MY SALVATION

Disclamer: I don't own Naruto nor the associated characters. And Kakashi is unownable, is just too damn perfect.

Warnings : This story is a romance story between Kakashi and Naruto, but with an adult and consentant Naruto. If you don't like this pairing or yaoi, please don't read :)

Sum-up: After falling into an ambush, Naruto is badly wounded trying to save Kakashi. This makes the silver head jounin realize how much he loves Naruto, and how much he regrets not confessing his feelings before that moment.

Chapter First: The Vow

This story is dedicated again to Amelia the Fujoshi, who inspired me about Kakashi and Naruto, and without whom I might never have found again the pleasure to write.

It was Hell. The beautiful, green meadow in which the Konoha shinobi met the mercenaries was now nothing more than a battered, bloody ocean. Screams were reverberating through the air, as well as the shock of weapons tearing at each other. The fog was so deep it overwhelmed not only senses, it was also crawling like a white, insidious spider within the heart of the warriors. Kakashi was doing his best to fight back the enemy while watching over the shinobi he had under his command.

Among them was Sakura, Sai and Naruto, the three most important people of his life.

Kuso... I have led them right into a trap, Kakashi thought to himself while focusing on his surroundings, his Sharingan wide open, his bloody hands clenching his kunai until his knuckles were white.

He turned around, just in time to block a heavy sword coming right at his skull. With a swift turn of his wrist, he secured the sword in one arm and aimed a violent kick in his opponent's head with his right foot. The man fell back with a growl, just to be replaced by another who screamed :

" Katon ! Goukakyuu no jutsu ! "

Kakashi jumped out of the way, yelling « WATCH OUT ! » as a huge fire ball erupted from the man's mouth.

" Suiton : Naminorigeki ! " Kakashi growled.

A powerful wave of water formed itself between his feet, and he launched himself at his opponent, engulfing him into the water.

" Raikiri ! " he screamed, diving his shining hand into the water, electrocuting his opponent who let out a howl of pain, before he stopped moving.

Kakashi panted and pulled away from the corpse.

He didn't have enough time to think.

The enemy was everywhere and they were bloody well prepared. Occasionally, Kakashi would hear a thunderous "Kage bunshin no jutsu!", a blood curling "Shannnaaaroooo!" or a tensed "Ninpo, Chouju Giga!" the only clues which indicated him that Naruto, Sakura and Sai were still alive and fighting like lions.

Of course, the enemy wouldn't let him think properly, and his heart was frozen at the prospect of losing one of his precious, so precious former students.

Especially Naruto.

" Minna ! Don't let the fog scare you ! Close your eyes and use your ears and nose, it's the only way to detect them! Naruto, Sai, Sakura, stay together !", he yelled.

" Come on, Akamaru, let's smell these bastards out of their hideout ! ", he heard Kiba yell.

However Naruto, Sai and Sakura didn't answer.

Kakashi kept swirling on his feet, his sharingan uncovered, scrutinizing the land to detect his opponents' chakra. It was particularly troubled, he noticed, as if someone had been tampering with it, which would explain their frightening, misshapen appearance.

" Damn, these men are barely human... " he mumbled while diving his lightning-coated kunai right through one of them's throat.

Tsunade had warned him, back in her office, sipping her sake while Kakashi was reading the mission order.

" Kakashi, don't underestimate this gang. We don't know how many they are, but it seems that they have been...hem...experimented upon."

"Kabuto ?" Kakashi had asked.

"It's possible. That's why I want you, Hatake Kakashi, to stop them and bring me one of them dead or alive. I might find something to figure this out. "

It had taken almost two weeks to track them down. These guys had been very difficult to find, because their chakra pattern was totally abnormal, and they had no smell. Yet in the end, they were the first ones to find them.

They had set up an ambush, and Kakashi and his team had fell right into it. The silver-haired jounin fought like a demon, kicking, slicing, gutting, snarling and roaring.

Then the world came to a halt, and he suddenly noticed that everything had fallen silent around him. The fog seemed thicker, but Kakashi didn't understand why all the sounds of battle had abruptly died as if he was alone in the world.

As his sharingan spinned through the fog, he slowly became aware of the presence of a malevolent, dangerous chakra roaming around him, but in spite of all his efforts, he couldn't see its source. Consequently, Kakashi decided to follow his own advice.

He closed his eyes and focused...

He thought he could hear an eerie humming in the air, like an other-worldy melody that chilled his bones and made the hair on his arms reach out to the sky. It seemed to be coming from every direction...and he could feel his brain become slightly slower, as if he was slightly drunk.

