This is a break away from my usual fare, mostly because I wrote it for fe_fest on LiveJournal. The prompt was: Fire Emblem 9/10, Heron family + their respective lovers (author's choice) - family reunions always are always just one step away from a bloodbath.

The pairings are, for anyone who cares, Naesala/Leanne, Tibarn/Reyson and Nailah/Rafiel. There are other implied relationships, but those are the main ones.

EDIT: Okay, I think I've fixed the tenses problem, but I might have missed something so tell me if you notice anything odd.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem or any characters therein. I make no money from anything.

Warnings: crack

Tibarn doesn't like Naesala. That's common knowledge. Skrimir doesn't like Naesala. That's also fairly common knowledge. Lehran doesn't like Naesala. That's... well, only Lehran and a handful of other people know that. Sanaki does like Naesala, and that's mostly why Lehran doesn't like him. Nailah – well, Nailah doesn't mind Naesala, as long as he keeps his hands to himself. Most people probably know that; it sums up nearly everyone's opinion of him. As for the rest... well, it's safe to say that they don't really like Naesala much either.

It's Naesala that makes family reunions so... dangerous, if by dangerous you mean one step away from a bloodbath. But Leanne loves her family and they love her, so every year there's a family reunion. Leanne hosts it in Serenes, calling Naesala home for longer than he usually is. She's also responsible for planning and seating. It's the seating that really gives Leanne a headache because there are at best two people she can seat next to Naesala. One is herself – she is his wife after all – and the other is Nealuchi. But Naesala would never forgive her if he had to spend hours sat next to his old retainer, so he's out. That leaves... no-one. Which, Leanne has to admit, is quite a feat because all told she ends up inviting practically everyone she knows to these family reunions.

It's all politics really. Leanne has to invite her family; Reyson, Rafiel, their father and Lehran are immediately in. Their spouses have to come too, which means Tibarn and Nailah are there. Leanne is very thankful that Lehran and Lorazieh have never remarried because that would just... be a nightmare. Anyway, because Tibarn's there, Janaff and Ulki come too, which isn't so bad because they're always fun. Ulki usually invites a guest of his own – that sweet red haired healer – which generally gets Janaff in a bad mood because he can never invite someone by himself. And that's because Skrimir seems to think that wherever Nailah goes, he goes too so his retinue always follows him. That means that on top of the already existing guests, there's also Volug, Ranulf (Janaff would have invited him anyway), Lethe, Lyre, Kyza and sometimes Mordecai.

And that's only the beast tribe. Lehran always invites Sanaki – Micaiah occasionally comes too, but she's usually very busy for which Leanne is incredibly thankful – and Sanaki always brings Sigrun and Tanith. Some dragons generally end up coming, which is probably Lehran's doing, and what with the large majority of royalty already going to Leanne's supposed family reunion, Leanne has to, for political reasons, invite Queen Elincia too. So far, Elincia has taken her up on the offer twice, and both times she has left looking rather the worse for wear (both those times, Leanne recalls, Naesala had said something stupid and Tibarn and Skrimir had decided that it was time to play kill the mangy crow while Leanne's not looking). Micaiah always has a standing invitation, but she rarely uses it, thank Ashunera.

The seating plan ends up looking like Leanne has attacked it, just so she could make sure Naesala isn't next to anyone who might want to kill him. Naesala started avoiding her, even when he is in Serenes, simply because she might be the sweetest person on Tellius, but seating plans and overbooked dinners are enough to send anyone crazy.

"Tibarn," she said, sweetly. He's been avoiding her too. Lots of people have, she realised. He tries to escape, but Leanne places one delicate hand on his arm and he stops, defeated.

"Yes, Leanne?" he asked, looking as afraid as he could get. A surprising feat indeed, given that he hadn't even balked at the sight of a fully transformed Deghinsea. But every year when Leanne planned her reunion, Tibarn became afraid enough to sacrifice Reyson to his sister's not actually evil plans (Reyson did not appreciate this and denied Tibarn certain things not suitable for polite conversation after he managed to escape).

