Disclaimer: *Looks around the room* Yep, still poor. (But a very clean and a very well groomed poor) So therefore, by that simple logic, I am not the owner of these tragic characters. If I were their owner, they certainly wouldn't be tragic anymore.
A/N: I probably need a C.A.T scan for wanting to tackle this. Because remember what I said in the summary about breaking hearts, well this "onesie" is that and then some, even in my version. Also, some lite smut makes a cameo at the end. Ivy's POV all up in your bidness here peeps.
A/N 2: I couldn't have done this properly without the tunes of : "Forgive Me" by Evanescence, "100 Kisses" by She Wants Revenge, "Please Don't Let It Go" by HIM & "Heaven" by Depeche Mode...crooning away in my headphones.
"Hell Bent For Leather"
Is it sad that I only came along on this trip to say goodbye? That's the question I keep asking myself over and over, as I pace about Rachel's hotel room. For a while, I just sat in a comfortable chair and listened to her prattle to herself in the bathroom. Eventually the scent of her soap mixed with her anxiety forced me to move, to focus on my last act of kindness. My heart and soul are dying, and I can't keep going on like this anymore. Looking back over the last few years of my life, I can't help but feel so lost. I never imagined falling in love would leave me feeling like this, but the real pain has been trying to fall out of love.
Might as well start now. I walk over to the bathroom door, and I end up knocking harder than I meant to. Even though she has the damn T.V. on, I hear Rachel startle on the other side of the door.
"Rachel, I need to talk to you." I ask, trying to not sound pathetic. Whereas, her reply sounded agitated. I shake my head and move away from the door. I have prepared my speech to her, but ultimately how do you break up with someone you only ever wished you were with? I can do this...I have to. I move away from the door further into the room.
"Do you want something to eat?" I ask Rachel, making sure my voice carries through the bathroom door.
"Nah, I don't want room service." She replies. I listen to her moving around in the bathroom.
"Hey, Ivy. Wanna see my go-to-trial getup?" Rachel shouts, playfully.
"Sure." I reply, flatly. Shows how much she takes me seriously, right now she only gives a damn about her outfit.
I sigh and sit down in one of chairs by the window. The night sky is beautiful tonight, even with the light pollution, the stars shine ever brighter. I have no expectations on how tonight will play out, if our friendship will survive, or perhaps a clean break is better for us both. I've already talked to Jenks, he of course understands. He may be small in stature, but his humor and common sense astound me. Also, his heart was recently broken by the death of his wife, he mourns his loss, as I'm ready to mourn mine.
I feel like crying already, so I wipe my eyes, and talk to Rachel through yet another barrier between us. "Have you thought about what might happen tomorrow?"
"All the time." I hear her mumble, then I hear her say to herself, "Damn I look good." I place my hand over my mouth, to quiet the sob that threatened to make itself known to the world. What I wouldn't give to be an undead right now, then I wouldn't feel anything. And to think I wanted her to save my soul when I die once, when right now I want to die twice.
Removing my hand from my mouth, I quietly clear my throat. "Rachel, I've been thinking about tomorrow and the many days after. If you end up having to go to the ever-after, I'm going to close down the firm."
I hear her shut off the T.V. and finally come marching out of the bathroom, in true dramatic Rachel Morgan flare and fashion. "What! Why?" She stops just shy of standing in front of me, but I don't look up at her. "You're great at being a runner. And what about Jenks? Are you seriously going to leave him alone in the church?"
I finally move my eyes up to meet Rachel's, I give her a small smile. "I like your getup, you look good in white leather. And before you get all bent, Jenks is thinking about going to work for Trent, if things go badly tomorrow."
"What! Work for Trent, he told you that." Rachel says, sounding hurt and shocked.
I only shrug, as I lean farther back into the chair I'm sitting in. The silence between us is almost deafening. "We talked Rachel, the main reason he went is to see if working for Trent is something he can stomach." Her green eyes lock on mine. "There won't be anything left for him, no reason for him to stay in the garden, when you're...gone." I say, while tracing my lower lip with my index finger. To keep it from quivering. I feel Rachel's eyes studying me, I advert my eyes to look out the window, once more.
The ocean looks so calm outside, but my soul is a torrent of misery. "I know you need to focus solely on tonight, but in case time isn't in our favor tomorrow. I...I need you to know that I enjoyed every second I spent with you." I continue, but I can't bring myself to look at Rachel, though I don't have to. Closing my eyes, I can feel her emotions hitting me. I smell the sadness, heartbreak, and anger.
"I am not dying here, Ivy!" She says sternly, as she sits down on the edge of the chair across from mine. "Even if I end up in the ever-after, it's not like I can't visit Jenk's or you anymore."
Her voice sounds hopeful, and I can't bear it. "I know that Rachel." I reply, looking directly at her. I see her swallow her tears back, and once again hold herself back from touching me. I don't think there's anything left of my heart to break. Still, I fiercely hold my own tears back. "I can visit." I hear her whisper.