" Genjutsu ? " Kakashi whispered to himself, "Kai ! " he said.

He opened his sharingan only, and looked around.

All around him, everything was still envelopped in a white, thick fog. The humming was still dancing in the air like an invisible snake, playing with Kakashi's senses.

"Damn it, why doesn't my Sharingan dissipate the illusion ?"

The dark chakra kept surrounding him, and he could feel it becoming more and more threatening.

"Come on. Get the hell out. Show yourself. ", Kakashi said through gritted teeth, his hands clutching his kunais.

The humming kept resounding through the fog...

Kakashi felt his members become even duller and heavier.

"Kuso... Sound hypnose... "

He took one of his kunais and dived it deep into his hand, wincing in pain...

The fog was still there, and the humming still resounding in the deathly silence.

"Masaka !"

It was the first time ever he could not break a genjutsu with his Sharingan nor with physical pain.

A shadow crept over him, and he heard the sound of a huge sword cutting through air at terrible speed. He ducked and rolled back to avoid the several blows that were aimed at him, but suddenly a steel hand gripped his throat, lifting him in the air. Kakashi struggled but his members were as heavy as a thousand of freaking bricks. It was just as if he had been drugged. Damn, that bastard was stronger than Sakura, and Kakashi could feel his windpipe being crushed to pieces.

"Oh no you don't... " He thought to himself, fighting to get air into his lungs before he was suddenly thrown away into the fog. He crashed on the damp ground, choking and coughing. He heard a sinister laugh coming his way. He knew he was trapped. The genjutsu was particularly strong and even though he was Hatake Kakashi, he was exhausted from having already fought for several hours.

He had only one way to break the genjutsu left...It was to create another one. However, he knew that if he used it, he might not be able to fight again after. He had been using his sharingan a lot, and he could feel all his body coming dangerously close to chakra depletion.

He could die right away.

His thoughts drifted to a pink-haired kunoichi, a dark-eyed boy...

And a loud, golden-haired boy.

He sighed. If he was going to do this, he had to use his time well and take that bastard down as fast as he could. So he closed his eyes, and yelled:

"Mangekyou Sharingan !"

The effect was immediate, which was a good thing, as he had to move and act really quickly before the Mangekyou depleted all his chakra. He could distinctly see the caster of the genjutsu now, and he turned the situation to his advantage. Trapping him into his own illusion, he succeded in desarming him, making his huge sword fly in the distance. Then Kakashi lunged forward and formed rapid hand signs :

"Raiton : Shichuu Shibari !"

Four giant rock pillars burst from the ground and trapped his deformed opponent into a giant lightening cage, making him scream in pain. Still, the mutant hadn't lost yet. Before Kakashi could do anything, the creature yelled « Doton : Kouka jutsu ! », which created an armour of rock that encased his body and absorbed most of the lightenings. He succeeded in getting out and aimed a formidable blow at Kakashi who prepared to block it easily, crossing his arms above his head...

...when he was suddenly overcame by a terrible pain in his sharingan, making him grab his head in his hands...

...and he was punched right in the face, so hard he was sent flying backwards.

He crashed again on the ground, holding his eye. Around him, the battle sounds were back.

Good...At least he was out of the illusion...but he was almost chakra depleted.

The pain in his eye caught him so hard he yelped.

"Damn it...I should never have used the mangekyou after having already fought so long".

He tried to get up, but he collapsed again on the ground.

Through his good eye, he searched for his enemy, and saw that him too, was trying to get up, grabbing his sword again.

Kakashi tried to get up once more...but he was just pinned to the ground by an invisible force.

He laid on his back, watching the white sky.

His vision was starting to blur, exactly like that moment back in Konoha where he had been half-burried under the village's rubble after Pain's attack. At that precise moment, he had known he was a goner, and he felt the same right now.

"So this is the way it is supposed to end, right, Rin, Obito..., sensei ?"he thought to himself, a trail of blood sliding from his smiling mouth.

Maybe his time had come ?

Maybe these years of loneliness had finally come to an end ?

Maybe it was time for him to join his long lost loved ones.

...

Naruto.

Among his baneful thoughts, a blazing light suddenly appeared. It took the shape of a beautiful man, with golden hair and eyes as blue as the purest sapphire. His heart was suddenly flooded with warmth as that glowing angel threw his head backwards and laughed, with that wonderful laugh which could mend every wound and repel every demon.

Naruto.

