HOLY FUCK THIS MADE ME CRY.
ugh this hurt me. based on the song Beautiful Thing by Grace VanderWaal, since it's about her and her sister. cry with me.
Without you here I am boring,
Something inside you is triggering.
It makes me myself, it makes me funny.
You're a beautiful thing.
We're a beautiful thing together,
Even when the weather is low.
And that's a beautiful thing.
—Beautiful Thing, Grace VanderWaal
When Sofia McClain was five years old, she almost died.
She was at Varadero Beach with her family, and was trying to build a sandcastle. The problem was, her older brother kept knocking it down. Lance was seven, so he automatically thought he was better than her.
"Lance!" Sofia shrieked in annoyance, "stop it!"
Lance snorted, and Sofia glared at him furiously.
"What're you gonna do about it, shortie? Tattle to mama?" He taunted, and Sofia bristled.
"I'm not a snitch!" She hissed, and shoved her brother with more force than he thought she had in her. Lance glared, and without thinking, picked her up and launched her into the ocean.
The problem was, Sofia didn't know how to swim.
As soon as she hit the water, she panicked. She kicked desperately to get to the surface, but a wave knocked her down and pulled her under. Sofia swam in the direction that she thought was up, only to smack her head on the bottom of the ocean floor.
Her thoughts were getting hazy, and she knew that she had inhaled a lot of water. Her chest hurt something awful, and her blue eyes were starting to slide shut.
This is it.
Suddenly she was pulled to the surface, coughing and spluttering. She dimly registered someone's panicked voice as she was brought to shore, and after a few seconds, her hair was pulled away from her face to reveal Lance. He was leaning over her and asking her if she was okay, begging her to respond, and tears were in his eyes.
"I'm okay." Sofia rasped, and Lance's face flooded with relief. He pulled her into a tight hug, and Sofia returned it hesitantly.
"I'm so sorry Sofia, I didn't think—"
A coughing fit from Sofia cut him off, and Lance pulled back to desperately search her face for any signs of distress.
"Lance, it's okay. I'm okay." She giggled, then added, "don't go into caring big brother mode now!"
Lance tried to scowl, but the smile on his face gave him away.
When Sofia was seven years old, she and Lance's rivalry finally boiled over.
They had been at each other's throats since Sofia had been born. Sofia would hide Lance's toys, Lance would pull her hair until she cried, and they always goaded each other. The fight had started out over something petty and small, but eventually escalated into a shouting match heard throughout the whole house.
"Give it back!" Lance shrieked, and Sofia glared at him.
"I'll give it back if you stop!" She replied, and Lance growled.
"I hate you!"
"I hate you too!"
"I wish that you had never been born!"
"And I wish that I had a big brother that actually cared about me!" Sofia screamed, and Lance's face fell.
"Sofia—" he started, but she slammed the door to her room in his face.
Hours later, there was a knock. Sofia barely heard it through her sniffling, but she got up anyway. When she opened the door she saw Lance standing there, and tried to shut it.
"Sofia please, I want to apologize—"
"Save it!" She huffed, but Lance was older and stronger than her, so he managed to get through.
"Get out." Sofia snapped, hastily wiping the tears off of her cheeks. Lance noticed anyway.
"You were crying." He said, reaching out to wipe them away himself. Sofia resisted the urge to slap his hands away.
"So? It's not like you care anyway." She muttered bitterly, and Lance's face looked pained.
"I always care Sofia. Sometimes I get so mad that I don't care enough." He looked close to tears himself, and Sofia felt her anger falter.
"…I don't hate you." She whispered, and Lance gave her a watery smile.
"I don't hate you either." He replied, pulling her into a hug and running his fingers through her brown curls. Sofia clung to him and he buried his face in the crook of her neck, their breathing coming out uneven and shaky.
"I'm sorry." Lance said thickly, and Sofia sniffled.
"I'm sorry too."
After that day, Sofia and Lance were best friends.
When Sofia was ten years old, she was bullied. A lot.
She got teased for her braces, her hand-me-down clothes, and her weight. Especially her weight. The girls laughed at her. The boys told her that none of them would ever date her because she was fat and ugly. Sofia didn't tell anyone, because she didn't want to be a snitch.
One day, at the playground, she got cornered.
"How're you, fattie?" Marco taunted, and Sofia closed her eyes to stop herself from crying.
"Aw, is the baby going to cry?" His friend laughed, and Sofia tried to leave. There were five of them though, and they backed her into a tree.
"Just so you know, McClain, you deserve this."
Pain exploded on the side of her face.
"Hey!"
Sofia looked up from where she had fallen to see her brother racing towards them, and she gulped. Lance looked livid.
"Who hit her?" He growled as he reached her, glaring at the five of them. The boys were frozen in place, and Lance's scowl deepened, "who the hell hit my little sister?"
"Marco did it!" One of them squeaked, pointing at him. Lance stalked towards Marco, and lifted him up by the collar of his shirt.
"Alright Marco. Let's get one thing straight: you're leaving Sofia alone, or I won't hesitate to make your life miserable. Understood?" He hissed, and Marco nodded enthusiastically.
Lance released him and Marco fell, soon scrambling to get up and leave. His friends quickly followed after. After they were out of sight, Lance turned to Sofia.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly, and Sofia bit her lip as tears tracked down her face.
"C'mere, shortie." Lance opened his arms and Sofia climbed onto his lap without hesitation.
Lance was here, and everything was going to be okay.
When Sofia was thirteen years old, a boy broke her heart.
