Disclaimer/AN: I own nothing except for my dayglow silly putty. And the
golden monkey. And actually, I think I have some crackers. But don't sue
me because I can't give you the monkey and I won't give you my silly putty,
so all you'll get is crackers, and you can buy those in Safeway. Oh, at
the end of the story, it says 'stay tuned for part two blah blah'. Well, I
don't know if there will BE a part two. I don't know why there is a part
one. Be sure to review so you can smack me…maybe someday I'll make it back
to reality.
The Prophecy of the Golden Monkey (dun dun dun!)
"Harry! Over here!"
Harry Potter looked around the crowded station. Then he saw Hermione Granger waving frantically at him from a crowd of muggles. He turned the cart he was pushing and headed her way.
"Hey, Harry, how was your summer?" Ron asked.
"Not too great. Dudley's diet worked. He lost all that weight in just one year, and he worked out too or something, because now he's buff."
"And tan…" Hermione murmured, looking over Harry's shoulder.
"What? Hermione! Stop that!" Harry snapped, glaring at Dudley.
"Sorry." Hermione said, tearing her eyes away from Dudley. "Let's go get onto the platform."
The trio pushed their carts at the barrier, all breaking through at once. Ahead of them, the train let out plumes of steam, as it sat, impatient to take them all back to Hogwarts.
"Dude," Ron said, glancing up, "this narrator is crazy. Doesn't she know that trains are inanimate?" He suddenly fell to the ground as a golden monkey dove from the sky. It jumped around him angrily, berating him and throwing cubes of cheese, until it disappeared with a popping noise.
"Wow. Guess you shouldn't piss off the narrator." Hermione said, keeping her eyes on the ground.
"Let's just get on the train." Harry said, helping Ron to his feet.
The group worked together to get everyone's luggage stored away and then sat down. With a shriek and a rumble, the train began to move.
"Wow," Ron said, "the train is moving!"
"Yeah, it usually does," Hermione told him.
The door slid open, and Ginny Weasley came in, followed by Draco. Ginny was holding one hand to her stomach. She sat down next to Harry and whispered something in his ear. His eyes grew wide and he jumped up.
"You are? Oh no, Ginny, I don't know – "
"Shhh!" Ginny hissed. "I don't know if it's you or Draco!"
"WHAT?" Harry roared. "The father of your kid is either me or MALFOY?"
"Well," Ginny said thoughtfully, "I suppose it could be Ron,"
There was a slight thump. Everyone looked to see Hermione hit the floor as she passed out.
"Hermione…" Draco breathed. He rushed forward, knelt down, and cradled her head in his arms. She murmured as she came to quickly.
"Are you all right?" Draco asked gently.
"Draco? But – "
"No." Draco interrupted. "Don't speak. It is my turn. I have loved you since our first year. I have held my desire inside all these years. Now it is time for it to come out."
They all heard another slight thump and turned to see Ron hit the floor as he passed out.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. She jumped to her feet, pushing Draco away. "Oh, Ron, don't be hurt!" She flung her arms around his neck, trying to get him to come back.
Harry glared at Draco. "You mean to tell me you might be the father of Ginny's baby, yet you really love Hermione?"
"Yeah? So?" Draco asked, with an indifferent shrug. Ginny's face crumpled.
"You know, Draco, I'm starting to think something that I shouldn't even be thinking," Harry said, sounding dangerous. Draco looked up. Ginny's face shone with happiness.
"I'm beginning to think you're right." Harry said firmly. "I mean, who cares if either of us is the father? Hermione is a much better choice."
"Yeah, she really is. But right now Ron's got her…" Draco said, his voice trailing off as he watched Ron and Hermione.
"You're right. Hey!" Harry brightened. "I just remembered that I used a condom! I couldn't have been the father!"
"A condom…are those those things?" Draco asked.
"Probably, " Harry said vaguely.
"Oh, well, then I'm not the father." Draco said happily.
"Good." Harry pushed Ron away from Hermione. Her head hit the floor with a clunk.
"Ron, you're the father of your sister's baby, now go deal with that."
"But…but…" Ron stammered.
"No. We love Hermione." Draco told him.
"How are we going to do this?" Harry asked.
"We could share…" Draco said thoughtfully.
"You're the son of a death eater, therefore you don't share." Harry told him firmly.
"Oh yeah, that's right. I can't be in love with a mud-blood anyway, dad would kill me." Draco looked positively crestfallen.
"Oh well, guess she's mine then." Harry picked up Hermione's head and put it on his lap.
"Guess so." Malfoy said, walking out the door.
A golden monkey scampered into the compartment, sat down, and ate a piece of cheese.
Ron screamed.
Hermione woke up with a jump. "Harry!" She said, seeing the golden monkey and sitting straight up. "It's a golden monkey! Do you know what that means?"
