Carousels

by OnceUponASomeday

Fluffy Deacon and Rayna at the carnival oneshot.

Cheese alert - those damn Ferris wheel pictures. As requested by you-know-who-you-are-and-should-be-forever-ashamed -of-yourself, to make our Rayna and Deacon meltdowns even worse - be careful what you wish for, and burn after reading! ;) Thank you Kimmy for your help with Americanisms, there are probably still tonnes of Britishisms littered about but you'll be too busy vomiting to notice.

'Music City Festival', the sign strung across the entrance said. It was Teddy's new project to gain favour with the people of the city, hoping the elaborate stage sets and big names would draw them in. He wasn't wrong - the whole thing had been a big success so far if the newspaper reports were anything to go by, and Juliette would close the week of festivities the following weekend, no doubt with some lavish array of performances.

In the meantime, Rayna thought, looking around approvingly at the afternoon revellers strolling among the stalls and rides that made up the accompanying carnival, people could have themselves some fun. She loved the glitz and the big names - she usually was one of them - as much as anyone, but today was about up and coming bands and lesser-known names. There was something about grass roots good times that Rayna loved more than any of it, and she was surprised at how homemade the park at the edge of town felt. It wasn't at all like Teddy. The fairground was rickety and loud, the games dotted around it jostling for attention. The smell of sizzling food and infectious strands of music wove their way through the air and made Rayna's mouth water, and she dug her hands in her pockets and tried to ignore the jittery feeling in her stomach.

It had been Deacon's idea that they all come. He and Maddie had been spending little bits of time together in recent weeks, tentatively getting to know each other in this new light, and not surprisingly they'd found that the two things they had in common above anything else were music, and Rayna. Deacon had played his first gig since the accident at the Bluebird a few weeks earlier, and he'd been overcome when they'd both turned up, to his surprise, and stayed for his short set. He'd done a million gigs there and none had felt so special, and that it had been Maddie's first visit to the place he'd met her mother wasn't lost on any of them.

'The carnival's goin' on all afternoon,' he'd said when he'd called Rayna earlier in the week, 'and I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure kids love rollercoasters. I thought maybe…we could all go together, spend some time there and take in some good music, you know?'

She'd heard the hope in his voice and had been pulling the girls' winter coats out of the storage closet almost before he'd finished speaking. Tandy had agreed to go with her for moral support - and to steer her well clear of the hotdog stand - and they found themselves soaking up the last of the day's weak sunlight, wandering through the crowds with their coats buttoned and gloves on their hands. Daphne was overwhelmed by the options, chattering excitedly to no one in particular about all the games she wanted to play. Maddie was quieter, and she lingered close to her mother; Rayna reached for her arm and linked it with hers, no need to acknowledge that their butterflies were shared. She looked younger, something in her face that pushed its way past the teenage façade she so often hid behind these days, and Rayna felt a tug on her heart, wishing she could scoop her up in her arms and tell her it would all work out just fine.

'Do you think Deacon likes spending time with me?' she asked quietly, looking down at the ground, but Daphne's voice halted any answer Rayna would have given.

'Deacon!' she called, and there he was, in front of a hamburger van with his hands jammed in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. Rayna recognised his stance immediately - he was just as nervous as they were.

'Hey,' he said, looking up and giving them a little wave. A self-conscious grin spread across his face as they walked towards him and Rayna glanced at Maddie. She wore exactly the same look.

'Hey,' Rayna said, grateful that Daphne broke any ice there might be by hugging him around the middle. 'How're you doin'?'

'Good,' he replied, nodding, 'good. I'm glad y'all could make it.' He gave Maddie her own smile, and she returned it, but she hung back and clung to Rayna's arm, just like she used to do when she was little and was too shy to join in with the other kids at ballet class. Back then Rayna would have given her an encouraging little shove and watched her find her feet, but now wasn't the time. She needed to take it slowly - they all did. 'How d'you girls feel about caramel apples?' Deacon asked.

#

It had been the longest amount of time they'd been around each other since before the accident, and Rayna badly wanted to ask him how he'd been, what had been going on in his life. It felt alien to her, being so in the dark about him. She knew his lawyer was a recurring feature, having seen him with her at the polo match she'd loathed every minute of, and she knew he was playing music again - the gratitude that washed over her every time she thought about that, and she'd thought about it a lot, bowled her over.

And then there had been Luke Wheeler's show the month before. There was a night that hadn't exactly gone down in the Rayna and Deacon book of good times. She glanced at him, hoping for some clue as to whether he was still as angry at her as he had been that night, but she was distracted by how good he looked. His hair was pushed back, a woollen scarf wound around his neck, and he seemed fresh, rested. She wondered for a second how much of that had to do with Megan, but she shook the thought away before she would have to examine the horrible way it made her feel, and switched her attention instead to the girls, who were having trouble deciding which ride they wanted to go on first.

