"I can't to this any more Craig," John Paul sighed, he felt beaten, defeated, he just didn't have any more fight left in him.
"So you can just walk away? Easy as that?" Craig challenged.
"JUST?" John Paul snapped back at him, "There's no JUST about any of this Craig. None of this has been easy for me… but I can't carry on with the lies… I won't… I deserve better… Sarah deserves better."
"But I will tell her," Craig insisted, "Just as soon as…"
"You find the right moment," John Paul interrupted, "I've heard it too many times now… there never WILL be a right moment… you're never gonna tell her are you? I get that now… and OK that's your choice… stay with Sarah… move to Dublin… live your happy lives… just leave me the hell out of it."
"But I…" Craig looked nervously around, the streets were quiet but he still checked to be sure, "I still want you."
"It's not enough Craig," John Paul said sadly, "It's never gonna be enough."
John Paul turned and walked away; his feet were heavy on the ground but not nearly as heavy as his heart. He had given Craig amply opportunity to come clean to Sarah but there was always a reason not to. No, there was always an excuse.
He loved Craig. He probably always would, but love alone wasn't enough, he needed more and he was sadly coming to the realisation that he would never get it from Craig… no matter how long he waited.
"You'll come back," Craig called after him.
"Not this time," John Paul replied turning to look back at Craig. His big brown eyes were pleading with John Paul, the softness of his lips begging him not to go but John Paul just shook his head. "Not this time."
"John Paul wait…" There was a sudden urgency in Craig's voice demanding John Paul's attention, a demand that just made him angry.
"Just leave it Craig," he shouted back still unable to tear his eyes from Craig's face.
"No… John Paul stop… look out…"
John Paul turned his head just in time to see the car that, a fraction of a second later, sent him hurtling into the road with a sickening thud.
Three sounds would haunt Craig for weeks and months after the collision. The squeal of breaks at the drivers futile efforts to stop in time, the solid thud as the hard metal of the car connected with the softness of John Paul's flesh and a single scream from a woman across the street.
And then the silence.
It was almost worse than the sound.
Craig stood motionless, unable to think or breathe, his eyes fixed on the broken figure of John Paul lying still in the road.
After the silence came the noise. The opening of the car door as the driver leapt from his seat.
"I didn't stand a chance… he just walked out in front of me… oh god."
The crowds of people who seemed to gather from nowhere to bear witness to a terrible accident.
But the worst was the screaming, the painful pitiful screaming that wouldn't stop. It took Craig a while to realise that it was only inside his head.
He walked slowly over to the body of his fallen friend, kneeling down beside him he reached out a hand to touch lightly across John Paul's hair, shaking violently as his hand came away coated with the sticky redness of John Paul's blood.
He searched John Paul's face for signs of life but he was pale and unresponsive. He was relieved to see a slight rise and fall to John Paul's chest, but it was too slight, his breathing too shallow.
"Has someone called an ambulance?" he asked. He was greeted with silence.
"Anyone," he yelled.
"It's on its way," the driver reassured him, "It'll be here soon."
Craig turned his attention back to John Paul.
"You'll be OK," he whispered, "The ambulance will be here soon and you'll be fine. You don't get away from me that easily."
"I'm really sorry, I didn't see him," the driver stood behind Craig watching helplessly as the young man touched his fingers lightly to the face of his friend.
"Please be OK John Paul," Craig pleaded as tears began to tumble down his cheeks, "Don't leave me… not like this… Please God let him be OK."
Craig didn't hear the sirens of the ambulance, he didn't feel the hands of the paramedics as they moved him out of the way and he didn't hear their questions or their reassurances. He just stared at the ashen features of John Paul's face and felt a helplessness he had never known before.
"Are you coming with us?" The words seemed to buzz in the background of Craig's mind.
The paramedic shook him lightly to get his attention, "Are you with him? Are you coming?"
"Yes," Craig replied as the meaning behind the question finally penetrated his mind, "I'm coming… he's my… I'm his… we're best mates… I'm coming."
As Craig climbed into the back of the ambulance next to John Paul he could almost feel his friend standing over his shoulder, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"Even now Craig," John Paul's voice whispered in his mind, "Even now you can't tell them…"