Summary: The Akatsuki managed to de-age the Konoha 12, including the Sand Siblings and a couple jonin that weren't part of the plan, and separate them into teams. Now they are being trained by the members of the evil organization itself. Hidan hates his kids as much as he hated Kakuzu. Itachi is... Well... Itachi about the whole situation. Sasori has no problem with his own. Kakuzu has to actively remind himself to not strangle them. Kisame finds himself with frequent headaches. And Deidara tries to show them the beauty of explosions and ends up creating little pyromaniacs.
"Drag Queen! Give me back my prayer beads!"
"Fuck no, you stupid son of a bitch! Tell me where the fuck we are and maybe I'll allow you to continue your fucking retarded cries to a non-existent god!"
Hidan could feel his eyebrow twitch as he glared at the twelve year old Inuzuka that snarled back at him, all the while one of the other two brats he had been saddled with passively stared on at the sight and the other ran circles around the room, screaming about youth power or some shit like that.
"I swear to Jashin, you fucking excuse of a human being, if you don't give it back, I will shove your head so far up your ass-"
"Hidan. Control yourself."
The silver haired immortal turned with a snarl to the condescending tone used by Sasori, the smug motherfucker that had been given some of the least annoying pre-teens to be handed out. The purple haired girl was much too quiet to speak out against anything, the pink haired one had seemed too awestruck to do anything, and the heavy set boy didn't care as long as they kept him fed. The unfeeling bastard had gotten the best draw!
But Hidan? Oh, Hidan had been unlucky enough to not only land the youngest Uchiha brat, but also the makeup wearing, drag queen looking, puppeteer that had a mouth as foul as his own, and a kid wearing a green clad monstrosity that had yet to stop ranting to himself about the power of youth.
"Shut up, you wooden-" And his insult would have been long and great if not for one of Itachi's little mongrels bounding up to Sasori and taking his attention away.
"You smell like sand paper, wood, and shavings. That's an odd smell." The kid with the retarded looking upside down triangles on his head told the puppet master, only to have the girl with the pale eyes look at him intently.
Her pale eyes looked the boy over for a few seconds as Sasori merely ignored the boy, then she mustered up enough courage to ask, "E-excuse m-me... B-but... D-do I-I kn-know you?"
Hidan was pleased to find Sasori's face drawn in with annoyance, but that small victory was short lived with the kid with ugly-as-all-hell green jumpsuit poked at his arm.
"Excuse me, Hidan Sensei. But why are we here? Why are we not enjoying this time to train and strengthen our bodies?" His (also) ugly-as-all-hell bowl shaped hair bounced from one direction to another as he animatedly spoke, which made Hidan growl viciously and turn to him with all intentions of sacrificing his very virgin ass to his Lord Jashin.
He raised one hand to go ahead and get started on the ritual, but it was intercepted by a pale appendage smacking it away. And Hidan turned to who had smacked him with a heavy scowl, prepared to start yelling up and down that their leader must have been the most retarded piece of shit on the planet (because there was really no way any human being could be this fucking stupid), only to face the steely faced kunoichi of the Akatsuki, Konan.
"You know you cannot kill the genin, Hidan." She spoke calmly, face as inexpressive as ever.
"There is no fucking way you expect me to not murder one of these sons of bitches before your stupid as all hell plan finishes." Hidan growled at the woman, who didn't react at his growled words.
She merely stared at him for a few seconds before nodding, "We took your anger into consideration. Which is why I shall be accompanying you while with your charges. The last thing we need is for you to mess everything up because you weren't able to control your anger."
At hearing these words, Hidan's already foul mood worsened and he was just about ready to beg his lord to strike him down and allow him to go up to his arms instead of having to remain alive and having to deal with this stupidity.
~xXx~
"Inuzuka. Come back here."
At having heard his name, the young boy looked away from the pale girl that had asked if he knew her and at the black haired man he had been told was his jonin instructor.
The man had long black haired tied back in a ponytail, pale skin, and blood red eyes. He wore the same black and red cloak the other jonins around here did and his forehead protector had a gash that ran across his village's symbol.
Kiba wondered just what that could mean, but had not been able to ask anything yet. They had been assigned their jonin instructors depending on their villages- at least that's what he and Akamaru had been able to deduce after seeing which kids went with which jonins- and then made to stand around, waiting for something. They weren't supposed to interact with each other, but he had been real curious about that one man's scent. He didn't smell human.
"Sorry..." Kiba mumbled softly as he returned to where the man stood stoically with an unreadable look on his face, the other two people that were supposed to be his teammates behind him.
The first kid was no taller than Kiba, and didn't seem much older either. He had bright red hair, emerald green eyes with no pupils, what seemed like dark eyeliner surrounding each eye, a large gourd on his back, and an odd tattoo on his forehead. His arms were crossed over his chest and his legs planted firm, giving him an air of confidence. But he wasn't glaring at anyone, like that one kid Kiba had seen with black hair that looked like a duck's but, so he didn't think there was anything too wrong with him.
Then the other boy was big. Tall for his age, he had already formed a rather interesting mass of muscle, even though he was no more than fourteen. He didn't have a mean face, per say, but he was frowning and didn't seem to be the kind to enjoy a good prank like Kiba. He also had a blue bandanna covering his head, although no village plate could be seen.
