Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
"Between what is said and not meant
And what is meant and not said
Most of love is lost"
― Khalil Gibran
It has been a week since the unfortunate night. She spent most of her days sleeping. Sleep took over her and settled into her like a virus. She had neither strength nor will to resist it. On the contrary, she welcomed it; it was her only escape from reality because she dreamed of nothing and nobody. When awake, she would spend the hours of the day with Henry. She could tell that he knew something was not right and she was grateful that he knew better than to ask. It was too soon.
Robin tried to contact her couple of times, to explain even though he surely did not know how. Of course that he would choose his wife, she would have done the same. The fact that she understood him made her even more mad. But, hearing the words from him was not something she was eager to do. Their relationship will eventually get the closure it needed and however painful at least the outcome was already known.
Her relationship with the Savior though was something else. The thoughts of her haunted her every night. She tried to bury them by focusing on the work but, it was futile. Apparently, running from everyone unfortunately did not apply to her. Somehow, the blonde would always run to her. Her latest attempts of communication involved sending incomplete daily reports with personal notes attached to them. And just as the door remained shut, calls unanswered and text messages deleted so this notes remained unread. Anyhow, she was bound to stop soon. She had a new apartment to furnish, according to Henry, and baby Neal and the pirate to occupy her thought. One big happy family.
Dwelling too long on these things usually resulted in one too many drinks. It took a lot of liquor to blur the image of Robin's smile, the relief on his face when he saw his love was back, pitying looks she received from half of the diner. She resented them all. She couldn't help the feeling though it wasn't their fault. It was Emma Swan's fault and that was what hurt the most.
The sun was peeking over the horizon when she finally began to fall into a dreamless sleep. Alas, rest was not in the cards for her that morning. The incessant ringing brought her back to reality. It was David. She contemplated ignoring it but with every beat of the melody her headache intensified.
"What!" she answered, annoyed, "If this is another check-up call I swear…"
"It's not." he interrupted. "This is business. We've got a call an hour ago. Something strange is happening at the outskirts of the town… near Zelena's portal. We suspect magic. Can you check it out?"
"Call Gold. I'm busy." she lied.
"He is out of town 'till Friday, on honeymoon or something. Please. Emma's on her way there..." he finished the sentence hesitantly.
The mere mention of that name was enough to restart the whirlpool of emotions. She took a deep breath before answering, "Really? Is this some ridiculous attempt to get me to talk to her?"
"I promise you it is not." he said earnestly. He knew she would react like that, "She didn't want me to call you. I'm worried, we don't need another disaster."
"Fine. I'll be there in 20." she ended the call before he could say anything else.
She was there holding the phone in her hand, unable to get up. Her head was throbbing, not allowing her to form a coherent thought. When Regina finally mustered enough strength to get up, the room started spinning and she almost lost balance. She leaned against the wall to steady herself. After couple of moments, she slowly dragged herself to the medicine cabinet and gulped down an aspirin, then made herself presentable and disapparated.
She apparated 50 yards from the barn. It was the first time fresh breeze touched her skin in almost a week and it hit her like a bucket of cold water. Trying to ignore the chill, she tightened the coat around herself and started walking towards the yellow bug parked in the distance.
David had called Emma telling her to wait for Regina. So, she did. She was pacing in front of the entrance of the barn when she saw Regina approaching. She froze immediately, her heart pounding in her throat. Emma anticipated this moment with both eagerness and dread. She spent every day trying to contact the woman; she went to her house, called, texted and even wrote letters. And now, only couple of yards separated them. Emma stood there waiting for the inevitable. She was now close enough and Emma managed to only to say hi. Her voice was not her own but that of a sheepish child.
"Let's get this over with." Regina said coldly, not dignifying her with a single glance.
Emma expected nothing more and silently fallowed her into the barn.
"There is definitively magic here. Unstable, indefinable." she said, Emma knew, only to prevent her from asking questions. Regina approached the shattered object on the ground, examining it closely.