They passed a group of teenagers falling from the exit of a severe-looking rollercoaster, a flurry of flushed cheeks and windswept hair, and Maddie looked hopefully up at the cars on the track suspended just a little too high in the air for Rayna's liking.

'I think my stomach just fell out of my ass!' one of the girls cried, pulling down a belt of a jean skirt and tottering after her friends, and Daphne muttered under her breath.

'I do not want to go on that ride if that's what happens.'

'You won't be goin' on that ride', Rayna said, 'don't you worry. Come on now y'all - let's find somethin' a little gentler.'

Deacon chuckled. 'I forgot how fun the carnival can be when you're a kid.'

Rayna waved a hand in the air. 'When you're a kid? I'm more excited than both of them about those teacups.'

'Good thing we have the girls with us then,' he said, 'b'cause I don't think they let you on those things alone when you're a grown up.'

'Why'd you think people have kids?'

Deacon's face was gentle, wistful, almost. He watched the girls bickering, his eyes soft. 'Lookin' at these two, well, I can think of 'bout a million reasons.'

If it was the closest they'd come to any kind of conversation about what had happened, all that was new between them, it shouldn't surprise either of them; they never had been good at confronting their issues head on, preferring instead to feel their way around and find some kind of understanding that usually came in anything but a verbal form. It was a long conversation they needed to have, years' worth, but if it was to be tiptoed towards in the midst of candy and carousels, then so be it.

#

The girls settled, after much debate, on the Pirate Ship as their first port of call, much to the displeasure of Rayna's stomach. She wasn't sure she'd ever been so grateful to stand on solid ground when she climbed over the step and gripped the handrail after the God-awful thing had come to a halt, Tandy - equally as green - letting Deacon help her off after him. Rayna shook her head as Daphne and Maddie bounded past, not at all affected by having been flung relentlessly through the air.

'How do they do that?' she asked in disbelief. 'I all but lost my lunch in that woman's blue rinse in front of me.'

'I do not know,' Tandy said, adjusting her chiffon scarf and smoothing her rumpled skirt, 'but I don't think they're slowing down anytime soon.'

'So I heard you've been playin' a few more gigs?' Rayna asked, dodging a family of tourists as they wound their way through the grounds. It was busy, not crowded, people queuing for rides and stopping to take pictures of each other in comical poses. A giant panda seemed like such a good idea at the time, she thought, biting back a laugh at a harassed-looking boy who dragged the stuffed animal behind him in the wake of a disinterested blonde girl he'd no doubt won it for.

'Yeah,' Deacon said, a smile curling the corners of his lips. Rayna felt a rush of happiness for him - she knew just how it felt, to fear losing one of the only things that always made sense. To fear losing both of the things that always made sense. There they were, after everything, tied with the same strings. Just like always.

'That's good Deacon, really good.'

He gave her that self-deprecating smile she knew so well, on his face and on Maddie's, and shrugged his shoulders. 'Yeah - it's been a while, you know.'

She felt a prickle of curiosity at his expression but he didn't say more, and her daughters racing towards her distracted her attention.

'Mom,' Daphne said urgently, her pigtails flailing behind her, 'can we get some goldfish? Maddie said she'll clean them out every day if you say yes.'

Rayna looked up at the stall her daughter pointed to, plastic bags holding colourful wriggly fish strung up on either side of a table full of glass fishbowls. A boy in skinny jeans who was barely older than Maddie leaned against the front of the counter, looking bored out of his brains until he glanced up and saw them approaching. His eyes widened as he looked Rayna up and down, and he jumped behind the table and stood to attention.

'Can we get some?' Daphne repeated, tugging on Rayna's hand.

'You have to win them sweetheart - you gotta throw balls and try to get them into those bowls.'

'Oh, well no way Maddie's gonna win one then - she got kicked off the volleyball team, she has no coordination at all.'

'Lucky for both of you then that I do,' Deacon said, stepping forward. 'Hold this for me Ray?' He shrugged off his coat and handed it to her, and she watched the girls clamour towards him. He gave some change to the boy, who passed him a handful of blue balls and wished him luck. 'I got this ladies, these slippery little fellas are in the bag,' he said, and Rayna folded her arms and leaned against the wooden post that held the stall up.

'You gotta back off a little there girls, he needs room for all that modesty,' she quipped, and Deacon laughed.

'Three's a winner Mister,' Skinny Jeans said, shoving his hands in his apron and rattling the coins in it as he stepped out of the line of fire.

