Hellu :)

Accidently found this little thing when I went through my school stuff.

Don't be mean. I was a lot younger when I wrote it

I don't own Durarara or the song (which is 'Time to say goodbye' from simple plan)

as always; Have Fun :)

Somewhere in the distance there's a place for me to go.
I don't want you to hate me, but I think you need to know.
You're weighin on my shoulders
And I'm sick of feeling down
So I guess it's time for me to say
Goodbye..

So often i have thought about it now. It had given a time when all my thoughts were about running away.
There was so much hatred, so much pain. It made me sick.
And it still dies, don't get me wrong.
I just feel so false. So out of place. Had been this way since I was a little child.
I don't know what I wanna do in life. I don't know what I wanna get in life. I've never had a destiny.
I feel so alone. Everyone thinks something about me. Everyone has their meanings about me. Everyone tells me something about me.
And what do I? I just go on and on and on.. And I'm losing myself all over the way. With every feet I place in front of the other, with every step I take, I leave a piece of me laying on the street.
Why? Don't know.
Maybe I want people to remember me? Maybe I don't want to be forgotten?
I was alone so long- why should I be in the after-life too?
I haven't realised that it was slowly killing me until too late.
I'm losing myself with every friend who walks away, with every argument..
With every cut I dug deep in my skin..
Oh yeah.. My switchblade was laying losely in my hand, the blade shining and reflecting the light. It allowed me to see myself with other eyes. With objective eyes.
I wanna feel again!, my insides are screaming then. Loud and clear I hear my insides burn.
Desire. Pure lust.
Feeling..
I feel alive again. Everytime I dug the blade in my skin.
Even when it just lays in my hand, feeling the cold Metal heatiny up from bodywarmth. Then I feel something. Even if in the end it's just pain.
Pain is still better than nothing..
So, you know, before I let myself be completely cold and valid of emotions I'll take the pain.
It lets me know I'm human. It tells me its oukay to run. To flee as far as possible.
Or at least that's what I told myself.
I know I'm weak.
But maybe this makes me strong? I wish it would. But this only made sense that twisted mind of mine.
Coward, hypocrite.
A whimper escapes my throat. Maybe it'd be better to shut down all emotions, to become more of a robot than a human.
It'd hurt less, of course. But I like the 'hurt-part'. I like being human, even after all this pain.
But if I'd get the chance? Well, guess. Build your own meaning about myself. I don't care anymore.
I'm afraid, you know? Of the one day I'll break completely.
This one day when everything will be once too often just too bad.
The day when my insides finally snap.
When I'll take my blade and let it feel for me completely. When I want to see my blood again. This time running not just over my hand but my hip, my stomach, my everywhere. Let it shine and consume everything. When I can't even feel the pain anymore.
The day will come. And nobody will help me.
Not family, not friends and certainly not you.
Not even my lovely blade.
I'll be fully alone with myself. The one human I truly hate..
For destroying everything. For taking any chance to make people feel miserable. Just so no one would see how broken I truly am.
What did you thought?
Just because I act all happy-go-lucky, doesn't mean I really am. I don't have a single false look of my psyche.
It's broken. I am broken.
And nobody can help me. I'm alone. And with my last power I cut one single question into my flesh.
"Why don't you hate me as much as I hate myself, Shizu-chan?"