Republic 467 - May 18 2002, 2:15AM
I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over
When those vivid, bright eyes closed on me, I could feel my heart crushing. He seems so far away from me, eventhough he is only on the other side of the bed. Only a touch away, my fingertips resting on the pillow merely inches away from his pert nose. But he is miles away, sleeping quietly, and there was no way the I can reach him.
It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over
I care for Duo. There were few things that mattered to me, and Duo was high on the meager list. I
didn't want to see my fellow pilot hurt, and despite his impulsive nature, that wouldn't be a
problem if Duo weren't so blatantly in love with Heero. Heero Yuy, who never cares for anyone,
about anything but the mission. Heartless, cold Yuy. How could he possibly see Duo's love for
him, nevermind return that love? Heero has no concept of emotions. He can't feel for Duo if he
can't even feel anything. I wish that weren't so. I want to see Duo happy, and I know he would
happy with Heero. He is... calm, here with me, but he is not happy. I give him comfort, and he
sees how much I love him. But he cannot return that love, and I understand.
But I do not stop loving him.
I'm not like all the other girls
I can't take it like the other girls
I won't share it like the other girls
That you used to know
You look so fine
The world is so unfair. Full of injustice, as Wufei might say. Here is Duo Maxwell, the most
beautiful, most precious person I know. Here he is laying beside someone who loves him more
than his own life, sleeping and dreaming lightly after a gently passionate night. And he is
dreaming of someone else. He knows that it was my skin he felt under his fingertips, he knows
that I was the one inside of him. And he loves me for that, but he dreams of someone he loves
more. Someone who would sooner kill him than kiss him, and has already caused him great pain
a thousand times. This is the situation, and I curse the god that would force such an amazing,
wonderful person through such pain. Duo doesn't deserve this. Heero doesn't even deserve this.
It is not long before my eyelids close, and I, too, am sleeping. Only I don't need to dream, I have
everything I want right beside me.
Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you
I wake to the shift of the bed, and Duo's pale back is facing me. He stands to pull his black jeans over slim, feminine hips, absently buttoning and zipping them up. His hair is loose, a writhing mass of sunset, red, orange, yellow, brown and gold. Fingers rake through the tangled mass as he tries to pullit back, and he frowns adorably. I know he's thinking about how he's going to have to wash it later on.
I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We'll waste some time
You're the only one for me
Duo's hair... it's so important to him. He takes such good care of that long rope of his, and it
suits him so well. I can see the hurt in his eyes when Heero yanks it, or says it's a liability.
Threatens to cut it off himself. Duo has never told me, but I know that his hair is more than just
pretty. It means something to him, a part of his past. It's an extension of his soul. He's be dead
without it. I don't know how Heero doesn't see that.
You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me
I'm not like all the other girls
I won't take it like the other girls
I won't fake it like the other girls
That you used to know
Duo is so important to me. He's showed me things, taught me things I never thought I'd know of.
Never thought I'd experience. I wasn't a virgin when Duo first allowed me to bed him, but it felt
like I was. Laying there with him, his skin like polished marble slick with sweat, lips soft and
tender. He opened his heart to me, but not the whole of it. He gave me a piece of what I wished
to have, and I showed him love.
I wish I could just... hold him forever and keep him safe. Drown him with my love and devotion.
But it isn't my arms he wants around him, it isn't my breath he wants whispering strong words of
emotion into his ear. My lips aren't the ones he want to kiss, and my bed is not the one he wants
to wake up in.
But I wish it was. Damn it, how I wish it was.
You're taking me over
Over and over
I'm falling over
Over and over
Duo bends over to pick up his shirt from the floor. He slips his lithe, muscular arms into the
sleeves and pulls it over his head, then yanks it down and smooths it out. His fingers run over the
white, cracked Nine Inch Nails logo on the front of the shirt, and his eyes are dark and sad. The
slender digits creep up his chest, hovering briefly over his battered and chipped golden cross. I
know much that means to him as well.
After a moment of standing there, silent and shaking a bit, Duo pulls his hair out of his shirt, and
smooths it down against his scalp. The world slows to this very moment as the violet-eyed angel
walks to the door of my bedroom, his hand on the doorknob. I sit up awkwardly, uncomfortably,
half propped up by the hard heardboard and half supporting myself on my hands. And the
words... I know where they've come from, but I don't remember allowing them to pass through
my lips.
"I love you, Duo."
You're taking me over
Drowin in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know, let it show
And he freezes, like the sands of time have suddenly stopped flowing. Like there is nothing left
to do, and things will be forever frozen in eternity like this. But then he turns towards me, and
something in those amethystine eyes flicker and there is a sad, tired smile on his face. Nothing
like that trademark, grinning mask he's always wearing. He lets me see what's beneath these faux
expressions because he knows I know how it is. How things are.
"I love you too, Trowa."
But he doesn't. He's just saying that because he knows what it would mean to me, if it were true.
But it doesn't elate me; it only hurts.
And then the door is shut, and I am alone.
I lay back against the pillows, and the bed still feels warm. I roll over to where Duo had been, I
can smell him there. The fruity scent of his shampoo, his sweat, this indescribable mixture of
perfection. And if I try hard enough, I can still feel him.
His fingers are on my chest, and I am inside of him. But there isn't much left inside of Duo
anymore. I don't know if I'm going to see him again.
And for the first time in my life, I cry.
Ending with letting go
Ending with letting go
Ending with letting go