Samuel Rodriguez was a handsome kid, and he knew it. Sofia had been crushing for months, because not only was he attractive, he was kind to her. The bullying had stopped shortly after Lance stepped in three years ago, but it had done its damage.
Sofia had it bad. So when Samuel asked her out, she felt her heart soar. A smile brightened her red face, and she felt like the luckiest girl ever.
"Sure!" She replied happily, but then faltered. He wasn't smiling, he was…smirking. There was a crowd around them, and people had their phones out and pointed at them. She realized what day it was.
It's April Fools Day.
Sofia's face turned bright red with shame, and Samuel started to laugh.
"April Fools, McClain. No offense, but I'd never date a girl like you."
Sofia bolted, ignoring the obnoxious laughter that followed her.
Boys suck.
Hours later, at home, Sofia sat in front of the TV with a tub of ice cream and a shitty romance playing.
"Can I join you?" A voice interrupted, and she jumped.
Lance.
"I guess. Did Mama tell you what happened?" Sofia asked bitterly, tucking her long hair behind her ear. Lance sighed, sitting down next to her and pulling the blanket over his legs.
"Yeah. Boys are assholes, trust me. I'm a boy, so I'd know." Lance replied, and Sofia couldn't help but snort.
"True." She muttered, and Lance wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Listen to me, Sofia Valerie McClain. You're a beautiful, funny, smart, kind girl. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and don't you ever doubt that." Lance said sternly, and Sofia sighed.
"You're my brother, you have to say that." She said thickly, and Lance shook his head.
"No, I don't. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. You help others when they need it. You have the patience of a saint. You're not cruel or petty, and you never demand more than you should. You're flawed, but we all are." Lance smiled, "besides, you're related to me, and I'm gorgeous."
Sofia laughed and shoved him, saying, "you're so conceited, I swear."
After a few beats of silence, Sofia nudged him.
"Yeah?" Lance asked quietly.
"You're the best brother I could've asked for, Lance." Sofia whispered, pulling him into a hug.
"You're not so bad yourself, shortie."
When Sofia was fourteen, her big brother left for the Garrison.
Lance had always dreamed of going to the stars, and she knew this. Whenever they went out at night, he'd stare at the stars wistfully, always saying he'd be up there one day. She knew this was his dream.
Why did it hurt so much then?
They were at the airport, waiting for his flight to be called. Sofia played with her bracelet anxiously—the bracelet Lance had gotten her for her birthday—and glanced at her brother. A wide smile was on his face, and she couldn't help the bitterness that seeped into her bones.
We weren't enough for him.
"Hey, why the long face?"
Sofia opted to glare at Lance instead of answering, and he frowned.
"I know what you're thinking, and it's not true." He said softly, and Sofia snorted.
"Really? Then why are you abandoning everyone?" She snapped, crossing her arms petulantly. Lance sighed, and Sofia braced herself.
"You know that this has been my dream since I was a kid, Sofia. I'm not abandoning you guys. I'm going to miss you so much. You're my best friend, you know that? This isn't forever. I'll see you again, I promise. I'll text you all the time, and I'll Skype you, and I'll come home for holidays. I'll be home before you know it, shortie."
"Stop calling me that, I'm not a kid." Sofia rolled her eyes, trying to hide the fact they were filling with tears.
Lance's flight was called, and she looked up at him frantically.
"Hey, it's okay." Lance laughed, pulling her into a hug. Sofia melted into it, sniffling and burying her face into his shirt. Lance smelled like the detergent her mama washed their clothes in, like the ocean, like home. She didn't want him to leave. Sofia felt the rest of her siblings clinging to Lance, and his laugh was strained.
The sight of her brother boarding the airplane would haunt her for a long time.
When Sofia was fifteen, her life fell apart with a single phone call.
She heard her mama pick up the phone, laughter in her voice from something her papa had said. She heard the laughter die suddenly, and she just knew something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. Her mama screamed, and Sofia was on her feet before she could even blink. The scream was nothing like she'd ever heard before. It was raw and heartbroken and crazed, and Sofia knew that she'd hear it in her dreams for the rest of her life.
"Mama?" Sofia shrieked, running into the kitchen. Mama had dropped the phone and was on her knees, clutching her chest like she was going to rip her heart out. Papa was standing in shock, and Sofia picked the phone up.
"What? What happened?" She asked quickly, and the man's voice was almost robotic on the other end as he swiftly shattered Sofia's life into pieces.
"There was an accident, and Lance McClain has been pronounced dead. The body wasn't recovered. I'm very sorry."
The line clicked.
Sofia ran.
She could hear her papa calling after her, torn between making sure his daughter was safe and consoling his sobbing wife, but Sofia paid him no mind.
Lance McClain has been pronounced dead.
Dead.
Your big brother is dead.
Sofia didn't register the tears tracking down her face, only focused on getting away, away from everyone, away from the world because Lance wasn't in it anymore. Her brother, her confidant, her best friend, the person she looked up to the most. Dead.
Without realizing it, Sofia had reached the beach. The beach that her and Lance practically owned, built sandcastles on, surfed on, and caused all kinds of mayhem on. She tripped over a log and fell to her knees, not even bothering to get up. She distantly registered someone wailing, and with a jolt, Sofia realized it was her.
Her papa found her hours later, rocking herself with a blank look on her face, muttering her brother's name. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, not anymore. Lance McClain was dead, and a part of Sofia McClain died with him.
"I'll be up there in the stars one day Sofia. I swear." She could practically hear him saying it, and a bitter laugh left her lips.
I hope the stars are as beautiful as you hoped they would be, Lance.
come scream at me on tumblr for this: blvepaladin