.'
'In what?'
'In how to use the Library, I haven't been in the Library once since the first day!' Makoto exclaimed, as if she was proud of this feat. 'We need to know what books are useful in revising,' Minako continued. 'We know we can count on you Ami, please.' Both batted their eyelashes innocently at me.
To say I was not shocked was an understatement. Minako and Makoto revising?! I pressed my palm against Minako forehead and mockingly asked, 'No fever?'
'Ami-chan!' both chorused.
'Hai, Hai!' I chuckled as I led them to the places they wanted and pointed out several useful books. I thought I would never see the day when those two would be interested in school. I shook my head in resignation and marveled at the power of love. They hurriedly took the books and leafed through them. Both of them had this glow of happiness as they walked to the librarian, holding the books near themselves as if they were precious treasures.
I was about to follow them until I saw him sitting there reading. I frowned as I realized it had become a habit to seek him out in the crowd, my eyes naturally fall on him. An addiction I thought ruefully.
He was mesmerizing. Sunlight seemed to dance on his wheat-colored hair, And strands of long curly hair, that had refused to be tied back, framed his delicate features. His large hand continuously raked through his bangs as the hairs stubbornly fall back and blocked his view. His olive-green eyes shone with annoyance as he glared at those stubborn bangs. He is beautiful. Another sigh escaped my lips, while I unconsciously filed his image into my memory.
I saw a girl strutting toward him, swaying her hips seductively. Yume Yamamoto I quickly identified her, one of the more beautiful senior girls in the school, notoriously famous for her flirtatious behaviors. She had her eyes on Zoisite for a long time and had visited him many times, to the outrage of my female classmates. She had beautiful, long, thick, black hair with brown highlights that streaked through it, large brown eyes that were enhanced by the elaborate makeup she put on. She leaned down and whispered in his ear, a gentle smile graced her face. It was a beautiful picture, a prince and a princess talking, and the sunlight behind them seemingly cast a halo around them. That had been too beautiful, and it had hurt me too much to watch them as I wrenched my eyes off them.
But that action didn't block my hearing. Her soft laughter rang through the library, probably at something he said I thought darkly as I tried to squash the desire to snap at her, realizing how futile it would be and the embarrassment it would bring to me.
My eyes instead settled on a reflection of me, refusing to acknowledge the pair behind my back. What do you see I asked myself. A plain, boring, shy girl, lacking in self-esteem and self-confidence. I replied, as sad blue eyes gazed back at me. I turned and looked at him once more. I could imagine that the girl next to him was me, that he was looking only at me. Don't dream Ami, you know that couldn't happen I gently scolded myself for holding my hopes up high. Who is he anyway? He's evil. He once almost killed you. He is vain and proud and stubborn as I listed his bad points, a vain attempt to devalue him in my eyes. Yet he is kind and gentle to those he knew and love A small voice inside my head counter-argued, he is someone who stands for his beliefs. He will not conform to anyone. He is modest in his knowledge. He doesn't hesitate in voicing his opinions. He can be as humorous as Jadeite-kun. The voice continued to list and I despairingly realized that the pro-list was getting longer.
He finally noticed me, a grateful smile lightened up his face as he excused himself from Yamamoto-san. She shot a murderous glare at me before she whirled around and left the library.
'Ami-san,' he called, I flinched inwardly at the formality, realizing the gap in our relationship. 'Thank god you're here. If I have to put up with anymore of that sugary stuff, I think I'll go crazy,' he said with a lop-sided grin pasted on his face.
I looked at him strangely as I realized something. 'Love hurts,' I quoted softly, remembering the murderous look Yamamoto-san had given me. For the first time, I felt an unidentified rage inside me. ?'How could you do it to her!' I hissed accusingly, he looked surprised and confused, so I continued.
'Is this how you treat all the girls who fall in love with you?' I knew I was being hysterical, but I couldn't help it, to think he was toying Yamamoto-san's and my feelings. I took a deep breath, to help to put my chaotic thoughts into sentences, and continued to spill my confusion and frustration. 'How dare you play with her feelings as if they are toys, don't you realize that she is in love with you?'
He looked at me sadly. 'No, Ami-san. It is not love, she could never love me; it is infatuation.' He paused, sorrow shone through his dark green eyes. What is love actually? I believe it is something pure and enduring like the love between Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun.' He stopped and seemed to struggle to put his thoughts together, then continued. 'Love could never happen if it is only a one-sided feeling. I don't love her, nor does she love me. I love someone else, but I haven't told her yet. I hope when I tell her that I love her, she will return my feelings, and our love will be as sweet and long-lasting as the love between Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun; Yamamoto-san could never be the one I love, for I have no feelings for her.'
I bit my lips, after hearing his confession, I knew whatever feelings I had for him were hopeless. I didn't dive any deeper into these emotions, as all would have come to naught. I felt my emotional barrier was beginning to break under the stress of my confusion and his confession. He looked concerned, anxiety shown showing through his olive-green eyes as he gently asked, 'Ami-san, are you alright?'
