What Kirk Knows

Disclaimer: Never mine, can't afford it, no harm intended.

Summary: The love life of Luke Danes, as seen by Kirk, during Rachel's S1 visit. Spoilers. Oneshot.

Rating: T

Genre: Humor/Angst

AN: I had so many nice reviews for my oneshot "Who does that?", thank you! Here is my take on Rachel's Season One return, courtesy Kirk Gleason. No idea why I tried this in Kirk's voice, so forgive me if I didn't do it well. Remember, whenever Kirk thinks "mother", you can think "mother ship"... I almost wrote it that way, LOL!

GG GG GG

Scrawny, I am, yes I am, but I like burnt toast without ham, Kirk Gleason I am I am.

Mother's quite right, I should not write children's poetry.

Everyone around me in the diner is whispering. It's very pleasant. It sounds like the ocean on sand. Or leaves in the wind. That's very poetic. I ought to write it down.

They're whispering about Luke.

I wish I was Luke Danes.

Mother says I should be glad to be Kirk Gleason, but what man wouldn't want to be Luke Danes? He was the high school hero. Good-looking to the girls, won trophies in sports, did well with his grades, and everyone loved him. They must have. After all, we lost my father, and no one excused my misbehavior the way they excused Luke's after his mother died. Or his father, for that matter.

I wonder, if Mother dies, will anyone be nicer to me? Oh, I shouldn't think that. I don't want Mother to die. Do I? No. No, I don't think so.

The whispers are about women. It's always about women when it's about Luke. Rachel is his steady girlfriend, but I think I must misunderstand steady. They were always quarreling after graduation. Then she left. Mother says that leaving means the relationship is over. Then after a couple of years, she came back. Then she left. And came back. And here she is, back again, and already wearing Luke's flannel shirt and working in the diner. Again. Even I know what that means. They had (S-E-X, I hope Mother doesn't know I think about that!). Upstairs in his apartment. Where she will live until she leaves again.

I'm pretty sure that's not what steady means. I'll consult a dictionary.

It's almost a poem. She did this years ago, she did it years before that, she will do it years from now. No, I think I need to make it rhyme. What rhymes with ago-that-now?

I wish I was Luke. A gorgeous redhead like Rachel comes back to him after years. She never asks what he did during those in-between years. She always comes back to him.

Mother couldn't convince Father to come back from the grocery store sometimes.

I know I'm not very intelligent. Mother tells me that all the time. So do other people. But if you've been apart for years and years, shouldn't you talk before you do something else? Shouldn't she want to know what else he's been doing? And who with? That seems sensible to me. It's certainly what Mother asks me when I've only been gone a few hours. Maybe it's a rule that doesn't apply to anyone but me?

Of course, as people say, I'm annoying. Maybe sensible and annoying can't coexist in one person. I can be sensible or I can be annoying. I suppose I'm stuck with annoying.

Lorelai isn't annoying. She's always funny and friendly. Her way of being funny makes people smile. I know why she tries so hard to be funny. It's why I try so hard. We're soulmates, Lorelai and I. We always screw up and nobody ever seems to really forgive us. Not the way they forgive Luke. If I say something, people look at me and shake their heads. Luke can yell at people, and they only whisper about "Poor Luke".

It's some sort of magic, I suppose. I wonder if they have a book on how to get that kind of magic. Andrew will let me read at the bookstore if I am very, very quiet and don't mark the pages.

I wish I could be like Luke.

Not too much like Luke. If I stop paying attention to what other people think? Bad things happen. Wedgies aren't the worst of it. Upside down in the dumpster behind Doose's isn't, either.

People whisper about Lorelai since she came to Stars Hollow. Right around the time Rachel left the first time. I have a very good memory. Even Mother says so. Lorelai was living and working at the Independence Inn, and they whispered about her for months. Mother says gossip is bad, but even she talked about the pretty girl with the baby, and she used a nasty word to describe Lorelai. I looked it up in the dictionary at Andrew's bookstore. It's a very bad word, and it's not accurate at all. Nobody notices me, but I notice everybody. It's my hobby. I know Lorelai didn't have boyfriends or have men over to spend the night. I tried to get a job at the inn, and Mia was telling someone about Lorelai working all the time. She had to work very hard. She had to get a GED. She had to raise Rory, too.

Now, Rachel is smiling and making kissing-eyes at Luke, while Lorelai sits with her eyes all full of pain. I know that pain. She wonders why he is that way with Rachel, but not her. She notices Luke that way, but she won't notice me.

Do you suppose that's what love is? Never being happy?

I wish I could take Lorelai on a date. I could tell her things to make her happy. Luke noticed Lorelai a long time ago. Luke always notices the prettiest girls, and then he smiles at them. Somehow, when I do that, they don't like it. When Luke does it, the girls flirt with him. And flirt more. He stands behind the counter, like he's doing now with Rachel, still dressed like high school in that backwards baseball cap, and the women go to him. It's something like magnetism, I think. He has it. I don't. Maybe it's something in the diet? I'll have to do some research.

I should try to stay on the subject. I annoy Mother when I wander off on my little tangents.

Why do I think Mother can tell what I'm thinking? Oh. She can. I'm pretty sure of it, anyway.

Lorelai flirts with Luke. She doesn't flirt hard like a lot of the girls do. I saw Luke with one of his in-between-Rachel girlfriends, over in Woodbridge, while I was working as a street-sweeper. Anna Nardini had to flirt hard to get Luke to ask her out. They all do.

