A/N - I got tired of waiting for the show to give Drew back his memories so I decided to write it myself. The story is going to build so it takes a few chapters to get to the memories, but I hope the story entertains you enough to hang in with me. :)
Drew looked around at the stark hospital room. He held his black duffel bag tightly. As he took a deep breath, he made his way over to the small hospital bed and sat down, his bag beside him. He unzipped the bag and smiled as he saw the picture placed on the top of the folded clothes, it was of his beautiful daughter Scout from her 1st birthday party. She was a big part of the reason he was doing this, her and all the unbelievable events of the last year. It was hard to believe it had been a year since he found out he had a twin and ever since then everything had gone to hell. He took the picture out and set it on the hospital bedside table. Drew's thoughts quickly turned to Sam, he still loved her after all these months and even though she had lied and their relationship had ended so abruptly he thought about her all the time. If the speculation was correct, after this procedure, he wouldn't think about her at all, he would maybe not even know her. It hurt him to think about not remembering Sam or their last few years together, but it hurt so much now, seeing her moving on without him. None of that really mattered anyway, he was doing this for a much bigger reason, he needed to get out of this nightmare and figure out his past. So many lies had been fed to him since he came to Port Charles and this latest one was the last straw, although he had always tried to go on with his life after each betrayal, he could no longer do that and decided he had to know everything about his past.
"Sorry for the bleak accommodations," a familiar voice broke Drew out of his thoughts. Dr. Andre Maddox stood in the doorway holding a file containing Drew's medical records and a small envelope that Drew could only speculate held the flash drive.
"Huh, yeah it's not very homey around here," Drew chuckled as he stood up. "It's okay, I don't really plan on sticking around here longer than necessary."
Andre came in from the doorway and crossed the room to where he was standing in front of Drew.
"Drew, are you sure you want to go through with this procedure? You know there are risks, risks that I have never encountered. I have never tried to reverse the memory mapping, it is all theoretical." Dr. Maddox stated worriedly.
"Look Doc, I got it, I know this is a serious deal, but I don't care. I need to get my memories back, I need to know what my life was before, before Faison and you sto…!" Drew began shouting and getting angry, then he took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. He was fidgeting with his ring finger again, after all these months he still did that without even realizing.
"You were about to say before we stole your life, weren't you," Andre asked hesitantly. "Drew, look I want to say again how sorry I am for performing this procedure on you without realizing who I was dealing with. I should have never agreed to any of this without knowing more about my backer." Andre was furious with himself that he had let his good intentioned work be used as a weapon against an innocent person. More like, 3 innocent people, because although he had only performed the complete procedure on Drew the actions of that led to Drew believing he was Jason and taking over his life which was now hurting Sam and was also part of the reason Jason was kept captive in Russia all those years.
Drew closed his eyes and rubbed both hands over his face as he took a deep breath, "Stop, please stop apologizing. We are here now to try and fix what you did, instead of apologizing just do your damnedest to make me whole now," Drew demanded. " I am asking you and not just for me, but for my daughter and for, for," Drew paused and got a far off look. "Please I just want to still be my little girls Daddy. My family, my daughter is all that matters to me anymore," Drew pleads, looking at Dr. Maddox and holding his clasped hands towards his face.
"You have my word, I will be looking over my research again before the procedure to identify any risks that I can foresee and figure out how to minimize them." Dr. Maddox stepped closer in to Drew and touched his shoulder, "Please trust me to do right by you this time. I won't let you down, "he says with reassurance.
Drew looked up at Andre, chuckled a little and cracked a small half smile. "I trust you, I mean, I've got no choice, you're all I've got, right?" He says in a sarcastic tone. "So, when are we doing this?" Drew asks clapping his hands together and turning to walk towards the window.
"The day after tomorrow," Dr. Maddox says confidently. "I want to run some tests tomorrow, just routine, blood work, a head CT and baseline vitals. A nurse will be in shortly to get you settled in. In the mean time unpack your things and make yourself at "home," he says smiling slyly.
Drew smiled and looked around the room again, "Yeah, sure that won't be too hard," he says rolling his eyes and scrunching his face. "Hey Dr. Maddox, I need to make sure, do you still have my DNR in your files?" Drew turns around to look at Andre as he handles this last bit of business. Drew didn't want anyone in his family to have to worry about him or take care of him if this procedure went horribly wrong. Drew needed to be strong enough for all of them and to take the decision out of their hands. His mind quickly goes to last September when he was in the coma and how he could hear Sam and his kids missing him, crying over him and agonizing over what to do. He remembered hearing Carly and Sonny talking about what "Jason," would want and not letting him live as a vegetable. Drew was very grateful that Sam held out hope for him just a while longer and that he had had enough strength to fight to come back to her and their family. Too bad the happiness didn't last. Drew shakes his head to come back to reality and the issue at hand.