Deacon limbered up, the girls cheering him on excitedly. Even Tandy squeezed in behind Daphne to get a good view, and he landed first one, then three balls into the bowls in succession, to Daphne and Maddie's delight.

'Alright Mister! Pick your reptile!'

'Daph, wanna choose one?' Deacon asked, and she pointed to a fat fish festering in the bottom of its bag, clutching it to her chest and peering in to eyeball it when the boy handed it over. 'Okay Maddie, this one's yours - three's a winner right?'

She nodded happily and he narrowed his eyes in concentration, scoring a clean sweep once again and earning himself a round of applause from his audience and a couple of old ladies walking by, who threw gosh what an adorable man you got yourself there looks towards Rayna.

'Best arm in all of town,' he said smugly, turning to her while Maddie deliberated over her new pet. He dipped his head chivalrously at the women, who clutched their scarves, charmed, and waved as they walked on.

Rayna shook her head in amusement. 'You know those things probably have rabies don't you?'

'I think you're jealous.'

Her tummy gave a little flip at the way he was looking at her, and she tried unsuccessfully to will it to stop. 'Of diseased fish?'

'You want one too, I know you do.' He handed another dollar to Skinny Jeans before she could answer and she cocked an eyebrow, lifting her hands to her hips.

'You're gonna win me a goldfish Deacon, really?' she said, trying to sound sceptical but it came out as girlish and she cursed herself.

'You know what to do,' Skinny Jeans said, giving Deacon a look altogether too knowing for a spotty kid whose voice hadn't broken yet. He held up a fish with red and silver stripes, swimming in circles and flicking its tail impatiently. 'Get 'em all in this time and I'll give y'all our prize lady here - beauty for a beauty.' He grinned goofily at Rayna, who laughed and wound her arms around Daphne.

'What are you gonna call it?'

'What makes you think Deacon's gonna win again baby?'

'Mom, really,' Daphne said dryly, rolling her eyes in Maddie's direction with no need go on.

Deacon made a show of flexing his arm in preparation, throwing them a wink, and Rayna couldn't help the smile that crept across her face.

Five minutes later she was agreeing to take the girls to the petstore the next day to pick out matching fishbowls.

#

The air was full of music and the shrieks of children, and Rayna stood watching the Tilt-A-Whirl cars whizz around, making her dizzy. The fall nights were drawing in early and she could see a faint cloud of her breath when she exhaled, the lights and colours glowing brighter against the sky as it darkened.

She realised as she watched Deacon rush past with Maddie, helping her spin their car faster, her laughter filling the air, that there was a feeling in her chest that was growing stronger the more the day went on. It was happiness, she knew, the most real feeling she'd known since before the accident. As the afternoon had gone on Maddie had gradually forgotten any pretence of nonchalance that came with being thirteen and had given into the childlike excitement that only a carnival could draw out, her eyes lighting up the second she saw the ride.

'They're my favourite!' she'd said in a rush, and Deacon had told her they were his too, to her joy. He'd slung his arm around her and steered her towards the queue, Daphne declining to join them.

'I just had an entire caramel apple. I'm not interested in throwing that back up,' she'd said, and Rayna had tried to stifle a smile as she'd looked at Deacon do the same.

'I remember the first time I ever went on the Tilt-A-Whirl,' Tandy said, leaning on the rail in front of the ride, Daphne by the gate with her face pressed up to the bars, giggling every time her sister passed. 'It was with Billy Mitchell, you remember him? He was captain of the swim team at school. I thought he was Mr Perfect until he got vertigo on the Ferris wheel and had to go home to lie down.'

'And yet you still lost your virginity to him that summer,' Rayna mused.

Tandy laughed ruefully. 'And he didn't win me a goldfish.'

'That fish will be dead by morning,' Rayna said, secretly wondering if she should get a little plastic castle for its bowl.

'Be careful there babe…' Tandy said quietly, studying her face.

'What are you talkin' about, be careful?' she asked, turning to her.

'I've seen that look in your eye before Rayna.'

'Oh? And what look is that?'

'The one where you fall for Deacon all over again.'

Rayna scoffed. 'I am not fallin' for Deacon all over again.'

'I'm just sayin'. No one could blame you - he's playing daddy with the girls and you're seeing him be all adorable bonding with Maddie, just like you've always wanted. Your hormones are bound to go into overdrive at that.'

Rayna tried to hide her guilty look. Her hormones and a lot of other things had been all over the place since she'd laid eyes on him that afternoon, but she wasn't about to admit it, to her sister or to herself.

'That on top of all the other reasons you fall for him - you don't stand a chance,' Tandy added.

