We're Gonna Make It

Holden and Sean, Valentine's Day

The words kept ringing in Holden Wilson's head – I'm gay – as he approached the familiar palatial Malibu beach home of his lover, Sean Jackson, who until this afternoon, had been in the closet. He would be lying if he said he didn't know what he had gotten himself into when the professional football player had asked him for his number, but at the same time, he wanted what he saw plenty of his friends – straight or gay – having.

They got to walk along the sandy beaches, ride the Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier, kiss in public, but he didn't get to do any of that.

It frustrated him and eventually the secrecy all became too much, and so like he told Kate, the army captain he had shared a seat with on the plane, he was single. Even though, he knew deep down there was only one man for him.

And after he gave her his car to take to her home (she deserved the free ride and then some), he was walking through the airport and he could hear all the loud conversations around him; they all centered on one thing: Sean Jackson – The Sean Jackson – announcing not that he was going to retire from pro football, but that he was gay.

His heart pounded restlessly inside his chest all the way from LAX to the Malibu beach house, he was walking through right now, and it only stopped when he could see the other man slumped over in one of the beach chairs that lined his outdoor deck just outside his master bedroom.

On light feet, he approached him and with the silk calla lily he had stolen from a vase in the hallway, he ran the artificial petals along the rough skin of his cheek after crouching down. A faint smile came to his lips as he watched one of his large hands paw at the flower like a kitten who was rudely awoken from a nap, and he had to hold back laughter as his handsome face scrunched in annoyance before his cool grey eyes blinked themselves open.

(Look outside

It's already light and the stars ran away with the night

Things were said, words that we'll try to forget,

It's so hard to admit I know we've made mistakes

I see through all the tears but that's what got us here) ("Ocean Wide" by The Afters)

Gently, Holden stroked the perfectly shaded salt and pepper of Sean's hair while the other man slowly regained his bearings after being a sleep. The cool grey of his eyes searched the warm hazel of his and it was easy to see the wheels in his head turning as realization took over his ruggedly handsome features.

"You saw." The two words fell from his lips gruffly as more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah." Holden whispered tenderly, still continuing to stroke his hair as his fingers delved in deeper to almost massage his scalp.

"So that's all you have to say?" Sean sat up straight in the lounge chair, causing Holden's fingers to drift from his hair to the nape of his neck. "Yeah?"

Holden wasn't surprised that his lover was affronted by what he seemed to interpret as a lack of reaction on his part. Giving him a charming grin, he moved from his crouching position and sat in the lounge chair next to his. Reaching for his hand, he smoothed his fingertips over the rough and calloused skin of his knuckles.

"I'm proud of you." He murmured, leaning over so his lips brushed against the scruffiness of the football player's perfectly trimmed beard. "You were really brave."

"You're proud of me?" Sean's cool grey eyes gleamed in the faint flickering light of the candles that surrounded the deck.

He looked like a little boy with his eyes bright and his sculpted chest (that was easy to see underneath the grey Henley he wore) puffed out, and Holden couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I'm proud of you..." His voice trailed off momentarily and softly he finished his thought, "Baby."

For a brief moment, his heart was back to pounding restlessly inside his chest, but the restless pounding slowed to a steady hum, when Sean linked their fingers together and returned his term of endearment. "Thanks for being proud of me, Babe."

(If love is an ocean wide

We'll swim in the tears we cry

They'll see us through to the other side

We're gonna make it

When love is a raging sea

You can hold onto me

We'll find a way tonight

Love is an ocean wide)

Song used "Ocean Wide" by The Afters