Beginning of May
6 A.M.
I woke up this morning at 6am like I do every morning. I started to get ready on this tiring Monday morning. The work week has started once again and I have a job to attend to. I put on black skinnies and a plaid shirt of red and white to go along with my black bowtie. All I really had left was to put on my shoes and brush my teeth which I did quickly. Once I had that done, I set off to my job. My job wasn't very far, so I usually just walked. Walking is good for me and so are the endorphins I get from it but I am not doing that today. I walked into my office to be greeted by one of my receptionists, Sarah. I have two, Sarah and Stephanie, but I guess Stephanie isn't coming in today.
"Dr. Quinn, your first patient is going to be Sawyer Hemmer. He should be here around 8:30 and it is currently 8:27," She informed me.
"Why so early? Mr. Hemmer usually has the afternoon appointments," I questioned. She just shrugged. I just unlocked my office and stepped in. I took out Sawyer's file and looked through it once more before he came in even though there was no need. I remember all of my patients visit but it can't hurt to double check my notes. A few minutes later, I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." I ordered.
"Hey," Sawyer said. He sat down on the couch that I always get told how comfortable and soft it is.
"So, how are you today?" I asked.
"Oh, well, for today I am doing fine," He told me.
"Yes, why did you come early? It's quite a shock to see you change your schedule," I asked.
"I felt like changing things up and I feel like there isn't much to talk about so I decided to come in now so I could get it done and over with," He responded. We talked for another half an hour until Sawyer bid me an adieu and went on his way with the rest of his day. Oh goodness, it's only 9 o'clock. Don't get me wrong, I like my patients but Mondays are just one of the days I don't really like. I got up from my desk and walked to the waiting room.
"Hey Sar- oh Stephanie? I swore it was Sarah today," I perplexedly asked.
"Oh, it was. Sarah was feeling "under the weather" and asked if I could fill in today," she informed me.
"Oh, I see. I hope she gets better. When is my next appointment coming in?" I asked.
"In just a few," at that moment I heard the door open and I went back into my office.I sat at my desk, once again, and just waited for my next patient.
...
7:36 P.M.
I had one patient left and they were a little late. I heard a knock at the door along with it being opened. There he was. Vic, my Vic. He isn't really my Vic but I would love it if he was. I have had him as a patient now for a couple of years. Everytime he walks in my door, I always get the same feelings, which is nervous. Butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I know I sound so unprofessional. It's wrong to feel this way towards a patient and that's the exact reason I haven't told anyone how I get around this man. He took a seat on my couch.
"Hey, Vic." I said a little too quick.
"Hey, Kell." He responded back. I opened my recorder up on my computer and pressed play. Technology these days, huh? Whenever Vic is in my office, he usually stays there for a couple of hours and sometimes more when I don't have much appointments. We just talk and I absolutely love it. We talked for a few when he told me he had something important to tell me. The atmosphere around us got serious before he spoke.
"I-I relapsed last night," He confessed. Vic looked down in his lap where he twiddled his thumbs.
"What triggered you to relapse?" I asked. It hurt me deeply to know my Vic was going through such pain because I know he doesn't deserve it.
"I don't know," He told me.
"Well, what were you doing before you relapsed?" I asked while taking notes on our conversation.
"I was watching tv and watching how everyone on the show was happy. All I could think was, "Why can't I be happy like them for once?" so I shut off my TV to lay in bed and I just got up without thinking rationally about what I was doing but I knew why I was getting up. I recognized the feeling I got towards myself before I did it. I needed a release. Now, I can't even do simple things like watching tv," He told me. He wiped away falling tears and looked down because he was ashamed that he relapsed and ashamed that he was crying in front of me.
"I thought you told me you got rid of all your blades?" I questioned.
"Well, I did. I just happen to still have my razor to shave," He affirmed. I wrote down what he had told me.
"What are you writing about me?" He asked out of nowhere.
"Well, I record our conversation and your body language to certain things," I told him.
"Can, uh, can I see what you write?" He asked.
"I believe I can't. If I show you, you could subconsciously try to stop doing certain things and I wouldn't be able to help you because I wouldn't know your true reaction," I replied. He just nodded.
"After you relapsed, what did you do?" I asked so I could continue our session and kind of change the subject to him since he was here for a reason.
"Well, I washed up like I used to before and I went to sleep crying...once again," He whispered the last part but I still heard him. My heart broke as I imagined him lying in bed holding himself and crying until he was so tired of spilling his tears that he slowly drifted off to sleep.
"I am genuinely sorry that that's how your night ended," I told him. "So, you didn't even try anything we came up with to help and stop you from being tempted to relapse?"
"I,uh, didn't think about doing any of those things," He admitted.
"Do you remember them?" I asked. He looked away as he was trying to remember what they were.
"Well, you told me to do stuff that makes me happy." He told me.
"I did. Do you remember any of the other stuff I told you?" I questioned.
"Not exactly," He said nervously.
"Vic, don't be scared. I am not angry. So, tell me what makes you happy." I said.
"Listening to music, playing video games, and playing my guitar," His eyes lit up when he mentioned his guitar.
"You never told me you played guitar," I stated. Now, there's more to add to his perfection.
"Yeah, I know." A little smile was tugging at the ends of his mouth but I could see he was trying to fight it from showing. He has such a beautiful smile, and eyes...oh and face and everything else. Oh goodness Kellin, keep it together.
"What can you play?" I leaned in closer with interest and rested my chin on my fist.
"Oh, I don't really play any songs in particular. I mainly write my own stuff," Vic blushed and bit his lip when he looked at me.
"Oh, that's awesome. I have to hear it some time!" I exclaimed. His smile disappeared.
"Oh, uh, I can't. I am not that good," He said.
"Well, I doubt that Vic. If you bring it up, you must have some kind of certainty in your skills," He blushed when I said that and looked down at his lap once more.
"Well, how about you come to my house after you're done here and I could show you?" He asked. I could tell he was nervous to ask me that and I know I couldn't turn him down.
"I would love that. Actually, you are my last appointment. I just have to finish some paperwork and I would be ready to go." I told him.
"Then can I just wait here until you are done?" He asked.
"Of course." I got up and went outside to Stephanie to retrieve some of the papers I needed to fill out. There wasn't anyone at the desk.
"Stephanie?" I called out. She walked out from behind the door where we kept the files but it wasn't Stephanie.
"Do you only decide to come in for the morning and at night when there's barely anything left to do?" I asked with a laugh. Sarah just looked at me and quietly laughed as she handed me what I needed. I went back to my office and continued to do my work as Vic watched me. He seemed so curious and so ready to learn whatever I was doing.
9:52 P.M.
I finished and stood up. Vic seemed to get the picture and got up too.
"Ready?" He asked.
"Yeah, I just need to put this in my filing cabinet and we are off," I told him. As soon as I was done, we locked and left the office. We made our way towards his car while we talked.
"So, just follow me and you'll be good," He told me. I opened his door and he smiled as he got in.
"What a gentleman," He giggled.
"Always," I told him. I closed the door as he got in and he rolled down his window.
"Hey, do you want my number? Just in case you lose me, I mean," He asked nervously. I felt a smile grow on my face.
"Yeah, that would be nice," I handed him my phone and he tapped in the numbers.
"I'll text you so you will have my number," I told him. I sent him a message saying "hey"
"Got it," He called out. Once that was done, I put my phone in my pocket and walked towards my car to follow him home.