'What reasons might those be?'

'Oh, you know,' she said, adopting a dreamy look. 'The way his muscles ripple when he throws those balls, that rugged cowboy smile he does where his eyes get all twinkly. The fact that he's completely in love with you, the three day stubble. All the things that got you pregnant the first time around.'

'Tandy!' Rayna balked, her mouth dropping open. 'That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.'

'Oh tell me you're not thinking about him throwing his balls in your bowl.'

'What in the hell Tandy, you need to take that mouth to a priest! I don't even know what that means!'

'It means you're falling for him. Again.'

A horn sounded the end of the ride and a man's voice boomed through speakers, telling everyone to vacate their cars. Deacon and Maddie jumped out of theirs, and Rayna watched her daughter giggle as she wobbled on her shaky legs. Deacon held out his arms to steady her, and there it was again, that feeling in her stomach, like someone had hooked her with a fishing line and was tugging, trying to reel her in.

'It does not.'

'Mmhmm,' Tandy said maddeningly. The gate opened and the girls trotted off, Deacon catching Rayna's eye and pointing after them as he followed. Tandy started walking, turning to look back at her sister who wasn't moving. 'You know how I just hate to say I told you so.'

Rayna pulled a face and grudgingly walked after her. They caught up to Deacon and the girls at the cotton candy stand, Daphne with a look of intense consideration on her face, pursing her little lips and hip-dip-dooing between a bag and a stick.

'If you don't choose soon they're gonna pack up and go home and you won't be able to eat any of it,' Maddie told her, rolling her eyes.

'How about y'all get your candy in bags and then you can save some instead of havin' to eat it all now? Your momma will make me sorry if I let you get diabetes.'

'A girl at my school has diabetes,' Daphne said seriously. 'She has to eat cookies in the middle of Math class. I wouldn't mind it myself.'

Deacon snickered and handed them both bags filled with pink fluff, turning to Rayna.

'Want somma my cotton candy Ray?' he asked around a mouthful and a wicked grin, and she had all of half a second to see the chunk he plucked off the stick and held up to her lips. She pulled it from his fingers with her teeth and he gave her a look that made her knees weak despite her inner protests, a satisfied little smile on his face.

'Shut up,' Rayna threw with a scowl at Tandy as they walked after him, licking the last of the sugar from her lips.

'I didn't say a thing,' Tandy returned, holding up her hands.

#

The Styrofoam cup in Rayna's hands radiated heat that spread from her fingers out through her body. She shivered, tucking her chin into the collar of her coat and leaning back on the bench that was cold under her ass. She'd lost count of the amount of times Daphne had swung her fishing rod at the plastic ducks bobbing in the pool of slightly grimy water, and she still wasn't done.

Tandy had endless patience with a fishing rod, it turned out, though Rayna suspected it had as much to do with the lean man in the cowboy hat in the centre of the stall as it did with Daphne's enthusiasm. Deacon had wandered off to get them coffee somewhere around Daphne's third attempt, and they left them to it while they rested for a while, Maddie chattering excitedly on her phone about the fish Deacon had won for them.

'I think the fair's a hit,' he said, and Rayna nudged his shoulder with hers.

'I think you're the hit,' she said. 'Maddie's really enjoying being around you. Believe me - she hasn't texted once all afternoon. That's an achievement.'

'Good,' he replied, a little bashfully, 'I'm enjoying bein' around her too Ray.' He ran his hand across his stubble, the tip of his nose pink with the cold.

'I haven't seen her this happy since -' Rayna paused, her cheery tone faltering. 'Actually, since before all of this happened.'

'Maybe things work out all for the best.'

She looked up at him, at his earnest face. 'Maybe they do.'

He held her gaze for a moment longer than he should have, and they both looked away, scrambling for something to say that would put them back on safe ground.

'You think Daphne's ever gonna hook one of those things?' he asked.

'Put it this way - I wouldn't rely on her to catch food for us if we were ever stranded at sea.'

'She sure is an independent little lady. Even Tandy's not gettin' a look in there.'

Rayna laughed, watching her daughter put on her best concentration face. She felt Deacon looking at her, knew there was something on his mind.

'So you and Luke,' he said quietly, letting the question linger in the air. Rayna glanced at Maddie, still ensconced in her conversation.

'Yeah,' she said, trying to gauge his reaction, 'me and Luke.'

She'd been at the first night of his tour, Deacon there to support his niece, and Luke hadn't kept his hands entirely to himself while they'd milled around backstage waiting for the audience to file into the arena. Deacon had known something was going on, and Rayna had seen the shock on his face as he'd watched his old friend put his arms around the woman Deacon had been in love with for most of his life - the woman he'd just learned was the mother of his child.