"…No…" Harry told her.
"It must be a prophecy! You have a twin sister!"
Just then, the compartment door opened, and the golden monkey screamed happily and threw crackers…
Stay tuned for part two: Enter Mary Sue
The Prophecy of the Golden Monkey (dun dun dun!)
"Harry! Over here!"
Harry Potter looked around the crowded station. Then he saw Hermione Granger waving frantically at him from a crowd of muggles. He turned the cart he was pushing and headed her way.
"Hey, Harry, how was your summer?" Ron asked.
"Not too great. Dudley's diet worked. He lost all that weight in just one year, and he worked out too or something, because now he's buff."
"And tan…" Hermione murmured, looking over Harry's shoulder.
"What? Hermione! Stop that!" Harry snapped, glaring at Dudley.
"Sorry." Hermione said, tearing her eyes away from Dudley. "Let's go get onto the platform."
The trio pushed their carts at the barrier, all breaking through at once. Ahead of them, the train let out plumes of steam, as it sat, impatient to take them all back to Hogwarts.
"Dude," Ron said, glancing up, "this narrator is crazy. Doesn't she know that trains are inanimate?" He suddenly fell to the ground as a golden monkey dove from the sky. It jumped around him angrily, berating him and throwing cubes of cheese, until it disappeared with a popping noise.
"Wow. Guess you shouldn't piss off the narrator." Hermione said, keeping her eyes on the ground.
"Let's just get on the train." Harry said, helping Ron to his feet.
The group worked together to get everyone's luggage stored away and then sat down. With a shriek and a rumble, the train began to move.
"Wow," Ron said, "the train is moving!"
"Yeah, it usually does," Hermione told him.
The door slid open, and Ginny Weasley came in, followed by Draco. Ginny was holding one hand to her stomach. She sat down next to Harry and whispered something in his ear. His eyes grew wide and he jumped up.
"You are? Oh no, Ginny, I don't know – "
"Shhh!" Ginny hissed. "I don't know if it's you or Draco!"
"WHAT?" Harry roared. "The father of your kid is either me or MALFOY?"
"Well," Ginny said thoughtfully, "I suppose it could be Ron,"
There was a slight thump. Everyone looked to see Hermione hit the floor as she passed out.
"Hermione…" Draco breathed. He rushed forward, knelt down, and cradled her head in his arms. She murmured as she came to quickly.
"Are you all right?" Draco asked gently.
"Draco? But – "
"No." Draco interrupted. "Don't speak. It is my turn. I have loved you since our first year. I have held my desire inside all these years. Now it is time for it to come out."
They all heard another slight thump and turned to see Ron hit the floor as he passed out.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. She jumped to her feet, pushing Draco away. "Oh, Ron, don't be hurt!" She flung her arms around his neck, trying to get him to come back.
Harry glared at Draco. "You mean to tell me you might be the father of Ginny's baby, yet you really love Hermione?"
"Yeah? So?" Draco asked, with an indifferent shrug. Ginny's face crumpled.
"You know, Draco, I'm starting to think something that I shouldn't even be thinking," Harry said, sounding dangerous. Draco looked up. Ginny's face shone with happiness.
"I'm beginning to think you're right." Harry said firmly. "I mean, who cares if either of us is the father? Hermione is a much better choice."
"Yeah, she really is. But right now Ron's got her…" Draco said, his voice trailing off as he watched Ron and Hermione.
"You're right. Hey!" Harry brightened. "I just remembered that I used a condom! I couldn't have been the father!"
"A condom…are those those things?" Draco asked.
"Probably, " Harry said vaguely.
"Oh, well, then I'm not the father." Draco said happily.
"Good." Harry pushed Ron away from Hermione. Her head hit the floor with a clunk.
"Ron, you're the father of your sister's baby, now go deal with that."
"But…but…" Ron stammered.
"No. We love Hermione." Draco told him.
"How are we going to do this?" Harry asked.
"We could share…" Draco said thoughtfully.
"You're the son of a death eater, therefore you don't share." Harry told him firmly.
"Oh yeah, that's right. I can't be in love with a mud-blood anyway, dad would kill me." Draco looked positively crestfallen.
"Oh well, guess she's mine then." Harry picked up Hermione's head and put it on his lap.
"Guess so." Malfoy said, walking out the door.
A golden monkey scampered into the compartment, sat down, and ate a piece of cheese.
Ron screamed.
Hermione woke up with a jump. "Harry!" She said, seeing the golden monkey and sitting straight up. "It's a golden monkey! Do you know what that means?"
"…No…" Harry told her.
"It must be a prophecy! You have a twin sister!"
Just then, the compartment door opened, and the golden monkey screamed happily and threw crackers…
Stay tuned for part two: Enter Mary Sue