"Maybe we should just forget this ever happened! You obviously don't care anymore! Go hang out with your perfect bitch!" You would think those were the worst things I could've said...but what came next is my biggest regret. "I hate you." I said. I've never felt such anger, sadness, envy, and hatred towards another person before. ESPECIALLY him. I've said and done many regretful things in my life, but never like this. I lost all control. Every moral, every bit of strength, and any respect I had for him was gone. All gone, in a second. If I knew that the second he walked out my door would be the second I lost him forever I would've taken it all back. This seems like the same story repeated..Over and over. Girl says something bad, guy walks out. Girl is heartbroken, guy never returns. But its different. We had something different. Not a single word can describe the way we felt. Nothing. I can't say how much I regret losing him. He was everything that made me happy. If I could see him right now I would say anything and everything. But he's gone. Out of my life, out of this world, out of everything. He's gone.
You know what the sad thing is? I knew. I knew it was going to happen. I just didn't expect it to come this fast. 9 months ago it seemed like it would last a lifetime...but nothing gold can stay. He left with the right song, but wrong words. As he walked out my door, I expected to see him again the next morning. Still living his life, still breathing this air, still making the best of a bad situation. When he walked out my door, I expected him to leave right away...not to hear my words, my anger, my frustration. But out of all this, there is one thing I'm glad he left hearing...Our song.
As he walked out that door on that peaceful starry night, he heard the words of my anger, the words of hatred, and the words I regret the most..but he also heard our life story. I think it was fate, decided that way. And I believe he wouldn't want to go any other way. As he walked down those steps the last thing he heard before having his whole world crash down before him, metaphorically and literally, was the sound of the beautiful music we managed to play together. And as I rushed out to try to take it all back, and say those words I meant so much...it was too late.
They say to live life as if you were to die tomorrow, and that's what he did. I should've learned. Never take life for granted, something can snatch you up or the ones you love in a heartbeat. No regrets, no apologies, no correcting, no last words. It can all leave...and in the end you'll be saying "I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you too.."