Maybe that's why he won't ask Lorelai for a date. She doesn't flirt hard enough? That could be possible. In school, girls competed to get his attention. Also, Rachel always has to come back to him. Maybe Luke enjoys being the one who has the power of refusal, as in real estate. That's only logical. I'd like that option. Or maybe Luke is only used to it. After all, he was the center of attention all through school. Now he's at the center of town, at the center of the diner.

I'd be happy to be the center of a conversation.

Lorelai at least includes me in conversation. She says hello every day. Although she is very busy, she is polite. I respect that. It's very hard for people to be busy and polite. Earning a GED and going to college at night and buying a house and raising a child are all very difficult. Lorelai is doing all of those things, by herself, because Rory's father never visits or sends money. I don't think that's very fair of him. It's very difficult for a mother when that happens. Of course, my mother has me, and I also keep busy. Lorelai and I have that in common.

I suppose people like Luke are just special, and not the way the teachers in school said I was special. Look at him. Rachel travels the world and comes back to Stars Hollow to work hard to make Luke happy with her. She's waiting on several tables. Anna Nardini worked hard, too. The girl in Litchfield, and the one in Bridgeport, too, and there must be others I don't know about. Luke doesn't tell me much about his life. He doesn't tell anyone. They have to tell him.

Well, I do.

Lorelai does work to get Luke's attention. She must not do it the way he likes, though, or he would have asked her on a date.

If she tried to get my attention on purpose, I'd be very happy, even though she smells like coffee and talks about movies I've never seen.

I don't understand love. Maybe there is a way for Luke to be truly in love with Rachel but date other women. I wonder what that way is. I'd like to know what it's like to be in love and have no one care if I date other women, too. Mother wouldn't approve of that at all.

Now Miss Patty and all the others are whispering about Lorelai, and how she missed her chance. I don't understand why it was her chance to lose. Is it supposed to be this way? The woman always comes back to the man and flirts and apologizes, and then the man forgives her and likes her again? That's not what Mother says at all.

Is it possible Mother is wrong?

Oh, I feel queasy. Mother is never ever wrong!

Luke gave Lorelai a strange look just now, as she left. Like he's angry at her.

She has tears in her eyes. I can see them.

I'd like to dry Lorelai's tears. I know she doesn't like me that way. It's a shame. I think I have a lot to offer. I could always try harder to show her. I read that half of success is showing up.

I wonder, what would Miss Patty and Babette and East Side Tillie do if they knew what I know? About the girl in Litchfield, or the one in Bridgeport, or the rest? If I told them how he broke it off with Anna Nardini right around the time Lorelai came into his diner for the first time, and she was a comet of beauty cutting through all the noise, and little Rory in her fairy wings was a tiny sad butterfly-princess. That Lorelai has the same coloring and seems like Anna at first glance and... Oh! Of course! That's why Luke won't ask her out! He doesn't like Lorelai Gilmore because she's like Anna Nardini! And he didn't like Anna very much if he didn't stay with her even when Rachel wasn't around. Now I understand!

I wonder... If I tell Lorelai what I know about Luke, would she go out with me? No. That would be wrong. I can't betray my friend, and Luke is my friend. He lets me eat here first thing in the morning, and he makes my toast the way I like it. He'll cut it in shapes for me on my birthday.

And I won't tell Luke that I know Lorelai is nice to everyone because she's had people be mean to her. She doesn't want people to see she cries. Pride is very important, Mother says.

Or maybe I should tell Luke what I know about Lorelai? I could tell him how I was cleaning the gutters on Babette's house and Rory was crying in the dark. I know it's strange to clean gutters at night, but during the day, the squirrels are awake, and I don't like squirrels. Well, I heard Rory asking Lorelai why Lorelai doesn't make Rory's father come and stay and live with them. She doesn't want Lorelai to date anyone but her father, and if Lorelai does, she'll be angry. Lorelai said nice things to Rory and even asked Rory about Luke, since she knows Rory loves Luke, just like everyone loves Luke. Rory said no, Lorelai can't go on dates with Luke, or she'll make Luke go away the way she makes everyone go away.

No. I can't tell Luke about that. He might think Lorelai is a bad mother. I couldn't do that. You should not make a mother look bad, that's what my mother says.

Besides, Rachel makes Luke happy. He's letting Rachel wear his shirt. He forgives her for running away. He never asks where she's been or who she's been with while she's been gone. He lets her go behind the counter. He never does that for anyone else. Not even his sister.

I wish I was Luke Danes.

Oh well. There's a sunny side to everything, even eggs. If Luke doesn't like Lorelai, then I can ask her out, can't I? She might say yes. After all, anything is possible. That's what Mother says.

END

AN: I wasn't trying to make Luke come across as a bad guy, only how he might appear to be a chick magnet Lothario compared to a town "goat" like Kirk. I also hope Kirk didn't come off poorly.

As far as I could tell, canon remained consistent on the fact Rachel rarely stayed long, and was usually gone for years in between, since high school. That left a lot of years for Luke to date around. Rachel, too, for that matter. Yet that was never questioned or mentioned. Also, Rory did in fact forbid Lorelai to date Luke early in the show. (Then later, poof, she always liked the idea.) What can I say? I see a plot hole, I poke a stick in it. *angry buzzing*

LD