"Rachel, I need to get this out. Will you please just listen?" I say, sounding tired to my own ears.
I watch Rachel hold herself. "Why are you saying good-bye now Ivy?"
Her voice sounds so broken, it makes me want to close the distance between us and take our shared pain away. Don't. You know she doesn't want you to touch her. I flinch at the thought.
"You don't need me anymore Rachel. No one will dare touch you, now that they all know you're a demon." I state, keeping my voice steady.
I smell Rachel's anger again. "I didn't have a choice in that matter Ivy, I was engineered to be this way!"
"I know. And who better to understand, I was born the way I am too." I reply, while shifting my position to cross my legs.
This is going to hurt. "Rachel, I know now that I never had a chance with you. I saw it as clear as day, when you sealed that room in the tunnels that you and I wouldn't work, even if you woke up one morning and wanted it, more than you wanted coffee." I laugh at the last part bitterly.
"Even in my state of denial, all it served to do was to make me love you even more. But I can't keep going on like this, you made me realize I deserve happiness, even if it doesn't come from you." I continue, crossing my arms over my chest to grip my biceps. I need some distance, the emotions she's kicking off is almost smothering.
Rachel is just staring at me. I kept my face open, not wishing to hide anything from her anymore. I smile at her as I stand, I reach out and touch her bare knee. "Thank you Rachel." She dips her head, almost in shame, but I instantly smell the hurt.
"Ivy...you're killing me right now." Rachel all but sobs out.
I catch myself before I say something mean, I really want to but I don't. "Just say you're welcome Rachel." I say softly instead.
I move towards the window, to the starry night like view it holds. All the while feeling Rachel's eyes on me the whole way. Then I smell her panic, and stand from her chair abruptly. I listen to her move up behind me, and suddenly I feel her arms around my waist. My heart stills in my chest at the contact, I close my eyes against the tears. Now I smell her tears, as she buries her face in between my shoulders.
I break the silence. "I hope you get your shunning removed. I hope when we drive back we take our time. Most of all I hope nothing changes. Regardless, if we can't make all those things happen, I...need you to let me go. I need to move on, to find someone else who can love me unconditionally." I turn in Rachel's grasp, as I speak, thankful I managed to keep my voice steady.
She looks up into my emotion filled-blackened eyes. My heart goes numb, and honestly right now I feel that this must be what death will feel like.
I lean in and take Rachel's face in my hands. "This is good-bye, Rachel." I close my eyes and kiss her. She tenses up, but then gives in to my touch. I can taste her tears, along with the promise of sweetness. With the taste of my own tears mixing in the kiss, I let go with a small sob. Yet, Rachel's arms remain around me, and her eyes are still closed. Then those green eyes slowly open, shining with unshed tears.
"I can't let you go, Ivy." I hear her whisper, before her arms loosen from my waist to grasp my face and pull me in for another kiss.
My eyes close at the sensation of Rachel's mouth on mine, and her pressing her body fully against me. I feel her tongue gently asking for entrance, I allow her to deepen the kiss. Hope floods my veins, trying to wash away the sadness. Her hands move from my face, down to my waist. I can smell Rachel's happiness cascade over us both. I still feel to hollowed out. I break the kiss.
"Why now Rachel?" I whisper back, cradling her face in my hands. My eyes search her's for an answer.
"Because the thought hit me so hard, just thinking about you not being in my life anymore. What I've been stupidly throwing away, but mostly what I was about to lose. And I just...I can't deny it anymore, it hurts too much. I hurt you, the last thing I ever wanted to do to you." Rachel replies, through tears.
She runs her hands up my arms, to cover my hands on her face. "Ivy, I know a few kisses, or maybe even a hundred can't erase all the hurt I've caused. But, I want...no, need the chance to try to start undoing all the heartache." Rachel continues, while her silent tears run down her cheeks into my palms.
I can only cry my own tears. The turnaround is hurting too, it feels like someone has done a code blue on my dying body, and the act of being revived is painful; taking that first breath of life again.
"Will you let me make love to you Ivy?" She asks, so brokenly. Yet, her eyes showing the hope from within.
I step away from her a bit, my hands dropping gently from her face. "I...I can't. It's too soon a turnaround for me."
Rachel closes the distance between us, and laces our hands together. I look down at the contact. With her free hand, she reaches up and covers my cheek, tilting my face up slightly to meet her eyes.
"It's never too soon or too late in our case. I'm not doing this solely to keep you, even though I can't...I won't let you go without a fight. When you said you were going to leave me, it felt like my heart was dying in my chest. So, it's the only way I know how to take away all the hurt I've caused. We've shared everything else, Ivy." She replies, pleading with her eyes for my understanding.
I have no words to offer. I feel like I'm watching this unfold in a dream, where my body is not my own.