Rayna had wanted to talk to him before he heard it from anyone else, to explain that she was testing out this whole 'moving forward' thing, figuring out what it was that she wanted to let into this new version of her life. She wasn't sure it was Luke she wanted to let in, or anyone for that matter, but she didn't think it could be a bad thing to find out. Baby steps had been her intention, but Luke clearly had other plans. He'd taken her by surprise when he'd asked her to take the stage with him that night, and she'd obliged, having little in the way of choice. When he'd pulled her in and kissed her she'd known any level of discretion she'd have preferred to stick to was out of the window. The night had ended with Deacon letting rip at her about putting too much pressure on a nervous Scarlett, and she hadn't seen him since to broach any of it with him.

'It serious?' he asked, and before she could answer: 'It looked pretty serious. And pretty public.'

'It's not serious,' she told him, a little too eagerly. 'I didn't know he was gonna do that, I … you know I hate having my personal life splashed across the papers.'

'Well, it's splashed alright.'

It had been on all the front pages the next day, the shot of the two of them, her hand on his cheek and his lips on hers. She hadn't had chance to figure out how she felt yet, let alone how to answer all the questions she'd been bombarded with since that night, and it felt weird talking to Deacon about it. She didn't know what to say to him, there was no summary of her feelings that she could give him. They'd known each other a long time, the three of them, and Luke had always had a thing for Rayna, Deacon knew it as well as she did, but she'd thought it long buried. She guessed, from the way he'd flat out yelled at her when she'd walked off the stage with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, that he'd thought so too.

'It's just a few dates Deacon. I don't know what Luke thinks it is but…' she trailed off, not sure what else to say.

'I just didn't expect you to go for Wheeler, you know?' he said.

He wasn't angry, and he didn't look like he was upset either, but there was something in his face that she knew he tried to hold back. Rayna thought it must be the same something she felt seeing him with Megan, the something she tried as hard as she could not to think about. There was a lot of confusion lately, a lot of uncertainty with both of them, with where they stood with each other and how they were supposed to be now. The fact that she'd been spending the day soaking up every second of him like she was starving made her equally giddy with happiness and scared for what that meant, but above all else she was relieved, immeasurably glad to just be around him. Having him all but absent from her life felt unnatural, against some tide that would always work harder to bring them together than they could ever work to stay apart.

'Neither did I,' she admitted. A cry of triumph sounded from Daphne, who held a dripping yellow duck in her hands. The man in the cowboy hat clapped for her and handed her an inflatable monkey, slipping another to Tandy, and Daphne turned to her mother in delight.

'I could not be prouder,' Rayna said, wrapping her up in a hug, and Maddie hung up her phone and rejoined them.

'Can we go on the Ferris wheel?' she asked. 'Talia went on it yesterday and she said you can see all of town from up there.'

#

Talia, it turned out, was right. The Ferris wheel was exactly what they needed - it lifted them into the night air, high above the hustle so that everything faded, the noise, the people who became little creatures scurrying far below. It was almost peaceful at the top, and Rayna had the strangest feeling as she closed her eyes and breathed in the sharp air that some of the cobwebs that had plagued her the past few months had blown away, dissolving into nothing in the breeze.

They were sneaky, her children. She'd thought Maddie would want to sit with Deacon on her own, that she'd enjoy the time to talk without anyone else around, maybe grill him for details about their life like she had been doing with Rayna lately. Instead she found herself on his other side, Maddie gazing across the lights of the city.

'I want to sit with both of you,' she'd said as they'd neared the front of the queue, and Daphne had added something about needing to have a private conversation with her aunt Tandy and climbed into the first free car without any further discussion, her feet dangling off the seat while she'd waited for Tandy, who shrugged her shoulders and slid in after her.

Deacon sat with his arms at his sides, his hands resting on the seat. One brushed Rayna's, and she'd frozen when she'd felt it, not daring to move for fear that he'd pull it back. There was a calm about him that she drank in, and she stole a glance at him and saw the smallest hint of a smile on his face. It felt right, the three of them, together, just how it was always supposed to be. Deacon and his girls, after all this time.

'Have you written anything else since that song you played at the Bluebird?' Maddie asked, turning to him.

Rayna had thought she might need to give a little encouragement throughout the day, help them to find some mutual ground, but they were doing just fine on their own. It shocked her, just how similar they were. She'd always known Maddie shared many of his traits, but she'd never seen it so clearly before, watched how their mouths quirked at the same corner when they found something funny and tried not to show it, how they lifted their eyebrows right in the middle when they listened to someone speak. It fascinated her; she hadn't been able to take her eyes from them.