Dr. Maddox opens his file and takes out a piece of paper to show to Drew. "Yes, it is right here, but Drew, I'm a firm believer in positive thinking. You need to believe you are going to be all right. If you are having second thoughts maybe we should wait," Andre explains in a concerned tone.
Drew blurts out loudly, practically cutting off Andre, "NO! We AREN'T waiting, we are doing this procedure as planned!" Drew takes a deep breath to try and calm himself down a bit. "Don't worry, I have a positive outlook, in fact, for me there is no other way this can go except for me to get my memories and to get whole. But…." Drew turns around and begins to look out the window. He crosses his arms against his chest staring intently into the dark night sky, "but if something DOES go wrong I want you to act on that DNR. I need YOU to do what is necessary, I need to know I won't be a burden." Drew ends his emphatic plea with a deep sigh as he walks over and picks up the picture of his little girl. He loves her so much, he wants to see her grow up and show her the world. He hopes to travel with her and teach her all the things he knows about being strong, resilient, grateful and giving. Drew is so distracted by his thoughts of his daughter that he almost doesn't hear Dr. Maddox begin to speak.
"Drew, Drew?" Andre waits until he has Drew's attention before continuing. "The DNR is valid and I can enforce it, but wouldn't you rather have….."
Drew cuts him off sharply, "No! Absolutely not! I will not ask anyone in my family to make that decision, not Curtis, not Monica especially not…..Sam." Drew's voice trails off softly, realizing again he was rubbing the finger where he used to wear his beloved wedding ring. "It HAS to be you, okay?" Drew says emphatically. "I've already made arrangements, so my family will understand," he says calmly.
"I understand, "IF, the worst happens I will enforce the DNR and don't worry, I will do it," Andre says plainly as he places his hand on Drew's shoulder.
"Thank you." Drew says with a grateful tone. "Thank you for understanding."
Dr. Maddox pats Drew on the shoulder and turns to walk out the door. "See you in the morning. Try and get some rest."
Drew watches Andre walk out the door and down the hall out of sight. He then turns back to the hospital bed where his black duffel bag sat. Drew opens the flap and starts to empty the contents into the drawers, he pauses for a moment to look at the picture of his daughter again and then continues to unload his belongings. He was hopeful for the next couple of days. "Finally," he thinks to himself, "finally after all this time, I will be me, I will be whole."
Sam stood on the balcony of her penthouse, looking out over the city as the cool night air brushes across her face. She rubs her hands along the sides of her shoulders and folds her arms across her chest trying to draw in a little warmth. She stares up at the stars hoping they can give her answers. Answers to questions that she hasn't been able to figure out in months. Sam recounts the events of the last year in her mind, how it was discovered that the man she was married to, the man she thought was Jason Morgan, was actually his twin Drew. She thinks back to the time when Drew's identity was revealed as "Jason," how they got to know each other and she fell in love with him. She did fall in love with him, didn't she? "I could tell he was different," she says to herself. Sam thinks back to all the things Drew did differently than Jason would have. How Drew distanced himself from Sonny, from the beginning and even when Sonny kept asking he chose Sam and his kids each time. Sam remembered how she thought it was just because he had been shot and nearly died and that it changed him and how he made decisions. That's what made him want to choose his family over Sonny. Then Aurora happened. Sam was so shocked that "Jason," would completely cut ties with Sonny's business to run a media company, but was so happy to start a new adventure with him. She should have known. "I should have known!" Sam exclaimed to herself. "Why didn't I know?" She questioned herself harshly. "How could I do that to Jason? How could I give up on him? How could I not know he was alive?" All these questions that have been swirling around in her head since "the real," Jason came back and she was no closer to finding any answers. Sam felt so guilty for letting everyone convince her that Jason was dead in 2012, when she knew he wasn't, she just knew something was off, but she didn't listen to her instincts. Sam thought to herself, maybe if I had listened to my instincts none of this would have ever happened. It had happened, though and now they were here, dealing with the aftermath of this horrible situation. A situation she had helped to make worse. She was so overwhelmed with her guilt when Jason came back last year that she did not know what to do. That's when she started lying. Her thoughts quickly turned to Drew. Sam touched her fingers to her lips, as if trying to feel his lips on hers. Drew was such a good man, he was so into family, his family was everything, "and I took that from him," Sam sighed out