This is a bit different as far as things in it. I've never written "this" situation before. There is major characters that have died. You've been warned.
Standing where he was couldn't be further from what he wanted. He'd just been killing time until her. Until she came into his life, change it- changed him. He wasn't someone else but a better version of himself. She brought that out in him. Without her by his side he felt like his life was shattering around him. Each breath was a new knife in his heart, each morning he woke up was a new wave of pain, and each time he watched the sun set he knew he would sell his soul to have her.
"Daryl."
Letting out a breath he turned and followed the sound of Michonne's voice. He didn't talk much to begin with and even less now. Meeting her in the hall, she looked ready to scream. Cocking a brow at her cause her to blow out an exasperated breath.
"She won't come out."
Nodding his head he walked around her. He was use to this by now. Carl was no better than him or Judith right now. Sure the others were all messed up and handled things their own way but it was different. It would always be different for them. Carl lost his father and mother. He only spoke to Daryl or Judith, if Michonne was lucky he'd speak to her at times. The boy was stuck and if Daryl knew how to fix himself- he'd try to help Carl. That being said he never was good with people so he's not sure what the boy needs but to be able to breathe without a hundred questions on how he is.
Judith was distraught. There were no other words for it. She was raised with the group knitted tightly together with Carol, Daryl, and Rick always dead center leading. She always clung to them and it got even more so as she got older. With the deaths both on her she was a mess. Daryl could sympathize because goddamn if he wasn't. It was hard to plaster on a clam face when your world shattered. It washed through his hands like her blood had and he'd never felt such hurt in his life.
Not bothering to knock, he steps in and already the cloak of grief thickens. The sun is hidden behind thick curtains that Judith refuses to part. It's strange because he's always associated the sun with her. To see her cast in such deep shadows is like a new wound to him. He'd promised Rick that he'd take care of her like she was his own. Hell he'd made that promise when him and Maggie went for formula that first time. It wasn't vocal but he'd vowed then to keep that girl safe, that she wouldn't suffer in this world.
Her back is to him and her shoulders are stiffen. He can hear the slight hitches in her breath. It's been the same for three weeks. Pushing himself up on the bed and leaning his back against the headboard he waits. Surprisingly Judith took more like him than her own mother or father. The thought always made him laugh when he'd see Rick's easy smile and think of Lori's loud personality. Because here is this little girl who shines brighter than them all who stands off and doesn't chatter and go on. It's partially why he could handle still being around her when she started getting some age on her.
Hell he always avoided kids. He couldn't handle their constant questions. He couldn't handle the constant in your space. He couldn't handle it because it was a fucking reminder of failing Carol and not finding Sophia. He couldn't until Judith.
"S'not fair." Her voice is brittle.
She turns then her hair spilling over her shoulder. Her eyes are big and round, eyelashes thick with tears.
"I want them back."
Daryl nods, "I do too."
She crawls up the bed and her little head pillows on his chest. She's clutching his shirt tightly like she thinks he's going to disappear. Maybe she thinks he is. Hell in this world anything could happen. It reminds him of the injustice of losing his own brother, of Andrea, Hershel, of Ty and Bob. It reminds him that no one is safe. They thought this place was safe but it only took a second for Rick and Carol to be stolen from them.
The thought of her name is searing and violent to his heart. His chest heaves and he feels Judith shake against him.
"My dad lost his wife and Carl lost his mom before I ever met her." Judith whispered. She moves to settle in his lap her head tucked under his chin. "I lost my dad now and my mom." The way her small voice catches on the word mom has his own breathing breaking. "You lost her too."
Nodding his head, "Carol loved you."
"I love her."
The slight knock at the door has Judith hiding her face in his chest. Daryl's hand is on her back, fingers drumming restlessly. He's been restless all his life and only known calm when he'd had Carol. Without her though he found old habits cropping back up.
Carl's head pokes in and his eyes linger on Judith before Daryl jerks his head. He slips in shutting the door. He isn't a boy anymore and sometimes it's hard to remember that and see Carl as the man he's turned into. Rick was always proud of him and he can see so much of the man in his son.
Carl settles on the bed next to him and grab's Judith's legs lifting them onto his lap. She moves her face slightly and Carl smiles at her.
"Hey Jude." She hiccups and her fingers dig into his side. "Did Daryl ever tell you about the time that he got shot?"
Daryl scowling shoots Carl a look. The boy just gives him an impish grin.
"No." Judith sounds indignant on his behalf. "Who hurt you?"
"Andrea tried to shoot him in the face. Though I think Dale said it the best...ain't many people met Daryl and not wanted to shoot him." Carl laughs.
Daryl chuckles because fuck if that isn't the truth. Judith is losing some of the tension in her shoulders as Carl recounts early days to her. It's painful to hear because it reminds him of Sophia. It reminds him of how they almost lost Carl there, it reminds him of how he first noticed Carl as more than some battered wife.
He spends the rest of the day with Judith clinging to him. It's an anchor as much for her as it is for him. Her voice when she does decide to talk is hushed and whispered. So much like he was when he was little and he had Merle sheltering him from the world. It's a flash, a realization, but there is is. He's not lost Merle completely if he can be this for her like Merle was for him. He hasn't lost Carol and she hasn't lost them either. It's the time though and she's never been patient, neither has he.
Carl tells her more stories. Stuff she couldn't remember, things before her, and small moments that he figured the boy missed. He talks about Carol and how she was always the heart of the group. How the loss of her girl didn't break her but made her stronger. How she became so much more than that. He tells her about how Hershel would have liked to been here to see her grow up. He tells her everything that matters and some things the little shit probably shouldn't ever mention again. He talks about what a bastard Merle was and how Rick first met him. Judith laughs at that and he can't help but smile at the sound. It's rare now days and he thinks for a second he can see the sun again. Carl smiles as well and meets his eyes, in their own grief they still worry about her and put her first.
"Merle was something else." Judith snarked, "Carol always said he was a good man."
His chest tightens and like she knows it, her little arms are tighter around him for it. Carol never did hate Merle. Sure she threatened to cut his throat but Carol could get a bit defensive if the people she loved were threatened. She got Merle's respect that day. Maybe wherever they are now, she's making more threats for his no doubt nasty commentary.
It'll take time but he knows that he'll be able to breathe around her name in his heart. Until then he's just killing time. Until then he's made a promise to a dying man and the woman he loved more than life itself. He made a promise to Judith that he wouldn't give up. And he won't so long as his heart still beat in his chest and hers does too.