'I've been workin' on a few these last couple of months. I've had kind of a lot of time on my hands.'

Maddie sighed. 'I wish I could write songs all day, I bet you've got some great new ones. I've listened to all your albums, I know all the words by now.'

'I know you have darlin',' Deacon said, 'your momma said you've been learning some of the chords too. I'd love to hear you play some.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, really. She says you're real good too.'

Maddie looked away, reddening a little. 'I'm not so good on some of the complicated ones.' She hesitated, steeling herself, and her words tumbled out in a rush. 'Maybe you could come over and teach me some stuff?'

He glanced at Rayna for her approval before he answered; she gave him a nod, and he turned back to their daughter, beaming. 'I'd love that.'

Maddie nodded, the look on her face one that Rayna had seen peep through more and more lately while she listened to the stories she asked her mother to tell about her and Deacon. It was gone in a few moments, something else marring her features in its place. 'Deacon,' she said, fiddling with the tassel on her scarf. 'Are you…is your girlfriend coming later? The lawyer woman?'

Deacon's face fell for a second, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. Rayna stared straight ahead, not wanting him to say yes, not wanting to admit how much she hoped he'd say no. 'Um, no, Megan's not comin'. She was busy with a work thing, and I…' He rolled his shoulders, trying to find the right words. 'I didn't ask her. I wanted it to just be us today.'

Maddie gave him a small smile. 'Us and my mom, right?'

Rayna did turn at that, giving Deacon the steer-clear-awkward-territory-ahead look, and he chewed on his lip, understanding.

'Yeah,' he said, not quite managing to sound neutral, 'us and your mom.'

'Okay,' Maddie said, turning her gaze back to the flurry on the ground below. They fell into silence, and as their car descended, Deacon's fingers shifted, sliding over Rayna's and giving her hand a squeeze. She didn't let go until the attendant came and unlocked their safety barrier.

#

They headed to check out the band on the stage at the far end of the park on Deacon's suggestion. There was a distant cheerful beat as they drew nearer, the sounds of people whooping along enticing them, and Rayna had a sudden rush of nostalgia for the days when she and Deacon played open air festivals together. There hadn't been a summer back when they were both in their early twenties when they hadn't trawled the circuit, the only change being how far they were up the bill. It had always been such a good time, days full of sunshine and nights full of music and slow, delicious sex, drawn out into the dawn, and the memories melted together and conjured a feeling that was so strong it hit Rayna right in the chest.

She turned to Deacon at the same moment he leaned into her ear, and if he was having the same thoughts he didn't say.

'Remember when we went to the carnival on one of our first dates Ray?'

She laughed gently. 'Of course I do. It was like a military operation gettin' out of the house with Daddy on high alert to keep me away from you.'

She swore silently when he did the eye-twinkle thing Tandy had pointed out, and pulled her coat a little tighter around herself.

'Your daddy's plan didn't work too well, did it?'

It didn't. She'd had to bribe Tandy into helping her sneak out of the house that night so that Lamar wouldn't have Deacon locked up for kidnapping his increasingly wayward daughter, and she'd changed out of her 'I'm just going to see friends, honest' outfit in Deacon's truck while he stood outside with his back to the window like a gentleman, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself peeking. She would have walked over nails to see him, back then. She realised as he laced her arm through his and pulled her closer that she still would.

'I remember you stealin' the last bite of my hotdog,' he said, 'you still owe me for that.'

'I beat you on the High Striker too, and I know you never have gotten over it.'

'You did not.'

'I did too! And a real man would be able to admit he was beaten by a girl Deacon Claybourne - suck it up.'

He laughed loudly, and she joined him, not caring anything for the passers-by who watched them with interest and whispered to each other, recognising them despite the disguises afforded by their winter woollens. It felt for a moment like they were kids again; the only thing that could make her feel more like a girl with a crush would be if he pulled her behind the bumper cars and kissed her. She half hoped, eyeing the ride in the distance, that he would.

'I seem to recall it was a real man who felt you up in the haunted house,' Deacon said, and Rayna felt her stomach contract at the vivid memory of him doing just that. It had been before they'd slept together, when they were hot for each other constantly and couldn't walk ten feet without their hands wandering. The guy on the ticket booth had tried to charge them twice when they'd eventually clattered back outside in hysterics, their cheeks pink and their clothes rumpled, and they'd run off into the crowd, Deacon holding tightly onto her hand. If she thought about it, she could still feel his nose against hers when they'd stopped a safe distance away and he'd kissed her breathlessly. She didn't even try not to.

'That poor kid who caught us,' she said, blushing.