"Ivy, I will beg, my foolish pride be damned. I promise on my life this will not be a one-time thing. I'm in love with you. I always have been, always will be." Both of her hands cover my cheeks, her thumbs caressing my cheekbones. "And the worst of all this is you already know it, you tasted it, felt it, every time we shared blood. And I ruined it by denying it all these years, making us both wait. And for what? There is no one else for me...I'm so very sorry."
Her passion filled words break me in a whole other way. The void in my heart fills back in, and my knees give out from the feeling. Next I feel Rachel hovering over me, her hands in mine, trying to pull me up from the floor. I look up, my eyes meeting Rachel's. I help pull myself up, but before I'm standing fully her mouth is on mine. I eagerly return the kiss, while reaching behind Rachel to undo her braided hair. My fingers weave into each freed lock of fiery red hair.
"Bedroom?" Rachel breathes against my lips. Her arms, once again holding me around my waist.
She is right, for once. We have shared everything else. "Alright." I whisper, while sliding my hands out of her hair.
Rachel loosens her hold on my waist, her hair is a wild waterfall of red on her shoulders. My breath stills at the sight. Rachel wants me. She backs away a little and takes my hand, leading us to the bedroom suite.
A Few Weeks Later...
I never realized just how happy I could be, even while standing at the pool table sorting through two weeks' worth of junk mail. While listening to Rachel razz Jenk's, Quen, Ceri and Trent. The cookie maker will always make my skin crawl. They all know about the change in our relationship now, and they all collectively said to Rachel "it's about damn time." Trent however, seemed slightly put off but only because it will be harder for him to use Rachel more, now that she's my girlfriend. I smile at the thought, as other thoughts resurface.
I let Rachel undress me first, now in just my bra and underwear, it's my turn. Standing behind her, unlacing her white leather dress my finger's ghost over her bare shoulders and down her back. Rachel's soft skin is flawless, even though I also loved her freckles too. I can't wait to map out every inch of her. I lean down and place a kiss between her shoulder blades. I forced my vampire instincts down, I want us to be together without that getting in the way. Oh, Lord Rachel smells so...
"Fairy farts Tamwood, I can smell were your thoughts are right now." Jenks cuts in, making me blush.
"Deal with it granddad." I retort. While stacking the sorted mail into two piles.
He only laughs at me, and flies back into the kitchen.
I leave the mail for now, and make my way to the kitchen also. The sounds of Rachel and Jenks arguing over pizza fills my ears, I laugh to myself.
Oh God, Ivy...you're beautiful. I want to touch you.
"You're doing it again, Tamwood. I should tell Rachel on you." Jenks teases, upon my entrance.
"Go ahead, I dare you. You'll only be embarrassing yourself." I retort, stopping in the doorway to lean against the doorjamb. Everyone is preparing to make their exit, they brush pass me all smiles and cheerful good-byes, except for Trent. Even with little Lucy in his arms, he gives me a glare. I care not elf, just try it and I'll tear your cookie a new one. Jenk's shoots me a look, before flying out the window into the garden.
Rachel's concerned gaze finds me, but immediately softens. I remain standing by the doorway, watching Trent.
"Have a goodnight Trent." Rachel says.
"You too. I'll see myself out." He replies, adjusting Lucy and moving to pass me. I listen for the church's door to close behind Trent, within minutes I hear his car speed off in the night.
Alone at last. I smile at Rachel, she visibly shudders and I can smell her exhilaration.
Rachel crooks her finger and beckons me over to her by the center island counter. I stop in front of her, she closes the remaining space between us. "So what exactly was Jenks teasing you about?" She asks, while putting her arms around my waist.
"You of course. Specifically my thoughts of you, and the chemical response he no doubt picked up on." I answer, smiling and hugging Rachel closer to me.
I hear Rachel giggle against me. "Sounds like you've got it bad."
"I do." I reply, leaning back from the embrace to kiss her.
It's sweet at first, but Rachel deepens it quickly. Her hands roam and eventually graze the underside of my breasts, while her thigh is pushing into my center.
She breaks our kiss with a smile, and seductively says. "I want you to have plenty of good things about me...to remember."
At that she leads us towards my bedroom, or should I say ours now. Where so many memories await to be made, and where I will always remember Rachel's tender touches. And the passion that exactly as she promised, took away the hurt.
-END-
I cried while writing this, the first half anyway. Also, I did cry some when I read KH's version of the earlier scene in PD, but nowhere near what I brought out of myself. I had to do it this way though or I felt it wouldn't be genuine, and I apologize if I also made you, the reader cry. But look at it this way, I still managed the happy ending we all want to see. *F.Y.I* I am of the mind Ravy will never happen in the books, so this is what we got for comfort peeps. Lastly, review if you want...its totally free and painless, unless your fingers are broken or something to that effect.
[Footise Note: The title is punned from His Eastness' movie "Hell Bent For Glory"]