A/N: This is just something my sister and I came up with at tennis practice. Hope you like.
I don't own any of these Characters.
Interview with A LOT of vampires
BY....
Me! JSCD(JasperSaysCalmDown)
Takes place in my oddly small living room. Monday. July 13. 2009. 11:00pm
Me: Hi-diddly ho viewers, and welcome to TALK HEX with me! JSCD! Today we have some very special guests. Uh… (Looks through various stacks of papers.) OH! Here we go, Today we have the CULLENS visiting us! Please welcome the Cullens!
Carlisle walks out looking around frantically…
Carlisle: Where am I?
Me: Welcome to TALK HEX with me! JSCD!
Carlisle: Uh…w-who are you exactly?
JSCD shoots him a "sit your vamp ass down" look.
Carlisle: never mind…
Next, Comes Esme.
Me: Hello, Mrs. Cullen! Welcome to TALK HEX, with me, JSCD!
Esme: Not to be rude, but…who are you.
Carlisle clears his throat loudly to get Esme's attention then shakes his head no. "Don't ask!" He mouths. Esme looks at Carlisle then back at me, flinches then goes to sit next her hub-bub.
Me: LOOK! IM ONLY RUNNING A 30 MINUET SHOW, SO CAN THE REST OF YA'LL VAMPS COME OUT HERE?! TODAY!
The remaining Cullens and Bella enter.
Me: I will not bother to greet any of you.
Cricket…
Me: I have several questions for you all from some of your fans!
Rose: WHAT?! HUMANS? THEY KNOW?!
Rose runs around frantically. I throw an open compact mirror on the floor. She sees her reflection and sits down to look at it. Indian Style.
Me: Good Blondie…
I pet Rosalie's curly blond hair gently. Her long leg shakes like a puppy.
Edward: W-wow. She got Rose to shut the heck up. Amazing.
Rosalie is still occupied and doesn't hear Ed's comment. I began my questioning.
Me: All right lets get this boat on the Camel's ass, shall we? First question is for…Eddie-kins! It says: Are you, have, or will you ever become apart of the homosexual community?
Everyone: Le-GASP!
Edward: W-What?!
Me: ARE. YOU. OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GAY?!!
Edwards eye twitches slightly. Everyone else stares at him strangely.
Edward: …
Me; Do you want me explain that further?
Edward:…
Me: Okalie Dokalie…. Are you a butt pirate?
Emmett: Ass Monkey?
Jasper: Fudge Packer?
Alice: Riding the Anal express?
Cricket…Tumble weed…
Edward: Uh…No.
Me: Why did it take you so long to answer? Were you actually considering it?!
Edward: NO!!! You don't know what you're talking about! I'm not homosexual!!! Ugh! I love my Bella!
Bella: …
Edward: You love me right Bella?
Bella: Well…Jakes not gender confused, so… I guess…idk.
Edward tries to convince Bella he's straight…I just move on…
Me: Next one's for Emmett! Emmett, do you use steroids?
Everyone gasps. Emmett hops up as if the cops were on his ass.
Emmett: NO! WHERE'D YOU HERE THAT! IF IT WAS JASPER, HE'S LYING!!! I SWEAR!!
He starts to sit down, but a pill bottle falls from his pocket and rolls to my feet. I pick it up.
Me: STEROIDS EXTRA STRENGHTH.
Le- Gasp!!!! Emmett fidgets nervously….
Emmett: I was holding it for Edward!
Everyone turns to face Edward…
Edward: What?
Carlisle: Son… I'm very disappointed in you. Your gay and on drugs…disgraceful.
Edward: CARLISLE! I'm NOT gay! And drugs don't even effect vampires!!!
Emmett stands up with a pissed off look on his face.
Emmett: WHAT?!! THEY DON'T WORK!?? SO I BOUGHT DEFECTIVE DRUGS!!! SHIT!!!Esme: Emmett! Language…wait…
Everyone except Rose: YOUR BOUGHT DRUGS?!!!!
Emmett: Uh-oh….
Emmett run away and all the Cullens follow. Rosalie is still on the floor. I reach for the mirror but she growled like a dog with a bone.
Me: Never mind…. Well, thanks for joining me on TALK HEX with me! JSCD! See Yah TOMORROW! BYE!!
TALK HEX THEME SONG PLAYS: DON'T TRUST ME BY 3OH!3...
Weird Announcer Dude who speaks in a deep very fast voice: TALK HEX was brought to you by : where you can kidnap any character you want and NOT get arrested!
A/N: Hope you liked! I need more question for the Cullen to ask. Or the Volturi or the wolves or even Characters from other books and movies!!!! SO REVIEW!!!