"You aren't going to start a fight this year, are you?" Leanne asked. It wasn't a threat in the slightest. Anyone could see that.

"No, Leanne. I won't do anything," the Hawk King replied. Leanne smiled at him happily. His wings drooped slightly and Leanne brushed this off as him missing Reyson. Now that she thought about it, she hasn't seen Reyson or Rafiel for a few days. If they've been avoiding her too, Leanne will have words with them.

"Not even if Naesala tries to kiss Reyson like he did last year?" Tibarn's eyes glazed over slightly then and he seemed to have trouble replying. Eventually, after what must have been an intense battle of wills, he shook his head. "Good," Leanne said before skipping off. Tibarn stood silently in the hall for a few minutes before sighing.

"I wish Leanne was more like Rafiel," he muttered.

Nailah wasn't a problem as far as Naesala was concerned. Well, if he resisted the temptation to touch Rafiel anyway, but Leanne had a solution for that. Simply, she would either remain next to Naesala at all times or make sure he was as far away as possible from Rafiel before leaving him. The same went for Sanaki – and she was doing nothing to help on that front, always flirting with him – and that would keep Lehran placated... until Naesala tried to flirt with him (Leanne didn't blame him for that. If Lehran hadn't been quite so broken inside, she might have had thoughts in that direction herself, but Lehran was broken and tired and didn't need anyone else to love for several hundred years).

Really, the whole thing would be so much simpler if Leanne just... tied Naesala up and left him there.

Leanne suddenly stopped, a beatific expression on her face. Deep in the forest, Naesala, having decided to escape both his wife and his duties for the moment, shuddered in sudden, terrible fear.

It was the most peaceful family reunion the Herons had ever had. No-one fought over silly things, everyone was perfectly polite and Leanne even saw Volug opening up to one of the dragons (Nasir, she remembered later). Lehran had been less depressing than he usually was which was good for all involved. He was a silly man, Leanne thought, and if she could make him just a bit happier then that was the most anyone could ask for. Janaff had recovered from his funk at not being able to invite anyone and was happily talking to Ranulf, who had one ear on the conversation and one ear on Skrimir. Skrimir hadn't caused any diplomatic incidents (they happened remarkably often at family reunions and most weren't actually Skrimir's fault, but he was usually involved) and Lucia had said that she was sorry Elincia had decided not to come because this had been, without a doubt, the best family reunion Leanne had ever had.

There was of course the minor issue of the absence of Naesala. Nealuchi had been almost frantic with worry, but Leanne had calmly told everyone she knew where Naesala was and he was sorry he couldn't come but he had something very important to do. Questions had been asked and Leanne had evaded all of them in a fashion much like her husband.

Said husband was currently locked in the bedroom, tied to a bed like Reyson once was, and wondering how much longer it would be before Leanne came back and untied him. He also wondered when she'd learnt to tie such strong knots; Leanne would never actually tell Naesala, but she had engaged in a few illicit lessons with Tibarn on the subject of knot tying, all of which he was hastily repressing. Not with very much luck, but repressing nonetheless. He was hoping that Reyson wouldn't wonder why he'd thrown all the silk ribbons away because explaining would have scarred both of them in more ways than they could have imagined (in Reyson's case, this would have involved several rather too explicit images of Naesala tied to a bed with at least one very male heron in the room with him).

Leanne smiled as her guests left. Next year, Naesala would be rather more wary of any suggestions regarding ropes, but Leanne had a good few tricks up her sleeve yet and if Naesala's absence was all it took to get a family reunion with no blood anywhere, then she was going to keep on finding ways to make sure Naesala did not attend one ever again.

"Naesala, is that rope burn on your wrists?"

Well, I hope you enjoyed it.

Rethira