'That poor kid's mother who had to cover his eyes and chivvy him away. Probably had to have the birds and the bees chat after that - he got quite the eyeful.'

'I found fake cobwebs in my bra when I got home that night,' she told him, and Deacon couldn't stop his eyes flickering over her appreciatively.

'Wanna go get chased by zombies?' he asked, winking at her and nodding towards the crude purple structure next to them that she hadn't even noticed, its entrance decorated with rubber bats and bedsheet ghosts.

She slapped his arm lightly and pulled him past it before she said yes and found herself pressed up against a fake coffin with monster-slime running down her leg.

#

The music seemed to have cranked up a notch by the time they made it to the stage area. It felt like a different world, only a stone's throw from the adjacent chaos but a world away from the thundering rides and have-a-go games.

People two-stepped and spun on the makeshift dance floor they'd created in the middle of the space, hands clapping and feet tapping at the fast-paced song the band of fifty-something bearded men were playing. A large white tent covered the stage, smaller ones dotted around the edges where food was bubbling in giant urns and strings of fairylights cast a warm glow over the ground. The air felt different, fresher, like they were in a field somewhere miles out of town.

Rayna could smell sweet cinnamon mingling with the spiced hot cider a woman with round cheeks and lacquered lips was ladling into plastic cups. She breathed in a lungful, closing her eyes for a moment and letting the beat of the music wash over her. This was what she loved, this feeling - there was nothing in the whole world like it. She felt a surge of pride when she opened her eyes and saw that her two daughters were having much the same reaction.

Scarlett was on her way, Deacon told them, her first night off from Luke's tour. Rayna had been with her at the early shows to encourage her, and had made it to as many since as she could. She could see her growing, shaping into the artist she would be, but she showed up looking just like she always did, a country girl drenched in her mother's hippie roots, a denim-clad Will on her arm.

'Pleasure to see you Ms Jaymes,' he said, somewhat sheepishly, and Rayna pulled him to her and kissed him on the cheek, introducing them both to Tandy and the girls. Business was business, and in that moment, there was nothing further from her mind.

'Anyone for a hotdog?'

##

'If there's one thing I've noticed today, it's that food keeps kids quiet,' Deacon said, leaning into Rayna as the moustached vendor handed her another couple of buns.

'That's an important lesson, you're gonna want to bank that one, believe me.' She handed him one of the hotdogs with a flourish, passing him the ketchup bottle without needing to ask if he wanted it. 'Here - to replace the one from all those years ago.'

'Thanks Ray,' he grinned, touched, and emptied half the sauce bottle onto it. She gave him a little laugh, moving past him in the direction the girls had scurried in, leaving ketchup and mustard blobs on the ground like a fast food remake of Hansel and Gretel. 'Still doesn't mean you beat me on the High Striker though,' he called, following her.

They jumped up onto upturned barrels, munching in silence and tapping their feet against the wood in time to the music, Tandy perching on the edge of a plastic chair.

'I think this is my favourite part of today,' Daphne said matter-of-factly. Rayna motioned to her not to speak with her mouth full and squeezed her knee in agreement.

'You know what my favourite part is?' Deacon asked, and Daphne considered for a moment.

'The Ferris wheel,' she said, full of confidence. Deacon glanced at Rayna, his eyes warm.

'My favourite part is y'all being here,' he said, 'you make pretty damn good ride buddies.' He smiled over at Maddie, who was swinging her legs and nibbling on a fried onion. 'And o' course your momma's face on that Pirate Ship - that'll never get old.'

Scarlett let out a sigh. 'I love the Pirate Ship.' She scooted up to make room for Daphne to join her on her barrel, the little girl keen to share her experiences of the day, and Rayna had a feeling the carnival would be a talked-about topic in their household for some time.

'These are some good 'dogs Ray,' Deacon said, swallowing. 'Sure hittin' the spot. I guess this makes us even.'

Rayna eyed him thoughtfully, an impish look creeping over her face. 'Or not,' she said, and before he could do anything she leaned across him, dipped her head and swiped his last bite right out of his hands.

'I can't believe you just did that,' Deacon said, staring at her in momentary shock, still holding the empty wrapper in the air, before he cracked a peel of laughter. She chuckled at him with her mouth full, and he reached up to wipe a dollop of ketchup from her lip, looking at it for a split second before he licked it off his finger and shrugged at her.

Will cleared his throat on Rayna's other side and they turned towards him. 'Before he tries to get that bite back before you're done there, Ms Jaymes, can I tempt you to a dance?'

'Rayna,' she corrected him through the last of her food, and took his proffered hand, wriggling out of her coat.