From their ability to look at everyone around them with nothing but disinterest, Kiba knew he would be in for a team full of boredom.
Why couldn't he have gotten stuck with the silver haired weirdo that seemed to enjoy to curse? At least his students seemed to be enjoying themselves!
~xXx~
When he had first been told that he would have to take in a group of genin, Sasori had been more inconvenienced than angered. He would not be able to keep his armor of Hiruko around him because their leader insisted he would have to form an actual bond with the children entrusted to him. But at least he would not have to spend any more time with the idiot named Deidara.
And when he had first met his charges and compared them to the rest, he had been smugly delighted to find that these kids weren't the worst around. Especially if put beside the loud mouthed jinchuriki given to Kisame, the clearly too curious dog boy paired with Itachi, or the make-up wearing puppeteer that Hidan had been forced to take.
"You shall not leave my sight." He commanded of the three standing around him after Itachi had reigned back his charge, which made them all nod with wide eyes. "When given the order, we shall move. And you shall not argue with my command."
Once more, all three nodded without any complaint.
Internally, Sasori was proud to know that he wouldn't have to use any excess energy to try and get them to follow him.
... Now... If he could only get the fat kid to stop eating so loudly.
~xXx~
Kakuzu decided that his team didn't seem to be wholly annoying early on.
He had a kid with hair pulled up into a pineapple shape, another one with long black hair and pale, pupil-less eyes that frowned at everything, and a boy with medium length brown hair with an oral fixation on senbons.
At first glance they seemed like a calm and composed group that would give no trouble. And that was a godsend when he compared it to the other kids he could see the other members of his association dealing with.
He took a sick type of pleasure in seeing Hidan flounder around with the kid with the make up. Now he would get a taste of having to deal with someone like him on a daily basis.
Yet there were other teams that didn't seem all that bad. Sasori's was quiet and huddled around the pink haired man with nothing but respect. And Itachi's seemed to be similar, if not for the one stray that was reared back quickly.
Deidara, though, seemed to be eager to leave the meeting. Why he wanted that, Kakuzu wasn't sure. But he knew that it would undoubtedly involve many 'works of art' before the night was done.
All in all, he could have been stuck with someone worse.
At least he didn't have the Jinchuriki to worry about.
~xXx~
He had never been good with kids. Heck, he was sure none of them had ever been good with kids. So, really, Kisame couldn't truly understand just why their leaders had decided on such a complicated and almost convoluted plan.
And to make matters worse, he had two blonde spitfires and one rather annoyed kunoichi on his little genin squad.
The one called Tenten proved to be the least annoying of the three for she kept her quiet as she stood to Kisame's right as they waited for their leader to allow them to leave. But the Temari girl? She seemed to have been a terrible match for Naruto because not even one minute into knowing each other and they were already trying to rip the other's head off.
"Shut up! You're a girl! No girl can defeat me!"
"If you haven't noticed, you're on a squad with two girls!"
"Yeah, but our sensei's a man! And why do you think there aren't any female teachers around? Because they're not as good as the men!"
"Oh yeah? Why don't we fight, pip squeak? You versus me! One on one! Let's see what you'll be saying about girls after I've kicked your ass!"
Forget his past thoughts... He didn't care about being good with kids... Kisame had just figured out he hated them.
~xXx~
"And you see, kids, art is an explosion!" Deidara finished his grandiose speech about art with a large smile, all the while the two kunoichi in his team stared at him with large eyes.
The blonde with blue eyes seemed more shocked than awed, but the purple haired one... Oh, Deidara could see that he and her would create much beauty together!
Unlike his fellow genin, the only boy on the team showed no emotions on his face whatsoever. Mostly because half of his face was covered by an overly large jacket collar, a quarter by glasses, which left only a quarter of his face exposed... And the quarter that was not covered was not really the part of the face that showed emotions.
Deidara would have to work on that later on... He wanted to see the boy's amazement with every work of art they created.
Quite frankly, out of all the members of the Akatsuki, he seemed to be the only one eager to teach this bratty group of genin in the ways of criminals and to raise them so they would no longer be threats to their plans, but instead to their own homes.
... Eh... Maybe it was because he seemed to have good kids on his team.
He was just happy he hadn't been stuck with the Uchiha brat.
And that's the first chapter! Just in case there is any confusion, the teams are as follows:
Hidan and Konan(the only group made up of more than one Akatsuki because Hidan is likely to kill his kids)- Kankuro, Rock Lee, and Sasuke Uchiha
Itachi- Kiba Inuzuka, Ibiki Morino, and Gaara
Sasori- Sakura Haruno, Hinata Hyuga, and Chouji Akimichi
Kakuzu- Shikamaru Nara, Neji Hyuga, and Genma Shiranui
Kisame- Naruto Uzumaki, Temari, and Tenten
Deidara- Ino Yamanaka, Shino Aburame, and Anko Mitarashi
I hope you all enjoyed this! Please follow, favorite, and review! I cannot wait to get to work on the second chapter! You won't believe the craziness these guys will be exposed to!