disappointingly. "Oohhh, what is my problem?" Sam cries out running her fingers through her hair and then slamming her hands down on the balcony ledge. She looks up at the stars one last time before she turns to go inside. As Sam pulls the double doors closed she looks around the room, a picture of her baby girl Scout, from her first birthday catches her eye. She grabs the picture as she makes her way over to the couch and sits down with her feet pressed into the cushions. Staring at the picture of Scout her thoughts go to the night she was born. How Drew got there in the nick of time to deliver her and how he literally breathed life into her. "You really are our little miracle." Sam whispers to herself. Her mind wanders through all the memories Sam and Drew made with Danny and Scout, the picnics in the park, Easter and Christmas celebrations, her 1st birthday. "We were so happy," Sam smiles to herself and lets out a little giggle. She pulls herself back to reality and remembers why she's sitting on the couch all alone. "So, Sam, what are you going to do? You said you wanted to find yourself, figure out what you wanted for your life, so let's get to it already." Sam remarks out loud, almost scolding herself. Sam's mind kept going back to Drew, when he thought he was Jason, "he left the life," she whispers quietly as she unknowingly rubs her finger where her wedding ring used to be. "But that's not fair, you always told Jason you accepted him for who he is, for whatever his choices were, you were fine with it. How can you take that back now?" Sam sternly questions herself. She is quickly taken out of her thoughts when she hears, tiny footsteps padding down stairs and a small voice calls out, "Mommy?"
"Danny, baby, are you okay?" Sam asks as she motions for Danny to come closer to her. "Come up here on the couch with me." Sam grabs for Danny and pulls him into her chest as she wraps her arms around him.
"I had a bad dream Mommy and woke myself up again." Danny says with a sad tone.
"Oh, I'm so sorry baby. How can I help?"
"I miss getting my back rubs from Da…I mean Drew," he says looking down with a frown.
"Danny, you know it's okay if you want to still call Drew Dad, he doesn't care what you call him, remember?"
"I remember, but, I don't know, it feels kind of weird to call him Dad," Danny says.
"Weird, why is it weird?" Sam inquires.
"I don't know, I just don't want to hurt Daddy's, you know, my real Daddy's feelings. I'm worried he might get upset at me." Danny admits shyly.
"Danny," Sam exclaims sitting up slightly and turning Danny to look at her in the face. "No one, NO ONE, is going to be mad at you for anything. You can call Drew Dad if you want, you can call your Daddy, Daddy, you can do whatever you feel is right for you, okay? You don't ever have to worry about any of that, do you understand?" Sam says seriously, looking Danny right in the eyes.
"Okay Mommy, I understand. I still wish Drew was here to rub my back, he was really good at it. He was so fun and would slide down the stairs with me." Danny recalls, smiling.
Sam smiles back and lets out a little chuckle. "Yeah, that was really fun wasn't it?" Sam stands up and pulls Danny off the couch with her walking him towards the stairs. "Come on you, let's get you back upstairs to bed. What if I try to give you some back rubs? I know they won't be as good, but maybe we can figure something out, what do you say?" Sam asks sweetly.
"Okay, Mommy, that sounds good, you're pretty good at it too." Danny says with a little grin.
"Oh good, glad to hear it." Sam laughs as she tousles Danny's hair. "Go on up and I will be right there in just a sec, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy. I love you!" Danny cries out as he heads upstairs.
"Love you too, buddy." Sam replies. Sam heads to the front door to be sure it's locked and to turn off the lights. "We were a happy family, weren't we," Sam asks quietly to herself as she rubs her hands up her arms and remembers when Drew would hold her so tightly. "Family, hmm, maybe, maybe that's it," Sam suggests to herself. As she reaches up to lock the door and turn off the lights a knock suddenly comes from the other side of the door. Sam looks through the peephole and with an inquisitive look opens the door, wondering what this could be about. When she opens the door the person on the other side quickly asks, "Sam McCall?"
Sam sees it's a courier with an envelope in his hand. "Yes, that's me."
"I have a letter for you, please sign here." The delivery man says as he hands the letter over and places his pen at the line where she needs to sign.
Sam takes the letter, thanks the courier and closes the door. "Wonder what this is?" She looks over the letter, it seems to be a bigger envelope enclosing a smaller envelope inside. Sam goes and begins to open the larger manila envelope when she hears Danny cry out from upstairs, "Mommy, are you coming?" Sam quickly places the envelope on the desk and turns to call up stairs.
"Yes, Danny, I'm coming right now." Sam turns the lights off, and pats the envelope quickly. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow, whatever you are."