He led her to the people weaving their way around each other, and she waved for the girls to come join her. They needed no further encouragement, dragging the rest of their little party with them, and they lost themselves in the music, Rayna twirling Daphne around and around. Deacon took Maddie's hand and lifted it in the air, and she twisted under their joined arms, Deacon ducking under himself to her mirth.

It felt like the last few months had never happened, or maybe none of it had at all, maybe they'd paused fourteen years ago and their path had veered in a different direction, and this was where it had led. It was so natural, and it was an antidote they both needed badly. She told herself, looking around at her little family, however unconventional they may be, that all bets were off, if only for the night. It didn't matter what else was going on - they were together; they were, for now, happy.

The girls tired, and as the band changed over, replaced by a spindly girl with black hair that fell almost to her knees and a too-big guitar strapped around her neck, they gave in and sat with Scarlett, watching people switch their tempo and hesitate with their steps. The girl introduced herself and launched into song, her voice haunting and at odds with the catchy rhythm she plucked. It worked, Rayna thought, watching her with interest.

'Mind if I steal your lady?' Deacon asked Will, who bowed out graciously and took Tandy's arm in his instead, leading her closer to the stage.

'Hi,' Rayna said, shy suddenly, and Deacon held his hand out for hers.

'Hi,' he replied, looking into her eyes and slipping his other arm around her slender waist when she stepped towards him.

It wasn't slow-dance music, but people drifted, those committed to the dance floor swaying to the melody, listening more than they were dancing. Deacon held her hand to his chest, and her other came to rest unthinkingly at the nape of his neck. Their bodies moulded perfectly everywhere they touched, like that was the way they belonged, one close enough for the other to lean on, always. Deacon couldn't stop himself moving just a little closer so he could inhale the scent of her hair; if he thought she didn't notice, he was wrong, but she hid her smile in the crook of his shoulder and stole her own spoils from him. She'd missed it, the way he smelled, the feel of his cheek against hers.

The heat from his body warmed her, somehow managing to comfort and inflame her at the same time; it was a talent she'd only ever known Deacon to have, and she craved it so much more than she'd let herself admit these past months. The taste they'd had of each other before the accident, after so many years that had served to dull their memories just enough so that they could function around each other, had kicked up a sandstorm that was in no way settled, no matter what either of them told themselves. It was so much harder to pretend to forget now.

If this was her chance to hold him, to allow herself to cheat on all the oaths she'd made to herself that it was done, there was to be no more, then she was damned if she wasn't going to take it. She nuzzled into him, almost no space left between their bodies, and he responded instantly, his arm tightening around her and holding her captive. They moved in perfect time with each other, him rocking forwards and her back, the music weaving its way into both of them and possessing their limbs.

'I'm glad you came today,' he whispered into her ear, and she shivered. He felt it, and his fingers dug into her back, the fabric of her shirt bunched up in his hand.

'Me too,' she replied, and she was overcome at how much she meant it. She would try, later, not to cling to the feeling that told her this was where she should be, that would make her crave this in moments when she was alone in bed, when she sat with the girls and the only thing missing was him. But later was later.

'I started playin' again Ray,' he said, and as she lifted her head to look up at him and saw his face, she knew he'd been desperate to tell her all day. Tears sprang to her eyes and she smiled widely at him. She'd told him he was who he was with or without a guitar, that it didn't define him, but she knew, just like she knew had she not regained her voice that she wouldn't have known which way was North, that it was a part of him as necessary as the heart that beat in his chest. 'I haven't told anyone else yet, still got a long way to go to where I was before, but I'll get there. I am gettin' there.'

'I'm so happy Deacon,' she said, her voice wavering a little, and he pulled her to him, burying his face in her shoulder.

'Me too,' he said into her hair.

They didn't notice Will and Tandy retreat and join the girls, or feel the eyes on them as they watched.

'Why do they fight that?' Will asked quietly.

'I don't know,' Scarlett said, shaking her head in wonder. 'All I know is it's real complicated.'

'Well whatever it is, you can't fight what's inevitable. Not forever.'

Maddie was spellbound by them, her parents. She'd seen Rayna with Deacon before, hundreds of times, but never like this, and she hadn't known then what she knew now, that this, here before her and anyone else who cared to see, was the reason she had come to be. She realised, despite all the stories she'd squeezed out of her mother, despite all the pictures she'd searched out on the internet, all the tabloid accounts of their love that she'd read and re-read, that she hadn't understood it for what it really was. It was none of those things, no magazine front page, no dramatic headline. And it wasn't over.

She looked at Daphne, who was cross-legged next to her already watching her sister. 'Are they gonna get back together?' she whispered, and Maddie smiled and reached for her hand, but gave no answer. She didn't need to.