The barrier breaks.
Tears began to swell as my vision turned to a watery world. 'I'm fine,' I snapped at him. I quickly turned around, not looking at him once, leaving the perplexed Zoisite there. I didn't mean to snap at him. No, I was not angry with him either, but at myself. Was I? No, I was angry with both of us. Him because he disrupted my whole life, like a pebble fell into a pond, its ripples disturbed its serene surface, and me, for allowing him to enter my heart.
I walked away quickly, head bowed, my eyes firmly fixed onto the ground as I took a few deep breaths to calm the emotion maelstrom inside me and to stop the flow of tears that had begun to roll down my cheek.
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On the night of the Christmas ball, I stood at the side of the gym, looking at the whirls of colors moving and swirling to the gentle rhythm of the music. The ball had been on for the last two hours, and it was drawing to a close. The night had been a huge success, the principal was happy, the teachers were happy, and the students were happy.
Except me.
I had discovered a natural niche in social gatherings; being a light blue wallflower did not take too much effort, and it suited my personality just right. In other words, I decided to stay at the side throughout the night; it was easier to observe him from the side. And no one really wanted to dance with me. Who would want to dance with a nerd anyway? Except Jadeite, who had been sweet and considerate, telling jokes to keep me interested. If it weren't for him, I would have left already.
No, actually, if it weren't for Zoisite, I would have left already, or rather if it wasn't for the wish that he would at least dance with me once and my damned curiosity on who was the lucky girl, I would have left already. I really didn't know why I kept on torturing myself. Every time he walked within the radius of five meters, my heart would give a hopeful launch and would soar above all my rational thoughts and then plummeted to the darkest abyss as he led another girl away to the dance floor.
Ai...what have you gotten yourself into this time? Ami? I sighed melancholically as the now accustomed depression seized me once more. I turned my attention back to the dance floor, carefully forcing my eyes to look anywhere except where he was dancing. Usagi and Mamoru were dancing their fifth dance, never letting each other go. Makoto and Minako were chatting with Kunzite-sensei and Nephrite-sensei.
'Ami-chan,' I looked up to see Jadeite-kun walking toward me.
'Jadeite-kun.' I nodded my head politely. 'I thought you would still be dancing. Tired already?'
'Not really. I'm just not interested.' He shrugged. 'What about you? You've been standing at the side for a long time. Isn't it boring to just look at people dancing?'
'No. I think it is quite interesting.' I frowned slightly as my eyes had somehow wandered to him again.
'Interesting?' He frowned, bafflement shining through his blue eyes. 'Seeing people stepping on each other toes as they 'delicately' step around each other?' Eyebrow twitched skeptically. 'You're definitely a strange girl'.
I shrugged. Silence hung between us as we observed the dance floor.
'Are you waiting for someone? Is that the reason why you refused to dance, to keep yourself available for him?' He asked suddenly.
'Is it that obvious?'
'Well...hai. Minako-chan, Makoto-chan, and he are quite worried about you. The girls said that they didn't expect you to stay.'
'He?' I asked.
'Ne?! Did I say that? I said me.' He looked nervous for a fleeting moment until a frown masked it. 'Must be the drink. I better stop drinking.'
Drunk? The school only served fruit juice. I shrugged, letting this strange comment pass me, before I returned to observe the dance floor as the musician played the last chord.
I saw Zoisite as he awkwardly tried to untangle himself from his partner's clutches, before he were again lost to the sea of colorful dresses. My eyes began to search for him again until a flash of red caught my attention.
'Ami-chan! Baka no Jadeite!' a breathless Rei called out. Dressed in a deep red, sleeveless dress, which had a slit at the sides that showed off her long legs, she caused many male students to crane their necks to get a look of her. Her hair was disheveled, as she must have rushed to the ball. Her image was of her element; the fiery and untamable fire.
I felt my lips tug with a small smile. 'So you DID have the gut to ask her,' I gently teased at the wide-eye Jadeite-kun who was busily staring at his goddess. 'And I thought you were going to practice your flirting skill with the rest of the female population.'
Rei flashed her blazing violet eyes at him and hissed, 'Nani!?' While I smiled innocently at the I'll-get-you look from Jadeite-kun before he Turned nervously to Rei and tentatively asked, 'Wanna dance with me? It's the last dance.'
'Humph,' was his response as Rei linked her arms to his, dragging him off to the dance floor.
I wonder if Jadeite-kun had told Rei-chan about the significance of the dance? I grinned at the though, imagining Rei's reaction while I looked longingly at the disappearing pair.
Sigh...sometime, Ami, you're too shy for your own good I thought ruefully. Sometimes, I wish I could be as open as Jadeite-kun. I wish... my thoughts halted as the master of ceremony began his final and most important announcement of the night.
'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is drawing to a close. As a tradition of Juuban High, this last dance of this ball is for the Lovers. So please gather up your courage, and ask the one you love.'