Emma noticed the larger piece of the object in question next to her feet. She picked it up to inspect the engravings on it. She recognized it as the urn Hook had found in Gold's vault. Before she could comprehend what was going on, the cold from it started to spread through her fingers making her unable to release it. She barely felt when Regina slapped the piece out of her hand making it roll towards the barn door. She then grabbed Emma's hand and rushed her towards the exit. They were just about to reach the door when the translucent wall started to form from the piece of the urn blocking their path. It connected with the walls of the barn and enveloped them. It was ice. Regina let go of her hand and, Emma presumed, tried to make a fireball.
"Damn it." she muttered when nothing happened. She crouched next to the source of the ice wall.
"What the hell was that thing?" Emma exclaimed after regaining her wits.
"Yet another consequence of your inability to not touch anything."
After a short while she stood up and turned to Emma. Emma feared that the brunette would start yelling, but she calmly approached her and took her hand. Emma observed Regina wordlessly as she put her freezing hand into hers and rubbed it softly. As she did that, she brought the hand closer to her mouth and blew on it. Emma started to regain feeling in the hand again and felt Regina's lips brush her knuckles. Tingles went down her spine. Regina, as if realizing the intimacy of the moment, abruptly let go of her hand and turned away.
"I'll call David."
Emma could still fill the phantom touch of Regina's hands and lips and remained motionless from fear of it disappearing.
"David, listen carefully. Your daughter screwed up and now we're trapped here…Yes, she's fine" she glanced over to still motionless Emma, "I suggest you move those fingers and get the blood pumping or you and your boyfriend will be wearing matching hooks."
That snapped Emma back to reality and she looked at her almost blue hand. She started to make motions but everything hurt.
"…stop interrupting. Everything 's fine. Send someone to find out what they can on the magic of Arendelle… then go to my vault and pick up the yellow vial. It's the only one…hopefully, you won't miss it…"
Emma watched Regina try, unsuccessfully, to be patient. "…I don't have time for chit chat. Do what I told you…and bring your sword." with that she ended the call and turned to the blocked exit.
Neither of the women spoke and silence settled between them. This gave the blonde opportunity take note of Regina's appearance. She almost looked as immaculate as usual. But then, Emma noticed how drained she looked and the cold coming from the walls didn't help. Her eyes were tired and brown circles under them mirrored Emma's who had also spent many sleepless hours tortured by the events of that night.
"So, what's next?" she asked quietly as if not to disturb the silence.
"David will soon arrive and get us out."
"I figured as much. I meant after that."
"Nothing." she answered simply, sounding almost detached, "I go home and make protection spell for Henry and me."
"What?!" she was genuinely surprised. Of course, Regina didn't want to have anything with her, but this wasn't about them, "You're not going to help?"
"Well, I'm still recovering from the last souvenir you brought from the past. Wait for Gold and he can be your magical assistant for a change."
Emma sensed a surge of irritation coming but she fought it, "Do you really think we see you like that? Someone who does our dirty work? You are family. And we… I miss you."
For a while Regina stared at her, "You'll get over it." she answered, unaffected by Emma' words.
Emma raised her hands in surrender and moved as far away from Regina as she could. She wished Regina would yell at her, react somehow, anything was better than the indifference. She feared that after everything they've been through they were going back to the start. There was more she wanted to say but she could not speak. The silence between them was deafening.
At the far end of the barn, Regina was sitting on a bench, eyes closed, fingers massaging the temples. The aspirin did not produce the desired effect and the cold was becoming unbearable. It seemed like eternity since either of them spoke. Emma was pacing, trying to keep herself warm. All of a sudden she marched towards Regina. The brunette opened her eyes and slowly lifted her gaze.
"Tell me what to do, how to make things better. I cannot express how sorry I am to have caused you pain. So, please, just tell me what to do." Emma pleaded.
Regina did not let her gaze linger too long on Emma for fear of betraying her real emotional state.
"Would you have saved her if you had known? Oh, you don't have to answer that." Regina cut her off before with a wave of the hand, "You would have, undoubtedly. Perhaps you would have found another solution than bringing her here, but either way the result would have been the same."