He honestly had no idea when he realized that he had fallen in love with his young friend. If he had known, when he had met him...He had watched him grow from a loud, noisy boy to a handsome, brave and deeply human shinobi. Naruto was now a young man, and he already was a hero for the people of Konoha as well as in other countries where his name had traveled along with his reputation. Kakashi had felt, through the years, his simple mind develop itself to turn him into a wiser, more mature man, even though he still was Naruto, forever addicted to ramen, hot tempered and loud. He had saved him many times, and Kakashi marveled everyday at how he had become a talented, responsible shinobi.

And Kakashi had desperately, irrevocably, completely, pathetically fallen in love with him.

Everything about Naruto screamed of fire, of joy, of life. His bravery was unlimited, as well as his unconditional love for his friends. He had brought light to the most baleful minds, he had made friends with those everyone was calling monsters, he had litterally wrested all the people of Konoha from death's claws by simply reaching out to Nagato's heart and talking him into resurrecting them all.

Including Kakashi himself.

Little by little, Kakashi had felt an increasing desire to have Naruto for himself. It started in with simple, daily situations... Musing over the complicity they had while being in each other's company, whether it was for sparring or just laying down in the grass looking at the clouds and talking about silly things, or teasing each other whenever they got the chance. Watching over him in every move he made, cheering him up when the blonde felt lonely... Progressively, he had started to long for the feeling of his warm body cuddled up in his arms. Barely aware of it, he had started to search for every occasion he had to be close to Naruto, to touch him, or to hug him.

Actually he had almost never dared to actually hold him in his arms, except after Jiraya's death. At that time, Naruto had been utterly devastated, and Kakashi hadn't been able to restrain himself. He had spent hours and hours clutching a sobbing, shaking Naruto to his chest, carressing him and shushing him tenderly against him, wanting nothing more than to bury him inside his own body to put an end to the pain. And everyday, Kakashi had fallen deeper, deeper...he had come to dream about Naruto, about his body, his hair, his eyes, about his incredible life and joy, wanting nothing more than to let him completely envelop and warm his wounded heart.

Then came the day when he had to face his feelings for Naruto. That day, he had gone on top of the cliff that overlooked Konoha. He had raised his eyes to his sensei's unshakeable sculpted face, watching over the village under the peaceful stars. There, the full force of his love for Naruto had hit him like a ton of bricks, and he had fallen to his knees, hiding his masked face in his hands, whispering apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Minato-sensei...I'm so sorry...I have fallen in love with your son."

The battle sounds came back to his ears and tore him from his reverie.

No, I can't leave you Naruto, he breathed out.

I want to see you again.

I still have to show you so many things...

I want to guide you, I want to hear you laugh, I want to take care of you when you're sick, I want to hold you tight in my arms for hours when you cry, I want to reassure you when you're scared, to soothe you when you're angry.

Oh yes...I want to hear you yell at me that I'm late, to take you to eat thousands of ramens before trying to make you eat some vegetables, I want to heal your wounds when you stupidly launch yourself before danger to protect us, or when Sakura punches you through the nose, I want to hold you back when Sai calls you « Dickless », I want to lie down in the summer haze and listen to your voice talking again and again and again without ever fading...I want to see you try to see what's under my mask, even though it would mean letting you see how much, how much I love you.

I want to see you achieve your greatest dream, and become the most legendary Kage the world will have ever known.

Naruto...

His name was like an amulet, fighting back the shadows that were slowly overwhelming Kakashi's brain. Naruto was his light, the everlasting glow that pulled him out of his loneliness, the eternal warmth that soothed his heart and taught him how to laugh again.

I was born to protect you, and death cannot tear us apart.

Even death cannot stop me from loving you with all my strength, with all my heart.

I will live for you, Naruto. I will live for you.

I promise you.

Kakashi conjured all the memories of Naruto he could. He filled his mind with the whiskered face he adored, his ears with the so familiar, warm voice. And with a scream of utter rage, of absolute passion for the man he had fallen in love with all his heart, Kakashi stood up again, ignoring the pain slowing his movements, and launched himself into a final attack, as his opponent was doing the same.

They were just a few meters away...

Fewer...

Fewer...

The man lifted his huge sword, Kakashi conjured his last "Raikiri ".

Then there was a flash of dirty hair, a silhouette launching itself between them, wrapping around Kakashi's waist, violently pulling him out of the way.

The silhouette had muddy hair...

...but under the mud, Kakashi saw gold.

His eyes widened and his heart filled with a sickening, inconcievable dread when he realized that only one person could have that beautiful, golden hair.

"Naruto!" he cried out, and at the same time, the blonde yelled :

"Fuuton, Rasenshuriken!"

" NOOOO!" came a desperate scream from Kakashi's throat.