A sudden painful yelp and cursing that sounded so similar to Jadeite's voice rang from the dance floor. I smiled as it seemed that Rei finally knew about the tradition, although the consequences were nothing I had expected; actually, I had expected a scene of something like a number of fire mandelas flying around; She must be beginning to accept him. I giggled softly as the anticipated cry of dismay ran through the group of female students as one of the Generals was hauled off as a trophy by a mysterious and passionate beauty.
The commotion ended as the master of ceremonies coughed quite forcefully and loudly and continued his announcement as the whole hall waited in hush anticipation.
'By the votes of the ball committee, the special song for this year unique event is 'Back at One' by Brian Mcknight, which will be sung by Takahashi Zen of class 3A. So dear ladies and gentlemen, gather your courage and make this a special occasion.'
Immediately, the hall erupted with whispers and shuffling of dresses as people searched the ballroom for their partners, and the hall light was dimmed to create a romantic atmosphere.
My eyes frantically began to search for those tufts of curly dark blond hair that belong to Zoisite. The musician began to tune their instruments, as my eyes continued to their search, darting, skimming and landing on every girl who had a crush on him. Until that annoying little voice asked And what will happen when you find him? That brought me to an abrupt halt. True. What will I do? Go up and just haul him away, just like what Rei did? My rational said. Despair welled up within me as I spotted him with Yamamoto Yume-san, whose hands were clasping to his like the link between lovers.
A sad sigh escaped my lips, my curiosity was fulfilled although the answer was nothing that I wanted, my hope began its final descend into the abyss, my head bowed in defeat, and I forced my eyes to fixate on the floor, not wanting to see the couple.
I wish...I wish I could be Yamamoto-san now.
The musicians began to strike the first cord as couples filled up the dance floor.
Wish what? What's the good? My eyes began to mist up as the claws of despair began to fasten. It's not fair! Why does it have to be me? Why can't he feel like what I feel like right now? I cried softly. Because you haven't told him. You had the chance, but you let is go, the tiny voice said bluntly, nailing down the facts. I closed my eyes in defeat and to stop the tears that
threatened to fall. True, I haven't told him...leave it as it is. Keep this a secret. Keep it lock. He has no use of this feeling. My eyes dried as the whirlwind of this feeling was reined and tamed, and I willed a wall of ice to cage this emotion, locked within the deepest part of my heart. Until the day it ceased to exist under the strength of the flow of time, like the pebble under constant battering of the relentless waves.
Let... My eyes stared at the floor blankly, not seeing, as I tried to shrink into the shadows of the dimly lit hall to nurse my broken heart.
'its undeniable that we should be together'
It... A soft cry of indignant and despair echoed from the danced floor, as the swishing sound made by the dresses headed toward my direction.
'is unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never'
Freeze I heard soft murmurs of dismay from the voices near me. I shrank back intuitively, not wanting to be hurt again.
'The basis you need to know if you don't know just how I feel'
Suddenly a hand grasped my arm roughly, pulled me into an embrace. Incredulously I looked up and looked into a pair of piercing green eyes that belonged in my dream. I quickly bowed, questions running at the speed of light but no voice to voice them. I felt him leading me to the dance floor and placing his arms around me, holding me closely and yet gently like a porcelain doll as we danced to the gentle rhythm of the music.
My posture was stiffed with nervousness as I forced my concentration onto the steps of the dance and the sudden inflow of emotion that I never had before. I tried to think about anything other than him until a small gasp made me look up. And there I saw, my bubbly princess who was pulling at the sleeve of her prince, large blue eyes reflected her astonishment and excitement, while Mamoru looked on with open amusement. I blushed for I realized the interrogation I would receive as a wave of dresses and tuxedos washed them out of view.
Next, as Zoisite led me around, I saw the garden outside the gym. Nephrite-sensei and Makoto were dancing slowly to the soft music under the pale moonlight while Kunzite-sensei and Minako were whispering, smiling, and sharing the special moment in the presence of their soul mates.
Another wave of dresses and tuxedos blocked my view, leaving again to reveal another scene. This time I saw Rei and Jadeite. They looked so perfect together. Rei smiled encouragingly at me, while Jadeite grinned like a maniac. I returned her smile weakly as I wondered when would there be someone who would be by my side forever.
I consciously forced my posture to relax and melt into his warm embrace, willing to enjoy the dance he was leading me. Might as well enjoy this last time. I thought with mixed emotions: happiness and bitterness.
Why must this be the last time? the little voice asked. My mind halted at this sudden revelation. Here's the chance that destiny is literally throwing at your face! . It was as if lightening had struck me. How could I be so stupid? All the time I had been going in circles.
'One - you're like a dream come true
Two - just wanna be with you
Three - Girl its plain to see
that you're the only one for me, and
Four - repeat steps one to three
Five - make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
then I start back at one...'
I looked up into his beautiful green eyes that strengthened my resolve. No. There was no way I am going to let go. I would not let myself endure the anguish and despair due to my stupidity.
I opened my mouth and blurted: Zoisite-san Aishiteru.'
His bright smile was the only answer I need.
Owaru
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