Ah, good to be back in the Zelda section. And it looks like I have the honors of doing the first Zelda western! Though, the last time I claimed to be the pioneere of something (pairing Dark Link and Midna) someone went on and on about a story that I've never even heard of. But hopefully, that doesn't happen again. This is also my first oneshot, so be sure to tell me what you think. Now, despite what the title says, this isn't based on the movie "Fist Full of Dollars". It was just the most clever title I could come up with. The Legend of Zelda is the property of Nintendo. On to the fic!
It was a quite day in the small Badlands village of Kakarilda. Link, the sheriff, was sitting back in his office enjoying the day.
That is, until Talon came in with his shoulder bleeding from his left shoulder. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" Link asked him.
"What's the problem!? I was (BLEEP)ing shot!" Talon yelled. "By who sir?" Link asked, taking out a pad and a pencil.
"I'ma loosin blood." Talon said. "Ah yes, the dreaded Loosin Blood Bandit." Link said. "An what's yer name sir?" Link asked.
Talon fell to the ground while making some strange gurgling noises. "And how do ya spell that Mr. Rawgrlrlrlrrlglrl?" Link asked.
Vaati, a mercenary that lived in town, came in and said "Sheriff, we got ourselves a problem. Ganondorf Dragdesert is here." Vaati said.
Then Zelda, the beuty of the town, came in and said "Yeah, he's the one that shot Talon. An he says that he's gonna kill a civilian every ten minutes until you show up at the Town Square."
"But Talon was shot by the Loosin Blood Bandit." Link said. "Ya'll caught him last week, remember? He's in the cell right thar." Vaati said, pointing to the cell with a bleeding man in it.
"All right, looks like I got no choice." Link said, pulling his hat over his head. "Vaati, keep Zelda safe." Link said. "I'll guard her with my life, sheriff." Vaati said.
Link was barely out the door when he felt Zelda's hand on his shoulder, "Link, wait." she said. Link turned around to face her, and immediately she wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed her lips against his.
They stayed like that for some time before Vaati tapped Zelda on her shoulder and said "Pardon me ma' am, but the town is going to be needin it's hero."
Zelda broke the kiss and said "Be careful sheiff.". Link didn't say anything due to the fact that he was still a little dazed.
"Come on Casanova, yer town needs ya." Vaati said, draging Link to the Town Square. Once they got there, there was nothing or no one there.
"Ya think he peed his pants and ran away like last time?" Link asked. "I had a bladder infection!" a voice came from out of nowhere.
"And now ya made me give up my big enterance." Ganondrf said, stepping out from behind Town Hall. "Glad y'all decided to show up." Ganondorf said.
"Vaati, take Zelda somewhere safe." Link said. Vaati nodded and led Zelda inside Town Hall.
Link and Ganon were about to start their duel when Link's brother Dark yelled "Step right up people! Who will wi!? Link!? Ganondor Dragdesert!? Or will they both miss!? Taking all bets, I also offer slots and roulette!". People gathered around him and dropped rupees into his basket while placing their bets.
"Put twenty rupees on me in the first round." Ganondorf said while handing Dark a red rupee. Dark walked up to Link and said "Listen bro, I'ma gonna need ya to throw the match.".
"It's a fight to the death!" Link yelled at him. "Oh, so now it's all about what you want. Think about other people fer a change!" Dark said and stormed off in a huff.
"Dragdesert, before we start, what do y'all want with this town?" Link asked. "Well sheriff, I need to clear this town out so I can start excavatin. You see, I have reason to believe that underneath this here town there be an ancient storage of... CHOCOLATE UNICORNS!!!" Ganondorf proclaimed.
The town stared at him dmbfoundedly. "And this proves it!" he yelled, taking out a crudely drawn sketch that was done in crayon. "Hey, I forgot where I had left that." Saria, one of the children of Kakarilda, said. The school girl went to Ganondorf to retrieve her drawing. "AHA, the all knowing one... AND IT'S A LEPRICHAUN!!!" Ganondorf yelled.
With that, Ganondorf picked Saria up by her collar and started shaking her while yelling random questions. As he did this, the towns folk changed their bets from Ganondorf to Link. "All right brother, change o' plans. I need y'all to win." Dark said. "Can do." Link said. Ganondorf let go of Saria and she ran back to the school.
"Let's start this, sheriff." Ganondorf said. Link and Ganon stood back-to-back. "All right men, y'all know the rules. Ten paces, turn and fire." Dark said to both of them.
Both of them started walking. However, Ganondorf took two steps and counted the rest really fast in his head. He turned and fired and hit... nothing. Link had anticipated this, and had taken steps sideways instead of foreward. After Ganondorf fired, Link turned and fired and hit Ganondorf's skull. Ganondorf fell to the ground, dead.
The town burst into cheers and mobed around Link. Zelda, Vaati and Dark managed to break through to Link. Zelda immediately smothered Link's face with kisses. "That was some mighty fine shootin there, sheriff." Vaati said, congradulating Link. "Ya did it brother, yer a hero! And I'm the rich brother of a hero!" Dark said, slapping Link's back. And so, the town of Kakarilda was safe for another day.
There it is, the first Zelda western is in the books. I had some fun writing this, I might do another Zelda western story. Anyway, tell me what you think.