And then in a horrible, sickening sound, the huge sword went right through the blonde's heart, while the enemy was lifted in the air, caught up in Naruto's powerful technique, his body completely torn apart with billions of chakra spears, before being buried in the large hole the whirling orb had created.

And then, horrified, Kakashi watched as the man he loved turned towards him, covered in dirt and blood, panting, the huge sword piercing his heart. The young man smiled softly through a mask of pain.

"I...I'm sorry sensei...I couldn't...lose you... "

He coughed, and a surprising amount of blood came from his mouth as he collapsed on the ground.

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelled, lunging forward. He caught Naruto into his arms before the young man hurt the ground, and brought him close to his chest.

" No, no, no, no ! Don't do this to me ! Don't you fucking do this to me! Damn it...Sakura! Sakura where the hell are you? "

He held Naruto tightly, wiping the dirt and blood from his face which deep tenderness. The blonde had his eyes closed, and he coughed again, blood spilling again all over his mouth. His breath was coming in ragged pants, and Kakashi could tell his lungs were starting bleed internally.

"Shhh...shhhhh, it's gonna be all right, Naruto, I'm here, I've got you in my arms, see? I've got you right here in my arms, don't be afraid", Kakashi said, his voice quivering through his soothing tone, his hand caressing the cherished blonde hair now dulled with sweat and dirt. The jounin looked at Naruto's hands and his heart froze when he saw the state in which the Fuuton rasenshuriken had just put them : they were badly burnt, up to his forearms, and huge, blazing blisters were covering his skin.

No, this was not happening. This was the worst, the absolute worst thing that could have happened.

"Why the hell did you do that, you fucking bakayarou ! Why, Naruto ?! And I told you not to use that technique anymore, it's way too dangerous for your body ! " Kakashi cried out, his entire being shaking with fury and filling with ice as if all life was living him like the one sipping away in his arms.

Naruto opened his beautiful eyes and smiled through the blood.

"I told you...I...couldn't...lose you...", he whispered.

"That's not an excuse ! How many times did I tell you not to throw your life away for mine !"

"Hey, chill-out sensei, that's just a scratch, Naruto smiled smugly, his teeth red with blood, I'll be up an running in…Argh! "

He coughed again violently and Kakashi held him in such a way he didn't suffocate in the dark-red, thick liquid.

"Son of a …Damn sword…ttebayo….", Naruto said, his voice rasping in his throat.

He clutched Kakashi's vest, all his face contorted in pain, and the silver-haired jounin felt a new wave of immense fear and sorrow crest within his chest.

"Hold on, Naruto, Sakura is coming, we're going to help you. Stay with me okay ? Naruto...NARUTO !"

The blonde was losing consciousness, and Kakashi had to slap him gently to keep him awake :

"Don't you die on me! Don't you DARE die on me ! Stay with me Naruto ! SAKURAA !" he yelled again, crushing Naruto in his embrace, bringing a hand up into his dirty hair to support his head and maintain his face tucked deep within his chest.

At this precise moment, Sai came rushing to their side :

"Kakashi-san ! Victory is ours ! They're all dea... "

He stopped right on his tracks when he saw the battered, burnt and bloody Naruto in Kakashi's arms, with the huge sword buried in his heart.

" Naruto ! " he cried out, kneeling besides them, his dark eyes filled with terror.

Kakashi cast him a dire look.

"Sai. Is Sakura all right ?"

Sai nodded.

"Good. Get her the hell over here, Kakashi ordered with his captain authority. I can't move Naruto in this state, it would kill him. In addition to the sword in his heart, he's just used the rasenshuriken..."

" Masaka... !" Sai breathed out, horrified.

"Hayaku, Sai !" Kakashi urged, feeling that Naruto was fading away, his body starting to shake in his arms.

- Wakatta, Kakashi-san, please watch over him. »

And Sai disappeared.

" Sensei...", a feeble voice came to Kakashi's ears.

"Yes, yes Naruto, I'm here. Shhh, don't talk, I'm right here with you... ", Kakashi said, hugging him tight before pulling away slightly to look at his beloved face.

Goddamnit, why wasn't Kyuubi healing him? Why was he slipping so fast towards the unavoidable chasm? What the fuck was wrong with Kyuubi?!

Naruto was looking at him with big, innocent eyes, and in his pupils, Kakashi's heart clenched when for the first time in several years, he saw pure fear.

"That's it...I'm going to die, right, sensei ?" Naruto asked, shivering from head to toe as he was slowly losing all his blood. His lips had turned slightly purple, and the wounded fingers that were tightly clutching Kakashi's vest were taking a worrying shade of blue.