"I just wanted to save her life." Emma repeated the words said that night. She was angry at herself for acting like a child caught cheating.
"So you said! You took away my soul mate!" Regina sighed, "But, funnily enough, that is not what angers me the most. It's your arrogance." Emma cringed after hearing the last words, "You think that you can do whatever you want, change the past, cheat death with no consequence whatsoever." taken over by the emotions she was breathing heavily, "So what I want you to do is stay away from me, leave me be." with that she walked away.
Emma unclenched her fists and let out a breath she was holding. "Do you think I don't want the same? Do you think I don't try my best to fight this constant need I have to be near you? You know the feeling, right?" she paused, waiting for an answer that would not come, "I spent my whole life running away. The night Henry brought me to your doorstep, I now know, was the moment when running away was no longer possible."
"That didn't stop you from trying." Regina muttered.
"No." she said with a soft smile, "The point is, now I know that this is my home… and it's not home without you."
"I am home only by proxy. My home is Henry. Only Henry now since the other part is happy with his wife. The only man who saw me and did not desert me…"
"Jesus!" she shouted making Regina face her completely, "Do you not get it or are you that stubborn? I know I said I was happy in New York but I never told anyone that every time I was alone I felt emptiness here." she indicated to her heart, her hand shaking, "Can't you see I cannot go on without you? I feel actual physical aching when you are away." she cleared her throat and pushed the tears away, "I see the real you. I saw you at your worst and your best and I am here, never more resolute to stay." She took a step forward, Regina took a step back. It was the game they've been playing from the beginning. Only this time all of Emma's cards were on the table.
Regina put the trembling hands in the pockets, trying to hide the effect Emma's confession had on her. She never dared to imagine hearing those words from her. But she couldn't allow herself to be blinded again. She's been starving for affection her whole life and everyone used that to manipulate her. Her heart has been bruised, battered and broken too many times and Emma Swan would not be the one to deliver the final blow.
"Really, Emma?" that was the first time she uttered her name. It sounded so strange yet so familiar, "You expect me to permit my hope to grow for what? You? You of all people?" she sneered. Emma's eyes widened and Regina could see that the blonde was on edge. This was the moment to end this charade, "You say you see me, but you don't see yourself. When you barged into my life you were different, flawed and aware of it. You were real. Now you are merely a caricature of yourself. People see you as this infallible Savior and you surrendered to the role. You're losing yourself in it and one day you will snap. Trust me I know." the sound of genuine concern managed to escape through the cracks, "You are not a superhero; this is not your fortress of solitude. Your destiny was to break the curse and destroy the Evil Queen. Congratulation! But after everything that's happened, you can at least let me keep my dignity." only when she finished the speech which left her breathless did she realize how close they stood. She could almost hear Emma's heart breaking. She rendered the blonde speechless and that was the point. It took a while before she registered the faint sound of ringing. She somehow managed to answer the phone. David was standing in front of the barn waiting further instructions.
Emma couldn't hear the conversation; sound grew faint in her ears. For a while, she was absent. She was cheated, betrayed by her own heart. She believed, now more than ever, that there must be something self-destructive inside of her to want to stay connected to this woman. To believe that somewhere deep down Regina cared for her was a mistake.
Her father's voice shook her out of the thoughts, "Emma, are you ok? What happened between you two?" he asked anxiously.
She just stared blankly at him for a moment and the looked over his shoulder only to see Regina disappear in a cloud of smoke.
"Talk to me, honey? Say something." David shook her gently.
"Nothing happened, nothing that means anything." she said tremulously. Regina may have decided single-handedly ended everything but that was the last time she will let anyone decide for her. She will not let Regina's words kill her. Regina did not care for her and Emma will learn to stop caring for her too and endure for the sake of everyone around her. Nobody can have everything.
When she wouldn't move, David wrapped his arm around her shoulder and directed her towards the car.
Both women spent the night staring into darkness. Emma because Regina did not believe her words, Regina because Emma did.