Kakashi couldn't bear the sight, and tears started running down his cheeks.

"Shhhh..no one is going to die, my Naruto-chan, I will not let that happen", he whispered.

He couldn't stand the sight of Naruto shaking as the cold hands of death were slowly dragging him into the abyss. He took his cape off, still holding the blonde to him with one arm, and wrapped Naruto's body within the beige, damp cloth. There he wrapped his arms once more around his shaking body and started rocking him, shushing him softly, with devotion, craddling him in his arms like a precious treasure.

"There...Shhh...I'm here, I won't let you go anywhere, you hear me, Naruto? I won't let you go. Don't be afraid..." he whispered.

Don't go Naruto...Please hold on...Don't leave me...

The tears wouldn't stop falling from his helpless eyes, mixing with the blood leaking from the sharingan, that blood he had spilled in an ultimate attempt to get back to the man he loved.

What an irony, he thought as one of his tears fell on Naruto's nose.

The blonde slowly raised his burnt hand to his dear friend's face, his eyes filled with surprise, and he stroke his masked cheek, wiping a tear away.

"I...I've never seen you cry, sensei... "

Kakashi couldn't hold back anymore. He let out a painful sob and hugged him tight, burying the whiskered face into his shoulder, crushing him with all his strength. He clung to him like he had never clung to anyone. He breathed in the smell of his skin, of his hair, giving up to the desperate need to stop him in his fall within darkness, cherishing the feeling of the blonde's heart feebly beating against his own devastated chest.

Don't stop...Please don't let the music of your heart stop...Don't let it stop...

"Stay with me, Naruto, please...I beg you, you've got to hold on. You're so young, you have so many things yet to live. You have to become Konoha's hokage one day !"

Please God...Don't let his heart stop...Don't let his heart stop...

Naruto slightly chuckled into his shoulder, shaking like a leaf.

"How can… I become Hokage… if I can't even protect… the people I love…ttebayo ? "

And he fell unconscious, limp into Kakashi's arms who pulled away and watched him with terrorised eyes.

"Naruto !"

He actively searched for a pulse... but didn't find any.

His heart had stopped.

"Naruto...NARUTO ! Oh God no... God no, anything but this ! PLEASE ! SAKURAA !"

And for the first time in long years, Kakashi burst into uncontrollable sobs as he crushed the unconscious boy to his chest, burying his face into the dirty hair, sawying back and forth, his heart screaming with the utmost pain he had ever felt. Desperate cries were leaving the great Copy Ninja's throat, the man who never cried. Clinging to Naruto as though to prevent himself from falling into madness, he begged the young man who had become so unusally silent and still.

" Don't leave me... Don't leave me Naruto... I will fight for you...I will protect you, I will be there when you become Hokage, I will guide you when you cast your light upon the world, I will be your confident until the day you die. I will do anything, anything for you... " Kakashi gasped through his sobs.

He kissed his bloody forehead, covering it in tears and blood while he whispered.

"You are my hero… I love you...I love you... God I love you with all my pathetic, my wretched soul, and I was too much of a coward to tell you... "

His voice died in his throat, his heart clenching in his chest, a new wave of sobs overwhelming him. Naruto's face was so calm, all of a sudden. It was so wrong. It was just so in contradiction with everything Naruto was. It was as if the ocean had evaporated in the air, as if the stars had faded out of the unfathomable depths of skies, as if the Earth had came to a halt, frozen in time in a unbelievably tragic silence. It was as if all joy and hope had left the world, leaving it empty and desolate, with the sky weeping and the wind howling in pain.

"But Naruto, if you live, let me promise you one thing ", he kept on, tenderly stroking Naruto's hair while another tear fell on his whiskers marks.

"If you live, I promise you I will tell you how much I love you. And then you can let me know if you want to let me love you or not. "

Kakashi brought Naruto up against his chest again and squeezed him tight, burying his nose in the hollow of his clavicle.

"I promise you... I will tell you that even then if you throw me away, even if you hate me, even if you never want to see me again, I will watch over you, and I will love you Naruto until the day I die, and beyond, when I am nothing but dust and souvenirs. "

New tears spilled from his eyes, as he let out a heart-wrenched sob.

"I promise you...I will tell you that my soul will never rest until it finds your light, I will tell you how I will search all worlds, all universes, until the end of time. I will tell you that I will always love you, until after all light fades out. "

And upon that vow, he pulled down his mask and tenderly kissed Naruto's lifeless, frozen lips.

"I promise you..."